Chapter 12

Twelve

Lily

T he metal was cool against my overheated skin as I came down from the most powerful orgasm I’d ever experienced. Sex with Jake was intense. At the same time, he was attentive to my needs.

It was the single hottest moment of my life while the rain came down around us. Yet, my heart clenched at the way Jake was so focused on me.

It was a memory I’d never forget. As perfect as it was, I knew Jake wouldn’t want more. The realization weighed heavily on my chest.

I tried not to let reality set in and stay in the moment, to cherish this feeling. But I knew it wouldn’t last.

Jake stood, tying off the condom and throwing it to the side. I couldn’t get a read on him because his face was averted.

Was he regretting what we’d done? Or was he wanting to let go of any doubts or worries and do it again? My pussy clenched at the thought. I wasn’t done with him. I wanted more.

Jake held out a hand and helped me to sit. His expression was reverent, as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

I couldn’t either. For once in my life, I let go of any misgivings and just relished in the heat of the moment.

It was perfect. He was perfect.

He palmed my cheek and kissed me softly. It almost felt like a good-bye. I captured his wrist with my hand as if I could stop him from leaving.

The rain was still pounding outside, coming down in an unrelenting pattern.

“I want to be next to you. I want to feel you against my skin.” His tone was so sincere, I couldn’t deny him.

I tipped my head toward the car. “Inside?”

He easily lifted me, pulling open the rear-passenger door before setting me on my feet. I eagerly scrambled inside, wanting to be close to him, too.

I wish we were in a bed, but this was probably the closest we’d get. The rain was coming down too hard to make a run for it.

I sensed our time was reserved for the barn. It felt like we were on the inside of a snow globe, where nothing could penetrate. It made me think of the barn decorated with holiday lights for winter brides.

He climbed in next to me, and it took some maneuvering in the tiny space before he rested on his back with me on top of him.

His arm banded around me as he kissed my forehead.

After a minute, he asked, “You have any regrets?”

His voice rumbled through my ear, easing something deep inside me.

I lifted my head slightly so I could see his face. “No. You?”

“Nope.”

I lowered my head to his chest, closing my eyes. The entire evening was surreal. A moment I’d never forget. One more memory to attribute to this car.

He stroked my hair for a few seconds before he said, “I don’t think we can ever sell this car.”

I chuckled as I lifted my chin to rest it on his chest. “Why not?”

“It holds my favorite memory.”

Pleasure flowed through me at his honesty. He didn’t strike me as a guy to cuddle or offer sweet words after sex. A part of me hoped I was special. That this was different. That he felt the same potential as I did.

“I have to agree.”

“I want to stay here all night.”

“It’s not the most comfortable position, but I know what you mean.” The evening was perfect if you didn’t let reality set in. The one where we didn’t make sense or that he would never want more than this.

But for once, I set those worries aside, knowing I’d never get a better moment in time than this. I wanted to savor every second, remembering it like a slide reel for later when I was alone in my big, empty house.

“You have no idea how gorgeous you looked on the hood of my dream car,” he said softly.

“You only loved the car?” I teased, moving so my chin rested on my hand.

His lips tugged into a smile. “No. It was all you. The car was just an added bonus.”

The doubt inside me unfurled at his words. “Mmm. You’re good at this.”

His brow furrowed. “What? Sex?”

I smiled since it was such a guy thing to ask. “No, the aftermath. I never thought you’d be one for cuddling or sweet words.”

His arms tightened around me. “I’m not, usually.”

His expression was conflicted, like he didn’t want to feel this way, but he couldn’t help himself. I liked that a lot.

“I’m glad.” I wanted him to be himself, whatever that was. Together, we were everything I’d hoped we could be. If only he could see it too. We had more than just chemistry or good sex. We fit together, even if it didn’t make sense to us or anyone else.

What we had was special. Unique. And I wanted more. So much more. More than he was willing to give me. But I’d take whatever he had to offer.

I knew better than to voice anything I was thinking or feeling out loud. It would only scare him. And I didn’t want the night to end.

I was warm and content. My eyes drifted closed. I’d rest for just a minute. Then we’d get up and go our separate ways. I just needed a few more seconds in the warmth of his arms.

His breath tickled my hair; his hand continued to stroke the strands of my hair, lulling me to sleep.

Sometime later, I startled awake. The world was silent. The rain must have stopped. There was a crick in my neck from sleeping on Jake’s chest, which rose and fell under my cheek.

The light was on, but it was dark inside the car. It smelled like rain, dirt, and grease. Jake hadn’t showered between the garage and my house, but I didn’t mind.

The smell would always remind me of him.

I closed my eyes again, willing myself back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake Jake or remind him that he needed to leave.

This moment could extend forever, and I wouldn’t do anything to stop it.

Thunder rumbled in the distance.

“Should we make a run for it?”

I shifted so I could see his face. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

“The sound of thunder woke me.” He moved to a seated position, cradling me between his legs.

It felt good to be bare. Vulnerable was a good look on him.

Jake patted the leather seat that had seen better days. “I love this car, but I think we’d be more comfortable in a bed.”

“You want to stay over?” The words were out before I could stifle them, the disbelief in my tone frozen in the space between us.

He brushed a strand of hair out of my face. “I’m not ready for the night to be over.”

“Me neither.” His cock was already hardening between us.

“Let’s go before the rain starts up again.” He tapped his fingers on my hip, and I took that as my cue to climb out of the car. I searched the floor for my dress, then pulled it over my head.

When I turned, Jake wore his jeans slung so low on his hips I could see the V of his muscles pointing downward. I was almost positive he wasn’t wearing briefs underneath.

His shirt was crumpled in his hands, and he was stuffing his feet into his boots. Then he held his hand out. “Ready?”

I grabbed my bra, not finding my panties, and toed on my flip-flops. I curled my fingers around his.

We paused at the doorway to turn off the lights and close the doors. I’d never look at the car or the barn the same way again. The place would always be special to me. Once the doors clanged shut, Jake grabbed my hand, and we took off for the porch just as the first large drops of water came down.

“Hurry!” he yelled over the wind picking up.

We slipped as we ran, laughing as we went. When we finally made it to the wooden steps, we paused to catch our breath.

Then the torrent came down.

“We made it just in time,” he said, observing the rain for a few seconds.

“We did.”

The door was unlocked, so I turned the knob and pushed it open. Everything was the same inside. The lamp in the living room provided ambient light, and my grandmother’s afghan was flung over the back of the couch from when I moved it when I heard the rumble of Jake’s motorcycle.

I moved through the house, turning off the lights, and then turned to face him. He still stood by the door, taking everything in.

“It looks like your grandmother still lives here.”

I surveyed the room, trying to see what he did. The old furniture, the floral curtains, the worn wood floors. “I haven’t had time.”

I didn’t tell him that I didn’t have the heart to go through Grandma’s things. That it would make everything seem more real, more final. I couldn’t handle that.

“Where’s your room?”

“Upstairs.” I grabbed his hand and led him up the steps to the master, the last room at the end of the hall. It had been renovated at some point to add an en suite bathroom.

I’d added a fluffy rug to cover the dark wood floors to warm my feet on cool nights. There were built-in shelves on either side of a wood-burning fireplace. Flowers were arranged in vases on the mantel and on the nightstand on my side of the bed.

“This is you,” Jake said as he paused behind me, seemingly to take everything in.

“How do you know what’s me?” I asked as I turned to face him, genuinely curious. He didn’t know me that well.

He shifted past me deeper into the room and stood in front of the large bay window that looked over the front of the property. Lightning flashed, illuminating the muscles in his back. “From what I know of you, then. You’re positive, full of hope, happy.”

I closed my eyes at his vision. “I like how you see me.”

He turned to face me. “I probably put you on a pedestal.”

That was sweet and yet concerning at the same time. I didn’t want to be held to a higher standard than other people. I just wanted to be the one for him. I toed off my shoes and folded my bra on top of the dresser.

“You ready for bed?” I asked him, suddenly uncomfortable. Was he setting me on a pedestal so he could say he wasn’t good enough for me?

“I wanted to take a quick shower but—” Thunder cracked overhead, and lightning flashed, illuminating his words.

I moved toward the bed, lifting my dress over my head and sliding between the sheets. I held the blanket up in an open invitation for him to join me.

He hesitated for a brief heart-pounding second, when I thought he’d turn around and walk out, but instead, he pushed down his jeans and kicked them away before climbing in next to me.

I rested my head on his shoulder and drew my leg over his.

We watched the flashes of the lightning out the window for a few seconds until Jake rolled me to where I was flat on my back. “I can’t resist you.”

The heat of his words pulsed between my legs.

He kissed me, somehow deeper and more possessive than in the barn. He was taking whatever this was to another level, whether he realized it or not. He’d chosen to come to bed, to stay the night.

He’d made a choice, even if it was only for one night; it was more than a quick release in the barn. An impulsive decision to give in to our desires. This was something more, and I was powerless to stop it.

I widened my legs so he could settle between them, his cock nestled at my entrance. He slid it between my folds as he kissed me, slowly heating me from the inside out.

“Condom,” he murmured as he moved off the bed and pulled one out of his wallet. He ripped the wrapper with his teeth and quickly covered himself.

Despite the soreness from earlier, I was ready for him again. I reached for him as he lined himself up.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you,” he said, staring into my eyes.

I wasn’t sure he was even aware of what he was saying, but I let his words wash over me. Soothing me.

I liked him. I liked this. The lightning continued to flash outside, lighting the room, as the thunder rumbled farther away each time. The storm was receding, but the battle inside me was just heating up.

I wanted a man who could give me what I wanted—love, a relationship, a sense of security. I wanted it all, but Jake was more of a one-time guy.

Something told me he didn’t do commitment. I needed to get my heart on board with reality, but it was tough when he moved inside me, the muscles of his biceps straining as he braced his forearms on the bed.

I was surrounded by his strength, his heat, and the intensity of his gaze. It was hard to remember why this couldn’t be anything.

I’d bared myself to him, showing him the barn that held so many memories of my grandparents and then the house. I’d let him in quicker than anyone else, but something told me it wouldn’t be enough.

He might hover on the edge of a relationship, diving in a little here and there, but he’d never fully commit.

Jake dropped his head so that his forehead touched mine. “Where are you right now?”

“Hmm?” I asked as he thrust inside, setting each of my nerve endings on fire.

He lowered his head so that he could suck my nipple into my mouth. He laved attention on one, then the other before pulling back. Assessing me with his gaze, he said, “You seem distracted.”

I shook my head, suddenly very aware of his cock filling and stretching me, Jake’s warm breath on my skin and the need building inside of me again.

With a groan, he rolled us so that I was on top. His cock went even deeper in this position. He arched a brow as he played with my nipples, silently urging me to move.

I lifted myself over him, my head falling back. My breasts filled his hands as his thumb brushed over the nipples. I bit my lip as I moved faster, one of Jake’s hands drifting lower. His thumb circled my clit, and when he pressed on it, the orgasm rushed through me like a wave. With a gasp, I was trembling over him, my hands braced on his chest to hold myself upright.

Jake tugged my arms until I was pressed against him, my face tucked into his shoulder. With his hand on my neck and lower back, he thrust from below, setting a quick pace before finally settling deep.

His skin was warm beneath my lips. I loved how he held me with confidence and reverence, as if he couldn’t believe I was in his arms. I relaxed, enjoying the feel of his skin against mine.

Finally, he shifted so that he could move from underneath me and headed toward the bathroom, presumably to get rid of the condom.

It gave me a moment to regroup. It had been more than sex, at least for me.

It would be so easy to fall for him. He had a history I knew would melt my heart, and then there was the overly gruff attitude to cover it all up. He was my catnip. I couldn’t resist him, and there was nothing to stop me from tumbling all the way down.

With him, there wouldn’t be a net at the bottom to catch me. I’d free-fall, crashing on the rocks below.

I closed my eyes against the image, but it wouldn’t dissipate. The feeling of being alone when we’d just been intimate only intensified.

He was most likely better at keeping emotions out of sex. Even better than most guys, because I suspected he had a load of junk in his past he just brushed aside. That’s why he was so short with people and seemed irritated at my optimism.

When he finally returned to the bed, the storm was only an occasional rumble in the distance. He gathered me to his chest, and I sighed, settling deeper into his body.

Whatever happened tomorrow, I’d still have tonight’s memories. I’d just need to embed this sensation and my feelings in my mind so I could return to it anytime I wanted to.

I was almost asleep when I heard him say, “I wish I could keep you.”

My skin tingled at the longing in his voice. I wanted to tell him he could have me, but I was too exhausted. Sleep rolled over me a few seconds later, and I was powerless to stop it.