Chapter 9

Nine

Aria

I wondered what Ireland and Finn were talking about. They stood close to each other, whispering about something. Was it me? Was it my apartment or what happened? I couldn’t even think about my stuff or whether any of it was salvageable. The idea of someone else touching my clothes freaked me out.

But the overall feeling was shame. As happy as I was that Finn showed up for me, I was embarrassed that he saw where I lived. The way Ireland and Finn had grown up, going to private schools and having trust funds, was so different from my life, it wasn’t even funny.

I wanted to start over in this new job, but my past always found a way to stain the future. It was always lurking just under the surface.

Finn hugged Ireland, and she laughed about something. Those two were sweet. I loved how close they were. I felt more like a second mother to Iris than a sister. She needed me. My parents needed me. They said they didn’t, but they did.

Then Ireland started down the walk, and I felt Finn’s gaze on me through the windshield like a palpable thing. It felt weighty, significant. Had his seeing where I lived changed his view of me? Did he think of me as someone who couldn’t take care of herself?

I shifted in my seat as Ireland opened the door and climbed inside. “Ready to go, roomie?” Ireland asked with a smile.

“Thanks for letting me stay with you. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll find out how soon I can get back into my place.”

Ireland’s face screwed up before she carefully smoothed her expression. “You’re welcome to stay with me. I’ve been wanting a roommate. I just didn’t want to live with someone I didn’t know. You’d be doing me a favor.”

“I was saving up to buy a bigger place so my sister could move in with me.”

She backed out of the driveway. “You can stay with me for a while and save up.”

“That would be nice.”

“Your commute would be better. We could probably carpool.”

“That would be amazing,” I said, relaxing more about the situation. I would help with rent, and we could share a ride to work, so it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. I wasn’t taking advantage of her hospitality.

Ireland lived downtown in one of the apartments near the water. It was a house that had been renovated into apartments. “This is nice.”

“I love the location. Finn wanted a yard for Paisley, but this is perfect for me. I’m close to the water, the park, and the restaurants and shops.”

Now that I’d be living downtown, maybe I could spend more time at the shops and restaurants too. Not that I had the money for it if I wanted to give money to my parents for food, to Iris for classes, and to save for the security deposit for a new apartment.

“I’m so excited,” Ireland said as she climbed the stairs and unlocked the door. It was a cute apartment with an updated kitchen, living room, two bedrooms, and two bathrooms.

“The guest room is already furnished. Do you have everything you need to move in?” she asked as we stood in the doorway.

The room looked like it had been put together by a designer. Her stuff was infinitely nicer than mine. Besides, I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to see any of my stuff again. “No furniture.”

“Let me get you some clothes to wear. You want to go shopping tomorrow? I love shopping.”

My idea of shopping was probably different than hers. I picked up quality clothes in thrift stores in classic styles that I could wear forever. “I don’t think I want my old things back. Maybe the purses and shoes.”

“We can go with you to help you salvage things.”

My shoulders lowered. “That would be nice.”

Normally, I wouldn’t ask for help, but this situation was overwhelming. Maybe I would feel better in the morning.

On Saturday, my landlord called to say my apartment was cleared by the police, and I told him I wasn’t coming back. He didn’t argue, probably because he knew security was lax.

We had a wedding that day, but on Sunday, Finn and Ireland insisted on coming with me to my apartment. I’d ridden with Ireland everywhere on Saturday because my car was still there. My shoulders were tight with tension as we walked up the steps to the apartment.

I unlocked the door and swung the door open as we stepped inside.

Finn fiddled around with the door and lock. “It’s no wonder someone broke in. The lock is a disgrace.”

I didn’t respond because I agreed with him. There was no exterior door, either, to keep intruders out. I knew that when I moved in, but I couldn’t afford the pricier places closer to town.

The place was trashed. If there was a TV, it would have probably been stolen. There was nothing of value in my apartment. My one splurge was my laptop, and I kept that with me at all times.

I steeled myself for the bedroom. My clothes were rifled through as if they were looking for something of value, maybe cash or jewelry hidden underneath.

“Is there anything missing? Your insurance will want to know,” Ireland said from behind me.

“I didn’t have renter’s insurance. There wasn’t anything of value.” I didn’t like admitting it, but it was true. There was no electronics, jewelry, or cash. Any cash I had, I gave to my parents for groceries. My meager savings was in the bank. I wasn’t dumb enough to leave anything here.

I ignored the look they exchanged and grabbed the garbage bags from under the kitchen sink and filled them with my clothes. I didn’t have the money to buy a whole new wardrobe, although I’d be buying new panties and bras. I didn’t even want to think about a stranger touching those.

Ireland helped me with the bathroom things, and Finn grabbed some boxes from the car to pack the kitchen.

“I really appreciate you letting me move in.”

Ireland crouched next to me. “It worked out for the best.”

“Can you let me know how much I owe you?” I needed to rework my budget. Odds were her place was more expensive than my current one, and we hadn’t discussed rent or utilities.

“Don’t even worry about it. We can work that out later.”

I appreciated their help, even if I didn’t like letting people in. I needed them.

Later that afternoon, we walked out with the last of the boxes and bags, and I vowed never to live anywhere like this again. I’d felt safe last night when I’d slept in Ireland’s guest room. I needed to make sure I was in a good situation before I helped Iris out. I needed to start taking better care of myself.

I didn’t like to think about it, but what if I’d been home? Would they have hurt me? I barely suppressed the shiver as we packed the trunk. Ireland stayed behind to lock the door.

“You never have to come back here again. You’ll be safe at Ireland’s.”

I laughed, and it felt like a release of tension. “How did you know what I was thinking?”

Without a word, Finn pulled me in for a hug, and my eyes stung. “Want to get lunch?”

I pulled away from his strong arms and warmth, avoiding his eyes. “I’d love to.”

We dropped my car and my stuff off at Ireland’s, and then Finn drove us to Max’s for lunch. Finn explained to Max what happened on Friday night while the hostess led us to a table. I couldn’t remember the last time I went out to lunch or had drinks with friends. It was nice, and I was ready to splurge. I needed a break. It had been a stressful few days.

“I don’t want you moving back there, or anywhere like it,” Ireland said to me.

“Don’t worry. I was already having the same thoughts.”

“Good. We’re going to have so much fun together,” she said as Finn returned to the table.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you two to be roommates,” Finn said as he sat down, and I wondered what he meant. Did he realize that whatever was simmering between us was off the table now?

Ireland sipped her water. “Why?”

“You two will probably get into all kinds of trouble,” Finn murmured as he picked up the menu.

“I never get into trouble.” I was always a rule follower in school. The fewer waves you made, the less attention anyone paid you, and I was very conscious not to attract that. I made sure I bathed, my clothes were clean, and my homework was done. Then no one would ask any questions or make any comments.

Besides, I had it better than most. My parents were loving and attentive when they weren’t working. I didn’t live in an abusive household like some of the other kids in the trailer park.

“It sounds like you’re due for it then,” Ireland said with a wink.

Finn groaned. “And that’s what I’m talking about. Ireland might not be the best influence.”

Ireland bumped shoulders with him. “Hey.”

“I’m just teasing. You wanted a roommate, and now you have one,” Finn said.

Was there a tinge of sadness in his voice, or even resignation? I must be projecting because there was no chance that Finn was interested in me long-term. If anything, I irritated him with my views on relationships and weddings.

We had nothing in common except his sister, whom I was now living with. I wondered how often they hung out, or if he came over. Would he show up to eat her food and watch her TV? The thought sent tingles through my body. I liked the idea of running into him in a casual setting.

There was something about that moment in that quiet room away from the wedding that helped me see Finn differently. And last night, when he’d showed up at my apartment, insisting on taking me home, I knew he was a good man.

Wanting to know more about his past, I asked, “What was it like growing up together?”

Ireland tipped her head back and laughed. “Chaos. Pure chaos.”

“We had each other, and stepdads, stepmoms, stepbrothers, and stepsisters. It was a revolving door of new family members.”

Ireland shook her head. “It was exhausting after a while. We stopped caring about them and held on to each other.”

“We couldn’t count on anything in our lives to be consistent, not where we lived, our rooms, or our schedule.”

“At least we were always able to stay at the same school. Thank God for Grandmother’s trust.”

“You had a trust fund?” I asked like I hadn’t heard rumors of it before. I’d heard of trust funders, but they didn’t go to public schools like we did. They’d travel to Baltimore for the private schools. Around here, if someone asked where you went to school, they probably meant high school, and where you attended was a big deal.

“Grandma wanted us to go to her alma mater, St. Paul’s.”

“I’ve heard of it.” I’d heard the name but not much else. Those kids didn’t hang out in my sphere. Even the kids I babysat for weren’t in that realm.

“So, yeah, we had each other and school.”

“Are you close with your parents?” I asked them as the waitress filled our water glasses.

“Mmm. I wouldn’t say close. We tolerate visits with Mom and Dad, and whoever they're dating now,” Ireland said with a laugh, as if their parents’ dating lives were a joke between them.

“We stopped caring about their comings and goings a long time ago. It was easier to focus on ourselves and where we were going.” Finn’s voice was gruff.

“It was a good lesson never to get attached to anyone. People come and go. Very few stay,” Ireland said, tracing a path on the lip of her glass with her finger.

“That’s kind of sad.” My family might have been poor, but our family motto was that we stuck together. That’s why I felt so guilty for moving out and wanting a different way of life.

Finn tipped his head. “It’s just the way it is. Don’t feel sorry for us.”

I didn’t respond because I did feel bad for them. It was crazy because they probably always had enough money, food on the table, and a roof over their head. They weren’t picked on at school because they fit in. Yet, their upbringing didn’t sound ideal.

Finn’s eyes dulled. “If anything, my parents think I’m slumming it as a teacher, but I love it, and it fits with my life. They hate the musician stuff even more. They think being in a band is a waste.”

“Your parents said that?” I couldn’t help but ask.

Ireland laughed. “Probably not in so many words, but being in a band is beneath their image of us. We went to a prestigious school, so we should have become doctors or lawyers.”

“Yeah, majoring in music was not what they wanted for me.”

“I think it’s great. If that’s where your talent lies, you don’t have a choice.” I could draw but never considered it a talent. Not that it would have mattered if I had. There wasn’t money for sports or lessons.

“That’s what I always say.” Ireland patted his arm as the waitress arrived.

“What about you? Are your parents happy with your choices?” I asked Ireland after we’d placed our order with the waitress, and she’d taken our menus.

“Well, women have fewer expectations. They want me to marry well, be involved in charity work, and take up space. So, being a wedding planner is a nice way to bide my time until Mr. Right comes along. As long as Mr. Right has a bigger trust fund and works at his daddy’s firm.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked, wondering if her job wasn’t what she wanted.

“I’m happy working with Gia. It’s fun.”

Ireland worked this job for fun, but I needed it. That was an interesting dichotomy. I hoped I didn’t grow to resent her or Finn. If Gia decided she didn’t need so many wedding planners, Ireland would be fine looking for a different job, but I wouldn’t be.

As much as I loved working in the schools as an assistant, it didn’t pay nearly enough for me to stay in an apartment like Ireland’s. And I had no resources to go to school to become a teacher. It would take too long to get a degree. I needed to earn money now.

Finn and Ireland talked about what it was like growing up, shuttling back and forth between houses, thinking you had a stepdad only to come home and find that he’d moved out. Just listening to them made me feel dizzy. I couldn’t even imagine living in so much upheaval. But it made me understand Finn a little better.

He didn’t want anything to do with his parents’ lifestyle, and he didn’t have enough respect for himself to think he could have something different. He didn’t think he was capable of love and commitment. He probably thought whatever made his parents divorce so often was in his blood. But I saw no indication of that with either of them.

Ireland checked her phone. “Mom wants me to come to family dinner. She has someone she’d like me to meet.”

“Another high-society matchup?” Finn asked with an arch of his brow.

She smiled without any humor. “Something like that.”

“Are you going to attend?” I asked.

“That’s what’s expected,” Ireland said as she sipped her water.

“Why do you have to do what’s expected?” I asked her, genuinely curious.

“My parents still control the trust until we’re thirty. We can use the money for school and living expenses, but my parents can shut it off at any time.”

“That sucks.” The concept seemed so foreign to me. I’d been upset with the way I struggled, but at least I was independent. Or at least I was…before my apartment was broken into.

Ireland shrugged. “I’ll meet this guy. Make her happy.”

“Maybe he’ll be the one,” Finn joked as he tipped back his glass.

Ireland snorted. “The trust fund types never are. They haven’t had to work for anything. It was all given to them, the education, the job, the company.”

“You know, sis, you just described yourself.”

“I hope I have more depth than that.”

“You do. I was just teasing,” Finn said, and I felt like I was interrupting a private moment between them. They had a strong bond forged through shared experiences when they were kids.

I felt for both of them, what they lived through. Some might have thought they were just spoiled, but I saw that they were hurt by their parents’ actions and inattentiveness. They wanted different things but weren’t sure how to go about getting it.

It was a good thing I was rooming with Ireland. This tension between me and Finn should dissipate. We’d become friends because there was no other option for us.