Chapter 6

Six

It's beentwo days since the incident in my office. I haven't seen Knox again in that time, although he has left a couple of voice messages and texts to my phone. I've responded to the text messages but haven't made any overt moves of my own.

That changes today. I'm going to ask him for coffee. I finally feel strong enough to talk to him and to get all of this out on the table. I want to face him and admit how foolish I was as a teenager and the colossal mistake I made.

I woke up early this morning, unable to sleep and my hair and makeup are already done. My nerves are shot and my hand is shaking like I've had too much coffee. Meeting Knox is enough to send adrenaline running through my body. If I could bottle this up and sell it as an energy supplement. I would be a millionaire.

Now, all I need to do is send the text. From what I've heard, Knox hasn't been going to work and his family is worried about him. Gillian told me that something like this happened when I left and that spurred me into action. He's the CEO of his family's company. How does someone just not go to work? Whatever is happening between us must be resolved. I won't be the reason he falls apart again.

At nine on the dot, I send him the text asking him to meet me for coffee at Sugar Star at ten. It's only an hour to get ready, but I can't bear to wait any longer than that to see him. The three dots pop up immediately and my stomach drops. Is he going to agree or turn me down? My answer comes through quickly, he agrees to meet and says that he can't wait to see me.

Gillian's bakeryisn't busy as I sit at the table waiting for Knox. He should be here in the next five minutes, and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I have to do this, but knowing it's the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier.

I close my eyes in an attempt to center myself. I'm taking deep breaths, that turn into quick shallow breaths. My nerves and those shallow breaths are starting to cause me to hyperventilate a little when I hear him.

"Scarlett, open your eyes and breathe. It's going to be okay. Whatever it is, we'll get through it all."

I open my eyes and there he is, the man I thought I would marry, the man whose heart I broke. He's wearing jeans that mold to his thighs and a light blue Henley. His hair is unkempt like he's been running his fingers through it. A sure sign of stress.

"You don't know that, Knox. You can't promise me it's going to be okay." Sadness tinges my voice and I'm not going to try and hide it anymore.

I am sad.

"Let's talk about what happened the other day first and then we can go further back, okay," he says, not agreeing or disagreeing with me. "I was so happy to see you and the moment felt so perfect when I had you back in my arms. I know we got carried away, but I don't regret it for a second. Except, when I was an ass to you before I left."

"What happened?"

"You pulled away." He holds his hand out for me, and I place mine in his. "I got scared and wanted to leave before you could tell me to go. I'm not proud of it, but that's the truth. That's not the man I am, Scarlett, but in that moment, I was that kid again who had been told that the love of his life was gone."

I try to pull away, but he doesn't let me. "Don't. It's okay. I just want to know what happened. Did I do something? Did something happen?"

This is it. I'll tell him and he'll either laugh at me, hate me, or some third reaction I can't foresee.

"I thought I was pregnant."

"What?"

I stare at our hands waiting for him to let go, but he doesn't. He runs his thumb against my fingers, the movement calming and reassuring as I continue to try and explain my thoughts as a scared eighteen-year-old.

"I wasn't. But it made me think about how much you would've missed out on if we had a baby that young. You were going to an Ivy League school on a full ride. You had this wonderful opportunity that would've been taken from you."

"I could've still gone to school."

"Really? While I stayed here and had our baby?"

He doesn't answer because he knows I'm right.

"Then there was Rachel." My hand shakes in his.

"Rachel? Rachel who?" He looks genuinely confused. My heart hurts and I'm not sure if I can go on. "Scarlett, Rachel who?"

"Rachel Cooper, from school. She was a year younger than us." I shake my head and a hysterical sounding laugh escapes. "Her grade doesn't matter." I take deep breath to calm myself and I continue, "When I thought I was pregnant I missed a few days of school. Do you remember when I had the flu right before graduation?"

"Yes, I tried to come see you and bring you some of my mom's soup. You wouldn't let me in."

"Rachel took that opportunity to make up some things about the two of you. She had text messages and pictures. I was in just the wrong state of mind and believed her."

"I would never." Knox looks crushed that I believed he would've cheated on me.

"I know. It was the excuse I needed to leave though. I asked my parents to help me leave right after finals and not tell you where I went. I stayed with a family friend in California and went to school at USC. Eventually I got a job with Archer and that's how I ended up back here."

"I don't understand. You thought breaking my heart and destroying our future would be good for me?" Knox's voice rises, but he calms himself down. "I want to understand, Scarlett, I do. I just don't understand why you didn't talk to me about any of this at the time. I thought we were on the same page about everything. I was going to Yale and you were going to the University of Connecticut so we could be close to each other. If you wanted to go somewhere else for college we would have worked it out."

I shake my head. "It wasn't that. I think I just felt I wasn't good enough for you. My family wasn't wealthy like yours. I wasn't as smart as you and there were girls that were a better fit. When I thought I was pregnant I was worried that people would think I did it on purpose to trap you. I thought when I left you would be able to find someone who was more appropriate for you."

"Fuck, you are all I've ever wanted, Scarlett. I never thought you weren't good enough. I always thought you were too good for me. You are so fucking beautiful and smart. I didn't need to be trapped, I was already yours." He lets go of my hand and a chill run through me. "I'm sorry that I didn't make you feel like the most important thing in my world. I promise that I won't make that mistake again."

Knox stands up from the table and then lifts me from my seat onto my feet. "I need to do some things. Can I take you to dinner tonight?"

I nod my head. Feeling a little bit of whiplash from the emotional highs and lows. "Yes, I'd like that."

He gives me a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you at seven, baby."

And then he leaves the bakery and I'm still standing when I thought I would crumble.

What the hell just happened? Did he forgive me? Do I forgive myself?

Leaving was stupid and my reasoning won't make sense to most people, but honestly, I was a teenage girl in over her head.

But can I handle being with Knox St. James now that we're both grown up?