Chapter Eighteen | Daniel

Even the serenity of the forest didn't soothe me. There was a burn ban in effect, so I was sitting in the dark of my campsite staring at the pin prick array of stars.

Thinking about Ethan.

I looked down at the crossword puzzle I'd been working on by the light of a propane lantern. I wasn't getting very far with it—wearing down my eraser. The last time I'd done one, Ethan had been with me. We'd worked on it together. We'd made a good crossword team.

I'd had dinner and the dishes were done. Memories of Ethan and me out here plagued me. Everywhere I turned, I saw him. Especially inside the camper. He was on every surface.

I'd taken him on every surface. The banquet seating, the kitchen table … counters, against the fridge. In the shower and on the bathroom floor. I wasn't sure if I'd get any sleep in the bed.

Even though I'd changed the bedding, I swear I could smell him in there.

My breath hitched as the latest bout of tears poured down my face.

I'd never been in love like this. Even my love for Delores hadn't been this strong and she was the mother of my children. We'd had a lifetime together.

No matter how hard I tried, my heart wouldn't let Ethan go .

I couldn't live without him. He held every breath I took, every beat of my heart. My blood only coursed through my veins for him. He'd left me living in a dry shell of myself.

I'd sat with how angry Ethan was at me for suggesting an open relationship and let the offence he felt sink into my bones. I'd grossly misjudged him, which made me wonder how well I knew him. In his mind, we'd been building a loving, monogamous relationship.

A commitment strictly to one another.

The more I thought about it, the more I knew that deep in my heart, I wanted that too. Except, I'd realized it too late. The damage had been done.

I hoisted myself into the camper and went into the bedroom. My sexuality had bloomed in here. My craving for a male lover's body. Ethan had eased me into it. Hadn't rushed me.

He cared deeply for me.

I didn't know for sure if my age was even an issue for him.

We'd never had that talk.

My phone rang. I wasn't expecting anyone to call. My kids knew when I was camping, I didn't like to be disturbed unless it was an emergency.

It was a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Hi. This is Brody. Noah's fiancé. He's a friend of Ethan's. Ethan gave me your number. I have questions about your camper and what it's like to camp with kids."

Wow. That was a lot of information. Ethan had told me Brody was on the autism spectrum. I wasn't sure what that meant. Apparently, part of it meant he was very direct. No small talk.

"Sure. What questions do you have? "

"Ethan says your camper sleeps six but that two of those spots are small."

"Yes, there is a sleeping platform over the cab."

"Could a teenager fit up there?"

"Mine did. They refused to sleep side by side. My son slept on the double bed in the kitchen area. My daughter slept up top. She never complained about it being too cramped."

"That's good to hear. We're fostering two teenagers. They just moved in with us."

"Yes, Ethan told me about them."

"What kind of mileage do you get? We want to travel all over the province."

"Not good. I average about eight to ten kilometres per litre."

"Hm. Then we'll be spending a lot of time at Goldstream Campground."

"That's what I do."

"Ethan enjoyed camping with you."

I closed my eyes as tears threatened to pool. "We had a wonderful time together."

"You hurt him."

I swallowed—hard. Ethan had been talking about what I did. "I didn't mean to."

"You should fix it. When I see him, he looks like he's in pain."

Fuck.

Blunt honesty. There was something to be said for that.

"The age difference turned out to be too much."

"Ethan doesn't think so. He loves you."

I sucked in a breath. "He does?"

"That's what he told Noah." Pause. "The society is meeting tonight. He talks about it."

My mind raced, making my heart spark like a damned lightening storm .

"Should you be telling me this?"

"Probably not. But I think you're being stupid for letting him go. Ethan is great. And if you love him too, that's worth fighting for, isn't it? I think it is. I can't imagine being without Noah."

My imagination was on fire.

Ethan loved me.

If I didn't do this, I'd never forgive myself.

"I need to go," I said. There was somewhere I needed to be, and it was going to take me at least twenty minutes to pack up. It was 9:30. I needed to do this with witnesses who loved him.

He needed to know I was serious.

"Thank you for the information about the camper. I'm going to buy one."

"Excellent. You'll have fun with it."

"Goodbye."

I'd never torn down my campsite as fast as I did tonight. The drive back into town seemed to take way too long. Parking downtown was a nightmare with a van my size. Once I found a spot three streets away from the Lion and Peasant , I flat-out ran until my lungs were screaming.

I burst through the doors and scanned the interior of the pub.

"Welcome to Lion and Peasant. For one?"

"No." I finally looked at the host. "I'm looking for Noah."

"He's in a private meeting at the moment."

"Yes, I know. I need to know where it is. I need to see his friend, Ethan."

"Oh … we love Ethan. They should be wrapping up soon. Follow me." The host started walking. Way too slow. I felt faint, anxious, and exhilarated all at once.

Ethan loves me .

The host swept her arm, indicating the doorway. Inside, on the far side of the table sat the absolute love of my life. He was staring into his beer. Owen caught sight of me first.

He nudged Ethan and pointed at me.

Ethan looked up. There it was in his eyes. Brody had been right.

He loved me.

"Baby," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Ethan swallowed and licked his lips, his chest heaving up and down. I made my way around the table to him and fell to my knees beside him to beg for his forgiveness.

"Please forgive me." An intake of breath. "I love you so much, Ethan."

His gaze swept over my face. "But you want me to sleep with other men."

I shook my head. "No. No, I don't. I need you all to myself. Just us—always just us."

Tears escaped from Ethan's eyes, leaving tracks on his cheeks. He turned his body toward me, held my face in both hands and tipped his head forward until our foreheads met.

He pressed his wet lips to mine and just held them there. I ran my hands into his riot of curls and clung to him. He pulled back, staring at me as we shared breath. "I love you too."

My heart took flight, freed, like a thousand doves scattering.

"I was stupid to suggest an open relationship."

Ethan chuckled. "Yes, you were."

"We have a lot to learn about each other still."

Ethan stroked my cheeks. "We'll have an entire lifetime to do that."

"I'm all yours … forever. I mean it, Ethan."

"I think I speak on behalf of us all …." I recognized the sultry voice as Liam's. "When I say thank God. I couldn't take an other minute of heartbroken Ethan. It was too painful to watch."

I held Ethan's face and kissed him. "I'm never going to let you go again."

Ethan sighed, decorated with tears, laughing, and looked up at his friends. "He loves me."

Noah smiled. "We heard."

"I'm glad we didn't have to hunt you down, Daniel," Owen said, "for hurting our boy."

Holding my hands, Ethan helped me to my feet. He rose to meet me and wrapped his arms around my neck. "I think I want to go home now."

"I have my camper van to deal with."

"You have it here? Downtown?"

"Parked it a few streets up."

I swear, Ethan growled, then descended on my lips.

I knew what he was thinking.

I pulled away. "Do you want to revisit our first time?"

"Yes, please, Daddy."

Owen groaned which started Ethan laughing. He turned to the group. "We're going to go now. The man who loves me has some making up to do.

He had that right.

Noah, Liam, and Owen teased us out the door. Holding hands, we rushed to where I'd parked the campervan. Ethan was first up the steps into the interior lit only by a streetlight.

He turned to face me and ran his hands down my chest once I closed the door. "I want you to make real love to me. Show me how much you love me. I'll be right there with you."

I cupped his face and held it, staring into his eyes. "Fuck … I love you so much."

I caressed my lips onto his. It was like coming home again and again. Every sigh, every stroke of his tongue against mine, every shared breath—my heart was where it belonged .

The pushout wasn't extended, so the corner of the bed blocked the hallway. There was just enough room. I walked him back to the bed until his thighs were against the mattress. His fingers fluttered at the bottom of my shirt, then lifted it over my head. I stripped his off next.

We took a moment to touch one another, our hands caressing bare skin, reacquainting ourselves with familiar terrain, remapping, and exciting our senses.

As I brushed my fingers across Ethan's nipples, he sighed and tipped his head back. I leaned in and kissed and sucked on his throat. He groaned and clung to my shoulders.

I wandered down to his shorts with my hands, undoing them. I slipped into them and massaged his hard cock beneath a layer of cotton. Ethan swore and bit my earlobe. Sucked on it and sighed as he moved his hands onto my ass. I unbuttoned my khakis so he could find his way into them.

"Babe, I missed you so much," I whispered against his skin, damp beneath my lips.

He hummed against the skin near my ear. "My heart has been in agony."

I moved back and held his face, gazing into his eyes. "Never again. I love you too much."

"My soul feels intact … forever love."

Forever love.

Ethan loved me as desperately as I loved him. We were starting a lifetime together.

We danced against one another, swaying and kissing. Ethan edged my pants off my hips, dropping them to the floor. I kicked off my sandals, stepped out of my pants, and went to work on his. I hooked the band with my thumbs and lowered his colourful board shorts, kneeling before him. He kicked off his slides and lifted each foot so I could finish undressing him .

I placed my hands on his hips and inhaled the scent of him, brushing my lips and nose across his thick cock beneath the uncharacteristic white briefs.

I looked up at him. "No lace?"

"Haven't felt like it."

"Is that my fault?"

"I prefer wearing lace for both of us."

"Then we need to get rid of these." I pulled the underwear down, releasing his damp cockhead to bob before my lips. I gripped his shaft, holding it steady, and swiped my tongue across his slit.

I shivered.

His taste fulfilled a carnal desire I'd dreamed of all my life.

His legs tensed as I sucked his dick into my mouth. He dug his clenching hands into my hair and groaned. I sucked and licked, teasing, until he was tight and flushed.

He released my hair and sat on the edge of the bed, breaking my contact.

"I need to feel you inside me," he said, brushing my lips with his fingertips.

Ethan shuffled up the bed. I followed him after losing my boxers. I captured his body beneath mine, our cocks fighting for space, our mouths fitting together.

He wrapped his legs around my waist, angling his hips up and back, his tongue seeking to quench a desperate thirst, his fingers digging into my back.

He touched my cheek, separating our lips. "I'm tested every three months."

My mind went blank for a second, searching for why he was telling me this. Then it dawned on me, and my cock pulsed with the possibility of what Ethan was offering.

"I've only been with you in the past eight years. "

Ethan wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me, his lips against my ear.

"I want you to fill me to overflowing."

I felt my eyes pool with tears. "Oh my god, baby … yes."

"You still have lube in here?"

"Right where we left it." I didn't move until he nudged me and smiled up at me.

"Well … go get it."

I couldn't believe we were doing this. My dick jumped, the image of filling the man I loved with my cum churning up a primal need in me. I retrieved the lube and came back to Ethan.

I slicked up my fingers while he dropped his legs open. The seductive intensity of his gaze as he watched me nearly threw me off as I opened him up. One finger after another until he squirmed and grabbed my wrist to stop me. "Enough, Daniel … I need your cock."

I stroked my shaft with lube then took one of his legs, folded it against his body, and positioned myself. Bending one of my legs, I angled my hips and pressed inside him.

I closed my eyes as my heart recovered a rhythm I'd been desperate without. Ethan's calf slipped onto my shoulder, and he gripped the back of my neck, lips parted.

"Yes," he whispered.

I slid in, then pulled back, and drove my hips forward.

"Yes." Louder this time. More. His ongoing sounds of ecstasy urged me to set a pace that would satisfy him. He'd schooled me on hitting the right angle to drag across his prostate. Judging by the increasing sound, I was finding my mark. Grunting and sweating, I looked down at him.

His dark thick eyelashes fluttered; his beautiful brown eyes focused on me—his tongue darting out to lick his flushed lips between shouts of pure fulfillment.

I worked my hips harder yet smoothly, at a loving pace .

A steady thwack—thwack of our bodies meeting.

Our passion for one another escalating.

Ethan closed his eyes and tipped his chin up.

"I'm going to cum." He gripped my face. "Make me spill. Fuck the cum out of me."

I smiled. There it was—the dirty talk. I loved that about him. I adjusted, and leaned harder against him, snapping my hips faster. My pelvis started to ache, but I didn't slow down.

"Fuck … fuck." Ethan quivered and convulsed, his fingertips digging into my arms, his channel closing around my cock. It thrilled me that Ethan could cum hands-free.

He erupted all over his throat, his chest, his abs. Seeing him covered in spatters of white, the coil in my gut unfurled, my cock pulsed, and I released into him.

Coating his insides.

I don't remember ever cumming so hard. Thrust after thrust, spilling. I collapsed on him as he lowered his leg. I held his slick sweaty body tight against me. I hadn't turned on the air conditioning. Clinging to Ethan, my cock softened and slipped out.

As I kissed his neck and rolled onto my side beside him, Ethan took my hand and guided it down his body, across his damp skin, through his cum, to his soft cock, past his balls.

"Feel what you did to me," he said.

My dick twitched awake from its lazy slumber. Ethan parted his legs as I traced his hole with my fingers. He was wet. I sank one finger into him. His velvety warmth was slick with my cum.

I pumped my finger in and out, playing with it.

I withdrew my finger, my cock waking, and circled his nipple with my slick pad. I shifted onto my elbow and leaned over him and sucked his cum-covered nipple into my mouth.

Our combined taste nearly undid me .

"Fuck," Ethan exhaled. "Such a filthy man. No wonder I love you so much."

I reluctantly released my newest obsession. "I love you too." Then kissed him.

We were meant for one another.

Two souls shining brighter as one.

However many years we had together—they'd be spent filled with love.

I lay back and pulled him into my arms.

"There's a conversation we need to have," I said. "Age-related."

Ethan nudged my cheek with his nose. "I don't care about our age difference. I love you. Whatever comes after that, we'll sort it out. Mainly, I was worried you were going to feel guilty being with me. Then you came out with that open relationship thing and confirmed it."

"I only suggested it because I thought you'd crave younger men."

Ethan rested his head heavier on my shoulder. "You're all I need. My wants are simple." He touched my bottom lip. "I want you … and only you."

"What about in twenty years?"

"What about it?" Ethan countered.

"Aren't you afraid you're going to end up as my caregiver?"

"Then I will care-give with my entire heart. Still in love with you."

"You can't know that."

"Is anyone sure about anything when it comes to their relationship? We're no different. We have no idea what our future holds. I could fall sick or be involved in an accident and die first."

"Jeezus, Ethan." I kissed his head. "Don't say that."

He snuggled closer to me .

"This is what we're going to do. We're going to use what years we have and live them to the fullest." He placed his hand on my chest above my delirious and enraptured heart. "Deal?"

I put my hand on his and held it. "Deal."

"Then that's settled. No more nonsense about age."

It was nonsense. "Sarah will come around once she sees how happy you make me."

I could feel Ethan's smirk against my shoulder. "I could make you happier ."

I smacked his ass, grabbed it, and tipped him toward my thigh. His cock was hardening and ready to play again. I laughed, wondering how I was ever going to keep up with him.

I growled and kissed him. "Such a naughty boy."

Ethan whimpered, clinging to me. "Teach me to be good, Daddy."

My nerves were getting the better of me as we drove to Ethan's parents' house. This was monumental to be meeting his close family. Now that we had solidified our relationship, exchanging exhilarating words of love, Ethan thought it was time to introduce me.

I felt like a teenager, meeting the parents for the first time.

The fact Ethan's parents were closer in age to me than their son wasn't lost on me. Ethan's dad owned a successful plumbing company. On the business side of things, we might have things to discuss. Ethan's mom had gone to school to become an elementary school teacher, but she had never put her career into action. She'd preferred to stay home with the kids and the horses. They'd been lucky enough financially to be able to do that. Ethan's childhood had been idyllic.

Thinking about his beautiful life brought joy to my heart.

Ethan deserved all the love the world had to offer him.

His eldest sister, Emma, had followed in her mom's footsteps and become a teacher. She taught Grade 2 in a private school out in Shawnigan. His youngest sister, Eva, and her husband were social influencers. Not even sure what that entailed, but they made a killing according to Ethan.

The house looked as I had imagined it would. Straight out of a wholesome cheerful drama. Ethan had grown up here. It was no wonder he held such optimism about life.

And his family. They were lovely. Crowding around me to hug me and Ethan before we even managed to get into the house. Everyone was talking at once as we stood on the vast front porch.

"Give Daniel some air," Ethan said, laughing. "I'm going to take him to meet Phantom."

"Dinner is in thirty minutes," Eva said. "Don't get distracted in the barn."

"Haha." Ethan slung his arm around his sister's neck and kissed her cheek. This was a close-knit family. So different than I had experienced. I wasn't jealous of Ethan, but I wondered if I would have turned out differently if I'd been raised in an environment like this.

Ethan took my hand and led me down the steps, along a long gravel driveway, and out to the barn. It was classically red with wide barn doors. Outside was a large, fenced area with an arrangement of jumps. To one side, a round area surrounded by metal fencing.

Attached to the barn at the far end, a massive building. We walked into the barn. I was immediately overwhelmed by the scent of hay and what I assumed was horse manure. In total, there were eight stalls. The barn was incredibly tidy—and the floor swept clean.

"In addition to our four horses, we have four who board here in the barn. Another six that have outdoor boarding spaces. Mom and Eva take care of it all. Eva instructs riders as well. All the income is enough to keep the entire operation going. I used to teach riding lessons too. "

My eyebrows arched. "Really? Do you miss it?"

Ethan sighed. "Actually, yeah. I've been thinking about taking one evening a week away from coffee shop work and tack teaching onto my visits with Phantom."

"That might be good for you. Help to keep your mind on the bright side."

"That's what I'm thinking. I need to be more proactive. Stress is a real trigger for me."

I turned to Ethan, wrapped my arms around his waist and tugged him to me. He stumbled into my arms, smiling, and placed his hands on my chest and tucked against me.

We kissed until a horse whinnied.

Ethan pulled away and laughed. "That's Phantom. He's wondering what I'm doing instead of coming to see him." He took my hand, and I followed him to a stall. Inside, a beautiful horse. Chestnut in colour, tall, and powerful looking. He bobbed his head up and down, exposing his teeth. To the uninitiated like me, he looked terrifying. He was a large animal.

Ethan hauled open the stall door, stepped inside, and used his hands against Phantom's chest to push him away from the door. He rubbed the horse's neck then held his face. He planted a kiss on what looked to be a velvety nose. Phantom blew air out through expanded nostrils.

Ethan looked over his shoulder at me. "You can come in. He's in a good mood."

I didn't move. "What happens when he's not?"

"He can get a bit pushy, try to pin you to the wall, and sometimes he'll nip."

Jeezus.

I decided to trust Ethan and walked onto the floor covered in chips of wood. He dug around in his pocket and produced half an apple. "Here, take this." He handed it to me .

Phantom was very interested in the exchange and took a step toward me. Ethan put a hand on his chest. "Hold it out to him. Keep your hand flat."

I exhaled a long breath and did as Ethan instructed. Turned out it tickled as Phantom took the apple from me. Thin but bristly whiskers accompanied his soft nibbling lips.

He'd been very gentle.

I took a chance and petted his nose. He wasn't so bad. He snorted and I nearly fell backward when he bucked his head up and scared me.

"He wants more apples from you. He won't hurt you." He smiled at me. "Unless he accidently cracks you in the chin with his head when he does that head toss. That hurts."

Ethan led me out of the stall and closed the door.

"Have you ever been seriously injured?" I asked.

"Gosh … a few times. If he refuses a jump for some reason, I can get dumped over the top of his head. I've had some hard landings. Been covered in a few bruises. Also, I was training this little Shetland pony we rescued. It had been abused so it was extremely nervous. Didn't like me on its back. Managed to dump me off and step on my chest. Broke my sternum."

"Fuck, are you serious? How old were you?"

"Fourteen, I think. I was out of commission for a while. It really hurt."

"I can only imagine."

Ethan laughed. "Then there was this time when I was eight and I decided to take my sister Emma's champion horse, Stormy, out for a ride. It was a nightmare getting him tacked up. Practically had to use a ladder. The horse was seventeen hands."

"How tall is that?"

"You measure from the ground to the highest point on his withers—his shoulders. Stormy was about 1.7 metres. "

I'm sure my eyes popped open. "That's huge!"

"As a rambunctious eight-year-old, I didn't think anything of it. I'd watched my sister ride him many times and it looked easy. I didn't account for how long she'd been riding and how skilled she was. Stormy wouldn't listen to me when I got him into the ring. He got sick of me on his back and bucked me off. Dislocated my shoulder and broke my arm in two places."

"And that didn't frighten you off?"

Ethan shook his head. "Nope. It made me more determined. I was just shy of thirteen when Stormy finally let me take him through a course. It was exhilarating to have him respond to me."

"I'd like to see you ride someday."

Ethan smiled. "We'll come out again." He chewed on his bottom lip as he appeared to be thinking about something. "There's something else I want to show you back at the house."

"Lead the way."

I followed him into the house, down some stairs into the basement, and through a family room with a u-shaped couch and massive television. Ethan opened a door at the far end of the space.

He flicked on the lights.

I was gobsmacked. It was a studio of sorts. An art table against one wall. A pottery wheel and a large work surface, littered with ceramic bowls and coffee mugs. But it was the walls that overwhelmed me. Every surface was covered with pencil drawings and paintings of various sizes.

I wandered further into the room, my mouth open.

Fuck.

I turned to face Ethan. "Did you do all these?"

"Over many years. From the time I was fourteen until about five years ago."

"Why did you stop?"

Ethan shrugged. "Life got in the way. "

I turned slowly, taking in every absolute work of art. "These are stunning."

"Thanks."

"Have you ever considered selling some of these?"

Ethan laughed. "They're not that good."

I shook my head, my gaze wandering from piece to piece. "They are. I bet if you hung them in your coffee shop, your customers would be impressed enough to buy them."

"Hm. Never thought of doing that. It would add a bit of a gallery feel to the space."

I peeled my attention away from the wonders around me and held Ethan's face. "I didn't think I could love you more, but you've pulled me in even further. You're amazing."

"You've essentially admitted you're biased, but I'll think about the coffee shop angle. Especially the more colourful ones. I could see those on the walls of the shop."

"And you'll do more?"

Ethan sighed. "How am I going to find time to paint and teach riding lessons?"

"Prioritize. You have three loves. Baking, painting, and riding. Not telling you what to do, but I think you should figure out a way to balance them in your life."

"Four loves." Ethan wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. "And the fourth one is my most intense love. My love for you surpasses every other love in my life."

My heart fluttered.

"You're the absolute love of my life and I'm excited to spend every moment with you." I moved my hands onto his ass. "But … have you ever played with body paints?"

"Mm. Another reason, I love you. It's like you've tapped into my mind."

"We'll buy some and a huge drop sheet. I want to cover you in paint and cum. "

Ethan tapped my lip. "Such a dirty mind. It's no wonder we get on so well."

"Dinner!" a voice called. Must be one of Ethan's sisters shouting down the stairs.

"Brace yourself," Ethan said as he stepped back. "My family over a dinner table can be overwhelming. The concept of taking turns to talk is nonexistent."

At the table, the joyous mayhem pasted a grin on my face I couldn't dislodge. These people were my family now too. They'd welcomed me in and easily folded me into their conversations, teasing Ethan and me. Asking me questions. Affectionately calling me Ethan's hot Zaddy.

Ethan gripped my hand and held my gaze, love in his eyes.

The catcalls as we kissed made us both chuckle.

This was my life now.

Ethan was my life.