Chapter 7

Alex

T he trip to my dad’s house usually took about four and a half hours. That was all changed with Cecilia in the car. First of all, she had looked up about a hundred points of interest that she wanted to stop and see along our route. “You never know when you’ll get another chance!” she implored me.

“I don’t want to see the monument to Kiss. I hate that band.”

“Come on!” She stuck out her tongue like Gene Simmons and held up her thumb, index finger, and pinkie. “Rock and roll!”

“You’re doing ‘I love you’ in sign language.”

“Really?” She stared at her hand. “So all this time I’ve been telling people I love them instead of to rock on?”

“You probably made a lot of new friends. Don’t use your thumb.” Eyes on the road, I reached over and took her hand, gently folding in her thumb. Then I held it for a little longer, and leaned down and kissed her fingers, before letting go. “Now you’re rocking and rolling. We already stopped for the Stevie Wonder rock in Saginaw. ”

“But, Kiss!” Cecilia protested.

I sighed deeply. “Now I can understand why it took you from the ages of eighteen to twenty-four to make it from Florida to Detroit,” I told her.

Second, there was the snacking. A lot of snacking, and a lot of stops. And a lot of wrappers and crumbs in my car, which bothered me enough to make me realize that I had turned into a neat freak. I thought back to the disgusting hovels I had lived in during my time in college. Maybe I was growing up.

Every time we switched drivers, I was sandwiched between the wheel and the seat, practically unable to breathe, and every time she took over for me she complained that there was no way anyone could drive from the back seat. She even got me to sing along to the radio with her. “Oh, I love this song!” she would say to almost everything that came on.

But the thing was, I had a really good time. The trip took a lot longer, but it felt really short.

“Hey,” she asked me somewhere around Copemish, “do you know a woman named Keri Wallenstrom?”

I kind of jumped in the driver’s seat. “Yeah, I do. Why?”

“She’s my boss at the coffee shop,” Cecilia told me.

“You’re kidding. How did I not know that?”

“Well, she’s hardly ever there, and when she is, she hides in her office. She’s a terrible boss.” She stopped. “Wait, are you friends or something? Maybe I shouldn’t insult her!”

I reached over to rub her thigh. I couldn’t seem to keep my hands off her. I thought about what I’d like to do, which involved her naked thighs and me licking up between them. “ Do you mind if I turn on the air?” I asked. “It’s hot in here, right?”

“I’m freezing. It’s like below zero or something! Alex, how do you know Keri?”

“We went to college together,” I explained. “We dated for a while.”

Her mouth hung open. “You dated Keri? Are you serious?”

“Are you mad?”

“No, but I just can’t see the two of you together! She’s so…and you’re so…” Cecilia was at a loss for words, a rarity.

“We were both big partiers. I don’t know if we dated as much as we—” screwed. Probably shouldn’t say that. “Hung out.” I thought back. “She visited me when I was in the hospital.”

“She did? I can’t imagine that either!” Cecilia said.

“Yeah, she came, I’m pretty sure. It’s not all very clear but I know she was there, I think a few times. Not a lot of people that I knew at the time came to see me.” I looked over and saw that Cecilia was all teary-eyed. “Hey! Don’t get sad. Don’t make me stop this car.”

“Why would you stop the car?”

“I’d have to make you feel better. I’ve been thinking of some ways.” I proceeded to tell her various things, which included a lot of nudity, and kissing and sucking many parts of her body.

“Alex!” She was blushing and squirming in her seat. “I had no idea you were such a horndog! ”

“A horndog?” I started laughing and had to adjust my pants. I was so hard again that it hurt. Jesus, I was a horndog.

I tried to distract myself. “I talked to a P.I. in Florida who can look for your dad,” I told her. “I figured it would be best to start down there, where it all began. Is that ok? She’s licensed, has experience in paternity cases.”

Cecilia didn’t answer.

“Honey?” I glanced over at her again, and tears were pouring out of her eyes. “Why are you crying? We don’t have to use a P.I. if you don’t want to.”

“You really did that? For me?”

“I want to help you find him if we can. I told you I would, right? I meant it.” She was sniffling. “What did I say about being sad?”

“I’m not sad,” she whimpered, then leaned over and kissed my cheek repeatedly. “You’re the best guy in the whole world.”

She made me feel like I was.

It was still light when we turned up the road to my dad’s house. “It’s so beautiful up here,” Cecilia was saying. “It’s so fresh, right?”

The house itself was an unfortunate 1970s mistake. Architecturally, it had been a rough decade. We unloaded our bags and went inside. “It should be clean, at least.” I looked around. “Clean, but ugly.” Memories started to swamp me a little. The last time I had been up north was for Luke’s wedding, but Steve and I had stayed in a hotel. The last time I had been at the house was the day I crashed my car. I remembered pulling up on a wet Thursday night, carrying in bottles. I pushed myself back to the present.

“It’s not so bad,” Cecilia was chiding me. “It just got a little stuck, a few decades ago. Did you come up here a lot when you guys were kids?” She wandered into the kitchen. Of course. I followed.

“We did when Steve and I were really little, but my mom hated it up here. Mostly my dad and my brother used it as a base for hunting.”

“And you?”

“I don’t like to hunt. My dad used to make us both go, and tell us to meet him back at the car in two hours. I would walk for an hour in one direction, then turn around and walk an hour back.”

“Really?”

“I never even had any rounds loaded.”

“Huh?”

“That means I didn’t even have bullets in the gun to shoot anything. I was mostly interested in looking at the animals. At one point I even memorized all their Latin names. I got bored by myself.”

“Did you ever get lost, walking around alone all that time?” she asked.

I looked at her sideways. “Maybe.” And she laughed.

I was misleading her, making it sound like us coming to this house was some fun adventure. I looked down. I had to tell her. I couldn’t put it off anymore. “As soon as I could drive, I came up to this place to get away. And drink.”

She looked at me, head tilted.

“I don’t drink anymore. I can’t, because I can’t control myself. I have a serious problem with alcohol.” I took a deep breath. “I had that accident because I was drunk driving. I’m an alcoholic.” I nodded. “I should have told you before.”

“Why?”

“Because, part of recovery is being honest with people. I was keeping it from you, because I—” I sighed. This was excruciating. “I liked you, so much, and I wanted you to feel the same way.”

“I like you too,” Cecilia said. “A lot. I wouldn’t have liked you less. I don’t like you less now. I like you, a lot,” she repeated. She took a step closer to me, looking up at me with her sweet brown eyes.

So then, I kissed her. Her arms came up around my neck, and for a while she was kind of hanging off me while I ran my tongue inside her mouth, and man, she was delicious. She made these little noises, little moans, that drove me insane. I put my hands under her ass and lifted her against me tighter, my mouth not leaving hers, kissing and kissing her, until she pulled back a little, and I was sucking down air as if I was drowning. I let her slide back down my body, rubbing just the right way, until I rested my forehead on her head. I tried to get a hold of myself.

“Can we go to the bedroom, Alex?”

“Are you sure? ”

Cecilia

The way Alex was looking at me, with so much concern on his face, I almost ripped his clothes off in that avocado green 1970s kitchen. “Let’s go,” I repeated, and stepped away, tugging on his hand.

“Hang on, ok?” He stepped back. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t think I can do this.”

“What? You don’t want to?” I stepped back. It felt like he slapped me.

“I mean I don’t want to do this here, I don’t want your first time to be here, in this house. Hang on, hang on.” He whipped out his phone, swearing because the signal was so weak. He typed like a maniac, holding it up in different directions to get more bars. “Ok, grab your bag. We’re going.”

Then we were back on the highway. “Alex?” I asked him. “You’re kind of freaking me out. Where are we going?”

“There’s a really nice place to stay pretty close to here. We’re going there. We’re going to have a nice dinner, and I’m going to do this right.”

“Sweetie, I don’t care where we do it,” I told him. “I just want to do it with you.”

“I have to open the windows,” he said. “Fuck, it’s hot in here! Cecilia, I care, ok? I care a lot about you. I—Jesus, it’s hot! I love you, ok? I want this to be special for you. I love you.” His eyes were on the road, and sweat was rolling down his temples.

“Wait, what? You do? ”

“I do.”

He reached over without looking, and I grabbed his hand. I held it to my cheek. “I love you too.”

His hand jumped in mine. “You do?”

“I do.”

We got to this little hotel that was really very pretty. I think. I didn’t really see it, because when we stopped the car Alex jumped out, and yanked open my door, and was pushing me back against the car, kissing me senseless. “We have to go get a room, right now,” he ordered, and I nodded speechlessly. Screw the nice dinner part.

We got inside, and the lady at the counter looked at us a little strangely. “Honeymoon?” she asked. Alex nodded, which made my stomach flip about six times.

He locked the door to the room behind us, then leaned against it. “Ceci, if I’m rushing you…” he started saying, then I jumped on him. He held me under my butt, and I wrapped my legs around him.

“Take your shirt off,” I was panting, as I tried to kiss more of his neck. “Can’t you get this off?” I was yanking on his collar ineffectually.

“Holy shit,” he said, turning and pining me against the door with his hips, and ripping the buttons off his shirt. Then it got stuck around his wrists and he was trapped in it. “Fuck, help me with this!”

I was laughing so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I wanted him so much I could barely breathe. “Put me down!” He let me slide down to my feet but then kept kissing me, with his dumb shirt caught on his wrists and his thigh in between my legs, rubbing me. “Here, hold on.” I broke away to yank the buttons free of his cuffs, and finally that damn shirt was off him. “Oh, wow, Alex…” I ran my fingertips from his shoulders down, over his pecks and his little nipples, which made him jump. “You’re so pretty!”

“I’m pretty?” He swung me up in his arms. “I think you meant, ‘Oh Alex, you’re so masculine!’”

I was laughing again as he tossed me on the bed. “That’s what I meant!”

“You’re probably really hot in all those clothes. Let’s fix this,” he said, and pulled off my tennis shoes, sweater, shirt, jeans, and socks, until I was just lying in my bra and underwear. He quickly pulled off his pants and then rolled me with him under the covers.

“Alex, socks too!”

“Man, I’m a little excited,” he said, scrunching around in the bed and kicking off his socks. “Ok. Hi.” He smiled down at me. Seriously, the man should have gone into modeling.

“Hi,” I answered.

“Remember that stuff I was telling you about in the car? Can I try some of that now?”

“I really wish you would!” I said. His mouth dipped to my neck. “Are you giving me a hickey? I never had one.”

“It’s a night of firsts.” His voice was muffled as he moved the straps off my shoulders and deftly unhooked my bra. Then he pulled my nipple into his mouth.

“Oh!” I sucked in a shocked breath. I felt it right to my toes! I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. I wanted more of him.

He switched to my other breast, his fingers moving to my wet nipple, and I was rolling my hips against his leg. “I have more to lick,” he said, blowing a breath across my nipples so that I shivered.

“Keep going,” I said, still trying to rock my core against him. He kissed down my body, tonguing my belly button, then ran his hands over my hips, stroking up and down. He nibbled at my hipbone and slipped down my panties.

“Open up,” he said, nosing between my legs. I hesitated for a moment, then slid my thighs apart. He held me open with his thumbs, and licked me, hard and wet.

My head and shoulders came up from the bed. “Alex!” He was licking me with his thumb now on my clit, circling it, and when I pushed my hips up toward his mouth, he rubbed harder. I felt his tongue inside me, and I lost myself. My head was thrashing on the pillow, and I felt his hand come up to my mouth, and I bit down against his palm so I wouldn’t scream. I couldn’t stop moving against him or the moans coming out of my mouth, more and more, until the orgasm shook through me, hard and fast. His tongue didn’t stop and I could barely stand it. I think I was begging him, for something.

Then his hand replaced his mouth on my pussy and he was asking, “Ok, Cecilia? Are you ready?” I was trying to pull him to me, pull him into me, and I felt his cock pushing gently inside me as he guided himself. “Oh, fuck,” he breathed out, as he slid slowly into me. “Are you ok? Am I hurting you?”

I was shaking my head, trying to yank him closer. “You feel so good, please Alex, please… ”

His breath was coming in shuddering pants as he took my legs and wrapped them around his waist, and his hand came underneath me to grab my ass and hold me closer. My own breath left me in a gasp as he pushed all the way in, and he stopped. “Ok?” he whispered again. I nodded against his shoulder, and he moved to look me in the face. “Ok,” he said, and kissed me deeply, and started to move, in and out.

I had never felt so full, or so connected to someone. I rubbed my breasts against him, feeling like I was close to something, and he moved his hand to pull my nipple. I broke our kiss, panting. “Yes, like that, touch me more…” He moved his long fingers between us and found my clit again, and my head fell back as I came around him, deep inside me.

“Cecilia…Cecilia…” he was moaning as he pumped hard into me, and then stilled, shaking. After a moment he picked up his head, and balanced his weight on his elbows. “Are you ok, sweetie?”

I was too stunned to speak, so I nodded, and he looked concerned. “Ceci, honey, talk to me, please.”

“Yes, yes,” I said, and felt another ripple run through me as he shifted. “Alex, you fit perfectly right there.”

He dropped his head to my shoulder, laughing softly. “Did you think I wouldn’t fit?”

“I wasn’t sure,” I admitted.

“Ok, ready?” He slowly pulled out of me, and I drew in a breath. “Did that hurt?”

“I just feel a little…” What was the word?

“Hang on.” I heard him taking off the condom, then he settled back down next to me, pulling me like a spoon against him. I felt a little tender, or something, and I needed him just like this. “There. Was it ok?”

His arm was under my neck and wrapped around my front. I kissed his wrist, and snuggled back against him closer. “It was wonderful! I didn’t know…I didn’t think it would be so emotional.”

He nuzzled my neck. “It’s different this way. It’s different when you love someone.”

A wave of love swept over me. “I’m glad I waited for you.”

“Me too.” He kissed my neck. “Me too.”

∞

Both of us dozed off for a while, and when we woke up we showered and got dressed. I was ravenous. I could have eaten off my foot.

I mentioned this to Alex as I drove on the dark highway. “Wow, sex really makes you hungry! How far is this place?”

When he stopped laughing, he told me about fifteen minutes, and gave me directions.

I couldn’t stop touching him. I even sat on the same side of the booth, so I could rub his leg and cuddle up, which was so obnoxious! But he didn’t mind at all. He couldn’t keep his hands off me either, and totally ignored the cute waitress who was giving him the eye when I went to the ladies’ room. I gave her a look when I came back to the table.

“Do you think we should do it again?” I suggested.

He took a big drink of water. “Like here, on the table? ”

“Like back in the hotel room, I mean! I’m not an exhibitionist. Once, in Trinidad, we were staying on this kind of commune, and they had sex, like, everywhere. You’d be walking down a path and hear these noises in the bushes, and yep! Someone was at it again!” I took a bite of my burger, and chewed thoughtfully. “I don’t think I made noises like that.”

“You make the sweetest little moans I’ve ever heard. Right now, just thinking about you moaning like that, I would really consider doing it right here on the table.”

I punched his arm, then kissed where I punched him. “Really?”

“The part about you moaning was real, but I’m not an exhibitionist, either. How old were you when you were on the commune?”

I thought back. “Nine or ten. They did have a really good library, leave one and take one, and I’m sure I ended up taking more than I left.”

“How did you end up so normal?” he asked me.

“I thought we weren’t worried about ‘normal’ anymore?” He kissed my nose. “My mom always made fun of me for being so conventional. She called me straight, and it was a big insult in her circle! I just always wanted something different than how we were living. I wanted to find my dad, have a family, live somewhere that didn’t move. I have a plan.”

“What’s your plan?” Alex put his arm around my shoulders and leaned back to look at me.

“Well, I want a farmhouse, with lots of land. And a barn.” I went on to describe my dream house to him, and he pulled a pen out of his pocket, leaned forward, and started to draw on the back of the paper placemat as I talked. And talked. I had given this a lot of thought.

“Is that it?” he asked.

“That’s it. That’s enough, I think!” I had gotten pretty specific.

He showed me his picture. “This is what I saw when you described it.”

“Oh my god.” I put my hand over my mouth when I felt my lower lip wobble. “Oh, Alex! This is it! This is my house.” I stared at it. It was perfect, everything I had described, and everything I had ever wanted. I looked at him. Oh, no.

“Hey, why are you crying?” he asked me softly. “Tear it up, if you don’t like it.” He reached for the placemat, and I pulled it away.

“No, I love it,” I choked out. But I had realized something really unfortunate. A dream house was great. The only thing was, I didn’t want it if Alex wasn’t in it too. It wasn’t much of a dream without him. I had always been so self-sufficient and I realized that I didn’t want to be, anymore.

I put my head on his shoulder, and he stroked my hair. “I think you’re just tired,” he said. “It’s been a big day, right? Let’s go back and just lie down together. I just want to hold you, ok, Cecilia?”

That’s what we did. There was also some kissing involved. I fell asleep all wrapped up in his strong arms.

“I’m awake,” I told him the next morning, and felt his chest shake. He was laughing.

“No, you aren’t. ”

“What is the deal?” I shook my head around. I was never my best in the mornings. “Get this hair out.” I tried to push it off me. Stupid hair.

“Honey, wake up. Open your eyes.”

I did, and realized I was draped completely on top of him. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He gathered my hair back from my face with both hands, and looked at me and smiled.

“What are we doing?” I asked him.

“Well, you spent most of the night trying to crawl into my ribcage, and you settled on becoming a human blanket.” Alex picked his head up and kissed my forehead, then nose.

“Sorry.” I dropped my head back down on his chest. “Mmmm. You always smell good.”

“I know that’s not true.” His hands roamed across my back, down to my ass, trailing his fingers across me and giving me goosebumps.

“That feels good.”

“I know a few other things you might like. Here, let me show you.” I squeaked as he flipped me on the bed so I was lying underneath him. “For example, if I did this…” He proceeded to show me, running his lips around my neck and biting my ear. “You’re the one who always smells good.” He nosed my ear. “Are you sore, if I touch you here?” His fingers slipped down lower, gently fingering me, and I shifted. It was a little uncomfortable. He lifted his head in concern.

“Sorry,” I told him, and I really was. “I want to do it, right now, but I think it would hurt. ”

Alex smiled at me. “That’s one of the things I love about you. You just come out and say it.”

“Maybe we could do something else. I’ll try things, and you tell me if you like them. Turn over on your back.”

He did, then lay still. “Am I allowed to touch you?”

“Please do,” I told him. I tried to confine my hair and it was impossible. “Hang on.” I got up to find an elastic in my bag, and as I twisted up my hair, I saw him watching me, his eyes sweeping up and down my body. So I took my time as I walked back, exaggerating my hips a little with each step. His steady gaze didn’t leave me. I stopped at the side of the bed and tilted my head, hands on my hips. “Getting an eyeful?”

“I’m going to burst. Whatever you’re going to do, do it fast.”

So I crawled across him, experimenting a little. I nuzzled his ear and collarbone like he had done to me, and his strong fingers massaged the back of my neck. I kissed my way down, then licked his nipple. “Does this feel good?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t think the same way it feels for you. Let’s see.”

Then I was on my back, and my nipple was in his mouth. “Hey!” He nibbled gently with his teeth and lips. “Ohhhh…yes, like that. Do that!”

“How about the other side?” He switched. “The same, or better?” He picked up his head. “I’m going to need an answer.”

For an answer I ran my hands down his stomach and rubbed up and down his cock, until he groaned. “Turn over again,” I whispered, and scooted down and rested my cheek on his hip. I studied him, tracing up and down the veins with my fingernails, and reaching between his legs to cup his balls. “Do you like that?”

“Yes. Yes! Can you put your mouth…”

I licked the funny head, wet with a little drop of pearly liquid, and he made a noise, like a groan. So I licked up and down, following the path my nails had drawn, until his hips were lifting, and I swallowed as much of his length as I could into my mouth, sucking gently until he moaned, “Harder, please, Ceci…” His hands were caught in my hair, and I could feel them clenching as he got closer. I reached down again and rolled his balls in my palm, and he called my name, and came in my mouth. I rested my head back on his thigh and looked up his body. His chest was heaving and his eyes were closed.

Alex sat up a little and tugged me up to rest on his shoulder. “That was the first time I did that. Did you like it?” I asked.

He took a long, shuddering breath. “You couldn’t tell? Oh, my god. Oh my god.”

I would have happily spent the rest of the day in bed, but he had set up an appointment with a real estate agent at ten and a contractor after that. So we gradually dragged ourselves up to the shower, and he insisted on carefully washing me (again) to check me over, as he put it. Two orgasms later, we were going to be late, if we didn’t stop fooling around.

It made him hurry when I told him that. He seemed to be on a mission about “doing this right.” He kept repeating that: “I need to do this right.” I thought he was taking on this project as a kind of test, which was silly. Steve wasn’t going to see him do this one thing, then forget eight years of worrying and decide that Alex was good to go! But maybe he was also proving something to himself. I decided to keep an eye out, just in case.

We met the real estate agent and he had a lot of suggestions for what to do to the house to make it more marketable, and I wrote them all down. Then the contractor came, and she had some more suggestions to freshen up the kitchen, baths, and facade without breaking the bank, which I was coming to realize more and more was not actually a problem for Alex. He never even looked at the prices for things. When we checked into the hotel (and now that I had my mouth off his and was looking around, I saw it was really nice), he never asked the price of a room, even!

I watched him now. A few hours into being at the house, he was getting a scrunched-up forehead and his hands were coming up to his temples a lot.

“Hey,” I interrupted the contractor. “Excuse me. Alex, can you come with me for a few minutes? Shannon, can you keep doing the walk-through without him?” I grabbed his hand and pulled him into a bedroom.

“What’s up, sweetie?” Alex asked, his fingers on his temples again.

“You need a break,” I told him. “Come sit with me.” He allowed me to lead him to a chair, and I got in his lap. His cheek dropped to my head. “Close your eyes for a minute. Tell me what’s going on.”

He put his arms around me and hugged me, and I snuggled in. “You feel good like this.” He sighed. “As we go through the house I’m remembering a lot of stuff that happened here.”

“Sounds like you’re remembering bad stuff.”

“Not bad, sad. I’m thinking back and realizing how sad I was back then, but I didn’t recognize it at the time. I was such a lost kid. All the way into my twenties, I was running away from everything. Acting like I was always having a good time, and always…sad.” He rubbed his cheek against my hair. “Do you know what being triggered means?”

“Like being triggered so that you want to drink? Is that happening?”

“It’s all I did here as a teenager, up until the accident. More and more today, it’s what I’m thinking about. I’m having a hard time,” he admitted.

“Thank you for telling me. We need to go, then.”

“No,” Alex said. “I need to do this. I want to show Steve that I’m capable of doing this right.” He huffed. “That sounds dumb.”

“It doesn’t sound dumb. But Alex, the agent is gone. We can come back tomorrow and grab whatever you want to bring home. Shannon can finish up and send you the list of the things she thinks you should do to the house. You can give her a key and send her instructions from downstate.”

“Listen to you, ‘downstate.’” He kissed my head. “You sound like you’re from Michigan.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever comfortably use ‘pop’ in a sentence unless I’m talking about what happens to a balloon!” I told him, and he laughed. I was glad to hear that. “Let’s go, Alex. This is enough.” I had picked up my head and was looking at him, and he looked back for a moment, then nodded.

“Let me show you around the area a little. Want to go to the beach?” he asked me .

I looked outside at the chilly April weather. “I’m not going in the water!”

He laughed again. “Come on, if you really want to be from Michigan, you have to be ready to go swimming at any time. I brought your suit.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Alex laughed again, and the pain face went away.

We did go to the beach, but just for a walk. It was so different here from the ocean. Different, but also beautiful. I realized I had missed being near the water. “I could sail here. Maybe a little catamaran would be fun,” I told him.

“We always did when I was a kid with my cousins. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but they loved to sail. We would go out then turtle the boat and swim.” He looked out at the waves. “The last time I was up here was to see my cousin get married. He asked us to come over for dinner tonight. Would you want to?”

I got excited. “I’d love to meet your family! Yes, absolutely!”

“One thing you’re going to need to work on is your enthusiasm,” he told me seriously. “I’m tired of your blasé attitude.” I pushed him, which led to him picking me up and holding me over the water, saying he would drop me into the cold waves. It was an empty threat. I’d never had anyone who cared more about keeping me warm, fed, and happy. But I shrieked anyway, and grabbed him, which led to a lot of beach kissing. It worked for me .

Alex

Thank god that Cecilia was with me. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to go back to the house, and I had no idea of the memories that would surge up. Leaving and going to the beach felt like a weight off my shoulders. And she was right. There was nothing much in the house that I wanted to keep. I could handle most of the work from downstate.

She was such a funny, tough, little thing, but so soft on the inside. She had let me be her first time. I loved her. That fact, and that I had told her so, had made me panic. Like a literal cold sweat. But she loved me too. And whatever happened, whenever she decided to leave, she would remember me. The thought of her leaving made me want to retch.

We went over to Luke’s house for dinner that night. Luke met me at the door and hugged me (which was not our norm), as did his wife Emily. Wow, we were all getting touchy-feely, apparently. Strange thing was, I didn’t mind in the least. I liked it.

They both took right to Cecilia. I mean, who wouldn’t have loved her? I was still having an issue keeping my hands off her, touching her face, her hair, her very cute, round ass. She had followed Emily into the kitchen to help with dinner and I could hear her laughing with Luke and his adopted son, Charlie. “Luke’s really bad, but Mommy is worse,” Charlie was saying when I came in. Good grief, this kid had grown about a foot. We knocked knuckles.

“Well, let’s see,” Cecilia said, and took a spoon and tasted the pasta sauce. “This is a great start! Here, let’s see what you have to add a little more flavor.” She started looking through the refrigerator and cupboards.

Emily was sitting at the kitchen table, her hand resting on the little swell of her baby belly. “I resent that, Charlie Whitaker,” Emily told him. “I’m not a worse cook than Luke. Just yesterday you told me that you liked my baked chicken.”

“Mommy, you always tell me to be polite!” he reminded her.

“Charlie, come stand next to Cecilia,” I said. “Let’s measure the two of you."

“No need for that! I get it! The kid’s a giant too. What’s in the water that you all are so tall?” she asked, shooting me an evil look. That made me have to bite her neck a little until she squeaked. “Alex! I have a knife in my hand and I’m not afraid to use it!” She made me laugh.

“Don’t worry,” Charlie told her. “My Aunt Annie is really short too.” Cecilia smiled at him.

Luke was watching us. “I’m glad to see you, Alex. I wish you would come up here more.”

“Maybe I will,” I found myself saying. “I’m thinking about buying a place. A farmhouse.”

Cecilia dropped the knife. “You are?”

I nodded at her. “Maybe we can come up again soon and take a look.” She gave me a little smile, and I managed to keep my hand off her ass.

“What do you have to do to your dad’s house?” Emily asked.

“It needs to be totally redone, but we’re just putting lipstick on it. Painting the walls and the kitchen cupboards, new appliances, new faucets in the bathrooms, touch up stuff. The contractor seems to think it’s structurally sound.”

“You should talk to my sister,” Luke told me. “She started an interior design company and she’s doing a lot of staging for agents around here.” I nodded. I’d give Annie a call.

“Emily, how far along are you?” Cecilia asked her.

“Five months.” She sighed. “I’m finally feeling better, but not quite where I thought I’d be. Annie was unbelievably energetic when she was pregnant with Bjarni. I think they’re already trying for another. They’d have four kids!”

“That’s wonderful,” Cecilia said, and sounded a little wistful. I remembered what she had told me about wanting a big family.

“Hey sweetie,” I said to her, “did you take your medicine?”

Cecilia bit her lip. “I think I left it at the hotel.”

“No, I grabbed it.” I helped myself to a glass and shook out two pills into her hand from the pill bottle I had carried in my pocket.

“Are you sick?” Luke walked and physically placed himself in front of Emily, to block the germs, I guessed.

“Settle down, man. She’s been on antibiotics for almost a week. She’s not contaminating anything. Not anymore,” I added.

“Luke, come sit with me,” Emily told him, and he pulled a chair next to hers, and put an arm over her shoulders. “Take a breather from your baby worries. We have four more months and you’re going to have to spread out when you lose it.”

Luckily Cecilia was able to salvage Luke’s pasta sauce, and we had a nice dinner with them. Despite his constant hovering over Emily, Luke was about a thousand times more relaxed and content than I had ever seen him. Emily and Charlie had been a great thing for him. When we were leaving, I pulled him aside. “Hey, I wanted to say thank you.”

“Sure, you guys are welcome anytime. Cecilia is great. You seem happy, Alex.”

“Yeah, I am, and she’s awesome. But I mean, thanks for all your help when I had my accident.”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “That was a long time ago.”

“Eight years. But I don’t think I ever said it before, so thank you. I wouldn’t be here today without your help.”

His hand clenched on my shoulder. “Of course. I wish I could have done more.”

“You did a lot, and I want you to know that I appreciate it.”

Then he hugged me again. The feels continued.

Cecilia was pretty quiet as we drove back to the hotel. “Did you like them?” I asked her. I wanted her to.

“Yes, I liked all three of them! And I bet Emily has the cutest baby. A cute, tall baby.”

I laughed.

“It’s a girl,” she told me. “I hope I get to meet her.”

I glanced over at her but it was too dark to see her features. We were quiet for the rest of the way back to the hotel.

∞

Cecilia attacked me when we got into the hotel room. She had my pants open and her hand inside them before I got the door shut. “Woah—” My pants came down around my knees.

“Did you mean what you said, about the farmhouse?”

“Ceci, I can’t talk…you’ve got your mouth…oh god.”

She pulled back. “Alex, I want to go to bed, right now!”

I was not going to disagree.

She pulled off all her clothes as she backed into the room, sliding off her bra and underwear and running her hands up and down her body. I was just about drooling. Then she waited, naked, as I was desperately trying to yank crap off. “I need one of those Velcro suits that basketball players wear. Cecilia, god damn it, help me here!”

She came to me, laughing and kissing me all over. Every place her lips touched lit on fire. Finally I got myself to the bed, naked too except for the clothes pooled around my ankles.

Cecilia knelt down, pulled off my shoes and pants and boxers, then rubbed against my legs, all the way up, dragging her breasts up my chest and kneeling on the bed with her knees on either side of me. I took a breast in each hand, perfect handfuls with dusky pink nipples, and licked each one. “Delicious,” I told her.

“More,” she ordered, pushing them towards me. I lay down on my back and she crawled up me, and dipped her breasts down. I sucked on one nipple, then the other, first gently, then harder as she moaned my name. The sounds she made…I couldn’t take it.

“Alex, please,” she said, grinding down against me. “Please, please.” I reached down and cupped my hand over her pussy, and she ground her clit against the heel of my hand. “Yes. Like that,” she panted. I reached inside her with two fingers, curling them toward myself, and she froze, shaking. “What—” I stroked inside her, and she panted my name, moving her hips helplessly until she came wildly, holding her breasts, and it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. I was searching desperately with my other hand on the nightstand for a condom and finally found one, letting go of her to put it on.

“Come down onto me,” I told her. I sat up a little and guided myself as wide-eyed, she slowly lowered herself onto my cock. Oh, god. She felt so good. I rubbed my fingers over her clit again and she closed her eyes, clenching around me, and I almost came right then. “Move, honey, move against me.”

Slowly, slowly she started to undulate her hips, dragging up and down my cock and pushing against my fingers. “This is good,” she panted. Then she reached behind her and gently held my balls, and my eyes rolled back from the pure pleasure. I started pumping my hips up into her, harder and faster, and she chanted my name. I tried to hold myself back, and then she cried out again and clenched hard around me, and I came, and came, and came.

Cecilia lay down on my chest, her breath slowing, and I rubbed her back gently, then massaged the muscles up and down, and she groaned. “That feels good, too.” She picked up her head, and pulled her hair over one shoulder. “How did you do that to me? I wish we’d had sex a long time ago.”

I laughed. “We haven’t known each other for that long,” I told her.

“I wish I had talked to you right away, then, rather than waiting.”

“You noticed me before?” I felt my ego expand, then she rolled her hips against me, and I felt something else that could start to expand again soon.

“I’ve been taking your drawings for weeks,” she said, then complained, “No!” when I took her hips and gently lifted her off me. I settled her against my side and she curled against me.

“Did you mean it? About the farmhouse?” she asked again.

“I honestly didn’t think about what I was saying, but then when I did, it sounded like a good idea. What do you think about that?”

Cecilia looked at me for a moment, then kissed me again, hard and deep, her tongue sweeping in my mouth.

That ended the conversational portion of the evening.

The next day we went back to my dad’s house for one more quick walkthrough. We gathered a few odds and ends and some pictures off the walls that I thought Steve might want. Cecilia stopped and looked around. “There’s no family stuff here. Like family photos, or memorabilia, stuff like that.”

“We weren’t that kind of family,” I explained. I looked around too. There was nothing I wanted to take with me to remember this house.

“My mom and I weren’t that kind of family either. There aren’t any pictures of me as a baby, or anything.”

“I bet you were a cute little baby. A really, really tiny, teensy-weensy little baby.”

“Shut up, Paul Bunyan!”

“How is that an insult?” I asked her. “Paul Bunyan was that cool guy with the axe.”

“He was a big giant doofus in a lumberjack shirt!” She pointed at my plaid shirt then ran, shrieking and laughing as I chased her out of the house. It ended up as a good way to say goodbye to that place.

I wanted to make one more stop before we drove back downstate. We drove for about half an hour out of our way, and I pulled over on the shoulder.

“This is where it happened,” I told her.

I opened the door and got out. A light rain had started to fall, making the road surface dark.

“You said you don’t remember,” she said.

“I don’t. I used to try to bring it back, but now I’m glad I don’t remember.”

Cecilia was looking up at me, and reached up to touch my cheek. I put my arm around her, pulling her to me, and looked at the road. Suddenly it all felt like a long, long time ago. Almost like a different lifetime. “Let’s go home.”

She turned on the radio in the car, and made me sing along. The ride home was very short.