Winifred

I could’ve been knocked over with a feather when Elijah’s grandmother insisted on speaking with me privately yet again because I was sure the old woman still didn’t care too much for me. She barely said two words in reply when I’d spoken to her at the hospital, but I chalked that up the circumstances of the situation more than anything else. I didn’t sweat it, knowing she had more pressing issues on her mind.

I trailed her into her place and she asked me to give her a moment to check in with her husband and his aide but encouraged me to take a seat on the sofa while I waited for her return.

It’d been a semi-long day and it was starting to get to me a little bit, mainly because the situation was lowkey a trigger. Elijah had no way of knowing this because it wasn’t something I readily discussed, but I was no stranger to being the support system for someone battling addiction. I hadn’t known it when he and I first got together, but Christopher, Jaeden’s father, had a thing for the booger sugar. He hid his addiction well, until one night I was with him at a gathering at one of his friends’ houses and I walked into the wrong room in search of him and found him, the host of the party, and a third man passing a tiny spoon back and forth as they snorted white powder into their noses. At the time, I was green, a kid who’d smoked a little weed a time or two with friends, but never had I ever been around people who did what I called capital D drugs.

Christopher convinced me it wasn’t something he did often, just every now and again when he was in a partying mood. Since I had no evidence to believe otherwise, I trusted that the words he said were the truth. It wasn’t until after I’d had Jae and we kept coming up short on money for the rent or necessary bills that I realized his little recreational usage was actually a costly habit. I went to his parents, thinking they would help me get him to a rehab program or something, but instead they blamed me for his addiction, claiming I’d led him down a road of damnation starting with premarital sex which paved the way for his descent into addiction.

With a very young baby and nobody on my side to try to convince this man to get help, I tried my damndest to manage living with an addict. Filling in the gaps where he dropped the ball, but the straw that broke the camel’s back for me in that situation was when Christopher put his hands on me because I wouldn’t give him money to go get a fix. I might have been young, but I knew enough to realize that I couldn’t remain in that situation. So I did everything I had to do to get my baby out of that situation, including living in a shelter for about six months until I was on my feet enough to get our own place and provide without his assistance.

About a year passed before Christopher came back around, insisting to me that he had hit rock bottom, went to rehab, and was now clean and ready to be a positive influence in his son’s life. He also wanted us to rekindle our romantic relationship, but I was hesitant, naturally. So we started with him just coming around and spending a few hours with Jaeden every couple days or so which eventually spiraled into him and I reconnecting as well. Stupidly, I let him move into our place and not long after, the erratic behavior and red flags reemerged, ultimately culminating in me coming home one night after work with my baby in tow and finding him completely unconscious, surrounded by drug paraphernalia.

I called 911 immediately, but unfortunately too much time had passed and he was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital after they tried everything to resuscitate him on the ambulance ride. I didn’t have his parents’ information, but he had the presence of mind to have them as his emergency contact in his cell, so I had to eventually call them to break the news. That shit unfurled into a mess of a situation that had DCFS at my door and me fighting for my life to prove that I wasn’t party to or didn’t do those drugs that had taken Christopher’s life.

When Elijah said his sister had overdosed, my mind immediately went to the worst possible scenario, my relief immediate when he stated that she was stable. Knowing the emotional toll dealing with an addict could take on a person, I knew I wasn’t leaving his side right now for shit. Eventually, he’d need to get whatever conflicted emotions resided in him out and I wanted to provide to him what I never had during the tumult of my situation with Christopher, a soft place to land.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Elijah’s grandmother said as she walked back into the room, pulling me from my trip back down memory lane. “He gets a little fussy whenever I’m gone too long, so I had to reassure him that I was home for the evening.”

She sat next to me on the sofa gingerly, giving me a soft smile before she continued speaking. “I’m also sorry for… our little run in when you came over for dinner all those weeks ago and I really hope that can be water under the bridge. I see how much you mean to my Peanut and…” She let out a harsh breath. “Every day I’m on the verge of losing one of my babies, I can’t bear to lose them both. I don’t want there to be a rift between us when it’s clear that you and Pean… Elijah are working toward building something lasting.”

I smiled, resting a hand over hers that were clasped in her lap.

“I get it. I would have been taken aback if my child brought home someone who was many years his senior, but again, you’ve raised Elijah with discernment, enough to know what he wants in life.”

“And apparently that’s you,” she cut in, with a rueful laugh.

“Among other things, sure,” I replied with a grin. “I certainly could have never predicted it, but I’ve come to care a great deal for your grandson, Mrs. Woolford.”

“Please,” she interrupted. “Call me Marie, .”

My grin stretched broader. “Only if you call me Freddie.”

She nodded before speaking again. “I’m glad he has you. This situation with Pumpkin is trying and he exerts a lot of energy making sure his big sister is alright. I know that weighs on him more than he will ever express to me. So I’m thankful he has someone he can lean on in times like this.”

“I’m more than happy to provide the support,” I replied easily. “Do… do you mind if I give you a hug?”

She shook her head and I pulled her into me, holding onto her tightly as we gently rocked back and forth. “I’m not just here for Elijah, Mrs. Marie. I know just how heavily the weight of addiction affects not only the one suffering from the disease, but all of their loved ones. Anything I can do to help you all lighten the load, I’m more than willing, okay?”

She didn’t answer and I didn’t need her to. I knew my message was received in the way the tension pulling her shoulders tightly released and she sank into my embrace even further. I sat with her for a few moments longer before she straightened up and sent me on my way. She let me know that if Anaya got to be too much, we were more than welcome to send her downstairs with her great grandparents, but I assured her that wasn’t necessary.

When I made it up to his place, Elijah and Anaya were on his couch, with her draped across his body as she watched some cartoon. He stared in the direction of the screen, but I could tell by his unfocused gaze that he really wasn’t taking in anything happening on the show. Hell, he hadn’t even noticed I’d come in until I was settled on the opposite side of him from Anaya. His regard made its way to me as a small grin unfurled across his face.

“You’re still here, so I guess she didn’t find yet another way to offend you,” he quipped, the humor in his words not quite reaching his eyes.

“Nah, it’s gonna take a lot more than your granny to scare me off. But we… reached an understanding.”

“Why are you sounding like a mafia boss? Do I need to go check on OG?”

“No,” I said, tittering.

“I’m just askin’,” he said with a shrug.

“Uncle Lij, I’m hungry. Can we order a pizza?” Anaya asked suddenly, pinning him with puppy dog eyes.

“Pepperoni?” he asked and she nodded rapidly. Elijah turned to me. “You good with pizza, love?”

“I’m good with whatever,” I replied. “Hey, Anaya. This is my first time at your Uncle Lij’s house. You wanna give me the grand tour?”

She hopped immediately, super enthused, grabbing my hand in hers and leading me through the space.

Much later, after we ate and got Anaya settled for the night, Elijah and I lay in bed in silence. Despite the muteness of our surroundings, I could damn near hear Elijah’s thoughts working overtime as he lay behind me, my body pulled into the welcoming cocoon of his surrounding me.

“Eli,” I said, turning to face him. “You wanna talk about today?”

All that got me was a grunt in response.

“If you don’t feel like talking, that’s fine. Are you up for doing a little listening?”

At his nod, I told him the story of me and Christopher, making sure to not only let him know I had up close and personal experience with battling alongside someone who was fighting the demons of addiction but also that I would be here for him as a place of solace when the burdens of dealing with all that brought with it became too much to bear.

“I’m in this with you, Elijah. Do you hear me? You do not have to shoulder any of this alone. I know you like to carry it all, alleviate all of your grandmother’s load, but that’s not healthy, babe. You need to be able to lay your own burdens down from time to time. To know you have a place in which you can dwell with no judgment when it becomes too much to carry. I didn’t have that in my life when dealing with that shit with Christopher. And our situations aren’t one to one, but… I just want you to know I got you. Don’t ever think you have to keep up a strong front or facade in my presence. Whenever you need to lay it all down, I’m strong enough to bear the load. And I know it’s easier said than done, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say something. I got you, Elijah Woolford, do you hear me?”

His voice was gruff, thick with emotion once he replied after a few beats of silence passed.

“Thanks, love. I hear you.”

I pressed a kiss to his chin, burrowing closer to him and tightening my arms around his body. No further words were exchanged as we eventually drifted off to sleep.

The next few weeks were a flurry of activity between getting things settled with Elisha being moved to her facility and making sure Anaya was taken care of, in between working and surviving our damn selves. I split my time between my place and Eli’s, filling in the gaps when needed, like today. Mr. Chuck had some doctor’s appointments and Eli had to work, but I had the day off because I was volunteering with Ron and Ken once again at Skybound Sistas. Since we didn’t have anyone to watch Anaya, she would be tagging along, participating in the activities put together for the other young girls in attendance for the day’s event.

I’d been in touch off and on with the girls since my birthday weekend, catching them up on the happenings of my newly busier life, but keeping the details at a minimum out of respect for keeping the Woolford family business within closed ranks. They just knew I’d been helping out with Elijah’s niece when necessary and didn’t ask too many questions beyond the info I gave them. Each of my girls had even interacted with Anaya separately on occasion when they popped by my place when it was one of those days when it was just her and me kicking it while her great grandma and uncle were otherwise occupied.

I actually really enjoyed spending time with baby girl. It’d been quite some time since I had extended contact with a child in her age range, but she kept me on my toes. Our conversations were fun and lively, her little mind was so curious, so she kept up a running barrage of questions about everything from why the top light on the stop light was red to if she could call me Auntie since I was her uncle’s girlfriend. That last question was one I told her to discuss with said uncle and since she’d grown comfortable with calling me Auntie Freddie instead of Ms. Freddie in the past few days, I can only imagine what his answer to her question must have been.

Today’s Skybound Sistas event was a guided tour of a local aviation museum. We were chaperoning a group of about thirty little girls, then going out for lunch before we returned them to their parents. Since Anaya had never met a stranger, it hadn’t taken her too long to blend in with the other little girls nearby as we waited for everyone that was signed up to arrive. To make things easier, we’d chosen the central location of a local park district as a meetup point for drop offs and pickups. Skybound Sistas rented a charter to transport us for the day’s activities.

“Stay where I can see you, Lady Bug,” I admonished as she took off toward the group of young girls congregated not too far from us at a nearby playground.

“Okay, Auntie Freddie,” she called over her shoulder.

“Auntie Freddie, huh?” Roni noted.

“Chile, that’s what she and her uncle agreed on her calling me, I guess,” I said, trying my damndest to seem nonchalant, but I was actually super pleased by it.

“No input from you about it, huh?”

“Who am I to deny that baby fictive kin? Does it not take a village to raise a child?”

“That’s how we’re playing it?” Roni pressed.

“Playing what? What I miss?” Kenni asked as she joined us after greeting the most recent set of parents who dropped their daughter off.

“Auntie Freddie and her niecypooh,” Roni teased.

“You know we love this journey for you, friend, right?” Kenni chimed in. “You and Eli are a good look. DC proved that for sure. He’s got the stamp of approval from Jae and he makes you twankle and glisten like the stars in the country sky on a clear night? Tuh. Talk about relationship goals!”

I couldn’t stop my broad grin from stretching across my face even if I tried. “We are a good look, ain’t we?”

“The best,” Roni added.

The rest of the little girls we were waiting for arrived and soon got en route to the museum. Once we arrived, we doubled down on the rules of engagement at the museum for the girls, then set out for the tour. Though most of the things at the museum were military aviation related, the girls still really enjoyed themselves, especially when touring the “airplane park”. The ones who had phones had their little devices out, going crazy with the selfies and the ones who didn’t badgered me, Roni, and Kenni to take pictures of them to share with their parents. All in all it ended up being a fun, and lowkey exhausting, day. Instead of going out with the girls like I typically did at the culmination of these events, Anaya and I went back to my place and chilled until Elijah joined us. By the time he made it in, baby girl had talked my ear off and herself to sleep. He gave me a lazy grin as he entered the living room and saw us splayed across the couch. I had the TV on, but wasn’t really paying attention to it as I read a book on my Kindle.

“Hey, baby, how’d today go?” I asked.

He worked an early shift, but after he was off, he and his grandmother were able to visit in person with Elisha for the first time. Instead of answering my question, he walked over, leaning down enough to give me a quick kiss before scooping his niece out of my lap to put her in my spare bedroom. I’d recently had to get used to calling it the spare and not Jae’s room since he’d broken the news to me that he was staying in DC for the indefinite future. I couldn’t be too upset about it because I’d seen it coming from a mile away. Tazia was a DMV native and with the way things were progressing in their relationship, I knew there was no way he was going to leave her behind. And she wasn’t too keen on being far away from her family since they’d never been more than a thirty minute drive apart. Plus, the school where he’d done his student teaching offered him a full-time position when he finished school and I didn’t raise no fool to pass up a guaranteed position for a possibility of finding something here.

Elijah returned shortly, immediately dropping next to me on the couch, crowding my space in the best of ways. I said nothing, my question from before still lingering in the air for a moment until he began speaking.

“Sha looked good, Like…really good, she’s gained a little weight since she’s been in there, but more importantly when I looked into her eyes they were clear with an amount of focus and determination in them that I’d never seen before. We had a lil lowkey family therapy session with her counselor, me, and OG. She revealed some things that neither me nor OG had any idea she’d been holding onto this time. Some hard, but necessary truths to unpack.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “Safe to say more tears than a lil bit were shed, but I left there hopeful. OG was too. We both said that in the times Sha had done the rehab thing before we’d never seen her react like… I dunno, I can’t really put it into words. But I think it might actually stick this time.”

“Good,” I gushed, genuinely happy for her, for them. I hoped like hell, for all of their sakes, that it did stick this time. I didn’t know the intricacies of the things that plagued her which made her seek solace in substances, but what I did know was from the few interactions I’d had with her, mainly being in the background while she had video calls with her baby girl, Elisha seemed like she was really making a valiant effort to kick her habit this time. The road of recovery was one that truly never ended, something I’d learned after Christopher’s death and I beat myself up about not seeing the signs to prevent his demise. It had taken a lot of therapy for me to understand that there was nothing I could have done to save him if he didn’t want to work toward maintaining his own sobriety.

“She’s worried about Lady Bug. Like really worried. She broke down pretty bad in the session today.”

“I can only imagine the amount of guilt that dredged up, knowing her baby was present when…” I let my words trail.

“Yeah, but OG told her not to let that deter her progress. That about six months after she’s back home, she bets Lady Bug won’t even remember that her mama was away from her. For her sake, hell for both of their sake, I hope that’s the truth.”

Obviously with Anaya only being six we hadn’t told her the full story about why her mom was away. Only that she was sick and getting help from doctors who can make her all better, but she loved her very much and would call her as often as she could. For the most part, Anaya seemed to be in a place of acceptance with it, but we definitely monitored her and had alerted her teacher at school as well just in case there was a swift about face in behavior as she tried to process all of this. It was a lot to take in for such a tiny person, which was why we tried to break it down into the most bite sized pieces possible, so we didn’t overload her little self.

“Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. I think between support from us and regular communication with Elisha while she’s away, baby girl will be just fine. How are you feeling though?”

“Drained, but also optimistic.”

“Anything you need me to do?”

“Nothing more than you’ve already been doing. It’s more than enough.”

“We show up for the people we love, right?” I said, the words sliding out of my mouth before I even thought about what I was saying.

Before I could even try to clean it up, Elijah placed a hand under my chin, connecting our gazes as he stared at me with so much love beaming from his gaze, I didn’t even have to hear the words in return to know my feelings were reciprocated.

“I love you too, ,” he murmured before lowering his face to mine, taking my mouth in a torrid kiss that almost made me want to strip down right on the couch until I remembered we had a little sidekick in tow.

I pulled back, chest heaving as I fought to regulate my breathing, lip pulled between my teeth as I just stared at Elijah, the love I felt for him burning in the pit of my belly like the warmest of fires.

“Took you long enough,” he teased, pulling me back into his side as he reached for the remote and turned the TV to the sports channel.

“Excuse me?” I quipped, cocking my head to the side as I grilled him.

“You heard me. I’ve been waiting on you to finally say the words. I’ve known you’ve felt them since your birthday trip, but I knew if I said it first you’d be spooked so I had to play the long game.”

“Oh brother,” I groaned, rolling my eyes in fake annoyance. “Here you go.”

“Yeah, here I go. In love with your pretty ass, what you got to say about that?”

“Nothing except the feeling is so mutual . Just so you’re certain, let me state it plainly, I love me some you, Elijah Woolford.”