36. Chapter 36

So much time passes between when Doctor Brown arrives and Grace finally comes back that I'm ready to crawl out of my skin. The Sound of Music soundtrack doesn't help. The Lonely Goatherd pierces my ears, even though Mom's accompanying laugh is closer to music than the actual song.

I need to know that Cassie is okay. I don't need to be in the same room with the doctor, but I want to be there when he comes out to say how serious her injuries may be.

Finally, Grace comes into the TV room. I'm on my feet the minute I see her in the doorway, and I guide her back into the hallway.

"What took so long?" I ask, looking for any signs of worry on her face.

Grace lets out a giggle. "We just started talking and couldn't stop."

"Cassie was talking? What did she say?" In the back of my mind, I know Grace did all the talking, but I have to ask her anyway.

Grace's eyes roll back in thought, and she purses her lips. "Hmm. She didn't say much, actually. But I told her all about us and your mom and how much fun we used to have together."

I drop my hands from Grace's shoulders and sigh. I'd be more frustrated with her, except, whatever she told Cassie, she said because Grace is kind of clueless, not because she's cruel. She talks about the two of us as if we're still together to anyone who will listen.

Really, she just talks to anyone who will listen about anything. That's part of the reason she's so great with Mom. Mom doesn't have to do anything but nod and smile.

"Thanks for your help. I'll head back up there." I walk toward the back door before I finish my sentence.

"Of course!" Grace calls after me. "You know I'd do anything for you, Bear! I'm always here!"

I wince at her words, but I don't stop. If I were more practical, I'd go back to the TV room and spend the rest of the day with her and Mom. Then I'd spend the rest of my life with Grace. That would be the easy choice.

But it wouldn't be the best choice.

I don't know that Cassie is the best choice either, but I have to try. She may reject me again. She may never see me as anything other than an adversary. Doesn't matter. I have to tell her what I feel. Almost losing her has made me certain of that.

When I get to my apartment, Doctor Brown is just coming out of the bathroom, holding Cassie by the elbow. I close the front door and relief floods over me with such force that I have to lean against the door to steady myself.

A million thoughts go through my mind and there are a hundred different things I could say. Your color is back. You're walking by yourself. You're smiling.

What comes out is, "You're wearing my jersey."

Cassie stops and so does Doc Brown.

"I hope that's okay. It was in the bathroom… I didn't have anything else." She grabs the door frame with her free hand, even though she doesn't look unsteady.

"Of course it's okay. It's yours to wear whenever you want." I rush across the room to take Doc Brown's place by Cassie's side.

He passes her off to me. "She's going to be just fine. No hypothermia. A bit of shock, but that seems to have passed. She's lucky you got there when you did, or it'd be a different story."

"Thanks, Doc," I say as Cassie drops her head against my shoulder. "Couch or bed?" I ask her.

"Bed," she answers softly.

The doctor unwraps the stethoscope from around his neck and drops it into his leather bag—he's very retro that way. "I'll be off. Monitor her for the next twenty-four hours, and give me a ring if you need anything."

Once the doctor is gone, I lead Cassie into the bedroom, where I pull back the covers and help her climb in. "Are you warm enough? Do you want me to turn up the heat?"

"I'm fine. This feels good." She closes her eyes and lets out a long breath as I tuck the blankets around her.

I brush loose hair away from her face, wanting so badly to kiss the places the hair touched. "I'll let you sleep, but I'll be in the other room if you need anything. And I'll check on you a lot. Probably too much."

With her eyes closed, Cassie lets out a soft laugh.

I reluctantly take my hand from her face and make my way slowly to the bedroom door. I'm about to shut it behind me when I hear Cassie whisper, "Bear?"

"Yeah?" I step back inside, ready to do anything for her.

"Will you stay with me? In here?" Cassie's voice is weak, but her words lift and carry me back to her side.

"Of course." I grab the chair in the corner and pull it next to the bed. "I'll sit right here for as long as you want me to."

Cassie shakes her head and raises a worried gaze to mine. "I don't want you that far away. I need you to hold me. "

It takes a few seconds for my brain to process what she's said, but she doesn't have to ask a second time.

I slip off my shoes, climb into the bed next to her, and pull her into my arms.

Cassie rests her head on my chest, then curls her body around mine. Within minutes, she's asleep.

I listen to her breathe, feeling her heart beat next to mine, our chests rising and falling together. I never want to leave.

But I have appointments to cancel first, so I reach for my phone. While I'm texting my receptionist to cancel everything, I get a call from Zach. I send it to voicemail, but he calls right back.

I shift Cassie just enough that I can turn my head and answer with a quiet, "Hello?"

Zach's voice blares through the phone. "What happened? Is Cassie okay? Georgia's on her way over now."

"Everything's fine," I whisper. "She's sleeping. Tell Georgia not to come. How did you two even hear?"

Cassie stirs, but doesn't open her eyes.

"I called Grace to check on Mom and she told me." Zach lets out an audible sigh of relief. A few seconds pass before he says in a calmer voice, "Did Cassie tell you Lynette wants to deed you the pond?"

"She didn't, but Lynette told me something like that." I turn toward Cassie, but she's still sleeping soundly. "Don't do it. I'm not putting anyone on that pond again."

"Good, because I already talked Lynette out of it." Zach's voice has a hint of laughter in it, which should make me mad, but all I am is relieved.

"Of course you did," I answer with a small laugh. "Always looking out for your little brother."

"Somebody's got to do it," he jokes before growing serious. "I know you don't like me telling you what to do, but I hope you'll listen to me now…"

"Don't beat yourself up about Cassie," Zach says in the encouraging voice that's his go-to when I need it most. "Nobody could have been more cautious than you've been with checking that ice. That's not going to be possible in the future with all the new growth. I know you'd try because that's what you do. You protect people. You want to take care of everybody. But you'd make yourself crazy trying to protect anyone who might go on that pond. None of us really knew that before today, but I hope you see it now, too."

I let his words sink in, then sigh. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Say what?"

"You're right."

"Excuse me? I didn't quite hear that."

"Goodbye, Zach…and thank you."

I end the call and close my eyes. Despite Zach's encouragement, a thousand worst-case scenarios have been running through my mind since this morning. What if I hadn't gotten there in time? What if one of my girls had decided to get some practice in and gone on the thin ice before Cassie? What if it were to happen again?

As much as I hate the idea, giving up the pond is the right thing to do. If I hadn't ignored my feeling, or Zach's warning, Cassie wouldn't have nearly drowned.

I pull Cassie closer. In her sleep, she nuzzles in to me and wraps her arm around my waist. I breathe her in and vow to never let her go.

I wake a few hours later, melting faster than the ice on the pond. I'd turned up the heat for Cassie, and now it's way too hot in here, even though she's not next to me anymore. I peel off my long-sleeved shirt, wondering where she could have gone, when a loud clang—like metal on metal—echoes from the kitchen.

My first thought is that Cassie might be hurt again. I dash shirtless into the kitchen where she's standing near the sink, holding two mugs of coffee.

"Sorry! I dropped a spoon in the sink. I didn't mean to wake you," she says, looking sheepish.

I breathe a sigh of relief. "What are you doing out of bed?"

She gives me a quizzical look, then holds up one of the mugs. "I thought you might need some coffee."

I cross the room, raking my hand through my hair before taking the mug. "How are you feeling? Have you been awake for a while? Should you be up?"

"Physically, I feel pretty good. Mentally, I can't quit thinking about what would have happened if you hadn't shown up when you did." Cassie is still wearing my jersey, plus a pair of my wool socks, while her trembling hands cup her coffee mug.

I take her mug from her, hold out a hand. "Get back in bed. You look cold."

She's the only one. Between the fire roaring in the wood-burning stove and the heat cranked up, I'm still sweating up a storm.

Cassie tips her head, studying me. "That offer is too tempting for so many reasons, not the least of which is that your bed is very comfortable."

A pounding starts in my chest. She looks ready to bolt, same as she did after I kissed her. I don't want to scare her away, but I also don't want her to leave. Not now that I know what it is to have her in my arms.

"At least sit on the couch."

Cassie lets me lead her there and tuck a blanket around her. Once she's comfortable, I hand her mug to her.

"And your other reasons for not getting back in my bed?" I take a sip of my coffee to hide how nervous I am before taking the spot next to her.

Cassie blinks, then meets my eye, looking thoughtful but also as scared as I feel. Shimmying one arm from under the blanket, she lifts her index finger. "Grace." Holding up a second finger, she says, "If I get back in that bed, I'll kiss you, and I won't be able to stop." A third finger joins the other two. "I have to go back to LA."

The last reason knocks the air out of me, and I take a deep breath to keep from telling her she can't leave me. That's what my heart wants to yell, but my head knows telling Cassie what to do never works.

So, I start with another of her reasons. "We're coming back to your number two." I lift my eyebrow, and Cassie pulls back a grin. Then I raise my index finger. "Number one, what does Grace have to do with anything?"

Cassie blinks hard, as if she's holding back tears. "She's obviously in love with you, and she's the girl your mom wants you to be with. She's a good fit for you."

"I wouldn't have stayed in this bed with you if I had any interest in Grace." I look her hard in the face, hoping she feels how much I don't want to be with Grace.

Cassie's shoulders relax, and I move closer.

"But she's in love with you," she repeats, still keeping a safe distance between us.

"She's in love with the idea of us, but we're not a good match, no matter what you think." I lift an eyebrow, and Cassie gives me a begrudging grin.

"This might sound cocky." I sigh and run the tips of my fingers over hers. "Grace would never be her own person if we got married. She'd be who she thought I wanted her to be. That's not fair to either of us."

"Does she know that?" Cassie turns her palm and slowly laces her fingers through mine.

"You, more than anyone, should know I'm not great with words. How am I supposed to tell Grace she likes me too much for her own good?"

Cassie lets out a breathy laugh and sends me a slow smile. With my free hand, I cup her cheek to face her toward me.

"There's only one woman I'm interested in falling in love with," I say slowly, unable to hold back my emotions. "There's only one woman I've even thought of since the second I spilled coffee all over her. Only one woman I can't stop thinking about kissing again. There's only been one woman since the first moment I laid eyes on her… and that's you, Cassie. You have to know that."

When Cassie lets go of my hand, she traces her fingertips along my cheek, and all my regrets about shaving my beard disappear. "I mean, I knew you enjoyed looking at me. I'm not blind. But I really thought you hated me."

Now it's my turn to laugh. "I never hated you. I hated the idea of losing the pond. But the only thing I hate now is the thought of you leaving."

I press my lips to the warm flesh of her palm.

"Bear," Cassie draws her hand back and leans away from me. "The pond is yours. Lynette is deeding it to you. I've already talked to her and Zach about it. I'm going back to LA."

I try to hide my smile as I pull her—still wrapped in a blanket—into my lap. "No, it's not, and I don't want the pond."

"What do you mean, you don't want it? What have we been fighting about if you don't want it?" Her eyes flash with the angry green I'm so familiar with.

"I thought I did. Then, I don't know… I wanted you more. Which, I guess Zach knew because he's already talked Lynette out of whatever you'd talked her into." Now I do smile, because for once, she has to back down. "Even if he hadn't, I talked to Grandpa this morning. Historic status application is probably signed and in Mayor Voglmeyer's hands by now."

"You did what?" Cassie tries to push me away with both hands on my chest, but I don't let her. I'm not letting her push me away ever again, no matter how angry she gets.

"Bear, I gave it up for you!" Her anger ebbs away as I lean close, and she drops her hands from my chest, her fingers brushing my bare skin. "So you could have the pond where your mom taught you to skate." Her words grow slower and her breath more shallow as I nuzzle her neck. "So your girls could play hockey. What are they going to do now?"

"I don't know yet, but I'll figure it out." I draw kisses along her jaw. "Maybe Georgia's friend Dexter will come through with the money for the community center. I don't know, but I'm not giving up on my team."

I pull away long enough to look her deep in the eyes. "Even if Grandpa hasn't signed the papers yet, I'm not letting my girls on that ice again. If the pond were available for public use, someone else could try to go on it when the ice is thin. Someone will. I hadn't really faced that possibility until today. You've proven it's not safe. Realizing that changes everything."

"I've proven? Because I fell through?" As soon as the words are out, Cassie's face shifts from growing indignation to dismay. She drops her head into my chest. "I did, didn't I?"

"I don't want to point fingers, but…"

"Bear… I'm sorry." Cassie raises her eyes to mine. Her dark hair spills over her shoulders.

"Granted, only someone from California would think it was cold enough to go on that ice." I slip my arm under the blanket and around her waist. "But there are enough of you Californians around now that it's not safe to keep it. Not with all the houses being built around there."

Cassie shoots me a glare, but the smile playing at her lips invites me closer. I smooth away her half-smile with a soft kiss.

She returns it, then gently pushes me away. "But are you sure?"

I let out a breath and lean into the couch. "I won't say I'm not torn up about it, but it's the right thing to do. I should have seen that a while ago, but I can be kind of stubborn sometimes."

Cassie rests her palm on my cheek, turning my face to meet her eyes. "Or you were trying to hold on to something you love while saying goodbye to someone you love."

Her words settle over me, slowly illuminating the thing I've been too afraid to face.

Holding onto a place meant holding onto Mom. As though my memories of her—my life with her—would disappear if the pond went away. Of course, I still love the idea of having a place Mom and I shared be a special place to share with others. That would make me feel like she's still here when she's not.

Now, looking into Cassie's eyes, seeing the understanding there, I think I can find the strength to face what's coming. And let go when it's time.

The bittersweet peace that comes with that revelation releases a flood of emotions I've been fighting to hold back. That's what I've really been fighting… not Grandpa or Zach or Georgia. Not Cassie.

All along, it's been about fighting to not let my real feelings out. Fighting to keep my heart from breaking. Fighting the urge to cry. Fighting to hide how afraid I am of a future without Mom.

But as my eyes prick with tears and my cheeks grow wet with them, I realize how exhausted I am from fighting all the wrong things.