Chapter 5

Five

C ora wandered into the library in search of a book. The library was generally a good place to go when one wanted a book, and she had never made it to that room when she couldn’t sleep. She’d had a lovely afternoon with Lord Thornton. They’d talked for hours, and she felt as if she had finally started to understand him. He relaxed the more they conversed, and she hoped he would remain comfortable in her company going forward. She found she rather liked the earl. He was funny and kind, and quite intelligent. If only it could have always been thusly between them. But perhaps everything had gone as it was supposed to. They were finally in a good place, and they were friendly, if not quite friends, yet.

She looked over the selection of books on a shelf and considered what one to read. “If you’re looking for a book,” her sister said as she strolled into the room. “There’s a lovely volume of Shakespeare’s sonnets.”

Cora glanced at Lilah and frowned. “You do recall that I am not fond of poetry.”

Lilah grinned. “But you’re not looking for something that you like.”

“And how would you know that?” She lifted a brow. “I could be.”

“Sister dear,” she began. “At this late hour?” This time she arched a brow, which said everything. Lilah understood her better than anyone. “You want something to lull you into sleep. Take the sonnets. They will certainly drop you into a quick slumber.”

Cora sighed and said, “Very well. Which one is it?”

Lilah wandered over to a nearby shelf and plucked a tome out. Then she walked over to Cora and handed it to her. “They really are lovely,” she said. She got this dreaming look on her face that made Cora ache a little to witness it. “Henry read one of them to me. It took my breath away.”

“I’m not sure if I want this book, then.” She glared at it as if it might bite her. “That was when you fell for him. Admit it.”

Her sister had the grace to blush. “I don’t know…” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “But it may have been when it began. He made me see him differently, and before I knew it, I’d fallen.”

Cora wanted that. She wanted to be madly in love with a man that felt the same way about her. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so. Because in every season she’d been out, not one man noticed her. It was truly dreadful to be a wallflower. Gentlemen didn’t understand what their lack of attention did to a woman. At least a gentleman had more prospects. If they didn’t marry, they could still travel or find work. A woman was at the mercy of society and the dictates it expected. If a woman failed to make a good match, what choices did she have left? Perhaps work as a governess or lady’s companion. If one were fortunate enough... Either way, they’d still be considered lesser. Because no man had wanted them as a wife and mother for their children.

“I’m glad you found your happiness,” she told Lilah. “Your husband adores you.”

“He does,” Lilah agreed. “And I love him too.” Her sister frowned. “I want that for you as well. Perhaps next season…”

“I’m not going to bother.” She would talk to their father. It was time to accept she wouldn’t wed and prepare for spinsterhood. “Nothing has changed. It will be torturous to prepare for another season and experiencing the loneliness all over again.”

“I don’t know…” Lilah nibbled on her lip. “You could at least try. It might be different.”

Cora shook her head. “It would be futile.”

“All right,” Lilah said reluctantly. “I won’t push. But please don’t let father make you do something you don’t wish to. I can talk to Henry. If it comes to it, then you can live with us.”

“That’s sweet of you,” Cora told her. “But I don’t believe it will be necessary.” At least she hoped not. The viscount and her sister were almost nauseatingly happy. It might hurt her bruised ego and empty heart to witness that love every day.

“By the way,” Lilah said. “Were you having a cordial conversation with Lord Thornton in the Garden this afternoon?” Her sister tilted her head to the side. “What about your revenge?”

She had yet to tell the other wallflowers that she would not be seeking any revenge. She best start with her sister. Cora did not want any of them to act on her behalf. “About that…” She blew out a breath. “I am not going forward with that plan. I learned some things…”

“About Lord Thornton?” Lilah supplied.

“Yes,” she said. “I do not wish to go into detail. It would be upsetting for him if he realized I knew any of it.” Cora closed her eyes and sought the correct words. “Suffice it to say—he didn’t have a good childhood. One couldn’t even say it was tolerable. It explained a lot about how he was with me.”

“Still,” Lilah said. “That’s no excuse.”

“Normally, I would agree with you.” Cora frowned. “But he didn’t mistreat me. He never truly hurt me. He was just…unpleasant.” She met her sister’s gaze. “Where in his case he was hurt, and mistreated.”

“He was?” Lilah’s mouth fell open. “Who?”

“Does it matter?” She needed Lilah to stop asking questions. “He suffered. Isn’t that enough to understand why he was surly and disagreeable?”

Her sister nodded. “Yes,” she finally said aloud. “Yes, it is.” She met Cora’s gaze. “What will you do?”

“Nothing.” She drew in a breath. “I’ve convinced him that we can be friends. So that is what we will be. Can you let the other ladies know? I don’t want anyone to harm him. He’s endured enough abuse for one lifetime.”

“I will,” Lilah told her. She tapped the book Cora held. “Go read the poetry and rest. We will talk more later.”

Cora nodded and left the library. She thought to go in search of Lord Thornton but didn’t know where he’d be. The gentlemen often went to the game room. Did she dare search for him there? She sighed and decided against it. She’d locate him tomorrow. There was time enough for them to talk before this house party ended.

Hayes wanted to see Cora again. The gentlemen were all in the game room. Some were playing cards and the others were at the billiards table. They were all imbibing spirts. Merriment saturated the room and for once, Hayes almost felt it himself. He hadn’t been brooding as much since he’d spent the afternoon with Cora.

“You seem almost—happy,” Castlebury said. “What happened?” He narrowed his gaze. “And can we ensure there’s a repeat of it?”

Hayes laughed. Honest to God laughed. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d done that. Probably with Cora. She brought out the best in him. Sometimes she also brought out his worst, but that wasn’t her fault. He’d always been awkward around her. That had changed earlier that day. They still needed to discuss how they’d come to be locked in that room together. He hadn’t broached the topic earlier because he hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment. But soon… He couldn’t put it off indefinitely. “Stop being a bore,” he told Castlebury. “I have good moments. Today just happens to have an overabundance of them.”

He narrowed his gaze. “Yes…” The duke stared at him. “Have you spoken to your mother again?”

Just like that his mood soured. “No,” he told him. “I will. It’s just…”

“Too much, too soon?” The duke arched a brow. “I understand.” He sipped his brandy. “But it does make sense. Why we look so much alike. I must admit, I had wondered myself whether you were my brother.”

Hayes had as well… How could he not? “But we’re cousins.” He shrugged. “Still family. Just legitimately. Well, mostly.” His mother was the bastard. Hayes was not. He’d bet the old man was rolling in his grave at that news. He had beaten Hayes because he hadn’t believed he was truly his child. If only there were no blood ties to that damned man. Hayes would gladly be considered a bastard. He didn’t want the dead earl to be his true father. But nothing would change that. “I doubt we can ever openly admit it.”

Castlebury shrugged. “I’d admit you’re my cousin. The ton can go to the devil for all I care.”

“Says the duke everyone adores,” Hayes said sardonically. Castlebury could do as he pleased and still be welcomed everywhere. In fact, he did do as he pleased and snubbed many. The duke abhorred society and rarely attended any social engagements. He’d barely been back in London and the invitations flooded his residence. He wasn’t bitter about that. Castlebury had no desire to be the beloved anything of the ton. Hayes would rather be left alone. Not that anyone had afforded him that courtesy.

“That is true,” Castlebury conceded. “But wouldn’t care either way. I have no use for society and its dictates. They can adore me all they wish. It makes no difference to me.”

“So we should declare our connection to the world?” He tilted his head to the side. “Does it mean that much to you that we do?”

“I would like to admit that we are family,” he told Hayes. “But not for me. It is for you that I want it to be known.”

“I do not care what they think of me.” He frowned. “If that is your reason, then I don’t believe we should bother at all.”

The duke shook his head. “I want to put those rumors to rest once and for all. When they talk about you, it should not be in hushed whispers declaring you unfit for a title that is rightfully yours.”

“Again,” he said. “I do not care. The title means nothing to me.” He glowered. “If I could shed it, I would. My father was rotten to the core. I wish to God that I was a bastard.” There, he’d said it aloud when he had only thought it in the past. “His blood taints me.” It made Hayes unworthy of Cora. That stain would never affect her. He would ensure it.

“Do not speak of yourself in those terms,” Castlebury said in a harsh tone. “You are not your father.”

Hayes glanced away from the duke. He didn’t wish to argue with him about this. It was an old argument. There was no reason to go over it again. He should just leave the game room. Especially since he’d wanted to go search for Cora, anyway. She’d been so kind to him earlier. Hayes wanted to be near her as much as possible while she was being so amiable. “It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly. “Nothing has changed.” But something had changed. Cora looked at him differently. Why was that?

“You’re correct,” the duke agreed. “You are still as stubborn as always. But I’ll say it again, and maybe it will finally breach that stubborn mind of yours.” He blew out a breath. “You are not your father. That man beat you. My friend, my cousin, would never harm a soul. A child would be safe with you. Stop berating yourself for something that wasn’t in your control.”

Of course, he’d never hurt anyone… God. To do to another what had been done to him? Hayes closed his eyes and shuddered. “No,” he said softly. “I’d never do that.”

“Then I think it is time to accept that you are not him. That even though you are related by blood, you were never his son. He didn’t deserve to be your father.” Castlebury placed his hand on Hayes’ arm. “Look at me.” He turned to meet his gaze. “Do you hear what I am saying?”

“I do,” he said. “I’m not tainted. It was him that had the stain on his soul?”

Maybe he might even believe that, too. If he was not the unworthy one, then perhaps he could openly love Cora. Would she accept him? Could she love him back? Suddenly everything seemed differently. There were possibilities that were not there before. “I have to go,” he told Castlebury. He had to find Cora.

Hayes left the room before the duke could stop him. It was late and Cora might already be abed. He’d have to wait until the next day to seek her out. Still, he had much to consider. Wooing her would be difficult. They had only just begun to be friends, but he wanted so much more with her, and for the first time in his life, he thought he might be able to have her. What a wonderful thought to dream about…