Chapter 22

Twenty-Two

Jake

“ I ’m sorry. We stayed longer than I thought,” Lily said as we waited for the valet.

My mind was fixated on that conversation with Lily’s mother. She’d been waiting for me when I left the bathroom. I knew as soon as I saw her there it wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. I’d steeled myself for the worst.

“Don’t worry about it,” I finally said to Lily, hoping she wouldn’t notice something was bothering me.

Lily opened her mouth, her expression full of concern. But before she could say anything, the valet drove my truck to the curb.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed to get out of that stuffy ballroom and this suit. Lily didn’t need me on her side. According to her mother, I was a detriment to her.

I opened the passenger side door, waiting while she gathered her skirt and climbed inside. I tried not to notice how her leg was exposed when the slit in the skirt fell open.

I hardened my jaw, determined not to forget what her mother said. I wasn’t helping Lily. I was bringing her down.

A part of me wanted to focus on what Ryan said and what I knew to be true. I’d come a long way and was a respected businessman. But at the end of the day, I was just a greasy mechanic. I’d never get the stains off my hands or my past.

Even if I thought better of myself, others would judge Lily and her business if she was associated with me. I could repair her cars, but that was it. I needed to distance myself from her.

“You seem different,” Lily said.

“I’m just tired. All those people. It was a lot.” I felt like I was putting on a show for them. Like I was a circus clown stuffing himself into an unforgiving suit for the night. You could change the clothes, but it didn’t alter the reality of who I was.

I hadn’t felt that way until her mother had talked to me. After that, I realized how much I didn’t fit in there. How ludicrous it was for me to think I could be Lily’s knight in shining armor. First of all, she didn’t need one. She handled herself just fine.

Second, I was the wrong guy for the job. Nothing had changed from the day we’d first met. She was sunshine and light, and I was trouble. My past would darken the light she was creating in her business.

I rolled my neck, trying to ease the tension in my shoulders. This thing with Lily had been amazing, but it couldn’t continue.

I had plans to stay the night at her farm, but I wasn’t sure I was in the right state of mind to do that. As much as I wanted to grab on to what we’d had the last few weeks, I couldn’t get her mother’s words out of my head.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced at the screen as it lit up the word Mom . Fuck. She was the last thing I needed right now. I couldn’t talk to her, not with Lily sitting next to me. But what if she was planning on showing up at Hailey’s house? I couldn’t have that.

The need to protect Hailey from her was stronger than ever. I didn’t want my mother to know Hailey was pregnant. I wouldn’t allow her to sully one more generation of this family. She needed to leave us alone.

“Is everything okay?” Lily asked.

I held up my phone. “I need to take care of something.”

“Okay,” Lily said.

I was grateful she didn’t ask for details. I wasn’t prepared to tell her. Dealing with my mother was the priority. When she was gone, I could think about whether there was a future with Lily. I wouldn’t break things off tonight, not until I had a chance to think through everything her mother had said.

Pulling up to Lily’s house, I let the engine run while I got out to walk her to the door. Lily looked confused, and I didn’t blame her. This was not what I’d planned for the night. If I hadn’t spoken to Lily’s mother, or heard from mine, I’d have pressed Lily against a wall somewhere inside this house. I’d already be lost to her.

“I’m sorry. I need to deal with something. It’s a family matter.”

Her forehead wrinkled. “Are you going to tell me what it’s about?”

“It’s probably best I don’t.” I didn’t want to dirty her with my family’s past. I needed to protect everyone in my life from it.

“I’m sorry you feel like I can’t handle it.”

I shook my head, my stomach dipping. “It’s not like that.”

All I could think about was whether Mom was standing on Hailey’s porch, waiting for them to answer the door. I needed to get to her, to steer her away from them and their happy news. She had a way of ruining everything.

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. “Then what’s it like?”

“Listen, I need to go. We can talk about this later.”

I wanted to wait for her to go inside, but she just stood there, staring at me like she was trying to figure me out.

Everything in her stance was telling me a kiss wouldn’t be accepted, so I leaned in close and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you later.”

It was cold and indifferent, but my mind was already on my mom. I’d call her as soon as I was in the privacy of my cab. I’d almost made it to the door when Lily said, “I wish you trusted me to let me in.”

My heart skipped a beat at her words. “I let you in more than anyone else.”

“Yet it’s not enough.”

What was she saying? Was she done with me? I couldn’t deal with this now. Not when I needed to protect Hailey, Corey, and Ryan from the disaster that was my mother.

“I’m sorry.” Then I opened the door, got in, and backed up. I refused to look at the porch. I didn’t need to know if she was watching me go. I already knew she was.

As soon as the main road was in view, I dialed Mom’s number.

“Where are you?”

“I had a thing, but I’m on my way home. Is that where you are?”

“I am, but I could go to Hailey’s if you think she’d—”

“On my way.” I refrained from telling her to stay away from Hailey because I’d only push her in that direction. I needed to find a way to tell her she wasn’t welcome here. She couldn’t come back for sporadic visits. She couldn’t ever return.

Clicking off the call, I wondered how I could get rid of her for good. With each mile I drove, my head began to throb with the beginning of a headache. My jaw ached from clenching my teeth. I could handle my mother, but Hailey didn’t deserve her popping up every few months to mess with her head.

Pulling into my driveway, I saw a figure sitting on the steps, the beat-up car she always drove in front of the garage. If she left us for something better, I didn’t know what it was.

I quickly got out, moving toward her, every muscle in my body pulled taut. “What are you doing here?”

Mom stood. “I came to see you and Hailey.”

Each time I saw her, she looked older, more tired. “I thought Hailey was clear the last time you stopped by. She told you to stop messing with her life.”

Mom winced. “That’s not what I’m doing. You’re my child. I love you.”

“You have a fucked-up way of showing it.” Hailey wasn’t here, so I didn’t need to mince words.

She stood and brushed off her frayed jeans. “I should go see Hailey—”

“Why? Because she’s nicer to you? Because you think she’ll let you in?”

“I never understood why you were so angry with me.”

“You left us.” The words were out before I could pull them back. For years, I said it didn’t matter, but those three words were etched in my soul. They defined my life.

“I couldn’t take care of you. You deserved better.”

Remembering how I’d made Hailey food from what there was left in the cupboards night after night while she was God knows where, I said, “There’s nothing worse than abandoning your children. Those wounds don’t heal.”

Everything I felt the day she walked out came back to me—the horror, the stabbing pain in my chest, the realization that Hailey was truly mine to protect and take care of. To make sure she had a better life than we had so far.

Now, she was pregnant. She was happy and part of a loving family. I wouldn’t let my mom penetrate that. “You want money?”

Mom’s eyes widened as she studied my expression, as if checking to see if I was serious. Finally, she said, “I could always use money.”

“How much would get you to walk away for good? I don’t want you showing up every few months. I want you gone.”

Mom held her hand over her heart as if I’d wounded her.

“You don’t care about us. If you did, you never would have left. You would have gotten help.” She’d never been present. It had nothing to do with money. You could still be a loving parent if you didn’t have enough to feed your kids. But Mom never sacrificed for us. She came first.

Mom sighed.

“Hailey was clear the last time you stopped by. She’s not going to welcome you with open arms. This is your last chance to get some money before I make sure you leave town. You won’t get this offer again. Come on, you know you want to take it.” She wasn’t honorable. I was certain she’d take it.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open. Grabbing my rarely used checkbook out of my kitchen junk drawer, I wrote one out to her. I hesitated on the amount. Ten grand might get her to go away, but I probably needed an added incentive. I thought of the money I’d saved for my dream car, the same money I was going to use to repair Lily’s GTO. None of it mattered if my mom was back in our lives. I’d never escape the stain of my past.

I wrote it out for most of my savings. I owned my home. I had the garage. I could make this up. It hurt to do it, but the drive to protect Hailey, her unborn baby, and Lily from my mother prevailed. I ripped it out and handed it to her.

She stood in the kitchen, her arms wrapped around her body like she was cold. Like she had to protect herself from me.

She reached out to take it, and I pulled it back. “I don’t want to see you again.”

“You hate me.” Her lip quivered.

“You don’t care. If you had, you would have found a way to take care of us. You could have stayed at Nana’s. You didn’t have to leave us there. A real mother would have found a way.”

I held the check out to her again, and this time, I let her take it. I had a second when I wanted to take it back, wondering if I was making a huge mistake. Is this what Ryan and Hailey said when they mentioned me getting over my mother’s actions? Probably not, but I couldn’t see any other way around it.

“I won’t be so nice if you show up again,” I said, following her out.

I should have felt satisfaction when she got into her car without another word. Except the only thing I felt was pain.

I watched until the taillights of her car were out of sight.

I went back inside and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I twisted off the cap and drank, long and deep. It was a long fucking day, and I wanted to forget it. I wondered if I should stay here or drink at a bar.

By myself seemed like the thing to do. No one asking me if I was okay, telling me to deal with my shit. I dealt with it, and she was gone. She couldn’t touch me now. Except her showing up brought everything back.

It hurt in a way it didn’t the last few times she’d been by. Maybe because she’d taken money to stay away from us. It was a new low, even for her.

I turned on the TV to distract myself from the sense of loss. I drank until I couldn’t focus on the TV. I drank until I fell asleep.

A pounding on the door woke me. Light streamed through the windows. I sat up; empty beer bottles lined the coffee table, and the TV still hummed in the background. The screen of my phone listed several missed phone calls from Ryan and then Hailey.

I stood, my muscles protesting from sleeping in an uncomfortable position on the couch all night. I opened the door, hoping it wasn’t my mother. She’d probably cashed the check and was halfway across the country by now. When I saw it was Ryan, I moved back into the house.

“You look like shit,” Ryan said, shutting the door behind him.

“Thanks for stopping by.” I grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the tap.

“How did the party go last night? I take it not too well since you’re here and not at Lily’s.”

“I should be at work.”

“Lily was worried about you. She reached out to Remi, who got her Hailey’s number.”

“She should stay out of it.”

“Lily? Your girlfriend?”

“I don’t think we’re anything anymore. Not after yesterday.” I sat on the couch and turned off the TV.

He sat on the armchair. “What happened?”

“It was great for Lily. She got some new business prospects. Her parents weren’t too bad to her. Some passive aggressiveness, but nothing horrible.”

“Did they say something to you?”

I hesitated, my glass halfway to my mouth. “Why would you think that?”

“I’m trying to figure out why you’re spiraling right now.”

“My mom showed up last night. She called when I was dropping Lily off at her house.”

“You dropped everything and came back here?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want her going to your house.”

“I’m not sure she knows where we live.”

“Thank fuck for that.”

“What did she want?”

“I have no idea, but don’t worry, I sent her on her way. She shouldn’t be bothering you or Hailey.”

“How did you get her to go?”

“Let’s just say I gave her an incentive.”

“You gave her money?”

“Hailey’s pregnant. I don’t want my mother involved in that child’s life. You want her upsetting Hailey, disappointing your son or daughter?”

Ryan grimaced. “Of course not.”

“I did what was necessary.”

“I don’t like this. Hailey’s not going to like it.”

“She doesn’t need to know. She already told my mom to stay out of her life. Nothing has to change.”

“I still think you should talk to her about it.”

Ryan was quiet for a few seconds. “Does this mean you don’t have a fund for your car?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Ryan scrubbed a hand over his face. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

Ryan leaned his elbows on his thighs. “You don’t have to protect everyone in your life or be a shield to those around you.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” It was exactly what I’d done.

“We love you because you’re a good friend. Because we like you.”

“That’s not why I did it.”

“Your mom left you and your sister when you were twelve, and you’ve been protecting Hailey ever since. But I’ve got her now.”

A piece of my heart floated away when he said that. Finally, I said quietly, “I know.”

“If you want to protect Lily, that’s your prerogative.”

“I don’t think that’s my place anymore. I messed up last night. I didn’t leave her in a good place.”

“You left because your mom showed up?”

“And because Lily’s mom talked to me at the party.”

Ryan rubbed his hands together. “That can’t be good. What wisdom did she impart?”

“That I was bringing Lily down, and I’d ruin her business in the long run.” I shared easily because Ryan understood me, my worries, my fears, and every anxiety I’d ever had.

Ryan shook his head and then leveled his gaze at mine. “I can sit here and disprove every point she tried to make last night, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe them.”

“It hit hard last night. She played on every one of my weaknesses.”

Ryan tipped his head to the side. “And now?”

In the light of day, with my mom gone, I felt empty. I didn’t feel great about what I’d done. My savings were gone. Lily was upset with me. When Ryan left, I’d be alone in this house. He was building a family with Hailey, Corey, and now a new baby.

I had nothing. The realization hit me like a Mack truck to my chest. “By leaving Lily, I was protecting myself, not her.”

Ryan nodded. “I’m glad you can finally see it. You haven’t let yourself get close to anyone.”

“I made an exception for Lily because she’s different. I have feelings for her.” Big, huge, scary feelings that put her in my risk-of-abandonment box. She could walk away at any time, and it would destroy me.

“You won’t know if you don’t try. Isn’t she worth fighting for?”

Energy surged through me despite the alcohol and lack of sleep. “How do I get her back?”

I was worried it was too little, too late.

“What does Lily want?”

“Her business to be a success. To hold events on the farm. Her cars restored and beautiful.”

“Restoring Berta and the GTO are our specialty.”

“We need to hire help at the garage. I’m going to be busy for a while.”

“It’s about time,” Ryan said with a grin.

Ideas swirled through my head. I wanted to give Lily everything. The question was, should I do a few things to prove myself to her or talk to her first?

“What else do you have planned?” Ryan asked me as he leaned forward.

We discussed everything I knew about Lily, what she needed, and her hopes and fears. When I had a solid plan, I said, “I just hope it’s enough.”