3. Chapter 2

I can't remember how I got to this place, and I know I'll never find a way out. It's the same with most of the creatures here. Sure, there are rumors of finding a way out, but no one has been able to get out of Purgatory.

The best anyone can do is find others to live out this odd existence with and just come to the realization that this is our home now. There's no leaving. There's no escaping.

Anyone who believes otherwise, well, I wish them the best when they realize their expectations are unrealistic.

Or maybe it would be best if they just get themselves killed from existence.

I rub my head at the dark intrusive thought. I don't mean that. No one deserves that. Everyone deserves to hold onto a sliver of hope. Mine disappeared a long time ago and when I feel it creep inside again, I remind myself that hope dies, and all that is left is realism.

Reality tells me there is no hope.

I sit on the edge of the cliff, the view somewhat reminding me of where I grew up. As I stare into the blood-red horizon, the onyx sky bleeding into the crimson trying to mix. It's the closest thing to a sunset I'll ever see. I shouldn't find such beauty in it considering the red is blood waiting to rain down on us, blood from all who have died and are here now.

The wind blows the familiar scent of my teenage love, pulling on my heartstrings, and my eyes fill with tears. I rub my chest to ease the ache, knowing he isn't real, knowing there is no world, no universe, no dimension where I will ever see him again.

Aziel.

I squeeze my eyes closed when the scent becomes stronger as if he is standing right next to me. I do something I shouldn't, I revel in the scent, allowing this place to seep further into my heart to mess with my head more.

At first, I cared, but after being here for so long, I've learned to ride the waves of chaos.

I inhale, smiling when not only do I smell him, but the phantom touch of a hand on my cheek has me leaning.

"Louie," the depth of his voice carries in the wind causing goosebumps to arise on my skin.

I hate that nickname, but I'd give anything to hear him say it in person. I'd give anything to feel his touch one more time.

I'd give my existence to experience him one more time.

"I miss you," the hellish grip this place has on me whispering one of the many things I've been craving to hear from Aziel.

Tears well in my closed eyes when I swear, I feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek, the tease of the tips of his talons lightly tickling my neck, and his lips brushing against mine.

My heart stutters, forcing me to open my gaze to my life without him, this place tricking my mind successfully for the thousandth time thinking he'd be standing in front of me.

He isn't.

And he never will be.

I wonder every day if he is okay, if he is alive and well, if he is mated and in love. God, the thought of him giving his love to anyone but me feels like I'm driving my own dagger into my chest.

That love is meant for me. It's for me to experience, to feel, to touch, to laugh, and to cry.

Does he have kids? If so, how many? Where does he live? Is he happy?

"Elouise?"

I'm startled out of my thoughts, turning sharply to the left and tossing one of my daggers through the air.

"Woah!" My friend Iggy, short for Ignatious, dodges out of the way.

My knife lodges in a nearby tree, the amber handle shining in the low light of the scarlet sky, reminding me of Aziel's eyes.

Everything reminds me of him, and it only makes me ache for him more.

"Iggy," I blow out a breath. "You scared me."

"You? I'm the one that nearly had a knife in his head."

I point my other dagger at him. "You would have lived." I roll my eyes. "So dramatic."

He snags my weapon out of the tree, strolling over until he takes a seat next to me. Grabbing the sharpened side, he flips the blade around to give it back to me.

"Thanks." I tuck it in the sheath.

"You let this place get to you again, didn't you?"

I blow out a breath, narrowing my eyes at the "sunset" before nodding. "Every now and then I do," I admit.

"You have to stop doing that. Every time you do it—"

"—I get one step closer to losing my mind, unable to decide between what is real and what isn't," I finish for him. "I know."

"Then stop acting like you don't. I understand you miss him but—"

I blur in the blink of an eye, pressing my freshly sharpened dagger against the pulse of his neck. Iggy isn't a vampire, he is a bear shifter, so it wouldn't take much for me to take the little life he has here.

Even if he is my best friend.

His skin doesn't burn from the silver like mine does or like a werewolf's.

My eyes flip red, my fangs lengthen, and every part of me wants to kill him for talking about Aziel. "How dare you speak of him when you have no idea who he is." The hiss that leaves me is lethal and it causes his Adam's apple to bob as he swallows. "I do not simply miss him. He is not a pet. He is not food. He is more, so much more. He is a craving that can never be satisfied. He is the only one who has ever sated my hunger. He isn't someone I simply miss. He is someone who is an intricate part of my very being and if you can't respect that, I have a quick solution to what can." I press the dagger slightly harder against his neck until the scent of blood carries through the breeze.

I drop my knife, allowing his skin to heal so the smell of his blood doesn't have creatures clawing their way from the darkness to get a taste.

He raises his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, Elouise. I didn't mean to upset you. I worry about you. If you lose your mind, it's me who will have to kill you. I don't have it in me."

I nudge his elbow. "You wouldn't have to. I'd kill myself before I became a burden to you. I'd never ask you to do that for me."

We fall into a lull of silence, it isn't uncomfortable or anything, just quiet. Our legs swing over the cliff as we stare into the blood-ridden horizon. It's at that moment more blood enters its system. The ominous clouds swirl, the red becomes brighter, sparks begin to fly, and I make believe they are shooting stars.

Because the truth is just too hard to stomach.

"I know you loved him but I'm wondering if he was your fated mate."

I shake my head, then lift a shoulder. "I wouldn't know. We were just kids, Iggy. We didn't know if we were fated mates. We were ready to run off together, did I ever tell you that?"

He gasps. "No! You would have run off with a man who wasn't your mate?"

I smile, biting my lip, remembering the night Aziel asked me. "We weren't allowed to be together. His bite would have put me in a coma, so vampires and werewolves never mated. It was too risky." I tuck my hair behind my ear, my cheeks hurting from how hard I'm smiling. "He asked me to be with him, to run away and never look back, and I agreed."

"So what happened? Why didn't you?"

"My father found us at our secret hiding spot. He was the Master of the coven and shot Aziel with wolfsbane. I was dragged away while I watched him fall unconscious." My smile turns into a frown, those valuable tears begin to run down my face. "I saw him try to crawl to me. To get to me. I saw him drag his body across rocks, his claws extended, his roars of pain echoing for me, and that was the last time I ever saw the werewolf I loved. We were only kids, seventeen. We didn't know anything about the world, you know? We just knew we wanted to be together. That's all that mattered to us." I pick the lint off my shorts with one hand, wiping my tears with the other.

"It's the hearts that we want most that always cause us the most pain," he states, not looking at me.

His jaw ticks as if he is reliving a memory of his own. I loop my arm through his, place my head on his shoulder, and point.

"This cliff is somewhat similar to the spot Aziel and I would sneak away to. The view was— well— prettier than this."

"No," he teases. "You mean the view you had didn't have dying trees that like to reach out and snag you? Or creatures that have crawled out of Hell itself? No kidding? What was that like?"

I chuckle. "It was a little different, yes. The sunset and sunrise always seemed so close, like we could reach out and touch it. Mountains as far as the eye could see with the greenest of nonviolent trees," I add, igniting a small laugh from Iggy.

"That sounds nice. What was Aziel like? You've only mentioned him in passing a few times."

I sit up, breathing in and releasing it slowly, trying to think of the best way to describe the only man who has ever made me want to risk my life for love.

"He had your typical werewolf qualities of an alpha. Massive in size—"

"—Hot." Iggy winks.

"—So hot," I giggle before continuing.

"Brave, courageous, daring…" I trail off, his scent teasing the bottom of my nose again. I hold in a sob. "Funny. He was so funny, but at the same time, so serious. Protecting me was all he cared about. He loved his brother too. He would have done anything for Anwyll."

"We love a family man. Okay, keep going." Iggy crosses his legs, places his fist under his chin, and bats his lashes at me playfully.

"He was a leader. He wanted what was best for everyone. And Aziel was…" I try to find the words, the big heavy emotions washing over me. "Compassionate and loving." I glance up to the sky, hoping it will help dry my eyes. Alas, it doesn't work. "He was the kind of guy to love you first and want to kill you next. He'd give anything to protect the ones he loved. He'd give his life. He was my best friend, and I think my biggest issue is I have no idea what happened to him, Iggy." I cut my eyes to him, letting my tears show.

His bear's eyes turn to their brilliant yellow, hide fur sprouting on his arms before he holds them out. His omega nature senses my distress and this time, I lean into him, allowing the peace he exudes to wrap around my grieving heart.

"What if he is dead," I turn, kneeling between his legs while gripping his worn, stained shirt. "What if I'll never know if he had a good life? I need to know Iggy." I clutch onto him, burying my nose into his neck.

His blood doesn't entice me, yet the calming low purr coming from his chest helps me catch my breath.

"And I can't because I'm here. I have no answers. I can't keep living like this. I can't be here day in and day out, missing him, and thinking he is right near me. I can't anymore with the phantom touches, words, and scents. It's driving me mad, Iggy. I'm going mad—" I whisper, sniffling when I realize just how true that is.

Iggy rubs my back, the purr becoming more intense, wrapping my insides in a tight hug too.

"We will figure it out. No matter what, okay? I'm here for you. We will find your answers somehow. Maybe we can go to The Veiled Library. Sometimes creatures slip through—"

"It's too risky." I lean away, wiping my cheeks with a small, appreciative smile. "Thank you for wanting to do that for me."

"You're my best friend. I'll do anything for you, even if you did place a dagger to my neck. Rude, by the way," his bear huffs at me instead of Iggy.

My mouth parts. "Did your bear just huff at me?"

"He may have. He is a needy bitch, you know this." He swirls his finger up and down. "I mean, duh."

I stand, offering him my hand, when the temperature falls. I look up, hearing Iggy get to his feet, my sights searching the trees with what is making me uneasy.

My eyes widen when I see what it is.

"Fog," I whisper in horror.

"Fog never comes this far south, not here. It also means the fights are happening, if we can make it."

"Iggy. Elouise! We need to move before the fog hits. We can't risk staying," Flynn, the unspoken leader of our little group, shouts at us from across the valley. "Let's go to The Graveyard. It's the one spot we won't have to worry about."

I nod, giving him a wave to let him know we heard him.

I hold onto Iggy, taking a few steps back to jump over the valley. I only need a running start.

He latches onto me. "I really hate this part."

I grin, not giving him a warning before sprinting and jumping. Iggy shuts his eyes, but I don't. While I'm running at a speed most can't see, I can see everything.

I look down, the valley becoming rockier the further into the dark it goes. Rumors say this crack leads to Hell, but no one has ever been willing to find out.

Me included. Being in Purgatory is close enough.

We land with ease. Iggy, like always, sways before finding his feet.

"It doesn't get better. Every single time," he murmurs.

"Come on. We have to catch up with the group. They will leave us."

"Why do we bother going with them? You know they are going to try to sway you to fight like they always do. What if you agree? What if I have to be there without you?"

I bring him to my side, pressing my head on his shoulder. "I'll never say yes. When was the last time we watched a fight? We usually just explore around the area. Though, it has been a while since we have been at all. Even when the fog hits, we have traveled too far away to make it to The Graveyard. Maybe this time we can actually watch a fight."

"It's not like we will ever find out enough information to get out of here. Someone from the group always dies besides Flynn."

"I think the information is fake. It's a way to get creatures killed and for the ones who run Purgatory to get paid. Why would we get to win a way out when the entire point is to keep us here?"

He grips my arm and tugs me to a stop. "Then why risk it at all? One day Flynn will throw you into that arena because of how skilled you are. You and me, we can break away from the group. It's always us anyway. I'm okay with losing them if it means you're safe. Please, Elouise."

His big bear eyes swim with tears, pulling on my heartstrings.

"You want us to strike out on our own?"

Iggy nods, and for some reason, I feel relief. I don't trust the others in the group. They would use Iggy for leverage if it weren't for me. Iggy is worth so much because he's a male omega. The demons here would have too much fun if given the chance. I wouldn't put it past them to use him to get out of Purgatory.

"Okay," I say, happily, turning us southwest instead of tagging along with the group. "But I still want to see the fights. The smell of blood is something I need."

"When was the last time you fed? I didn't want to say anything, but you seem… different."

I've felt different too. The taste for blood lessens every day, but my need for it becomes stronger. It makes no sense. Blood has been impossible to stomach.

"I'm fine. I promise. While we walk, I'll look for a razorhopper, okay?"

He curls his nose. "God, those can't taste good. They have silver for teeth for fuck's sake."

"Exactly." I lift my dagger into the air by the handle. "I need more blades. They taste awful, but they do what they need to, and I get a weapon out of it."

"If the damn thing hops on me again and its little metal claws scratch me all over, I'm burning you at the stake."

"I'm trembling in my boots, Iggy."

"As you should. I'm fucking vicious."

"So scary," I pretend even if he believes what he is saying.

"One swipe of my paw—"

I mouth quietly, knowing what he will say, "—I will fuck you up."

"I need to make sure I don't get on your bad side."

"That's right. One roar from me and—"

I lift my hand in the air to silence Iggy, scenting something that has me peering west.

"What is it?" he whispers, freezing in his tracks to not make a sound.

My heart lurches forward and immediately my mind thinks of Aziel. This scent is his but stronger. I feel his energy.

It's him.

Or the more realistic answer, I am losing my mind, and now this torture chamber is becoming better at yanking all my desires to the surface.

What's sad is that I no longer care. Put me out of my misery.

I'm unable to do it myself.