Chapter 13

Thirteen

Jake

T he sun coming through the curtainless windows woke me the next morning. Opening my eyes, I stared at the warm yellow walls with dark trim. Flowers covered most available surfaces in this room. It was bright and cheery, exactly what I’d expect from Lily.

It meant I couldn’t escape the smell that was quickly starting to remind me of her.

It was still early, and I didn’t want to wake her.

She slept on her stomach, the sheet barely covering her ass. My fingers itched to pull it down so I could see her body in the daylight. She was gorgeous last night, but I wanted to see every freckle and divot. I drew in a sharp breath at the thought of waking her with my mouth between her legs.

My cock was hard when I woke, and it was throbbing along with my thoughts now.

The desire to taste her was so strong. I moved my gaze to her face where her eyelashes rested peacefully over her skin, making her look innocent.

It was a good thing her breasts were pressed into the mattress. If not, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to resist. Her breasts were small and perky, and she was so responsive to my touch. Last night when I touched her nipples, it drove her wild.

I couldn’t remember a time I enjoyed just being with a woman. With Lily, I’d snapped; all reason left me. I acted on pure desire, setting aside any concerns, worries, or trepidations about the future or hurting her.

I was selfish, but it felt so good. My fingers itched with the need to touch her soft skin. I wanted to kiss down her back, spread her legs, and lick her center.

I scrubbed a hand over my face to erase the image. I was careful not to jostle the bed. Lily needed her sleep, and I needed to get to work. With the increased workload, I’d been coming in early and leaving late. Ryan was right. I couldn’t keep this schedule up, but it was a good excuse to get out of Lily’s bed and her house.

No matter how good last night felt, I didn’t belong here. Lily was obviously close with her family. They’d given her the means to start a business, to live her dreams. They supported her. Loved her. When she learned about my family, if she hadn’t already, she’d understand why we weren’t a good match.

I slowly climbed out of bed, pulling my jeans over my hips, wondering what happened to my briefs.

I tiptoed down the steps, doing my best to avoid any creaks in the floorboards. I was almost to the door before the burning sensation in my chest made me turn around to look for a pad of paper and a pen in her kitchen. As I scribbled a quick note of apology, the sensation eased. I pulled on my boots, slowly turned the knob on the front door, making sure it was locked when I closed it.

Driving down the lane, I hoped Lily hadn’t heard me fire up the motorcycle. It was loud, but I didn’t have a choice. I needed to escape. Waking up in her house was too domestic. Too reminiscent of the life I’d never have.

I never quite felt at home at Nana’s. I’d always felt like an outsider or a guest, no matter how much she tried to make me feel otherwise. Before I moved in with Nana, I lived in a trailer park, moving from place to place, never settling in. Annapolis was the closest place to home as I’d lived here the longest.

If I thought being with Lily would get her out of my system, I was wrong. Things would be even worse now that I knew what it was like to be with her. I’d only crave her more. This wasn’t a woman I could wash out of my system.

She was the total package. She came with so many things, things that threatened to consume me.

What would happen when she’d had enough of me? When she decided she was done with her trip on the bad-boy side? It would hurt all over again.

I never stopped remembering what it felt like to watch my mom leave. To stand by while Hailey watched from the second-floor windowsill, waiting for her to return. And when she did, she’d only leave again, leaving Hailey more upset.

Each time she visited, I hardened my heart against her. It also had the unfortunate effect of hardening my heart against any and all connections. I didn’t let anyone in.

With Lily, I was on borrowed time. Our end was inevitable, and I wasn’t sure I’d survive it, no matter how long it lasted. I was tempted to break it off after the barn, but then I’d stayed, sleeping in her bed, going for a second round, and contemplating a third.

I was an idiot. Each time with Lily would only make it harder to leave. I should cut her off now. It was the right choice.

My heart contracted in my chest at the memory of leaving her in bed, sleeping peacefully. I wish I could be the guy that would stay and wake up next to her, but I wasn’t. It was better she learned that now than to figure it out later.

Pain settled in my chest with each breath I took on the ride away from Lily’s farm. I hated the thought of not seeing her again or avoiding her except to talk about her van. The roads were quiet as I drove through town and pulled into the garage’s lot. Turning off the engine, I headed inside and toward the back, to the tiny bathroom with the narrow shower.

I couldn’t help diving into the fantasy of what would have happened if I’d stayed. Without question, I’d have woken her with an orgasm. Would it have led to more? Would we have showered together like we wanted to last night? Would she have made me breakfast? I rubbed the uncomfortable sensation in my chest.

No one had ever taken care of me. My mother hadn’t, and Nana tried, but she had her hands full with Hailey. I’d had to grow up quickly, looking after Hailey and helping Nana with her house and property.

I turned on the water and slipped out of my clothes. Stepping under the lukewarm water, I questioned whether I should head back to her place to bring her breakfast. I could almost salvage the damage I’d done by leaving.

Dropping my head to allow the water to flow over my sore muscles, I knew it wasn’t possible. I needed to work, and she didn’t need false promises.

It was better this way. No promises. No thoughts of a future.

I scrubbed my skin with the bar of soap I’d left here for times when I slept on the couch. I could have something with Lily, but would I even know how to do it? I’d never been in a long-term relationship. Never maintained one other than with my sister, Nana, Ryan, and Corey.

No girl had ever had the power to break down my walls. To see the man underneath. And Lily wouldn’t either.

Washing off the soap, I quickly washed my hair and rinsed out the shampoo. I needed to get it together. I didn’t lose my head over a woman. Ever. And I wasn’t about to start doing it now, no matter how different Lily was. How attractive or alluring.

Images of her last night kept popping into my head. Her standing on the porch, her body illuminated from behind, the softness of her hair in my hands, her lying on the hood of the GTO, her hand reaching for me. I shouldn’t have offered to sleep with her in the GTO or move to the house to be more comfortable. I had multiple opportunities to walk away, and I should have.

At the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.

I stepped out and dried off, pulling out a stack of clean clothes I kept in the cupboard under the sink. They already smelled like a garage, but it was better than going home first.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I was eager to get started on work. It was the easiest way to put last night behind me. The quicker I forgot about it, the easier it would be to let go of Lily. I didn’t want to think about what would happen when she needed me to take care of the GTO. I didn’t think I could be in that barn again without everything rushing back to me.

“You slept here last night?” Ryan’s voice came from his office as I walked by.

I startled, not expecting to see him. “What are you doing here so early? You fight with Hailey?”

Then I winced at my question. I didn’t want to know what was going on between them. When they had issues early in their non-relationship, she’d come to me upset. I hadn’t even known they’d been seeing each other. Not only were they screwing around behind my back, but she’d fallen in love with him.

I wouldn’t have those issues because I didn’t get involved with anyone. I rubbed the sudden pang in my chest because I’d sure gotten involved with Lily last night—I’d gotten over her, under her, and there was more I wanted to do to her. If only I could be assured I’d get her out of my system after a few more nights like that one.

Ryan moved from behind his desk to stand in the doorway. He rested a shoulder against the frame, crossing his arms over his chest and one leg over the other. “Stop trying to distract me. What were you doing sleeping here last night after I told you we needed to hire someone? You’re supposed to be working less, not more.”

My jaw tightened. “I didn’t sleep here last night.”

“I heard the shower when I walked in. The only time you use that poor excuse for a bathroom is when you work late and sleep on the couch.”

“I didn’t work late. A customer asked me to come and look at her grandfather’s GTO.” I moved into my office, needing to sit. I was tired from last night. I hadn’t slept great, not with waking up to move from the barn to the house and a second round of sex.

“What does that have to do with you showering in the garage?” Ryan persisted as he followed me to stand in front of my desk.

“Lily wanted to clean out the barn so she can hold events there—wedding receptions or parties or whatever. I wasn’t listening to the details.”

His brow raised when I said the customer was Lily. “And?”

“Her grandfather owned it. She didn’t know if it was valuable or what to do with it. She wants me to fix it up and sell it.”

“Are you going to do it?”

I let out a breath that I’d drawn Ryan into the conversation. Hopefully, he’d forgotten about my early morning shower. “It’s a limited-edition Tiger Gold Pontiac GTO.”

His eyes widened. “Your unicorn.”

I’d always wanted one, but every GTO that came into my shop was being held tightly by its owner, and I’d never seen the gold one before. She didn’t understand its value. I was hopeful this was my chance, but at the same time, I didn’t want to take advantage of Lily.

“What are you going to do?”

“Tow it. See what it needs to be restored. It looked like it had been well taken care of, but since her grandfather’s death, it’s been abandoned. Lily’s grandma just covered it with a tarp.”

Ryan winced. “She didn’t start it or take it for a drive?”

“I don’t think so. From what Lily said, she couldn’t bear to look at it. It held a lot of memories for them. Her grandfather drove it when they first started dating.”

“That’s a nice story.”

I loved hearing the stories behind cars. Not only did it make our job more interesting, but we both enjoyed the idea of preserving memories and making people happy. There were those who collected for the sake of owning something rare or valuable, but it was the ones who wanted the vehicle restored to keep the past alive that got to me.

“You’re not thinking of using the newspaper, are you?” This car was too personal for me to push any kind of publicity. And I wanted it for myself.

“Possibly.”

I shook my head, irritated with him. “Forget about it. This one is too personal for Lily.”

Ryan narrowed his eyes at me. “I thought business came first. What’s going on between you two?”

I let out a huff of breath. “Nothing.”

His brow furrowed. “Does it have anything to do with why you’re here so early? Did you stay the night at her place?”

“You know I wouldn’t tell you if I did.” Every muscle in my body pulled taut. I hoped he couldn’t read body language.

“Fuck. There is something going on. Seriously? She’s brought two antique cars to us. We can’t afford to alienate her.”

“Why are you so quick to assume I’d piss her off?”

He shot me a knowing look. “When was the last time you were with any woman seriously?”

“I don’t even know what that means,” I mumbled, giving myself an extra few seconds to think of something to say. I didn’t want to talk about my time alone with Lily. Not even with my best friend.

“You’re just out for a quick fuck before you move on to someone else.” Ryan’s tone was level, as if he was just stating the facts.

My jaw tightened. “You make me sound like an asshole.”

“You know you are,” he quipped.

He wasn’t entirely accurate. I wasn’t a one-night-stand guy, but I wasn’t down for commitment either. “You know my background. I’m not subjecting anyone to that. Especially not Lily.” Something that had been drawn tight since I left this morning relaxed at the sound of her name on my lips.

Ryan dipped his head. “You like her.”

My nose scrunched up at his characterization. “This conversation feels a little like middle school, doesn’t it?”

“Ever since I’ve been with Hailey—” Ryan’s expression softened. “I know you don’t like thinking of me with your sister.”

“Not for a second,” I quickly added.

Ryan let out a breath. “I’ve been hoping you’d find someone too. Someone to make your life better.”

I held up my hands, gesturing at the office. “I love my life.”

“I get that you have the garage, but what else? You rarely spend any time at your house. Heck, you sleep here most nights.”

“I don’t need anything else.” When the most important person in your life left you, what else did you have?

“Are you sure about that? I can’t help but think you might heal the past if you find someone good for your future.”

“I don’t even understand what you just said.” Being with Hailey had softened him in some indescribable way. It made him a complete sap.

“You’re still wrapped up in your past. You can’t get past it, and you don’t even want to try.”

“Are you a therapist now?”

He gave me an exasperated look. “You’re impossible.”

I wanted him to leave me alone. My skin felt itchy. I needed to do something with my hands. I couldn’t sit here anymore and delve into my past. Not with Ryan. It was too close to the surface. It wasn’t that long ago that my mom showed up on my doorstep when Hailey was at her most vulnerable.

Hailey had told her mom she couldn’t have her in her life anymore. I’d told my mom that the first time she visited after leaving us. I’d cut her off and only entertained her because Hailey wanted to over the years. My primary job had always been to protect Hailey.

“If you like her, you should pursue her. Just don’t be an asshole about it.” Ryan stood, bracing his hands on the desk between us. “Be a nice guy. Don’t string her along.”

“It’s not in my DNA.” At the end of the day, I shared my mom’s genes. There was zero chance I’d be different from her.

“You’re not your mom. You don’t have to walk away from every woman who comes into your life. You’ve stuck by Hailey.”

“That’s different. She’s my sister.”

His face was a little smug, as if he’d proven his point. “And family sticks around?”

I’d fallen right into his trap. “Of course not.”

“But you won’t know if you don’t try.”

“I don’t know if I want that.” I rolled my shoulders back, trying to ease the tension between the blades. I didn’t want a connection or one more person on my list I needed to protect. Except I liked the idea of protecting Lily, holding her while we slept, waking with her in the morning.

“Everyone wants to connect with people.”

My jaw tightened. “I have you and Hailey.”

“Not that you’re not welcome, but we have our own lives. One day, we’re going to have kids of our own.”

A pang hit my heart. “You’re saying there won’t be space in your lives for me?”

“You know that’s not it. That’s not what I meant.” He drew in a breath before continuing. “I want you to have the same thing. Our kids could grow up together.”

Irritation crept up my spine because an image of two blonde children, a boy and a girl, popped into my head. “That’s complete bullshit, and you know it. Trying something with Lily is a far cry from having kids with her.”

Ryan tipped his head to the side. “Everything is possible if you’d just give it a chance.”

I shook my head, the familiar ache coming alive in my chest. There were conflicting emotions flitting through me, desire for more with Lily and the past dragging me back, telling me I wasn’t good enough for her. It would be selfish to even try. She deserved so much better. “There are so many things wrong with that statement.”

“You’re judging your life by how one person treated you.”

I didn’t respond because he was right. But I couldn’t see past what I’d experienced. “You didn’t stand there and watch Hailey fall apart every time my mom left.”

Ryan’s expression softened. “I know it was hard, but you have to move past your issues with your mother if you want to be happy.”

I chuckled without any humor. “I gave up on being happy a long time ago.”