35. Chapter 35

Am I in some kind of cold-induced hallucination or did Bear just tell me I could stay forever? I know I didn't imagine his hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears. I felt his warm skin on mine.

The thought of his touch sends a much-needed flush of warmth from my head to toes. I grow even warmer with the memory of him gently undressing me. There was nothing sexual about it, but his tenderness and concern for me got my blood pumping again. I'm still shivering, but the feeling in my fingertips and toes is back.

The prickling sensation grows when Bear comes back inside after starting his Jeep. He put another blanket over me before leaving, but nothing warmed me like the heat from his body so close to mine.

He crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed. My knees are curled into my chest, and I'm buried under two layers of blankets, but I feel his thigh brush my knee.

"You've got more color." Bear reaches toward my face, as if he might touch my cheek again, but he stops.

The moment passes, and he drops his hand to my shoulder, and he rubs my arm vigorously through the blankets. Then he moves to my back and down my legs. My body temperature rises, but I still ache for him to touch my actual skin.

I'm not sure which is making me warmer, his rubbing feeling back into my skin or the thought of his thumb tracing my cheekbone.

"I've got coffee—that'll help too—but I left it in Jenny," Bear says while rubbing my feet between both of his hands, and I snort at the memory of his Jeep's name. "I'm driving this time, so don't even ask," he adds.

Then he brushes his fingers over the side of my face and tucks my hair behind my ear. And if I weren't still borderline frozen, my skin would probably catch fire.

"How are you feeling? You're not shivering as much." His eyes are so full of concern, I have to look away.

"Not frozen, but still so cold." As if to prove my point, a shiver runs over my whole body.

"Here." Bear carefully sits me up. "I brought you my parka. Let's get that on you, then wrap you back up in the blankets."

In a motion that feels like a magic trick, he unwraps me from the blankets and has me zipped up in the coat in a matter of seconds. Which, of course, may be my frozen brain playing tricks on me, but either way, I'm wrapped in his clothes again. I bury my nose in the parka's high neck, letting Bear's smell consume me.

His second magic trick is to scoop me into his arms like I weigh nothing, pressing me close to his chest when we walk into the cold, and carrying me all the way to the front seat of his Jeep. I'm okay being the passenger this time. Not just because I'm in no condition to drive, but also because I like Bear taking care of me.

After buckling me into the seat and calling Molly to get in too, Bear goes back inside. Heat blows on my face as I watch the door for him. Seconds later, he re-emerges with Willy in his cat carrier.

Molly barks and sniffs at the carrier when Bear sets it in the backseat while Willy hisses and meow-barks. Molly cocks her head, then lays down with her nose pressed to the door of the carrier. I'd laugh if I weren't shivering so hard and if Bear wasn't already sneezing.

He presses the back of his hand to my cheek with the same tenderness my mom used to when I had a fever. Before she left and I stayed with Dad. But there's nothing motherly about the way he lightly drags his knuckle over my cheek.

"You feel warmer, but I'm calling Doc Brown to see if I should bring you in." He scrolls through his phone then presses call.

"Doc Brown?" I say over the ringing filling the Jeep. "Like Back to the Future?"

Bear laughs. "You know that movie?"

I nod. "It's my dad's favorite." My teeth chatter, but it's easier to talk than it was a few minutes ago.

"Mine too," he says just before Doc Brown says hello.

Bear pulls out of the alley while telling the doctor what happened and they go through the symptoms I'm still experiencing to determine if I have hypothermia or frostbite.

"She's alert?" the doctor asks.

"Yeah, but still shivering," Bear says with a glance at me.

"Get her in a lukewarm tub—not hot. No more than ninety degrees. I can come to you."

Bear tells him we're headed to his house and hangs up without giving Doc Brown the address. With my still partially frozen brain, I wonder if I've gone back in time to a place where doctors still know their patients and make house calls or if that's just one more thing to love about Paradise.

When we pull into his driveway, Bear looks from his apartment above the garage to the main house. "I'd take you into Mom and Dad's, but I worry about upsetting Mom, and my tub is bigger. Is that okay?"

I nod, wishing I could form the words to tell him how much I want to be back in his space.

After dropping Willy in the garage, Bear carries me upstairs and lays me gently on the couch while he starts the bath. And I'm not too frozen to recognize how sexy that is.

By the time he comes back, I feel well enough to walk with his arm around my waist, bearing most of my weight. I need his help to get out of the blankets and his coat. He keeps his head turned as much as possible when I slip off the coat and as he helps me into the tub.

I sink into the warm water, still wearing my bra and panties. My skin burns where the water touches. Bear stands with his back to me, and I want so badly to reach for his hand. To tell him that the thing that will make me better is being in his arms.

"I texted Grace to come until Doc arrives. I thought you'd be more comfortable with a woman… and she's a nurse," he says, shifting side to side. "I'll sit with Mom until Grace can leave you. Will you be okay for a minute until she gets here?"

I want to say no. I want him to stay right here, sitting next to me, talking to me, reassuring me everything is okay.

Of course, he's not comfortable doing that. Maybe because all I have on is my bra and panties. Or maybe because I'm me. Either way, his old girlfriend—who's clearly still in love with him—is the last person I want with me right now.

But that's not what I tell him.

"Yes." I tell myself to stop there, but my brain has lost control of my mouth. "Hurry back, please."

My voice is small and vulnerable, reminding me of Bear passed out on my floor after he'd seen me in even less than what I'm wearing now. But my vulnerability has nothing to do with my near-nakedness. I don't care if Bear sees me.

It's the thought of him being out of my sight that I hate. I don't want to lose this feeling of safety. Not when the reality of what could have happened to me if Bear hadn't shown up is sinking in.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. I'm not going anywhere, Cassie." He still has his back to me, but his voice is so earnest that I loosen my grip on the edges of the tub and slip deeper into the water.

"Bear! I'm here!" Grace calls from the other room, and Bear's head swivels in my direction, but he stops himself before he can see me.

"Five minutes. Doc should be here any minute." He opens the bathroom door, and Grace squeezes by him.

I don't miss the way she touches his chest or the way he takes her hand and lowers it. What I can't tell is if he's returning or rejecting her touch.

"Hey there, Cassie," Grace says, sitting on the edge of the tub. "What happened? Bear said you fell through the ice? Did you go under the water? How did he get you out?"

I tell her as much as my heart and my chattering teeth allow me, which isn't much. She doesn't seem to mind. She fills in the blanks between, "yes, I went under," and "he pulled me out with a rope."

"That's my guy," she says with an exhale filled with admiration. "Bear is always taking care of everyone. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to talk him into letting me be Heidi's primary caretaker. He was ready to quit his job and be here full time with her."

"They're close?" I ask because I'd rather hear about his relationship with his mom than with Grace.

"Oh yeah," Grace smiles and nods. "Before Heidi got sick, when Bear and I first started dating, I spent a lot of time with her, too. She's always wanted Bear and me to end up together."

The warmer I get, the more tired I grow, but I'm not too tired to recognize that she's trying to give the impression she and Bear are still a thing. I hear it in the too-high pitch and forced casualness of her voice. There's fear behind her strained cheerfulness.

The more Grace talks about the two of them, the more certain I am that she's pretending. Bear's tenderness toward me during the last hour wasn't just about worry for my life. There was genuine affection in it. Just like on the night he gave up his apartment and did my laundry.

But the other thing that's becoming more clear as Grace talks is how different it is to live in a small town where people's lives stay intertwined, even if they want to disentangle themselves from someone else. In LA, I never run into any of my exes. They're not still part of my life, and I like it that way.

There's both comfort and loneliness in being able to walk away. I'm used to carrying both emotions at the same time, but that doesn't mean it will be easy leaving Paradise to go back to LA. The loneliness is already sinking in, and it feels so much heavier than I remember. I set it down while I was here, spending time with Georgia and the Thomsens, getting to know this town with all its quirky charm, and especially while falling for Bear.

I don't want to go, but without the bookstore, I don't have a reason to stay. If I were to get involved with Bear now, we'd both end up getting hurt when I leave. I'd rather sit with the dull throb of loneliness than the sharp pain of loss and goodbye.

I don't know how long it takes before Doc Brown arrives, but it's enough time for Grace to tell me at least three favorite memories involving her, Bear, and Heidi. And she finishes the last one while the doctor examines me, even though she really, really doesn't need to.

By the time she leaves, I have a clearer picture of who Heidi used to be—which I'm grateful for—and also of Grace and Bear's relationship, which I'm less grateful for. It's obvious she has feelings for him but also that Bear doesn't return them like he used to.

But that doesn't mean he couldn't. They were good together once, and they could be again. Grace fits in his life in a way I doubt I ever could. She's already a part of the family.

If Bear is intent on keeping the pond where Heidi taught him to skate, why wouldn't he also want to be with the woman she wanted him to marry? That's a much better way to honor his mom's memory than an ice rink. I don't know Heidi, but I think she'd agree.

So, along with giving up my dream of a bookstore, I put aside the thoughts bubbling up of Bear and me together long term. That's not going to happen. I can live with that.

As long as I can feel his arms around me one more time.