Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

MADISON

My phone buzzes the moment I reach my apartment door. I set the drink on the floor, loop my arms through the plastic grocery bags, and fish out the phone. Heat rushes to my face when I read the text.

Ryan: You looked beautiful spread out for me.

This guy.

We had some free time this afternoon and met at the Kernette Center in what’s become our favorite rendezvous spot. After our little tryst, I haven’t even had time to catch my breath, and he’s already firing off these flirty texts. I shake my head, grinning like a fool as I type out a reply.

Me: You’re ridiculous.

Ryan: You love it.

That I do.

Ryan: Or is it my size you love?

That makes me laugh out loud, but hopefully, he knows I like him for more than the size of his dick.

I type the words “I love everything about you” but pause. This is true. I love how he makes me laugh. And Lord knows I do love his thick cock. But most of all, I love how he just gets me. He knows my quirks and sporadic tendencies and never calls me out. In fact, I think Mr. Orderly finds it endearing. But given all that, I worry the sentiment would scare him off.

Sighing, I press the back button and retype the message.

Me: Who wouldn’t love that size? But thank you. You looked pretty hot yourself.

Ryan: Can’t wait until our date.

Me: Me either.

I check the time on my phone and cringe. Amanda will return anytime, and I want to be home before her.

Me: I have to get inside before my roommate shows up. Behave yourself.

Ryan: Always.

Frazzled, I slip the phone into my pocket, grab my smoothie, and push through the door. I almost lose my drink when I spot Amanda on the couch, hunched over the coffee table.

“Hey!” My pitch comes out too high. Smooth Maddy. Real Smooth. Amanda won’t suspect anything now. Jesus.

I hustle to the kitchen and try to divert the attention off me. “Why didn’t you tell me Blake was flying you guys to see your grandma?”

Amanda opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I internally cringe, realizing my mistake. The only reason I know this is because Ryan told me. She’s going to figure that out. Ugh. I need another diversion.

“I’m waiting.” I set the groceries down, turned toward her, and placed my hands on my hips for good measure. However, part of me feels guilty for pretending to be mad. I’m holding out on her big time.

She cocks her head at me, eyes narrowing. “You look rather sporty. Have you been working out?”

My face pales. If by working out you mean bent over with a big “D” thrusting inside me, then sure. I got one hell of a workout. But I can’t tell Amanda that.

And it fucking kills me.

I smooth my hand over my workout clothes and shake my head. Deflect. Deflect. Deflect. “Nuh-uh. You’re not turning the conversation around to me. I want to know why you never told me about your Thanksgiving plans.”

“There hasn’t been a chance to talk. You were gone most of the day yesterday.”

I take a sip of my drink and eye her. “I’m trying to decide if that’s a valid excuse.”

Her laugh fills the room. “It’s going to have to be since it’s the truth.”

I finally take in the coffee table covered with textbooks and papers. It’s like a rainbow puked everywhere with all the color-coding going on. “What are you doing, anyway?”

“I’m organizing my study schedule for finals.” She taps the pen against her lip, admiring her calendar. Amanda always liked to be organized. It’s no wonder she and Ryan hit it off that first year. They’re just alike.

I flop down next to her and kick my sneakers off. “So it’s true then? Blake’s really going with you to Boston for Thanksgiving?”

“Yes, but seriously, I haven’t told anyone. How’d you find out?” She moves her notebook out of the way.

“That’s not important.” I nudge her with my knee. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing, trust me.”

“Girl, please. It’s more than nothing. Blake Morton giving you the royal treatment is straight out of a romance novel.”

“You make it sound way more glamorous than what actually happened. Blake’s just trying to get out of his family’s dinner. He assumed I’d be flying back home for the holiday, and now he’s committed to see it through.”

My face falls. I’m pretty sure it’s more than she’s letting on. They may not realize it, but whatever is going on between them isn’t fake. “But you’re going?”

“Yes, which is part of the reason I’m making my study schedule early. Now, tell me how you found out.”

“Fine. I ran into Ryan at the grocery store. He mentioned it.” I cock my head to sell the lie. “He also said you guys haven’t been talking much lately.”

She diverts her gaze to the stack of notepads and bites her lip. One thing Amanda hates is disappointing people, something we have in common, so maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up. He really just said it in passing.

“I see him once in a while when I’m at the jock house, but we don’t get to talk much. I should probably call him.” She meets my gaze. “Is something bothering you?”

“Me?” I shriek, then shake my head. “No. I’m fine. Oh!” I jump up, suddenly remembering the envelope that came for her, and rush to the kitchen. “You’ve got mail.”

I toss a thick envelope at her, which is more likely an acceptance letter from one of the internships she applied for. That’s great and all, but the return address is from Boston General.

“Hmm, I wasn’t expecting this.” Flipping the envelope over, she rips it open and pulls out the cover letter. Her smile starts small but grows wider.

Damn it.

I lean over the couch to get a closer look. A crushing pain tightens my chest, but I push it aside. This is supposed to be a happy moment. It’s what she’s worked hard for, but it also means I lose her. “You got it!” I feign excitement, but I’m unsure if I pulled it off.

“Yeah, the top candidate must’ve turned it down.”

“Congratulations, Amanda. This is great.”

“Can you believe it?”

“Believe it? Amanda, you’re brilliant. They’d be insane not to pick you.”

I am happy for her, even if I am dying inside.

“At least I have until the end of December to accept it.” She takes an exaggerated breath. “Is it wrong to still hope I get the Memorial Hospital one, too?”

“No, of course not.” I nudged her again. “I selfishly hope you get it so you won’t leave me.”

She laughs, but it quickly fades. “Me too.”

“Where does this leave you with Blake?”

“I don’t know.”

I study her. For somebody awarded the opportunity of a lifetime, she doesn’t seem thrilled. She seems worried.

“I’ll tell him over Thanksgiving,” She murmurs, more to herself than to me. “Clear the air on … well, everything.”

“You deserve clarity, Amanda. Don’t let this linger,” I say, nodding.

“Don’t worry about me.” She lifts the letter and gives it a shake. “Everything’s falling in place for me.”

The torn look on her face deepens my guilt. I feel like I’m living a double life.

“And what about you?” Amanda nudges back, but her smile fades to one of concern. “Is everything falling in place for you?”

“Of course!” I blurt out, with a laugh that sounds too high and false even to my ears. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’ve been acting strange lately, Maddy.” Amanda bites her lip as she studies me. “You’ve been distant and … distracted. And you’re always rushing off somewhere or other.”

“I have?” I try to sound surprised but even I’m not convinced.

“Yes, you have.” She sets the letter on the coffee table, leaning in closer. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say a little too quickly. But then I add, “Just stressed about telling the parents about switching my majors.”

“They’re not going to like it, but you need to stay true to yourself.”

“Yeah, I know,” I reply, picking at a loose thread on my leggings. “It’s just … it’s easier said than done.”

“I get it,” she says softly. “But you’re the one who has to live your life, Maddy. Not them.”

“You’re right. That’s why I’m doing it.” I look toward my bedroom, suddenly feeling inspired. “I’m going to work on my art collection.”

“Good. I can’t wait to see the final pieces.” She flashes me a genuine smile before returning to her study schedule.

I push to my feet, exhaling slowly, and try to ignore the guilt burrowing deeper inside me. I hate lying to Amanda. She’s my best friend, and keeping such a big secret from her feels wrong.

But what choice do I have? She can only know about Ryan and me once we learn how to handle our families.

And besides, Amanda has enough on her plate right now with her internship offer and whatever is going on between her and Blake. I just hope she doesn’t leave hating me.