Chapter 23

After wallowing in self-pity for one day, I went back to work on the farm and the firehouse. I tried not to think about what I would do when the holiday season was over, and I only had the firehouse. I could work at other schools, but I was worried that rumors had already gone around and would ruin my reputation. It was best to lay low.

At the firehouse, we had a couple of school groups scheduled for field trips. I always led those groups when I was working because I enjoyed it, and Chief never failed to mention how the parents, kids, and teachers loved me.

I took my time with them, helping them into and out of the firetruck, posed for a class picture, and tried not to think about the cavern in my chest.

Not only had I lost a substitute teaching position and my coaching job, but I'd pushed Claire away. I think I'd technically broken things off, but that phone call was kind of hazy. I'd been starved and lightheaded due to the alcohol.

All my insecurities had bubbled to the surface. The fact that I was younger and immature compared to Claire. How she deserved someone better than me.

When I got off my shift, I was exhausted. I looked forward to diving face-first into my bed, but Dad was sitting on the steps that led to my apartment.

I held my keys in my hand as I approached him. "What are you doing here?"

Dad stood. "I was hoping we could talk."

"About what?" I asked as he stood, and I moved past him to unlock the door. It smelled musty because I hadn't opened any blinds or windows lately. There were still dishes in the sink and a sour smell coming from the vicinity of the garbage can. "You know I just got done with a twenty-four-hour shift."

"I'm concerned about you. Teddy said you've been surly when you've worked on the farm. He's had to keep you away from the customers."

I tensed. "If it's a problem, I don't need to work—"

Dad held up his hand. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm just worried about you."

"I don't want to talk about this now." I ran a hand through my hair. But from the stubborn set to my dad's jaw, he wasn't leaving until I told him everything.

"I lost my job at the school and with the team." I let that statement drop without any fanfare and was met with silence.

"What happened?"

"One of the dad's was mad I took his kid out of the game on Friday night."

"The quarterback? His dad was quite vocal that night."

"He always is. He threatened after the game that he'd go to the athletic director over it, and I said if he felt like that's what he needed to do, then he should."

"You're telling me he whined about his kid not getting enough playing time, and they sacked you?" Dad asked, and I appreciated him getting pissed on my account.

"He also followed me to Claire's house and filmed us kissing on her front porch. He leaked the video to someone at the school, and the video was trending on all the kids' phones by Monday." I was worried he'd pressured Bryce to do it.

"You lost your job over that?"

"It's inappropriate. I knew better than to carry on a relationship with a teacher in the school, especially when I was coaching her son. It was wrong, and we knew it."

"You're just going to roll over and take it?" Dad asked, his tone incredulous.

"You know the administration is going to do whatever it has to do. They have parents to answer to. I'm just a sub." And obviously a poor one at that since I couldn't manage to keep my job. I was expendable. "And what I did was irresponsible."

Then I waited for him to go through all the reasons why I screwed up, but he just looked at me.

"What?" I asked, not sure what was going through his head.

"What that parent did was messed up. He manufactured a reason to remove you so he could control the team going forward."

"Maybe." I'd heard the PE teacher took over for me, and he was a decent guy. The kids would be okay with him.

"It doesn't seem right; that's all."

"I think we can all agree that I screwed up. I should have stayed away from Claire. All I did was make things worse for her and Owen."

Dad crossed his arms over his chest. "Is that really what you think?"

Despite the fact that my bed was calling to me, I grabbed a water from the fridge, unscrewed the cap, and drank from it. "It's not what I think that matters. What I did was wrong, and I got caught."

Dad shook his head. "Don't you think it's a little dangerous to let one parent have that much power?"

"Well, sure. But isn't that how it always is? He has money and clout in the community, and he pushes his weight around to get what he wants. The ridiculous part was I got the impression his son, Bryce, was embarrassed by it."

"I was proud of what you'd done with that team. And if you teach how you coach, then that school was lucky to have you."

I opened my mouth, then closed it, surprised that he was so adamant about it.

"Are you going to fight, or are you going to give up?"

I gestured around the room. "There's nothing I can do. My job was temporary; they obviously feel like they can easily replace me. They already have a new coach. What's there to do?"

"Are you and Claire okay?"

I winced.

"You screwed that up too?"

The familiar guilt and shame returned like a battering ram against my chest. "She deserves better than me. I was never going to be the right guy for her. She's strong, intelligent, and responsible."

"And you're what?"

I huffed out a breath. "Not any of those things. You know how long it took for me to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Hell, I'm still trying to figure it out. She deserves better."

"That's not for you to decide, son."

There was a pounding on the door. At this point my head was starting to ache from the lack of sleep and stress. I moved toward the door. "What now?"

Teddy stood there, a newspaper in his hands that he slapped against my chest. "Care to tell me what this is?"

"Dad's paper?" I grabbed it before it fell to the floor.

Teddy swept past me into the apartment. "Read the article."

"Does anyone respect the fact that I worked all night?" I asked to the room in general, knowing the answer was no. My family could be nosey when they wanted to be. I unfolded the paper where it was already opened to the headline: "Local Teacher Endears Himself to His Students and Team Only to Be Ousted by Angry Parent. Have School Sports Gotten out of Hand?"

Teddy closed the door.

"What is this?" I couldn't figure out how my story got into the paper.

Teddy raised a brow as he moved further into the room. "I think someone went to the paper. Maybe Claire?"

"I don't think she'd do something like this." Why would she put herself out there for me? She had to know school administrators were like dinosaurs when it came to decisions. They were generally slow to make them, and when they did, they never went back.

I skimmed the article, the parts where it talked about how I was revered in the classroom and on the field for my mindset and growth tactics. There were a few quotes from fellow teachers and kids, raving about me. "This is nice."

"Keep reading," Teddy said.

Then there was the part about someone complaining to administration because I removed a player after turnovers on the field. They knew about the video, how he'd followed me home. There was a reference to the other local case, where the principal was suspended after investigating a teacher for theft, and that teacher created a fake AI audio recording.

That principal recently got his job back, and he was quoted as asking, "Where does it end? If a parent or teacher is unhappy, they can just create a fake video of teachers in compromising positions and get them fired? This has to stop. People's livelihoods are at stake."

"Wow. I can't believe anyone did this for me."

Teddy tore the paper out of my hand, rolled it up, and smacked me against the chest again.

I rubbed my chest. "Stop doing that."

"Owen said Claire did this. That she talked to the team, and got them to speak to the administration about how much they enjoyed having you as a coach, how much you changed their lives."

"Why would she do that?" I asked, my brain muddled from lack of sleep.

"She obviously loves you," Dad interjected.

I stretched my neck. "She never said she did."

Dad gave me a look. "You don't always need the words to know it. She went to the administration, she probably talked to this reporter."

"Why would she risk her job for me?"

Teddy raised his brow. "You can't honestly be this dense."

"I pushed her away. I told her I didn't deserve her." I paced the room. "This whole thing was a disaster. Signature Jameson, am I right? I make mistakes, I do the wrong thing, and create a mess. One that can't be cleaned up."

"I think you're being too hard on yourself," Dad said.

"Have you forgotten that this is what I do? I'm a screwup. I'm never going to grow up and get things right."

Dad shook his head. "You did something right. You were amazing with those kids. It's there in the article and whatever they said to the administration. You did that."

"The kids like me. So what? All that matters is the administration doesn't want me, and none of this is going to change that." I threw the paper onto the table, desperate for everyone to clear out of the apartment so I could go back to wallowing.

"But you can get the girl," Teddy said with a smile.

"You think this means that I should go after Claire?" It felt as if a piece of me was missing, but I couldn't get past the fact that I wasn't the right man for her. I wasn't good enough.

"She obviously loves you. I don't understand it. But Owen does too. He said he missed you. He's confused as to what's going on."

"I'll talk to him, explain that we weren't meant to be together." Of anyone, Owen deserved someone who could be a father figure to him.

Dad's brow furrowed. "But there's no longer a conflict. You could date her if you wanted to."

"I'm no good for her," I repeated, just wanting to sleep for a thousand years.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Teddy asked as he opened my fridge, probably looking for something to eat, which I didn't have.

He got out some eggs and cracked them directly into the pan I kept on the stove.

"I didn't say you could stay and cook yourself breakfast."

He turned on the burner. "I'm cooking you breakfast."

"You don't need to do that. I just want to get some sleep."

"You want to avoid this conversation," Teddy said.

"Well, yeah. Wouldn't you? Want to talk about how you feel about Charlotte living in the cottage and helping us out?"

Teddy's eyes narrowed. "We're not talking about me."

"Why do you think you're not good enough for Claire?" Dad asked.

"For the reasons we already know. I don't know what I want out of life. I can't settle on just one job."

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were less than because you had more interests than your brothers. I should have encouraged you, not pressured you to choose one thing."

It felt like the air had been sucked out my lungs.

Teddy turned and leaned a hip against the counter, the wooden spoon in his hand. "I should apologize too. We pressured you over the years to fit into some Calloway mold as if there is such a thing. You followed your heart and did what you love. There's nothing better than that. And if Claire wants you, then she'd be lucky to have you."

I shook my aching head. "I can't even understand what's happening right now."

"You deserve Claire. You're obviously a great teacher, coach, and firefighter. There's nothing you can't do," Dad said.

I'd never thought of what I did as a good thing. Holding multiple jobs meant that I was passionate about what I did? It wasn't wrong or bad? They didn't want me to be more like them? "I always thought you wanted me to be more like Teddy or Wes."

Dad shook his head. "Every one of my kids is unique, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You should do whatever makes you happy."

I thought back to my time with Claire: throwing a football in her front yard, cooking together, and the few moments we had to ourselves. I loved her and Owen. "I want a life with them. If they'll have me."

Teddy raised a brow. "That's the big question, isn't it? Did you screw it up beyond repair?"

I grabbed a towel and snapped it in his direction. "I thought you were here to help me."

"Watch it," Teddy warned. "I am, but you can be a stubborn ass."

"No name calling," Dad chided, the reprimand a remnant from our past.

"We're not kids anymore. Our actions have repercussions. You pushed Claire away, and you might not get her back."

"I know that," I said, frustration leaking into my tone.

Teddy plated the fried eggs and passed them to me. "Eat that. Then get some sleep. You can't figure anything out on an empty stomach and no sleep."

"No kidding," I said as I dug into the eggs. "Thanks for breakfast."

"That's what we're here for," Teddy said, his voice smug.

"Unwarranted advice before I've had a chance to sleep?" I asked stubbornly.

"That's the best kind," Teddy quipped.

"I'll figure this out."

"We like Claire and Owen," Dad said."

"I do too." I swallowed over the lump in my throat, the realization that I acted like a hurt teenager, one who lashed out when things got bad instead of figuring out my problems. I should have gone to Claire for support, not pulled away, thinking I could handle it on my own.

"Call us if you need us," Teddy said over his shoulder as they headed out.

I hoped I wouldn't need their advice again. I loved them, but I hated talking about stuff like this. I wanted to go to Claire when I was going through a difficult time. I didn't want to be the permanent bachelor living above his dad's garage.

I needed my own place. But first, I needed sleep.

I finished the eggs, rinsed the plate, and put it in the dishwasher. Then I dove into bed where the sheets were still rumpled from the last time I tried to sleep. I hoped today would be different. I needed my wits about me if I was going to figure this out and set things right with Claire.

There were no guarantees that she'd accept my apology and take me back. Claire was a strong woman who knew how she deserved to be treated. She might not give me a second chance.

The thought of never seeing her and Owen again sent a sharp, searing pain through my chest cavity. I rubbed the offending spot, attempting to draw in a deep breath.

I tossed and turned before finally drifting off. I dreamed of talking to Claire, of trying to explain why I'd acted like an idiot, but each time, she shook her head and said she was done with me. She walked away, and I chased after her, begging for her to give me another chance.

By the time I woke up it was early afternoon, my head ached, and I felt like I hadn't gotten any appreciable rest. The sun poured through the closed curtains, despite my melancholy mood.

I forced myself to get up, knowing from experience that lazing around in bed didn't help with the tired feeling. I showered, got dressed, then cleaned my apartment.

Then I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to buy a house or build one on the family's property.

I shouldn't make the decision with Claire and Owen in mind, but what would they like? Would they appreciate living on the farm? Would they want to move in with me eventually? Or was I kidding myself? Did my subconscious already know what my conscious didn't? Claire would never forgive me, and I was doomed to feel this hollow sensation in my chest forever.