18. What We Die By

18

What We Die By

Declan

The basement at Sigma House has a deep, constant reek of blood even after the bodies are dragged out and buried. Most buildings this old are haunted by ghosts, but not these walls. Even ghosts wouldn’t dare stay here.

No one does.

Not even Sigma Sin.

Once we graduate, we leave, knowing we never really escape them. After the first mark is carved into our skin, the only way to truly break the chains of the fraternity is through death.

We’re raised for this—bred for this. To spill secrets. To extract sin. To accumulate blackmail for the men who came before us and to continue the tradition of building and breaking men .

I used to believe in that mission. With every letter carved into my pecs, my loyalty deepened. With every trial, I became stronger.

Maybe I still do believe in the mantra of the House, and I’m just shifting my perspective. My loyalty isn’t with the men outside these walls; it’s with the ones within them. I’m going to harness that until we’re something better—something stronger.

Something unbreakable.

The House calls the seven trials a legacy initiation. But it’s torture. Pain we subject ourselves to in order to prove we’re strong enough. It tests us in ways we can’t imagine, and as we survive, we evolve.

It’s what we live by and what we die by.

A singular truth that true Sigma Sin survives anything.

I believed it. I respected it. I earned it.

I’ve spilled my blood. I’ve done my time. Seven letters under my T-shirt are proof of that.

ETERNAL

Teal’s the one who gave me the idea, even if she clearly doesn’t remember.

Soon, they’ll all learn what it means, and by the time the Council sees my plans, they won’t be able to do anything about it.

Skimming my fingers over the implements on the table in the center of the basement, I find my focus. I find my clarity when all of this stopped making sense after what Liam and Braxon did to Violet.

No… farther back than that.

After what the Council did to Alex .

They say that to be Sigma Sin, the House must come above all—relationships, careers, friendship, personal gain. I agree, so long as those with the title live up to what they pledged instead of being self-serving assholes.

The Council uses and abuses the House more than anyone. They aren’t making men; they’re hiding them.

They’re using us to bury their dirty little secrets, and when someone challenges the order, they find a way to flush them out. They think we won’t notice because we haven’t graduated yet, but I see it.

Take from the House, we take from you.

The Sigma Sin motto conveniently leaves out the counterpart.

Give to the House, it gives to you.

When I’m done, Sigma House will no longer be a charity for those who take without giving back. We will truly be a brotherhood. We’ll be one, and we’ll be unstoppable.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The room reeks of sweat and blood.

It’s comforting, and it reminds me I’m still in control. So long as I haven’t lost that, nothing else matters.

If one hand is the sword and the other is the tourniquet, I’m the one who decides what survives and what bleeds out.

The door creaks, and I look over to see Kole walking into the basement. He immediately scans the room, and his gaze lands on the unconscious man chained to a chair in the center with a sack over his head.

“I thought we were setting up for a trial?” Kole juts his chin at the man. “Who’s that? ”

“Remember when I did you that favor helping you out when Brax took Violet?”

He nods.

“Gonna need one back in a few minutes.”

Kole rarely smiles, but the sick light in his eyes when he realizes what I’m asking of him is the reason we’re friends. Most people aren’t willing to blindly help dismember and bury bodies, but I get the sense Kole enjoys it.

A low moan comes from underneath the sack, and I smirk.

“Playtime.” Crossing the room, I rip the sack off Simon Blackthorn’s head.

Kole stops at my side, taking him in. “Well, this just got interesting. A Sigma House legacy?”

Legacies like Kole and myself are untouchable. The only way to take one down and not suffer at the hands of the Council is to prove you did it to protect the House. Luckily for me, Simon made that easy.

“Where am I?” He blinks his eyes open, and they’re hazy as he looks around, trying to figure out where he is.

Maddox must have injected Simon with a strong dose because it’s taken him a couple of hours to wake up. I shouldn’t be surprised. Maddox has earned his name as the Sigma House chemist for his very specific skill set. He can mix up anything at the drop of a hat, which came in handy with Ben a few nights ago and now with Simon.

Simon blinks a few more times, and now that he’s conscious, he’s fighting the drugs out of his system quickly. He struggles against his restraints, but it won’t do him any good .

“What are you doing?” He looks up at me.

“Bringing you home.” I smirk, crossing my arms over my chest.

Simon looks around at the concrete walls and floor, realizing where he is. To anyone else, this might seem like a mostly empty basement, but Simon came up through Sigma Sin just as I did. He knows what’s hidden in these walls.

Secrets we’d die for.

Implements that haunt us.

Simon tries to move again, but he can’t. His arms and legs are tied to the chair, and a thick leather strap around his neck holds his head in place.

“What is this? When I report you to the Council—”

“There won’t be one left.” I narrow my eyes, feeling Kole watching me.

Kole isn’t blind, and he’s been doing a number of favors for me recently that must have thrown up red flags. I’m sure he’s suspected I’m up to something, but up until this point, I’ve tried to keep him out of the messiest parts of it.

Until I was sure I could turn the tide, I didn’t want anyone in the House going down with me if it came to it. But now that I have enough to finally start making a change, he needs to be involved as my right-hand man.

“What you’re suggesting is blasphemy.”

I click my tongue on the roof of my mouth. “There is no God between these walls, Simon. You know that. And what the Council has been up to is far from sacred.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. ”

“The House above all, correct?”

Simon grits his teeth, nodding. “Of course.”

“You’d never go against that?”

“Never.” He scowls like he’s disgusted by the insinuation.

“That’s interesting, considering all your dirty little secrets.” I smirk. “Paul Donovan did you a favor. What was it?”

“Paul?” Simon’s eyebrows pinch at the mention of Teal’s father. “What are you talking about?”

“Three years ago, you gave Paul Donovan a seat on the board for Montgomery Psychiatric Ward. The same year that his daughter was admitted. What did he do for you to get him that spot?”

“He was voted in like anyone else.”

“At your recommendation. Which, given your position as Medical Director, you knew they would listen to.”

“It’s not unusual for me to submit recommendations for new board members.” Simon dances around the answer.

“It is when he has a conflict of interest due to his ownership in two competing hospitals. That alone was enough to disqualify him from the position. Still, you pushed for it.”

Simon looks between me and Kole, who’s still standing silently at my side. “The board looked past it.”

“Why?” I grab Simon’s face and force him to look at me. “What convinced them?”

“Paul threatened to go public.” Simon’s breathing is labored .

“About what?” I grip his jaw tighter. “What did he have on you?”

“He knew we didn’t have approval yet for some of the medical trials we were running.”

It’s amusing how easily Simon breaks. You’d think Sigma House would have taught him better than that, but that’s the problem with the generations before us. They were soft. They were weak. They let their position make them feel strong when it means nothing.

I shove Simon’s face to the side, stepping back. “What kind of medical trials?”

“Visual therapy.” Simon catches his breath, struggling against the restraints. “It was supposed to help with PTSD.”

“I don’t care what it was supposed to do. What did it do?”

Simon sighs, meeting my stare. “It’s not that simple. We were still calibrating when Paul came along. We were using visual stimulants like hypnotherapy mixed with measured doses of hallucinogens to incite a specific reaction. We were trying to tap into specific triggers to elicit a different response. But…”

He looks off, swallowing hard.

“But what?”

“There were complications.” Simon’s gaze snaps to mine. “Patients were left with gaps in time. Missing memories.”

“Holes.” I shake my head, remembering what Teal called them .

Simon tries to nod, but he can’t. “We should have shut it down.”

“But you didn’t.” My jaw clenches, already knowing the answer. “Tell me something. Did you know why Paul actually cared about the trials when he threatened to expose you? Or were you really just another pawn? Did you really think he wanted it shut down?”

“At first, yes.” Simon’s teeth clench. “But then he changed his mind. He promised to make it right. Said that no one had to know about the issues so long as we could fix it. He told us if he was on the board, the Council would back us.”

And, of course, they did.

“What did he give you for helping him gain his seat?”

Simon doesn’t answer. His jaw clenches, and he presses his lips together.

I grab him by the throat so hard he immediately chokes for air. “Answer the question, Simon.”

“We were bleeding money. He funded the program to keep it afloat. He saved us from going under.”

“You really are that fucking stupid, aren’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Did you ever ask Paul where the money actually came from?” I shake my head. “He set you up using a shell corporation, so if you ever tried to turn on him, you’d be the one to go down for it. It wasn’t his money, Simon. And if anyone digs, do you know what they’ll find?”

“No.” His eyes are wide.

I lean in closer. “Sigma House funds. ”

“I didn’t.” He struggles against the leather restraints. “I wouldn’t.”

“The Council won’t care.” I let him go. “To them, you’re already a traitor, stealing from the House to keep your little medical trials afloat.”

“But I didn’t. You know that. You have to tell—”

“Why would I do that?” I cut him off, leaning in to bring us face-to-face so I can stare at him directly in the eyes.

He thinks he’s fooling me with his show of innocence. But I see him.

“I know why Paul helped you. Worse, I know how you helped him. It wasn’t just the seat on the board he gave you, was it? You needed test subjects, and we both know three years ago, she was your patient.”

“This is about his daughter?” Simon’s eyes widen. “This has nothing to do with the money, does it?”

“Incompetent men shouldn’t try to play God, Simon. You fucked up. Stealing things that weren’t yours to take. I think it’s time you learn about something I like to call karma.” I look over at Kole. “Go get them.”

He nods, heading to the door. The initiates are outside waiting, thinking they’re being ushered into a trial, but that will have to wait.

First, they need to learn a lesson.

“You won’t get away with this.” Simon clenches his teeth. “I know what you’re doing. This is about her.”

“It is.” I smirk, watching him. “But it’s about the House too. You and a whole list of others are about to learn that lesson.”

“They’ll figure it out. ”

“Probably.” I walk over to the table and grab a large metal implement that has Simon’s eyes widening. “But by the time they do, they’ll be in your position, so it won’t matter, will it?”

“Wait—”

Simon’s words are cut off when I shove the tool into his mouth. It scrapes his teeth and hooks on the back of them so I can crank his mouth open.

Spit dribbles out with his attempt to speak, but they turn to screams when I clamp his tongue with a pair of pliers.

The door opens again, and Kole walks back in with our three initiates. Trent and Shane are still on their first trial, so they look a little queasy at the scene before them, but Jase is on his third and unphased.

I watch Jase as he circles the room, untouchable for the time being. Just because his father made the deal for Teal, it doesn’t mean I have a reason to make him suffer for it yet. For all I know, he could be an innocent party in this mess.

That’s something for me to decide another day. Right now, I have bigger problems to deal with.

Kole stands at my side with his arms crossed over his chest once we’re all in the room. “Quiet.”

The whispers between the initiates stop, and they all focus on me.

“What is the Sigma Sin cardinal rule?”

“Take from the House, we take from you,” they all answer in unison .

I nod, walking over to the table and choosing a knife. The second I spin, Simon starts flailing, but he can’t go anywhere with how he’s bound. His struggle is useless as cries tear from his throat and drool dribbles to his chest. Tears spill from his eyes, and it’s a calming sight if I’ve ever seen one.

“Exactly.” I grab the clamp that holds Simon’s tongue, and he screams. “Let this be your lesson that we mean it when we say that.”

Lifting the knife, I shove it deep into Simon’s mouth and slice his tongue out. Like butter—smooth, quick.

Simon’s screams turn to gurgles as I tug his tongue out with the clamp and toss it to the ground. And I don’t take my eyes off him as he chokes on his blood while the initiates watch.

Kole faintly chuckles. It’s a bit twisted that this is the only type of situation that draws on his amusement, but I understand it. There’s nothing more satisfying than making someone suffer for what they’ve done.

Usually, I’d report Simon’s wrongdoings to the Council and let them deal with it. Even if Paul orchestrated the setup, he was careful in weaving his trap so Simon could never actually tie him to it. The only reason I could put it together was that I pay attention to things they don’t. Teal’s treatments lined up too perfectly with Paul being elected to sit on the board.

Paul needed secrets buried, and he found a way to do it. The Council must have known. They aren’t that incompetent .

I can’t trust the Council to deal with this. I can’t trust them for anything anymore.

When Simon finally stops flinching, I look up at the initiates, deciding who will survive the trials. Passing four of them makes them a member, but they have to pass all seven to become a legacy. And with how pale Shane is watching a man drown in his own blood, I’m not sure he has it in him.

Jase, on the other hand, is stone-cold.

“What do we do now?” Trent asks.

He’s clearly nervous, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s going to vomit.

“Simon stole from Sigma House for his own personal interests,” I say. “So now we leave a message to anyone else considering betraying the House.”

I look at Kole, and he nods, pulling out his phone.

He hates his stepfather, but Captain Evans is an essential legacy to the House. He helps the Council clean up messes in a legal sense. And since the Council won’t want their involvement laced in this mess, they’ll need him.

“Any questions?” I ask the initiates.

They all shake their heads.

“Good.”

My phone buzzes, and I pull it out of my pocket, ready to be irritated at the interruption. But when I read the name on the screen, I can barely hide my grin.

Teal was pissed at me when she bolted from my room yesterday, so I’ve given her time to cool off. But this morning, I sent her a text just to see what she’d do with it .

I asked how she was doing and reminded her I’m here if she needs to talk. I almost sounded like I was being nice, when really, I need her to understand I’m the only person she’s going to rely on from here on out.

Teal : I’m fine. A little dizzy.

Teal : And easily annoyed.

She could have ignored my question, but she didn’t. Not only that, she listened to what I said when I told her she can open up to me about her symptoms. I’ll reward her for that later.

She hates that I want to learn every little thing there is to know about her, but she’s accepting it, slowly. Because even if she hates me with every bone in her perfect body, the second she let me claim her, she submitted to this hell we both exist in. And she knows I’m the only one who can truly help her survive here.

After all, I’m doing all of this for her now.

My phone buzzes again.

Teal : P.S. You’re an asshole, and I hate you.

Declan : I know.