13. “I Can See Clearly Now”

13

"I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW"

JOHNNY NASH

T wo days and thirteen hundred miles after my journey began, I was driving over the Courtney Campbell Causeway, headed into Clearwater. Roxy sat in the passenger seat with her blonde head out the window, her eyes half closed in obvious bliss, her ears blowing wild in the fresh, saltwater air. Her front feet tap danced on her seat, and her pink tongue hung free, catching endless sun rays as they fell unencumbered all around us. To my left, a multi-colored patchwork of towels and bathing suit-clad beachgoers flashed by as jet skis zipped back and forth along the coastline, sea spray momentarily occluding their riders with each turn.

It felt apropos to end this long journey by crossing a bridge, and I prayed the joy that swelled in my chest with each mile was a sign of things to come. It felt like a beginning. Of what, I wasn't sure. But in the center of that joy was a sense of peace, and from that peace, a new confidence grew. I switched from my audiobook to a local classic rock station, and as I drove across the Causeway, the feelings of fear and loss I'd carried around for years began to fall away, and in their place was something new… hope .

As the monument at the end of the Causeway welcomed me to Clearwater, I knew I'd find some clarity during my time there. Perhaps I'd even find the Paige I was meant to be next.

I was excited to meet her.

Roxy could clearly sense my nervous energy as I drove down the gravel road that separated my uncle's house from the Intracoastal Waterway. The dance she'd perfected on the drive over the Causeway had reached a frenetic ‘Dog of the Dance' pace, and I had been forced to strong-arm her off my seat and back into her zone multiple times.

"We're here, Rox. What do you think? Could you see yourself here for the next few months? Are you a beach puppy?"

She gave a short bark in reply and relocated to the back seat for only a moment (of course, slapping me in the face with her tail in the process) before returning to her co-pilot position.

I picked a few of her tail hairs out of my mouth and laughed. "I'm going to need to get my Jeep detailed next week, so get all the hair and drool out of you now, please."

Three city blocks down the road, I could see my uncle's house. The patina of the copper gutters and downspouts, which had always been my favorite part of the exterior, complemented the pale pink siding. Mature palm trees shaded Chinese Hibiscus along the edges of his property, and crepe myrtle wrapped around the patios and sunroom that faced the water. The symphony of their unique (yet somehow related) scents swirled through my open window and surrounded me. The salt from the air settled on my tongue. This, I knew. This felt familiar.

When I reached the private road that led to their driveway, I could see Uncle Mike and Chris standing at the back of the house. Tipped off by my location I'd shared with them that morning, they were waiting to serve as my official welcoming committee.

I pulled in and put the Jeep in park as Uncle Mike sprinted around the passenger side to let Roxy out. She jumped down from her co-pilot chair and landed at his feet, a frantically waving tail demonstrating her excitement. The stillness of the Jeep let in a blast of heat and humidity, and I took a deep breath, relishing the briny, aromatic notes on the breeze that drifted through.

"I'll never get tired of that smell!" I exclaimed.

"Never say never," my uncle laughed, "remember, it changes with low tide."

"Ohhhh… right. Well, it's a fair trade in my book."

Uncle Mike stepped around Roxy, spinning in circles at his feet, and placed his hands on the passenger seat. I cringed, looking at the layer of golden retriever hair his hands were resting in, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Welcome to Florida, sweetheart! We are so happy you decided to come down for a bit. I give it one week before you decide you'll never leave! Now, let's get in the house before we all melt into a puddle in the driveway." He reached down and grabbed my purse, and when he closed the door, I took a moment to let the moment wash over me.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.