17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

W hile Eva had been enjoying herself out, the moment she saw Pixie panic, she'd slipped into action.

When Pixie's mother had stopped by, Pixie went into total shutdown. She'd grown quiet, and her eyes had glazed over, and after Pixie returned from chatting with her mother, a buzzy sort of energy had surrounded her. Eva wouldn't let her swing on that rope. So much of Pixie was still an enigma, but Eva found she could read her better than most, even without the details.

She'd ordered an Uber, and by the time they reached the entrance, a white Kia sat waiting for them.

"Fuck, are you sure you don't want to stay?" Pixie asked.

"Nope, I want to spend time with you." All Eva had been able to think of from the second she got home this morning was finding a chance to get Pixie alone. Pixie was hot as fuck, but it wasn't even the idea of stripping her down and tasting her that had Eva pursuing her. No, it was the comfort she clung to with all her might right now. Being around this woman gave her the same sensation as plunging a spade into the soil, a deep, soul-reaching satisfaction she couldn't explain.

Pixie chewed on her lip but didn't say anything. That was fine. She didn't need to.

"Come on." She held the door open, and they slipped inside. The driver offered a nod and pulled into traffic. The drive back to the condo would be short, and Eva had already programmed the address for the place a block away.

Their fingers were still entwined as they sat in silence, but sheer electricity rippled between them. Maybe it was the aftereffects of packing up her whole life, but she grew more aware than ever of the chemistry between them tonight. How it was as soft as a springtime bloom but as violent as a summer squall.

If she stayed in San Francisco, she shouldn't pursue this. Not Micah's best friend. Her brother was the only family she had left.

Yet a single look from those pretty blue eyes and Eva swooped in to the rescue. She wanted to lean in and claim those tantalizing lips.

Too fast, the Kia stopped in front of their destination, yet a small part of Eva wanted to stay here in this quiet space, their fingers intertwined and the tension crackling between them. Here, they were all potential with none of the inevitable ruin.

Eva stepped out of the Uber first, pulling Pixie with her. The neon pastel sign for Cocoa Dreams glared against the dark sky.

"Oh," Pixie said, her voice as soft as the glow of the street lamps.

"It's close to the apartment, so I figured…" Had she'd guessed where they were heading correctly? The condo was littered with paper cups from the place, so she'd figured Cocoa Dreams was worth a shot.

"It's one of my favorite places," Pixie said, her voice hushed .

"We can chill here if you want or grab a drink and walk. Whatever you need."

Pixie nodded, not giving an answer, and she took the first steps inside the café. The aroma of rich chocolate wafted their way, and Eva savored it. While sweets wouldn't take the edge off like the porter Eva had been drinking, she could always toss back more coffee. This place specialized in chocolate in all its forms, with plenty of espresso drinks to choose from.

The dark brown accents and furnishings paired well with the cozy yellowed lighting on the soft cream walls. Cocoa Dreams wasn't crowded tonight.

"Let me order for us," Pixie said. "I'm feeling too guilty over you leaving your drink behind."

"Sounds good to me," Eva said, and Pixie walked to the lone barista there. She placed the order too fast for Eva to catch, and then they stood by the pane, waiting for their drinks. Within minutes, the barista came back with two to-go cups: a rather milky iced one and a dark one. Pixie thankfully passed her the dark drink.

"What did you pick?" Eva asked.

"For me, an iced chocolate jasmine latte. For you, a cocoa nib mocha," she said with a soft grin. "It's not too sweet, I promise."

Eva's heart thumped a little harder. She'd thought she was the only person who cataloged the details about everyone else, but Pixie seemed to be a quick study—at least when it came to her.

"We can walk back to the condo if you like?" Pixie asked. A buzziness lingered around her as if she still needed to burn the adrenaline off.

"Let's go." She took a sip of the hot drink, and the robust and smooth taste woke up her senses. They stepped out of the cozy warmth of the café and straight into the brisk winds of San Francisco, the contrast something Eva was learning to love.

Silence settled between them like a blanket, heavy but not stifling. Eva didn't mind soaking in the sounds of the city and strolling alongside Pixie. She also refused to push, not when she understood how sometimes a single word would shatter.

"I'm a shit daughter," Pixie said and swigged some of her drink. "I can't even be in the same bar with my mother."

Eva snorted. "That's all it takes to be a shit daughter? Then count me in the mix too."

Pixie shot her a look. "Yeah, but your mother actively cut you out."

"Guess what." Eva took a sip of the mocha. Heat and a mix of sweet and sharp notes burst onto her tongue. "I hated being in a room with her before that too." It was clear Pixie wrestled with something big, and Eva refused to feed the guilt beast.

"She's so sweet now," Pixie said, staring at the sidewalk as she clutched her drink tight. She swigged even more down, until it was mostly drained. Once they passed a trash can, she lobbed it in. "And the past was never her fault, really."

"Doesn't mean it can't still hurt," Eva said softly, sensing what brewed was a storm Pixie needed to unleash. She took Pixie's hand, interlaced their fingers, and squeezed tight.

Pixie stumbled, and when she looked up, her blue eyes shone with tears. "She didn't start getting help until I was around high school age, almost ready to head off to college. It was me and her, and…fuck, I was just a kid."

Goddamn.

Something about Pixie screamed isolated, like she'd been on her own for far longer than she should have. Just a kid …fending for herself. Goddamn. Eva's heart ached, like a bruise throbbed deep in her chest .

Her parents might've been shit, but at least they'd offered her and Micah stability growing up.

Eva tugged Pixie with her so she could lean against the wall of a boutique that was already closed. She placed her drink on the ledge and dragged Pixie into her arms. Eva hugged her tight as if she could squeeze away the pain. The breath snagged in her throat. Had she overstepped? No, the first sob Pixie gasped out told her she'd made the right move. Pixie's whole body was shaking like a leaf in a storm, but Eva was determined to keep her rooted in place.

"Alcoholic?" Eva asked.

"Schizoaffective disorder," Pixie said softly. Wetness imprinted on Eva's blouse where Pixie buried her face into it, but Eva didn't give a damn. Pixie clearly needed to let all this out. Her mind reeled with all the possible things Pixie could've experienced, each more terrible than the next. Her gut clenched.

"That's rough." She braced more of her weight against the wall to support them both. "So I can imagine your relationship with her is complicated now."

Rough felt like a paltry response. What could she say though? Sorry no one took care of you as a kid? Sorry life let a fucking child down? Shit. Where the fuck had the rest of Pixie's family been? Pixie's shoulders shook, and she sagged against Eva.

"Yeah, definitely complicated," Pixie said, her voice wavering. She pulled away from Eva, the tear tracks smeared across her cheeks, her eyes glistening. The sight punched Eva in the chest. The urge to soothe her pain reared up in a big way, but these weren't tangible things to fight—no, this was the past trying to drag her under.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry for unloading on you." Pixie's breaths were shaky, and she trembled, but she refused to look at Eva.

"None of that," Eva said, turning on her Domme voice. "I wanted to know what was going on, dove. You were clearly in distress at the bar, and now I understand why." She placed her free hand on the small of Pixie's back and guided her forward. "Let's return to your place so we can talk more comfortable."

"Or so you can change your clothes," Pixie muttered, even though she moved alongside Eva with her usual grace. "I'm so sorry for crying all over you." Even though the initial stream of tears had calmed down, they still trickled slowly. Eva ached to wrap Pixie in her arms, to shield her from the world until all the pain, all the hurt subsided.

"If you apologize one more time, that's going to turn into punishments," Eva said. Shit, what possessed her to say that? Pixie didn't belong to her. She and Pixie had only hooked up twice, and one was a scene with others, yet some instinct told her this was the key to unlocking the woman. Pixie's eyes widened as her gaze met Eva's. She chewed on her lip and nodded. "Now, I'm not going to push," Eva said. "But if you want to talk more, I would like to listen."

Pixie swallowed hard, and she wrung her hands. "One time…we'd been living on her friend's couch for a few weeks. My mother's always been good at making friends. It was keeping them that was the problem when she went into episodes. So the process would start the same, over and over again."

Eva kept her hand on Pixie's lower back. Unease churned in her gut at the direction of the story, somehow sensing it couldn't have been good. Living on a couch—what sort of existence had Pixie lived? They continued their amble through the streets as if the sheer act of walking allowed Pixie's words to drift past them like tumbling leaves in autumn. She'd left her coffee behind, but that didn't matter. Only Pixie did .

"Anyway, I'd come home from school. Was trying to get my homework done and figure out dinner. My mother had been fired from her job that day, and she was slumped on the couch. Wouldn't move, but I knew the drill when she got that way—I needed to take care of us. Except midway through my attempt at dinner, she burst into the kitchen in a cold frenzy. Was sure, absolutely sure someone was watching us from the cupboards."

Dread coiled in Eva's stomach. Oh no.

"Maisie went berserk. Just ripped the cabinets open and started yanking out mugs. They shattered on the floor, one after another. I still have a scar from one of the shards that dug in too deep. I barely had time to turn off the burners before I bolted, trying to find somewhere to hide."

"Shit." How could anyone survive that experience as a kid? Fuck. Pixie must've been so damn scared.

Pixie shrugged, a resigned sadness in her eyes that broke Eva's heart. "It wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. Her friend kicked us out the second she got home."

"Why the fuck was no one calling child services?" Eva asked, her tone coming out a little too sharp. None of that was okay. None of it.

"We weren't anywhere long enough for folks to bother. My extended family washed their hands of us ages ago."

Bile rose in Eva's throat. A fucking child shouldn't have gone through this. All the adults in her life had left her on her own, and that made her rage. She sucked in a long, shaky breath. Pixie didn't need to take care of her feelings on the matter on top of her own. Eva was here as a sounding board, a safe place, and she'd swallow the anger bubbling inside her to keep it that way.

They reached the familiar sight of Pixie and Micah's high-rise, and Eva guided them forward, out of the chill of San Francisco's windy nights. The bright light of the foyer grated too harshly tonight, maybe due to what had been uncovered. Eva kept her palm firmly against Pixie's back, unwilling to break the contact between them. They got into the elevator and pressed the button for the way up. Eva slid her arm around Pixie's waist and drew her in tight to her side.

The tears had stopped flowing, leaving trails on her cheeks, her mascara smudged, yet Pixie looked stunning. Something fragile but resilient remained in the wake of the discovery that lured Eva in stronger than ever. She understood this wasn't something the woman shared easily. Whether or not Micah or the others at Whipped even knew was up for debate.

"Fuck." Pixie scrubbed her face with one hand. She forced a grin. "Guaranteed way to scare someone off. Just vomit up all your trauma at them in one go." Her voice trembled slightly, and Pixie forced her gaze away.

That wouldn't do.

"Dove, look at me," Eva said, her tone firm. Pixie responded, her instincts and their connection snapping into place. The vulnerable way she stared at her, the hint of fear in her eyes, made Eva even more aware of the responsibility on her shoulders. She'd been handed a precious gift that was far too easy to shatter. "What do you need from me tonight? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? Do you want to put on a shitty movie and cuddle on the couch?"

Before Pixie could answer, the elevator dinged. Eva guided her off, and together, they walked to the condo. Pixie's shoulders formed a taut line as if she was waiting for rejection to descend.

It definitely wouldn't come from her.

"Or do you need me to fuck you so hard you can't think of anything else?"

Pixie's nostrils flared. "I don't see how you could find me attractive after all that." Her tone was heartbreakingly small, something Eva needed to fix. She understood what speaking the truth cost, how terrifying that could feel. If she could offer a safety net tonight, she would.

Eva slid her hand down past the small of Pixie's back and squeezed one of her rounded cheeks. Fuck, this woman had such a stellar ass. One of these days, she would fuck her there. Pixie let out a soft breath, her lips in a delicious o .

Eva leaned in until her lips brushed Pixie's ear. "Why the fuck wouldn't I find a strong, resilient woman sexy as hell? I want to tie you up and make you come so hard you can't feel your legs anymore."

The full-body shiver rocking through Pixie was a reward unto itself. Even though hesitation still lingered with Eva—she didn't want to push her while she was raw like this—she also couldn't ignore Pixie's responses.

Pixie fumbled for her keys when they stopped in front of the condo door. Once she got it open, she glanced back. "That. I want that."

Eva's lips curled into a grin, and she followed Pixie inside. She was nervous about playing with anything too in-depth after an emotional crash, but she trusted Pixie to speak up if anything wasn't okay. Even though she was a new Domme, Pixie was an experienced sub.

When Pixie opened up about her past, this rush of helplessness had shot through her that she loathed. After everything that had happened with getting ousted from her relationship, her house, she was tired of feeling out of control.

Taking care of Pixie tonight, she could do.

And in taking care of her, she'd be able to collect little pieces of herself off the floor along the way.

"Let's go to your bedroom, dove. I don't want any interruptions tonight."