Elijah

“ W e should put baby girl in some acting classes or something. That imagination of hers is wild,” Freddie said as she came back into the living room.

Anaya had insisted upon her nighttime routine being handled by Auntie Freddie tonight, so I stepped back and let her have it. In the time that she spent with us while Elisha was away, Anaya had bonded with Winifred pretty heavily. At first I was a little nervous about it, but that didn’t last very long once I realized that the thing I’d coveted most was actually my reality now.

Winifred Brown was mine .

And I wasn’t a foolish nigga, so there would be no fumbling, no room for error. Locking down this woman had once felt an impossibility that now seemed like an inevitability. When I first began my pursuit, she hadn’t seen me coming. But once she allowed herself to look past the age shit and really understand the man I was at my core, it was nothing for her to become just as into me as I was into her.

Our relationship was one that was evenly balanced, not just me running up behind her like some thirsty bloodhound eager for a sniff. The adoration was mutual. The way I was down bad behind her, she was certainly the same way behind me if the little incident at work earlier in the day was any indication.

There was this chick, Jessica, who worked at one of the food stands in the airport. When I first started working there, she’d been jocking me pretty hard, but I clearly had other interests. Before news of me and Winifred being together was actual public knowledge down at the gig, Jess used to still try and press her luck every now and again until I finally had to hard curve her when she started telling folks we were fucking around on the low.

Apparently, Jessica had taken it upon herself to “approach Winifred as a woman” on the clock and got embarrassed in front of a gate full of people flying out to Tuscaloosa, Alabama earlier this morning. I had to hear about it secondhand from an amused Winifred who urged me to get my lil fan club in check because the next time she wouldn’t be so nice.

I’d been taken aback by her amusement over the situation but relished in the fact that ol’ girl talking nonsense didn’t hit too deeply. Yet another testament to just how strong this bond between us had become.

She came to sit next to me on the couch and instantly, I repositioned myself, going from sitting to a now reclined position with my head in her lap. Her hands cradled it immediately as she absentmindedly raked her nails through my overgrown beard.

“I like this,” she murmured. “You should keep it.”

I gave a noncommittal sound in return because this wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation. I typically kept my facial hair cut close, but the way she found her hands into it, gripping it tightly and pulling me toward her whenever she wanted to be shown some love had definitely influenced my decision to let it grow out some.

“You’re quiet,” Winifred said. “Thinking about Saturday?”

I turned to her with a hint of a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Nah, thinking about you dueling for your man earlier,” I shot back with a broad grin.

Winifred rolled her eyes instantly. “Oh brother, here you go dragging it.”

“Like you almost dragged Jess?” I quipped, earning me a slap across the chest.

“If you want to be distracted from hyper focusing on Elisha’s release, you can just say that,” Winifred said, letting me know she wouldn’t be letting my deflection fly for too much longer.

Truth was, the Jess incident had allowed me to put the tiny thread of anxiety regarding my sister coming home that ran through me to the back of my mind for a bit, deferring to the amusement of that situation. But I knew once it ran its course, my focus would be pulled right back to what I had to face in the next few days.

We’d reached the end of Elisha’s ninety-day rehab program and she was set to be released on Saturday. The whole family would gather, minus Pops, to greet her once she exited those doors and came back to the reality of our everyday lives. Though my excitement for Anaya being reunited with her mom mostly outweighed my anxiety, I still had some underlying mixed feelings about the whole thing.

Logically, I knew Elisha wouldn’t be in rehab for forever. But three months all of a sudden didn’t seem long enough. But I wasn’t the arbiter of that. The doctors she’d worked with extensively over the course of her program on multiple levels had seen more than enough for them to believe that this attempt of sobriety was ready for a road test, for lack of better phrasing. My words, definitely not theirs.

And I felt bad for doubting Elisha, namely because I was doing the thing that I promised, through a series of family therapy sessions we’d had alongside her treatment, I wouldn’t do. Prejudging her before she’d even had a chance to be back home and readjust to sober living outside of the bounds of the facility. Plus I knew my twin, all of this anxiety I carried wasn’t mine alone. I knew she carried just as much if not more simply because the first few times she’d been to this rodeo, she got bucked off the bronco and thrown right back into the depths of addiction. I imagined that to be a lot to bear when you knew you had so much at stake upon your return.

“If I’m keeping it a bean with you, baby? I’m nervous as fuck for the next few months. Especially since we found out the shit with her job.”

Throughout this process, we’d been up front with the company Elisha worked for as an accounting assistant. In the beginning they were supportive, ensuring us that her job would be available once she was ready to come back, making concessions, pushing through shit for insurance, all of that. I didn’t know what had changed, but last week one of the suits had gone out to the rehab to speak with Elisha directly to let her know that although they’d appreciated her dedication and service to the company over the years she’d worked for them, her position had been eliminated due to some restructuring. They’d provide her with a great severance package and glowing references in the future when she needed them.

Though she’d tried to play it cool and explain what happened to me breezily, I knew my twin. I felt that hurt and defeat residing within her gaze once she realized that she’d be coming home to start from rock bottom. Despite her reassurances that this wasn’t something she’d let become a stumbling block, I couldn’t help but worry. I let out a deep breath before speaking again.

“I am worried… about Sha. I just…” I let my words trail, trying to find the right way to phrase what I was thinking. “You know why I call OG my OG?”

Winifred gave me a furrowed brow and shake of her head in response.

“When I was younger, like twelve or thirteen, I called myself trying to join the Lords in our neighborhood. I was convinced that linking up with them would help fulfill what I thought was a lack in my life. I wasn’t an athletic nigga, so I didn’t really have sports as a means of diversion. Was never the smartest nigga on the block, so I didn’t tuck my nose in books as a way to try and make it out. Instead, I thought that my ceiling was gang banging since I’d already been condemned to a life of motherlessness.” I let out a mirthless chuckle. “Well, that shit didn’t get too far at all. Back then, Sha was the goody two shoes between the two of us. Brilliant at everything academic without having to put too much effort into it with a bright future ahead of her. I’m talking AP classes and all of that. School grew increasingly difficult for me, so I started just ditching, hanging out with some low level bangers, tryna inch my way in. Word traveled up the food chain and one of the boss niggas in the gang rolled down on us one day and snatched my ass up.

“He took me directly to my grandmother who went all the way in on my ass. She had a reputation for being one of the few elders on the block who didn’t take any shit from the niggas around our way who called themselves banging. Prior to me getting in the mix, I had no idea of her reputation beyond what I thought of her, right? But I also didn’t think fat meat was greasy, so I kept ditching school to go hang out with these bottom feeders, right? And shit was sweet until I got snatched up again. This time, I called myself bucking up against my grandmother, claiming the OGs on the street cared more about me than she did and saying all sorts of reckless shit.

“In return, she put my ass out on the street. I was so sure those folks cared about my welfare more than her, then I could go out there and live amongst them, right? Except the boss nigga who’d pulled me off the street put the word out that none of them were to have anything to do with me. I found out very quickly that what I assumed was sweet was actually the exact opposite. And when I made my way to the boss nigga, begging and pleading for him to put me on with them, he ended up taking me for a long ride. On the ride he told me how he knew my mother, they’d grown up together and though he wasn’t the one who’d sold the drugs to her, he felt somewhat culpable in her demise. Especially since when he was my age, my grandmother was one of the only people who ever looked out for him and treated him like he was human and not some defective motherfucker. Let him sleep over our spot, kept him fed, shit like that.

“Told me that she was the real OG of the neighborhood because this shit they were out there doing wasn’t a way of life for me and he had been looking out for me since jump, making sure that I didn’t end up going down the same roads he had because the world had more opportunity for me than it had for him back in the day. And when he began detailing some of the harsh and gruesome realities he’d faced being in the streets, I quickly realized that much like sports or academic acumen, I didn’t have it in me to do that shit either. When he finally dropped me back at the house, he told me that he’d better not hear me out here calling anybody OG but that old woman who’d dedicated her life to ensuring mine would turn out the best possible. I guess you could call that my scared straight moment or whatever, but from then on, my focus was on making sure I did shit that would make my OG proud.”

Knowing the next part would make me emotional, I ran a hand over my face, blowing out a long, harsh breath before continuing.

“Not being able to deter Sha from fucking around with damn near the same shit that ultimately took our mother is the one thing in my life that I cannot seem to make happen. And she would never say it, but OG’s gotta feel some kind of way about it. And I just hope that this time, if Sha is really ready to leave that shit behind, I can keep my sister on the straight and narrow, at least ’til OG is outta here. Which, god forbid, won’t be for a long ass time.”

“Eli,” Winifred said with a sigh before dragging me into her embrace. “Baby, you can’t carry that weight.”

“Logically, I know that. But the broken little boy inside of me who thinks it’s his mission to fix everything always seems to reappear when it comes to this situation.” I huffed out a laugh. “I might need to get back into regular sessions with my therapist.”

“As someone who has hers on speed dial, you know I’m not gonna dissuade you from that at all, babe. And I wanna reassure you that you don’t have to carry all of this alone. I’m here with you, rocking and rolling, making sure that you remember self-care as you try to be everything to everyone around you.”

“Easier said than done,” I grumbled.

“Don’t worry,” Winifred responded, cuffing a hand under my chin to connect our gazes. “I don’t mind getting on your nerves to make sure you’re taking care of my man .”

The insistent tone of her words coupled with the sincerity, warmth, and love that shone from the depths of her gaze instantly provoked a smile to unfurl across my face. And when she lowered her head, and pressed her lips to mine ever so gently, I had to send up a silent prayer to the man upstairs for putting this woman in my life to walk alongside me as I stepped into one of the toughest battles my family ever had to face.

“Well well well, if it ain’t the nigga who been dodging me like he owes me money?” I cracked, walking toward Jeff and dapping him up.

Today Elisha was being released from rehab and I was surprised, but not, to see him in the small number that’d assembled to be there when she would officially be able to walk out of those doors, hopefully to never return. The reason I wasn’t surprised was simply because nearly every time I talked to my sister since she’d been away, somehow his name came up. I knew he was on the short list of people with whom she’d been in constant conversation. And he’d been especially present as of late since he’d come in clutch with helping figure out this job situation we were now contending with for Sha.

“I had to be here, to let her know she’s got more people in her corner than she might think,” he replied, locking eyes with me. Her gaze was focused and direct, communicating more with his eyes than his words had revealed.

“I’m never turning down increasing our village,” I said, letting a grin unfurl on my lips.

“Speaking of increase…” Jeff inclined his head toward where OG, Winifred, and Lady Bug were all sitting and chatting. “Finally locked her down for real, huh?”

“Was there any doubt I would?”

“Nigga, yes… the whole damn time you called herself tryna cuff her,” Jeff cracked.

“Man, fuck you,” I laughed, before quickly sobering and lobbing the real question I had about his presence here today. “You here as a friend or as someone trying to increase?”

“A friend… for now. That’s what Elisha needs most at this moment.”

I gave him a resolute nod as I noticed the doors to the facility opening and Lady Bug letting out an excited yell before launching herself at my sister. Anaya damn near knocked her down, but Elisha recovered quickly, dropping to her knees so she and her baby girl were face to face.

“You’ve gotten so big, my baby,” Elisha cried, holding Anaya’s face between her palms.

“Mommy, you not ’taigious are you? My teacher said that when people are sick, they’re ’taigious and can make you sick too. I don’t wanna be sick, Mommy.”

Elisha laughed, shaking her head at Anaya.

“No baby, Mommy’s sickness isn’t contagious. And I promise I won’t get sick ever again so you don’t have to worry about getting sick either, okay baby?”

“Okay! Mommy, do you see Auntie Freddie’s here?”

Those words brought my sister’s regard from her daughter to me with a raise of her brow before she verbally responded. “Oh yeah, Auntie Freddie, hey girl hey,” Elisha said with a wave and a squeeze of her arm as she bypassed Winifred to pull OG into a tight hug. Those two began sobbing damn near immediately after contact so that was my cue to step in closer and provide two of the most important women in my life a bit of comfort. I pulled them into a group hug, pressing a soft kiss to the tops of both of their heads as I rubbed their shoulders reassuringly.

A few moments of letting them get all of their tears out was interrupted by an exasperated Anaya asking why everyone was crying, which quickly turned our tears to laughter. I was certain we looked crazy as hell to the little girl who had no idea just how close she’d come to no longer having her mommy here with her. Once we gathered ourselves, Elisha informed us that she would be riding with Jeff back to the house where we had all planned to eat lunch with Pops. That made me lift a brow in question to her like she’d done to me earlier. All I got in return was an eye roll and the little hand signal she and I made up a long time ago to tell the other person to mind their own business. Doing as I was told, I pulled my sister into me and gave her another kiss on the top of her head before saying, “You’re glowing, ShaSha.”

“Just reflecting your shine, Lij,” was her response before she pulled back and connected our gazes. “I’m gonna be okay, alright, Baby Lij?” she whispered as a lone tear traveled down her left cheek. Before I could say anything in response, she turned and headed toward Jeff, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders as he escorted her to his car.

I turned to Winifred and she looked at me with a question in her eyes. I gave her a quick nod of reassurance before calling out for OG to stay put so I could pull the car up to the entrance. Once I’d done that and we were on the road home, my sister’s words echoed in my mind and a sense of peace unlike I’d never felt before flooded my body. I reached over, interlocking my fingers with Winifred and bringing our joined hands up to press a kiss onto the back of her hand.

We were gonna be alright.