17. Gianna

I keep staring at the door, my mind racing with thoughts and worries about whether Chris would walk back in. After what seems like an eternity, I walk back to my seat with a heavy heart.

This is the right thing to do, so why am I feeling guilty? Did I do something wrong?

He had looked so angry and hurt. Hurt from what? I dont understand.

The door opens, and I immediately stand up, thinking its Chris. I deflate back in my chair when Sam walks in.

She smiles apologetically. “Im sorry… Im not the person you are expecting.”

“And who told you Im expecting someone?”

“You are obviously expecting someone whos clearly not me. And I guess that someone is that handsome man that just left.”

I avoid her gaze and pick up my pencil. “Sam, Im not in the mood for chit-chat.”

“I know.” She places an Americano on my desk. “Thats why I got you this.”

My heart melts at her kind gesture. “Thank you.” I give her a soft, knowing smile and take a sip of the coffee. “I really needed this. Thanks.”

She sits and crosses her arms.

“So?”

“What?” I absentmindedly ask, enjoying the taste of my coffee.

She straightens up in the chair, suddenly looking serious. “I must confess I listened in to your conversation, or let me say ‘argument,’ with Chris. Im sorry.”

By the tone of her voice, I know shes not really sorry. Shes just here to hear more. “And?”

“And I must say Im perplexed by it all. You slept with Nalas brother? Your best friends brother? I mean—” She gulps and continues, “I knew he looked vaguely familiar, so I googled him after he left. Tell me how you fumbled a relationship with the youngest billionaire in the world.”

I place my half-finished Americano on the table and give her a hard look. “Sam, I really dont want to talk about this.”

She frowns. “You look like you need someone to talk to, thats why Im here.”

“Well, you made a mistake. I have a lot of work to do. I dont have time for this,” I say sternly.

She tsks, not backing down. “He looked so angry when he left. Are you sure what happened between the two of you meant nothing to him?”

I sigh. “Hes only angry because his ego cant take it if I end it instead of him.”

“I doubt thats it.” She shakes her head. “He looked… I dont know how to describe it. But he looked as if you just broke his heart and stepped on it.”

I scoff at her analysis. “You are just imagining things.”

She looks at me weirdly, making me uncomfortable. “You dont look any different from him either. In fact, you look worse, like you are about to cry.”

I snap my sketchbook closed. “Why are you really here, Sam?”

She raises her hands in surrender, looking innocent. “Im trying to be here for you. And Im trying to stop you from making the wrong decision.” She pauses to take a breath before she continues. “You have been glowing for the past few weeks, and now I know the reason. You clearly care for this guy. Why are you pushing him away?”

It would be hard to get Sam off my back. Shes right when she says I need someone to talk to. The only person I share my personal problems with is Nala, but shes not even talking to me. The only other person left is Sam.

“Didnt you hear what I said earlier? He doesnt care about me. This was just a simple deal. Its no big deal.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

Her questions stall my thoughts.

“Im just telling you the truth. We have worked together for over three years now. And in that short period of time, I can say I know you.” She starts giving me a knowing look. “You are just trying to protect your heart.”

“Is there anything wrong with that?” I blurt out. “Ive been hurt before, and I dont think I can bear it again.”

“Is that why you chose to hurt him instead?” she raises.

How does she get me so well?

I rub my forehead and sigh. “It was a stupid idea. I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine, punish him for going around and breaking hearts, and show him that hes not the only one who can do it.”

She nods in understanding, looking serious.

I let out a heavy sigh and looked down at my hands on my lap. My voice, barely above a whisper, “So why does it hurt so much?” I feel defeated.

My mind goes back to the night he carried me home, took care of me, and kissed me. The phantom feeling of his lips on mine almost made me high with pure happiness.

“Because you love him,” Sam supplies in the silence.

My heart skips a beat at her words, and my eyes snap up to her. My mouth opens instinctively to rebut it, but I close it. There is no point in denying it. I knew. A part of me always knew thats why I was hurt when he just used me for his pleasure.

I dont know why I had to fall in love with him, of all people, in the first place. I knew nothing would come out of it, yet my heart still only beats for him. The heart really wants what it wants.

She places her hands on my desk. “Ive been in your shoes before. And I can tell you that if you keep fighting the truth, you will only hurt yourself in the long run.”

My eyebrows furrow. “What truth?”

She shakes her head as if I just asked the most stupid question. “The truth is that he loves you too.”

I burst out laughing at how ridiculous it sounded in my ears. “He loves me?” I continue laughing despite myself.

“You have blinded your eyes to see it. But I saw him. He didnt look like a man whose ego was hurt. He looked like a man who was broken and tired. Tired from what, I dont know…” she trails off.

“You just met him today, and you think you already know him enough to decipher his every expression?” I ask, amused.

I lean forward, ignoring the ache in my chest as I say the next words. “He doesnt know what love is. Its a strange word for him. It would be foolish for me to hope. Im okay the way I am.”

But deep down, I know that a part of me will always hold out hope that Chris will come back and make things right, even if that hope is foolish and unrealistic. The weight settles low in my stomach. Maybe it’s resignation, even though Ive resigned to this fate for years. The fate of loving someone who will never love me back.

It’s hard to let go of him. I still care about him so deeply, even if he had hurt me more than I thought was possible.

I clear my desk and start packing up to leave since its almost closing time.

She purses her lips. “I hope he proves you wrong soon,” she says simply before getting up. “Take good care of your heart, girl.” She turns and leaves me to myself.

I never meant for it to escalate like it did. I take a deep breath and try to push the thoughts aside, but they linger, taunting me with their uncertainty.