Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Harper

My mind was miles away as I opened the bakery, absently kneading and laminating dough, all the way through opening and into the morning rush, where Anders came in a bit early saying Nancy had slept badly so a full-size cupcake was in order today, and Kay came in today grabbing a tray of donuts just to surprise Gwen. I’d never once known Gwen liked donuts, but hell, before Kay came around, I never knew she liked online shooters and egirls either.

Emberlynn was in late today, which meant Aria had felt better once she’d dealt with that phone call. She’d still seemed stressed when I’d stopped by on my way home with her takeout, but… must have been feeling all right this morning. I tried not to think about it.

“I hear you spilled all my deepest vulnerabilities to Aria,” she said as she set down a loaf of sprouted grain bread, giving me a shy smile.

“Oh, yeah… forgot I was going to go apologize to you for that.”

“Nah. I appreciate it. She made me some late-night coffee and sat down with me to ask about how I’m feeling, do a kind of… conscious check-in. It was really good. For both of us, I think. We’re going to try making it a regular thing. So… thanks. Honestly.”

“Yeah?” I put on a smile as I rang her up. “Damn, but you two act quick. I swear, the moment there’s anything either of you can do…”

She laughed. “We get along great. Never thought I’d actually find a girlfriend who gets me like she does.”

“You two are seriously adorable. And I’m happy for you both.” And it felt especially heavy in the wake of last night’s conversation with Paisley—leaving a good imprint behind, leaving Bayview a better place than I’d found it. If I could help Paisley be herself and help Aria and Emberlynn be happier and more open together, then I didn’t have to feel so guilty about leaving.

But I couldn’t think about leaving right now. Or ever, hopefully. Not until I was out the door.

“Just the bread?”

“Yeah, that’ll be good…”

“That was hesitation in your voice. You want cinnamon rolls, too.”

“Hey—quit upselling me,” she laughed.

“It’s my job. You do want them, though, right? I’ll even take a dollar off.”

“Christ. Okay, you win. I’ll take the cinnamon rolls. Aria’s sleeping in this morning, so she’ll love waking up to them.”

Ew. That meant she went back to sleep after they were… done. I hated knowing the part Emberlynn kept quiet. It wasn’t like I could tell her I knew.

At least it was a distraction, though. But once Emberlynn had paid and left and the couple of customers behind her had finished up, the morning rush trickled out to nothing, and I had only the noise of my own thoughts to sit with as I restocked the floor. And it was there in the middle of it all that I got a text from the woman who had been occupying my every thought since I’d laid next to her watching the stars last night, far enough away from everything that I could see more stars than I ever thought existed, following as she pointed out one constellation after another.

She’d looked really damn good in that makeup, too.

hey loser! what are we doing today?

I tried not to smile as I replied. texting me in the middle of my shift, from the looks of things.

hahahaha you’re hilarious. answer the question before i go berserk

Are you telling me we’re going on another… bucket journey today?

obviously?????

Well, if it was that obvious. It wasn’t like I wanted to fight it anymore. I was… curious what kind of look she’d wear to today’s.

don’t know… you’ve given me prompts now for the last two. I’m waiting for the next.

an attraction you’ve never gone to.

She pounded that out instantly. I chewed my cheek, mulling on it. honey’s?

She responded with an eloquent, asjdfhsfjkhdskfs, and then after that, you’ve never been!!!????!?

nope. have a feeling that’s about to change.

jesus christ you are forsaken by the gods. we’re fixing that!! be there at four ok??

I laughed despite myself, sending a thumbs-up emoji. A kind of lightness settled in my chest, one I hadn’t felt much recently—just a casual, easy feeling, and it shattered like glass when I looked up and saw the exact one person I needed not to see right now, apparently having come in without me even hearing her.

Priscilla gave me a knowing smile. “You look happy,” she said, setting a brioche loaf on the counter. I busied myself putting the phone aside, ringing her up, not looking at her. Like that would save me.

“Didn’t even hear you come in. Just the brioche?”

“Mm-hm. So… things are going well with her?”

“Don’t know who you’re talking about. That’s five forty-five.”

She laughed, leaning over the counter, eyes sparkling. She was dressed nicely again today, with a flowy shirt tucked into a skirt, a jeweled hairpiece gleaming in her hair. I wondered if Paisley would wear things like that, too. What she’d think about Priscilla’s fashion sense once she’d developed more of her own. If she’d…

“You’re thinking about her right now.”

“I—dammit, Priscilla—” I scrunched up my face. “Five forty-five.”

She shook her head, smiling, and handed over her card. “You spent yesterday with her, didn’t you?”

I focused on swiping her card, well aware how useless it was against her. “I spent yesterday curled up in bed watching TV. Doing something special with your brioche?”

She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Okay, we can change the subject. Yeah. I’m finally able to take the evening to myself after classes today, so… Annabel and I are having a little at-home date. We each decided to bring something nice to surprise one another. This is my pick. If she comes around here to get a brioche, um… try to subtly convince her the brioche isn’t good today?”

“You know she goes all in on something once she sets her sight on it. She’s probably going to spend the whole time you’re in classes making an elaborate six-course dinner.”

She pursed her lips. “Harper. This is you trying to convince me to buy something else.”

“Annabel loves chocolate chip muffins.”

“You are so one-dimensional,” she laughed, waving me off. “Just the brioche! She insisted I didn’t buy her anything too expensive. So… anyway, yes, I am doing something nice with it. Now… back to you?”

I looked away. “Yeah, we hung out yesterday. It was nothing like you’re thinking.”

“Mm. So why aren’t you looking at me?”

“Because… you’ll start speculating about my deep, abiding love for her and analyzing my face.”

“I’m not analyzing your face,” she laughed. “Just that you seem so… pulled in two directions, you know? You’re so happy, but you’re so sad. And I don’t know what this thing you’re hiding that’s giving you all that stress is.”

I sighed, putting her brioche in a bag and sliding it over to her with her card. I could have just told her, but… maybe it would be easier to have her say it first. “Guess.”

She gave me an odd smile. “You do know I can’t actually read minds.”

“You get damn well close enough. Guess.”

“You… admitted to Paisley how you feel but you can’t get together.”

Asking her to guess was the wrong idea. She was going to see all my reactions and start reading into them. “Nope.” Even though she was not far off. Was it even technically incorrect?

“Hm.” She chewed her lip. “The way you’re closed off, how you have that far-off look in your eyes like you’re looking at everything from a bird’s-eye view… how you seem to be looking at everything with a sense of nostalgia for things not even gone. You have a big life change coming up, I imagine. Are you closing up shop here? Maybe… leaving?”

My heart pounded wildly, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach—my mouth was dry, and the automatic response was to deny it, but what the hell. She’d know I was lying. “Yep,” I made myself say, and she went wide-eyed.

“Seriously? You… you’re leaving?”

I sighed. “I have a lot of work to get to…”

“When?”

“The work? Right now, actually. The point was saying I need to be alone.”

“Harper.”

I turned away, leaning back against the counter. I really needed someone to walk in. Of course nobody was. “End of April.”

“What? Oh my god, that’s so soon.”

“Yep.”

“You…” She was quiet for a long time, seconds melting out into hours, before she spoke softly. “Keeping it inside really is tearing you apart, isn’t it?”

It felt like she’d reached into my chest and grabbed my heart, twisted it around. I took a steadying breath before I responded. “I’m working up to telling everyone. It just seems like a pain. And I’m not used to being under that much attention… it’s kind of annoying.”

“Where are you going?”

“You have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“Of course.”

I chewed my cheek. “New York. I, uh… got an offer to work for an ultra-luxe catering company. Piggybacking off my success in the competition.”

“Really?” Her voice lifted a little. “Harper—that’s huge. Congratulations.”

I wished she’d had stuck with being sad. Somehow, saying that made it feel realer, made it hurt twice as much. I made a noncommittal grunt, shrugging. “It’s just part of the climb. Nothing special.”

She was quiet for a while longer before she said in a voice so small I barely heard it, “Hey… Harper?”

“Yep?”

“Who are you doing all of this for?”

I sighed. “For a lovely young woman called Harper.”

“You… have that feeling about you like I did when I was going to leave for the Olympics. Like you’re doing it all for something outside of you. But it’s so… sad.”

Christ, I could not have this conversation. I pushed away from the counter. “I’m doing this for me. We’ve talked about it plenty. I need to be moving forward.”

“Or what?” she called after me as I headed for the back.

Or else she’d be disappointed.

I was glad I had my back to her. She’d have seen all of that clear as day.

“Or else I get bored,” I said, and I pushed through the swing door into the back.

I stayed in the back for longer than I needed to, fussing with the cookies, traying them up in their clamshells more carefully than anyone cared about, even after I heard the doorbell chime—just pushing it as long as I could until I pulled myself together and went out to face the next customer.

Luckily, I felt like I got the upper ground, because Annabel texted me hey, give me an idea of something nice for dinner, and I got to poke at her about what it was for and watch her dodge the question trying to be cool until I got her to break down and admit to her cute little date thing with Priscilla, and I enjoyed playing dumb and pretending I’d heard nothing about it. I recommended something with the vegetarian sausages Priscilla liked, because I knew how much it had meant for her when Annabel had started keeping them in her house just for Priscilla, and I knew Priscilla was a squishy, sentimental romantic, so, easy enough, really.

But no amount of the work going well and closing up for the day got me really ready for when I was at Honey’s, the cute little loft bar across the street from Paisley’s bookshop. I leaned back against the doorway for the loft, hearing the music playing from upstairs, and I tried to look cool and collected as I checked my phone every two seconds watching the time for when she might show up.

The damn woman was late again. I was on and off a million times whether to text her, opening the chat and closing it over and over and over, and I was about ready to lose my mind when Paisley’s voice came from next to me, clearing her throat.

Turned out I’d seen her coming out of the corner of my eye, I just had not realized it was her. She was wearing fucking heels. Black sandal heels and a fitted little black dress—I didn’t think I’d ever seen her in a dress before—and smoky-eye makeup with a nude brown lipstick, and… blonde hair.

“Go ahead,” she said, gesturing to herself. “Just spend all day staring.”

“Uh… sorry, I’m waiting for someone.”

She rolled her eyes. She was… taller than me in heels. I’d never in a million years have guessed I’d be into it. “Does being difficult turn you on or something?”

“Is that a wig?”

“Nah. Always wanted to try blonde. What do you think?”

“You bleached your hair? Just like that?”

She put her hands on her hips, scowling. “All this, and you haven’t said a single compliment!”

Paisley Macleod was seriously the most beautiful woman I’d seen in my life. Where the hell had she pulled this from? Not just that it was an objectively stunning look on her—the blonde suited her damn well, too—but that look like she was so damn alive, that slight thrilling under her expression, the light there in her eyes?

“Where did you get that dress?”

“That’s not a compliment, either!” She folded her arms, leaning against the wall next to me, looking away. “I got it ages ago. And never had the guts to wear it.”

My mouth was dry. “Uh… well. Here we are. Do you want to go in?”

She gave me a look that was actually hurt, and it felt like a knife in my chest. “Should I go change?”

“No! Don’t—uh—” I lost the battle. My face was suddenly molten, and I knew I’d gone from zero to a hundred on redness. “I, er… please don’t.”

She settled into a big smile. “Yeah? You like it?”

“It’s, uh…” I cleared my throat, looking away.

“Come on. Say it.”

“You… you look beautiful. Seriously. Just… I…” I cleared my throat hard enough it hurt. “I like seeing you come into your own.”

She shifted in closer. “Look at me while you say it.”

Dammit. I moved automatically, turning to look at her, my face burning. We had some cover behind the ferns along the building, but… we were still in public. And yet I responded as if it was just the two of us, like she had me on a hook. “You… you look beautiful. Really, really beautiful.”

She stifled a giggle into her hand. “Thanks. You too. I like your blazer.”

I shouldn’t have worn it. This looked like a date now. “Thanks… I, uh, I like your… makeup.”

She batted her eyes. “Yeah? It’s a new mascara.”

“I am… glad you got it.”

She winked at me, blew me a kiss and everything. I should have told her off for it. Instead, my brain actually went blank—all the thoughts in my mind just fizzled away, and I was left staring wide-eyed. She laughed, walking past me, and she slipped her hand into mine.

“C’mon, dork. Let’s go.”

I stumbled as she pulled me by the hand up the stairs, my heart in my mouth, wondering what people would say if they saw us walking in hand-in-hand like this—I really should not have worn the blazer—but I relaxed when I realized, with an odd sensation, that nobody was… actually going to realize this was Paisley.

Well. Maybe I’d be able to spend the evening with this mysterious woman, then.