20. Lemon

twenty

lemon

Sunday morning at Jitterbug Coffee, while everyone is at church, is the place to be. I have the place to myself. It's peaceful, quiet, and the smell of freshly roasted beans isn't overtaken by a mixture of cologne and perfume. Sometimes, it's just nice to reflect and relax without other factors clouding your senses.

I take a sip of my coffee and flip the page of one of the magazines I brought with me. Buying a home is on my list of things I want to accomplish in the next year, and I'd really like to have some interior designs in mind. My problem is, I love an American Craftsman style home, but also love a farmhouse style home with a wraparound porch. And while single floor living makes sense, I don't want a ranch. I want a banister to decorate during the holidays, and I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet running down the hall while I'm in the kitchen cooking.

The thought of children gives me pause. They've been on the back burner for so long, they aren't something I even considered when I started looking for a house. But now that Wade's back in my life, I want them with him. The life I used to dream about is within reach.

One of the baristas comes over and fills my cup and brings me fresh cream. I thank her, mark the page I'm on, and turn it. Another house, this time it's a cape style house with slanted ceilings, which I'm not a fan of. I put a red X on the page and flip.

Someone sits across from. Right away, I know it's Goldie's mom—the woman who changed the trajectory of my life—whether she meant to or not. She doesn't need to introduce herself to me. Hearing her name isn't going to change anything.

"Hi, are you Lemon?"

Reluctantly, I nod. "What are you doing here?"

"You know who I am?"

"Goldie looks just like you," I tell her. "She's more you than Wade, although she favors him in places."

She beams. I imagine what I said was a compliment even though I didn't intend to give one.

"I'm Anastasia," she says without bothering to hold out her hand. Which is a good thing because I don't know if I'd shake it. "Everyone calls me Ana."

I say nothing and want to shoo the barista away when they bring an extra cup and a menu to the table.

Ana thanks her and gives her a kind smile.

"I've heard this place is good," she says, as if I've invited her to stay for a spell. She takes a drink and then sets her mug down. "You asked why I'm here."

I nod.

"You already knowing who I am sort of throws me for a loop because I had this big, long speech planned, but I'll just start." She inhales deeply. "I feel like I've known you for, what's it been eight years? Anyway, I've always known about you. Wade has never kept his love for you a secret, nor his desire to be with you. At first, I was a bit jealous of you, this person I had never met before, because I wanted the man I once considered the love of my life, to talk about me the way Wade talked about you. Everything he did in his, heck everything he's done in life, is because of you and Goldie. I know it may not seem that way, but it's the truth.

"Wade's my best friend," she says and then pauses to take another drink. "I think you should know that. He's a friend. Nothing more. Never was. We spent the one night together and there you have it. When I found out I was pregnant and had to tell him I thought for sure he was going to kick me out of his room, shun me, but he didn't because Wade is a stand-up guy. Ironically, instead of him holding me while I cried, we held each other. Neither of us were ready to become parents, but there we were. He was honest with me, he said he'd take care of the baby, but that he was in love with you. And then he said the most breaking thing I'd ever heard."

"What was that?" I don't know why I ask her. It's like I need to know.

"He said, ‘finding out you're going to be a dad is supposed to a joyous moment, but telling the woman you love that she's not the mother of your child is also going to destroy the woman I love.'"

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because you're going to see Wade later today and he's going to give you, what he feels, is news that will make you run from him again."

I'm uncomfortable and tired of this conversation. I sigh heavily. "What does he plan to tell me?"

"That I'm moving to Magnolia Grove."

I swallow hard and shake my head, clearing the noise I don't hear because certainly I didn't understand her correctly. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Did Wade ever tell you how Goldie ended up here?" Ana looks down at the table and shakes her head. "No, he wouldn't betray me like that." She leans forward. "I'm married, well actually on my way to getting a divorce. Franco and I met in college, halfway through my pregnancy. Somehow, we made it work. We got married after graduation and moved to Jacksonville. There, we started raising Goldie and co-parenting with Wade. Things were good, or so I thought, or have learned after copious amounts of therapy.

"What started as jabs and pinching, turned into rough grabbing and scratching. Then one night, Franco snapped. He'd lost his job a couple weeks prior and I thought we'd be fine. We both worked and have made decent money over the years. But then foreclosure papers arrive at the doorstep, and I ask him about it. The first smack across the face took me by surprise and when he came near me, I thought he was coming to apologize. I thought he was coming to give me a hug." Ana wipes at her cheeks.

"My husband hit me, again and again. He threw me against the wall, breaking my arm. I couldn't hide and all I could do was think about my daughter, in the other room crying. She could hear him yell at me, hear me cry out, and there wasn't anything she could do. This wasn't something she'd seen before or something we talked about. When Franco left, I called the cops. The ambulance came and took me to the hospital. Thankfully, they let Goldie come with me or I don't know if I would've gone. The cops later arrested my husband . . . well, he's my ex now.

"Wade is my emergency contact, so the hospital called him. When he showed up, I asked him to bring Goldie back here so I could figure things out, but I promised him I would leave Franco. I know if I didn't, Wade would take me to court for custody of our daughter. I went back to Wisconsin, where I'm from, and filed for divorce."

Ana accepts the refill while I ask for two glasses of water. One is definitely for me and while I had no intention of offering this woman anything, the other is for her. She needs it or probably something stronger.

"Before you and Wade rekindled, he suggested I move here for Goldie. I didn't tell him when I would arrive because I wanted to surprise Goldie and was still hesitant about coming here."

"Because of me?"

Ana shakes her head. "I don't vibe well with the small town, everybody knows everything about you, life. In Jacksonville, I was a number on a tax card and volunteered sometimes for the PTA. If Goldie had something going on, I was there, but I'm not the Holly Homemaker some of the moms are. Years ago, Wade asked me to move here because of his business, but I couldn't do it. Plus, Franco . . . she trails off."

I thank the barista for the glasses of water and push one toward Ana. I'm in uncharted water here. This is a woman I've hated for years even though she didn't do anything wrong. I've held contempt in my heart because of her and felt her daughter should've been mine. That moment, admitting how I felt to Wade, was probably my lowest of lows.

"Magnolia Grove isn't bad." I don't know why I'm telling her this. "Like every place, we have our gossips in town, but they keep things interesting. Ms. Linda is one of them, but she just loves Wade. He's been mowing her lawn since before he even thought about being a landscaper. But anyway . . ." I pick up the water and take a sip.

"What you went through, no one should ever have to live in fear in their own home. I'm very sorry this happened to you."

"Thank you."

"For what it's worth, while small towns may gossip, Wade doesn't. No one knows your story. He hasn't said anything to anyone, even me, not that I expect him to. Wade isn't the type of man who goes around sharing business that isn't his."

"You're very lucky," Ana says to me.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because Wade is one of the good guys. In the beginning, I wished we could've made it work, but the feelings weren't there, and you can't force those kinds of things. But he never left my side or tried to bully his way into my life. He accepted what I gave him while I was pregnant and then showed up for Goldie." Ana takes a drink of her water.

"I know me being here throws the two of you into limbo, but I hope not for long. I told Wade I was going to talk to you because I felt like you needed to hear it from me first. I have zero romantic anythings for Wade. He's my daughter's father and my best friend. That's it."

I nod, unsure of what to say. Hell, I don't even know how I feel right now.

Ana sets a couple of dollars on the table and begins to slide out of the booth. "Wade loves you and Goldie told me you read to her the other day after she got hurt. Thank you for taking care of her."

"It's my job," I say but then call her name before she can leave. "Will you volunteer at the school? In Goldie's class?"

Ana nods. "It's something my therapist says I need to do to keep my mind active. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"It's not about me. It's about Goldie."

Ana smiles and exits, leaving me there with my thoughts. I clean the table, pay my bill, and gather my things. Outside, I see Wade's truck before he comes into view. As much as I want to walk the other way, I don't. Who could when Wade Jenkins is standing there, with his foot resting against the passenger side door, waiting for me.

I sigh heavily and walk toward him wondering what I'm going to say. Part of me just wants to give up. All of this seems like too much. How can I build a relationship with Goldie if her mom is here?

Will we constantly butt heads?

Would I be known as the wicked stepmother?

That's the last thing I want.

Maybe stepping away is the right thing to do.

Slowly, I approach Wade. He doesn't move and his smile doesn't shine as brightly as normal. Already, there's a void between us.

"Hey," he says when I stop in front of him.

"Hi."

"Lemon . . ." He pauses and bends over with a groan. When he rights himself, he has tears streaming down his cheeks. The sight of them causes my own to fall. "I am so fucking sorry . . . I . . ." He shakes his head. "Please give me a chance."

I nod and wipe at my tears. He pulls me into his arms, and I sob into his chest. Truthfully, I'm not sure I can do this. Life seems so complicated.

"I need some time to process everything, Wade. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says through tears. "Take all the time you need."

I step back and without looking at him I head toward my apartment. As soon as I get inside, I know I can't stay there either and grab my keys to head to Leslie's.