Chapter 16

Lena

I 've never had a reason to hesitate when it comes to self-harm. I've always wished for death with open arms, but this time, there is someone else I have to consider. Someone who may actually miss me. That same someone also happens to be Death himself.

I guess I still wish for it but in a different way now.

My parents think I'm a burden. My mother is only worried about how bad I make her look. My father is only interested in how I can benefit his business. They still don't know I ended things with Carson. Don't even get me started on that bag of shit. I let myself believe he was a good companion, and I was so fucking stupid.

I'm stuck on what to do. Just kill yourself; nobody will care. The thoughts spiral in my mind, but I can't make myself go through with them. Something is holding me back. I can smell him all around me, but he won't show himself. Is he testing me? Am I imagining it in hopes of him showing up?

"Kellan?" I cry out, but there is no reply. "Now would be a good time to show up if you're going to. I'm so fucking lost, and I really need you. I just want everything to stop. I want the hurt to go away. I want you," I tell the empty air around me, and still, he doesn't show himself. "You told me you would try to come if I called. Where are you?"

Tears stream down my face, and my chest heaves up and down. I wipe the snot from my nose with my non-bloody arm and continue to stare between the blade and the spot on my wrist where my radial artery could so easily help me bleed out.

Thoughts swirl inside my head. Life has done nothing but beat me down . Do I want to end the pain and be free? Yes. I can't do it, though. I won't do it. I can't leave this world without making sure Kellan knows exactly what he means to me. He needs to know how he's changed me.

Life. I think to myself, and a new peaceful sensation fills me. I fell for him. I love him. Should someone's purpose be determined by a man or a personification of a man, in Kellan's case? No. But by love and life, maybe. Love is the one thing that every being naturally seeks. We want to give it and receive it, and you are never alone when there is love.

I was at a crossroads, completely torn with what to do, until now. For the first time, everything is clear, and I drop the blade. My arms fall to my sides, and I choose to live.

I don't know what will come from the students at Thorn Grove, my parents, or anything else that has been plaguing me. For the first time in a long time, I want to actually try to push through my dark impulses.

If things aren't working here, I will go somewhere else. I will forge the life I deserve for myself. I will struggle, I know that, but this newfound peace that surges through me has me believing I can do anything.

My tears dry up, and I look up toward the sky. I feel free from my thoughts and confident in my decision. I take another deep breath and steady myself, smelling the air around me as crows caw out in the distance.

It feels like someone is watching me, and I turn to see a figure appear directly behind me. I'm frozen in place, unsure of whether or not my eyes are playing tricks on me. A shadowy form with green eyes stares back at me with smokey tendrils reaching out toward me. It's as if they are yearning to touch me again.

"Pet?" he questions, and I burst into tears.

All of my emotions crash down on me at once. Any doubt I felt over his feelings for me fades away the moment he's back in my presence. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him into me. He shifts into his human form, and his lips land firmly on mine. Our tongues dance for dominance before he bites down on my lip, making me moan.

I missed the feel of him on me, the way his energy surrounds me with nothing but everything all at the same time. Electricity pulses to my core as he slides his hands down my back and grips each one of my ass cheeks, making me moan in his mouth. He lifts me up, and my legs wrap around his waist before he inches us backward to place my ass on the edge of my car's trunk, and his hands come up to cup my face tenderly. I feel his hard cock pressing up against my center, and I lean into it, shamelessly grinding myself on him.

He groans, and his mouth leaves mine. "I missed you so fucking much. It's been torture being away from you."

He leans in and presses his lips against my neck, and I tilt it to the side to give him better access. One of his hands moves toward the back of my head, and he tangles his fingers in my hair, jerking my head further to the side.

I slide my arm down his back and wince at the pain from the fresh cuts along my wrist. I glance over at them and notice I've started bleeding again. To prevent blood from getting all over him, I push him back. Confused, he stands in front of me, and I shamefully pull my arm close to my chest.

He looks down at my wrist and frowns. "You never need to be ashamed of this. I've told you before."

Instead of reprimanding me about using cutting as a coping mechanism, he leans around me to grab something from the trunk. He holds out his hand, indicating for me to give him my arm, and reluctantly, I do.

In addition to my bag of clothes, I've started keeping a small first aid kit, fully stocked with a bottle of peroxide. He takes the lid off the bottle and pours it over the cuts, making me hiss at the stinging sensation. Tiny bubbles flicker through the wounds as the liquid does its job, cleaning away any bacteria. He leans in to blow it dry once the pain subsides and the bubbles settle. The feel of his gentle breath on my skin gives me the chills. He grabs a large gauze pad next, carefully placing it over the cuts and taping it in place. It's not the best bandage, but it will do.

I jump down from the edge of the trunk, suddenly feeling a bit too vulnerable to continue our little make-out session. He eyes me wearily before stepping toward the trunk to pull out the blanket and looks at me with a mischievous smile.

"Stay," is all he says as he walks toward the gravestones I usually sit near.

"What am I? A dog?" I call out, but I do as I'm told, staying right in place.

I lose sight of him as he steps behind the large bush, blocking the view of my favorite bench. After a few minutes, I grow impatient and walk around the bush to find him. I see him hovering over my blanket, placed in the exact spot we first met. His shadow form beckons me to come closer, but he shakes his head.

We should talk about everything that transpired over the last six days, but all I want right now is him. I want to be consumed by him and worry about the rest later. He hovers there as though he is waiting for me to make up my mind. I want him to make me feel good, happy, and free from the darkness.

"Kellan," I breathe out, and he groans in approval.

"Crawl to me, pet. Crawl through the sea of the dead to get to your master."

His words shoot right to my core, making my pussy weep, and I want to obey more than anything. Am I really about to crawl through a graveyard ?

One of his shadowy tendrils extends out just far enough to wrap around my neck in a leash-like fashion and pulls me toward the ground, making my decision for me. My knees collide with the soft dirt, and my pussy flutters from the forced position. My eyes lock on his familiar greens, and slowly, I crawl toward the one thing I've wanted more than anything, Death.

His tendril stays firmly wrapped around my neck, guiding me. With every inch forward, I find myself growing wetter and wetter. My fingers tangle in the overgrown grass, and I make sure to arch my back so he can see my ass sway with every movement.

When I finally reach the blanket, I stop before him, leaning back on my heels. I place my hands on top of my thighs in a submissive position and keep my eyes trained on the ground, but a tendril reaches out to tilt my head up.

"Such an obedient slut for me."

His words send shivers down my body. I am his slut. Only his. If anyone else were to say something like that to me, it would be triggering, but coming from him, I know that he says it from a place of warmth and love. He knows I love being degraded and is all too willing to make that happen for me.

Without another word, the shadow around my neck frees itself as several other tendrils shoot from him. They rip off every piece of clothing I'm wearing and toss them to the side before retracting back into him. My nipples instantly harden in the cool air, and I shudder as it hits the rest of my bare body. I ache for him to touch me .

"Get back on all fours, pet. I want to see how wet your pussy is for me."

Immediately, I lean forward, placing my hands on the blanket, and spread my knees a little wider than necessary to proudly display the soaking wet mess between my thighs. He glides behind me with the feathery touch of his shadow hand sliding from my shoulder, down my back, and over my ass.

Something trails up my inner thigh, and the anticipation of his touch overwhelms me. Inch by inch, my breathing picks up, and my heart slams in my chest. I try my best not to squirm, but I've never wanted someone as badly as I want him right now.

Finally, a featherlight touch slides across my dripping center, making me moan. My back arches, begging for more, and I hear a deep chuckle behind me. I turn my head to see that Kellan has partially shifted into his human form.

He kneels behind me, his cock so close yet still so far away from my pussy and brings a palm down to slap my bare ass.

"I've missed being inside this sweet cunt," he says, and before I can react, two fingers are shoved inside me. "You're like a drug I can never get enough of."

He pumps them in and out at a quickened pace, curling them in the perfect position to make me moan in pure bliss. It's like he's on a mission to make me come as fast as possible. It won't take long. I can attest to that.

"Kellan," I pant. "Please."

"I love when you beg like a greedy whore."

"More," I say .

He pulls his fingers out of me and shoves his cock in their place with one brutal thrust.

"YES!" I cry out at the intrusion.

He grips the sides of my hips tight enough to make me wince, but all I can focus on is the way his cock fills me. He pumps in and out of me so perfectly. I slide my hand down to rub my clit but am shocked when something that feels like a whip slaps my ass.

His hands are still holding my hips, but when I look over my shoulder, I see a shadow tendril floating just above my backside. I glance up at Kellan with hooded eyes, and the tendril smacks down on my cheek again, sending electricity through my body.

His body is a mixed morph of shadow and human, with some parts of him being more defined than others. A sly grin crosses his face, and he whips my ass again. My pussy clenches, and I throw my head back to relish in the mixture of pleasure and pain. A cool shadow rubs over what is likely a raised red welt to soothe the sting.

"Fuck, your pussy is gripping me so tight. Are you going to come for me, pet?" he asks before releasing a hand from one of my hips and gripping the back of my neck .

He pushes my head down until my face meets the blanket. From this position, he can slam into me harder and faster than before. A faint touch glides over my clit, rubbing circles and working me right to the edge of pure gratification.

"Look at my pretty little slut getting fucked in a graveyard by Death himself."

A new pressure finds my clit, almost as though his shadows are pinching it, and I see stars. Tingles spread throughout my body, and my eyes roll back in my head. My fingers clutch onto the blanket, and I let out a loud moan.

"Come for me. Be a good fucking girl and drench my cock."

"Kellan!" I scream as my body obeys his command, and I come for him. His pace never slows as I ride out the intense orgasm. My toes curl inward, and my pussy convulses. For a moment, it feels like it's never going to end.

Once my body finally levels out, his hand leaves the back of my neck, and I feel him lean down to whisper in my ear. "My perfect girl, you've changed everything in the best possible way."

I feel something fill me as he groans behind me. He finally slows his thrusts and pulls out of me, shifting fully into his human form. We fall onto the blanket next to one another and I pant on the ground, trying to catch my breath. Clarity finally comes back to me, and I look over to find him staring directly at me. He's always looking at me as if I am the only thing that exists to him.

"Where were you? It's been almost a week. I tried calling out to you, but you never came." I bite my lip, nervously awaiting his reply.

"They told me I had to stay away." His face is stern, and he seems visibly distressed by the admission.

"They?"

"Yes, The Others." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "There's a lot I need to catch you up on."

"I've got nothing but time." It's the truth. I don't plan on going back to Thorn Grove any time soon. I can't bear the chance of running into Carson again. "Do you have to leave again?"

"No, pet. I'm never leaving you again. As long as you want me by your side, I will be there." He places a finger under my chin and leans in to kiss me again. His soft lips have me practically melting in his hand.

"What about your work? Don't you have to leave to reap the souls?" I don't understand how he says he will be by my side at all times if he has a job to do. I won't keep him from that. It's entirely too important.

"I do, but you can come with me instead of staying here."

My brow furrows. I don't understand. Go with him? How the hell would I do that? He can travel in shadow form. He literally appears and disappears on command. Surely, if that were something I was capable of, I would know it.

"I can sense the thoughts racing through your mind. Give me a moment. I'll explain everything." He seems tense even though moments ago, we were just relaxed. It's almost as if whatever he's about to say is more difficult than it should be.

I nod and brace myself for whatever he has to tell me.