Chapter 7

7

EMBER

T hings sort of settled into a routine. Ember and Josephine played some sort of game where they met regularly and hung out while managing to keep their affair a secret from her mother. Ember hadn’t gotten to meet with Josephine’s father either even though she said her dad knew about their relationship.

She wasn’t allowed to resume work yet, thanks to her mother. She utilized that time to workout and look into getting another car to replace Joan. There was only one problem. She didn’t have the money. Well, there’s nothing for it now. I have to buy a project car and build it myself. It would take a bit more time, but she should be able to finish it in six months or so. Maybe less time if the insurance company actually gave her part of the money she needed.

“Ember! I heard you were in an accident! Are you okay!”

Ember smiled at Mandy. The girl always so full of energy, it was infectious. Her mother was present too, and surprisingly, so was old man Farcy. They all crowded into her living room, bringing way too much food and gifts.

“Guys, this is too much!” Ember was completely flustered. She was completely fine, but people kept showing her such kindness. Even times when she went to the local store, they’d give her groceries for free. The family of the cat she’d saved had also come to pay her a visit.

“We have to come check up on our hero,” Kathy said, smiling at her daughter.

“Thanks.”

“Well, you saved my life. I’m ashamed I didn’t make time to come see you at the hospital,” Farcy said. The old man was normally quite grumpy. To see him so humble was quite the shock for Ember.

“Not you too,” Ember said. “I just put out the fire.”

“And saved me thousands of dollars in repairs. I’m grateful,” he replied.

He seemed adamant about not letting it be, so Ember decided to change the topic.

“So how are things on the drag strip?”

The man grunted simply but Mandy was quick to fill her in on the details.

“Jenny’s taken your spot at the top of the domestic class. She’s been gloating about it endlessly. Everyone knows she’s only there because your car was wrecked, maybe she does too. Anyway, Max’s Siren beat The Grinch! You should’ve seen it! Epic race!”

Ember nodded. None of that was surprising news. Well, Jenny being at the top of domestic class was a bit surprising since her car was not even close to being the fastest or the most well-built. She missed the tracks. It would be a while before she could return there seeing as she didn’t have a car anymore.

“You thinking about getting a new car?” the old man asked.

“Yeah? But I haven’t found anything decen?—”

“I’ll sell you Swift Hog. Or what’s left of her.”

Mandy’s eyes widened in shock. Kathy merely nodded, like she knew things were going to turn out this way.

“What?” Ember was in shock. She loved the Buick GNX. She’d always felt like the old man hadn’t treated the car with the love it deserved but she was never vocal about it.

“I’m saying I’ll sell you the car. I mean, her engine’s gone, so you’ll have to rebuild that, as well as do some body work to fix the damage from the fire but the rest of the car is in good condition.”

“How much?”

“We’ll talk about that later when you’re ready to come see the car,” he shrugged.

Ember nodded. She was happy to have something else to focus on. With the car, she could begin her project. All the plans were formulating in her mind, a turbocharger would fit nicely under the hood.

“You’re drooling,” Kathy said.

Ember wiped her chin before she realized Kathy was teasing. They spent some time before they left her.

Josephine showed up later that night after she’d had dinner with her father. Ember was excited to see her, and they had sex against the wall in the hallway. It was raw and full of passion. Ember loved it when Josephine was dressed up like the successful woman of power she was. The heels and pencil skirt combo was always such a winner with Ember. She had stripped Josephine to her underwear and fucked her against the wall as soon as she arrived. After she came loud and hard squirting all over Ember’s hand and the floor, Ember pushed her to her knees on the floor. She dropped her own pants and underwear to the floor, took a handful of Josephine’s lovely silky caramel hair in her hand and pulled Josephine’s face to her pussy.

“Lick me,” she commanded, and Josephine eagerly obeyed. Every time they had sex it just seemed better and better. They were so in sync in all their desires, Ember couldn’t imagine anything being better. She orgasmed hard in Josephine’s mouth before pulling her to her feet and kissing her deeply tasting herself in Josephine’s mouth.

“I missed you,” she whispered.

“I missed you too,” Josephine replied and smiled. Her smile was so beautiful. Ember felt high on oxytocin.

“I found that movie we were talking about. Yeah, the Angelina Jolie one. I’ll get it on, you want to order some Chinese food?” Ember passed her the takeout menu.

There was a nice Chinese restaurant just down the street from Ember’s. She always enjoyed the food from there. They had ordered from there together before.

Josephine nodded and picked up her handbag to locate her phone. “You want the same order as last time?”

Ember nodded. She liked that Josephine could remember her order. She liked that there was this ease between them. She pulled on her Calvin Kleins and sat on the couch in her underwear and her shirt to sort out the movie.

Josephine was still in her lacy lingerie. The rest of their clothes were still on the floor in the hallway. The lingerie was a lovely shade of yellow one might call lemon. Ember’s gaze couldn’t help but be drawn by Josephine’s body in the lace. Her hair was a bit mussed up, but she still looked remarkably put together all things considered.

Fuck, she is stunning.

Josephine made the order and then came to join Ember on the couch, and they relaxed into the beginning of the movie with Josephine enveloped in Ember’s arms. Everything felt so right.

There was a knock at the door.

“Well, that was quick,” Josephine commented. Ember got up to answer the door to the delivery guy. She opened the door, expecting to be handed her Chinese food, only to find her mother staring at her.

“Mom?!”

It was too late to cover Josephine; she was sitting on the couch in her lemon lace lingerie and her mother saw her right away. One thing struck her then. Her mother was not that surprised to see Josephine. It was as though she expected her to be there.

“What are you doin?—”

“You’re sleeping with my daughter?!” Becky yelled through the door. She stormed in, pushing past Ember.

Josephine looked horrified and scared as her mother confronted her.

“You’re almost twenty years older than her!”

“I-I…” Josephine stuttered, searching for something to wear, grabbing a Tee and track pants of Ember’s and pulling them on.

Ember tried to step in, but her mother raised a hand to stop.

“I can’t believe you of all people would betray me like this! My daughter !”

“Mom, stop!” Ember yelled.

“You should know better, Ember! She’s old enough to be your mother!!” Becky turned to her.

“She’s too old for you!”

“That is my choice to make!” Ember heatedly responded.

“Well, you made a terrible one!”

“NO! STOP!” Josephine screamed, interrupting the two.

The mother and child turned to look at her. Ember’s heart sank as she watched the tears running down her lover’s face. They’d been so afraid of something like this happening that seeing it finally come to pass was just awful.

“Okay, stop! I’m leaving! Just! Stop! Yelling!”

Josephine grabbed her overnight bag and handbag and fled through the door, tears trailing her as she went. Ember was furious. Part of her blamed herself for this—she’d been the one to answer the door.

“Ember,” Becky began, turning to her.

“Leave.”

Silence. A beat passed with neither of them saying anything. Finally, her mother walked out, and Ember was left alone. Alone and heartbroken. She lost to the strength keep herself on her feet. Slumped against the wall, slowly crumbling to the floor. All of her sudden, her apartment felt empty and dark. The shadows became the grim reaper’s condemning talons, reaching for her. Accusing baleful eyes lurked in the darkness. They glared at her. She could feel their judgement. She was a failure. Something good was finally happening in her life, but it had been ruined, just like that. It had all slipped through her fingers. Josephine was never going to come back now. They were done.

True to her predictions, Josephine didn’t answer her calls. She didn’t reply to her texts. It was like she’d disappeared from the world. When Ember dropped by her apartment on Sunday night, no one answered the door. She went home, disappointed.

Monday evening came, Ember found herself in front of her mirror, hollow eyes staring back at her as she dressed for work for the nightshift. She felt strangely numb. Her day had gone by with barely anything of note happening. Everything used to be so vibrant and colorful when Josephine came into her life. Now, she was looking at the world through a film that rendered everything in black and white.

Dimly, she recalled getting an uber to take her to work. It deposited her outside. The skies were already growing darker. She was there to relieve the people on dayshift, which was perfectly okay by her. Nighttime was quieter. Fewer people on the street, everywhere actually. Ember didn’t have the energy to interact or socialize. She got her duffel bag and made her way inside.

“SURPRISE!” Ember jumped in fright at the loud noise that assailed her the moment she walked into the fire station.

She looked around, alert, but only saw the smiling faces of her co-workers. The were all holding balloons and ribbons. A large banner overhead read WELCOME BACK EMBER!

Rory rushed forward and pulled her into a hug. Ember tried to relax, but her heart was still pounding. More people came to express their joy at her return. She responded somewhat mechanically, trying to fake a smile but failing woefully at it. They crowded her to the open office area where there was a cake waiting. It largely read the same thing the banner did.

Everything seemed to happen in a blur. She allowed herself to be carried everywhere. Occasionally, she caught her mother watching from the open door of her office, but she didn’t speak with her. They hadn’t spoken to each other since that night she came over and had that fight with Josephine. Ember was resolved to never speak with her again beyond work. Becky had broken her heart.

They had some sort of mini-party at the station. She still had an hour before she could need to start her shift. As soon as she could, Ember made up some excuse and left the fire station. It was getting suffocating in there. She loved her co-workers, but all of them together like that was putting too much strain on her already weakened mind. She went for a walk instead, going to the park nearby.

Ember took a seat on the bench. Staring out at nothing in particular, letting her mind wander. Naturally, her thoughts drifted to Josephine. Again. She’d done nothing but think about her for the past few days. The longing never ceased. The hole that was left by her absence remained a gaping wound that refused to heal.

“Hey.” Ember turned to the familiar voice.

It was Josephine.

Ember stared blankly at her. Wondering if her mind was playing tricks on her.

“Are you real?”

Josephine smiled and reached over, taking her hand. Her dark green eyes were thoughtful. The touch was real, she definitely felt it. The warmth that travelled between and the goosebumps that rose across her forearm confirmed that this was definitely real.

“Yes, I’m real,” Josephine confirmed.

Tears welled up in Ember’s eyes. “How?”

“Well, I heard about the party from one of your coll?—”

“No,” Ember cut her off. “How did you live through these past few days? I could barely think! Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe! Not seeing you has messed me up so bad! How are you okay?!”

Josephine looked at her sadly. “Love, I was not okay. Trust me. I waited outside for hours, hoping I would simply catch a glimpse of you. Avoiding you was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life!”

“Then why did you do it? What was the point of it?”

Josephine looked at the ground. Pulling her hand away from Ember’s.

“Because your mother is right. I love you, but I can’t ignore the fact that I am much older than you. You have your whole life ahead of you while I’m closer to the end of mine.”

“You love me?” Ember asked, hanging on to that more than anything else Josephine had said.

The doctor looked her deep in the eye. A range of emotions played across her face, but the sincerity in the words that followed was undoubtable.

“Yes, Ember. I love you. I actually think I have loved you since the very first night we spent together.”

Ember felt something snap within her. Like a broken dam, the tears flowed freely. She’d thought she already cried her eyes out enough but that was not to be. There was far more left. She buried her face in her palms. Hearing those words meant the world to her. Since that night Josephine left, she’d questioned herself over and over again on whether what they shared was real or not. She was thankful that it was.

“So why won’t you stay with me?” Ember asked, hating how she sounded like she was pleading, but she knew it was exactly how she felt. All these years she had spent building this fa?ade as someone unflappable. She could run into a burning building without hesitation but a life without Josephine was something she dreaded above all else.

“It’s for the best?” Josephine replied.

“For who?!” Ember demanded. “Because I don’t see how this is doing either one of us any good!”

“For you, for your mother, and maybe for me too. I can’t bear the thought that it was me who drove a wedge between you two. Family is important.”

Ember wanted to rage, she wanted to scream in frustration. Nothing Josephine was saying made sense. Why did her mother’s approval matter so much? Why did it matter that she was older? They loved each other, that was what mattered the most!

“I know what you’re thinking,” Josephine said in that gentle voice. “Sometimes, love is not enough, Ember. It’s hard to admit, I know, but it’s not. I’ve lived through it before.”

Josephine got up. “I didn’t want to leave things as they were, not without speaking to you. I want you to know each moment we spent together will forever remain the best times of my life.”

Ember couldn’t bear to look at Josephine as she walked away. Something broke within her. What little light that was left within her was snuffed out. She stood from the bench, feeling like a husk of herself. She walked into the fire station. It was emptier than it had been earlier. They’d all gone home. It suited her just fine. She went about checking the equipment, going through the motions.

A tap on her shoulder made her turn around.

“Are you okay?” Kiera asked. She’d made an attempt to tame her thick, wild red hair and pull it up into a ponytail to keep it out of her face. It didn’t do much good as strands were already sticking out.

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“Well, I called you three times and got no response.” Keira looked bewildered. “I was standing right next to you.”

“Sorry, guess I was a bit distracted.”

“Okay.”

Kiera didn’t sound like she believed Ember, but that was okay as long as she didn’t prod any further. Soon the alarm rung, signaling an emergency somewhere in the city. It came as something of a blessing for Ember. She wanted to be on the move. She wanted to be doing something that would distract her from the pain she couldn’t seem to get rid of.

She got behind the wheel of the fire truck. Normally, Elle would drive, but when she caught her eye, there was an understanding that passed between them.

This time, their team leader was Captain Jenna Carter. At thirty-eight, she already had fifteen years of experience on the job. Naturally, Ember deferred to her.

“What are we looking at this time, Captain?” Ember asked.

“Fire at an old construction site. It’s been abandoned for a while, but it’s been known to house junkies and some homeless folk.”

Ember missed being behind the wheel of a vehicle. She missed Joan. Her mind cleared somewhat as she drove to the site of the emergency. Fire had started right in the center of town, in the business district. The building was supposed to be a mall, but construction had been halted halfway.

Jenna radioed in, telling them they were going to need another team of firefighters to handle it. Ember could see why. The building was huge, their one fire engine wouldn’t be able to cover everything.

Ember brought the truck to a stop where they could easily access a fire hydrant. They’d already ran this drill multiple times. Jenna surveyed the building; it looked largely empty. The structure looked stable, but one could never tell with fires. The mall wasn’t complicated, chances of the fire eating through something important leading to a collapse was high.

“Is everybody out?!” Jenna asked the witnesses watching the mall go up in flames.

The ratty looking man shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t look very sober in Ember’s eyes. They focused on getting hoses down and started smothering the fire with high-pressure water. Immediately, the smoke thickened, obscuring most of the building. They kept the pressure on. Zara was the strongest on the team so it was her job to direct the hose. Ember observed the building, underneath the roar of the flames she could hear a creaking noise. It was toward the east end of the crescent-shaped building. Most of the flames had been put out, leaving a blackened, misshapen husk.

“Hey, Zara,” Ember called out. “Let’s back away a little bit.”

Zara snapped to attention, understanding the warning for what it was. She moved ten feet back. It might have seemed she wasn’t too close at first glance, but debris from a collapsing building could travel surprisingly far.

The creaking noise grew loud enough that the others heard it as well.

“It’s coming down!” Jenna yelled. “Back away!”

Sure enough, the top two floors on that side caved in on itself, producing a thunderous boom as it crashed. A large plume of smoke filled the air.

“ Aaahh !”

Ember’s head snapped to the left.

“Did you hear that?!”

Jenna glanced at her. The look she gave Ember confirmed that she had heard it too. There was reluctance in her gaze. She didn’t admit it out loud. Ember knew what she was worried about. It wasn’t going to stop her. The urge to go into the building overcame her good sense. She rushed to the truck to grab her breathing apparatus and mask.

“Ember, the structure is unstable! Part of it just came down, for Pete’s sake!” Jenna cautioned.

“You heard it too, just like I did. There’s somebody in there!”

She pulled the mask on and rushed up to the building. The fire welcomed her. Almost like the warm embrace of a loved one. Most firefighters developed a healthy respect for flames. Some even feared it. For Ember, fire was many things, it was accepting, in a strange way. Fire would consume anything it could without discrimination. There was something to be said about that level of acceptance. Yes, that was the thing about fire. It would take you as you were, and all your worries and flaws would mean nothing in the face of its limitless hunger.

She rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, being more careless than usual. What use was her life if she couldn’t get to the people who needed her on time. Would she fail at this task too? No. She would not, even if it killed her.

The scream had come from the direction of the crash. Ember believed there’d been someone there when it came down. They could still be alive if they weren’t crushed. Now the problem was finding them on time. Most people thought fire was the most dangerous thing in a burning building. It was actually the smoke they needed to worry about first. It would get to them before the flames did.

Her eyes scanned the third floor. Checking for any form that vaguely resembled human. She had to go through the individual stores, which made progress even slower. As far as she could tell, no one else had entered the building behind her, that meant Jenna had done the right thing and kept everyone else who wasn’t suicidal out. There was no need to risk more lives than necessary for this rescue.

“Hello?! Is anybody there?!” she called out, hoping to get a response. She didn’t, but that didn’t stop her. She kept up her search until she was just on the edge of the section that had collapsed. If the victim was here, this was where she would find them. It was possible the collapse had knocked them out.

Or they could be buried under the rubble.

Ember went further down, lifting up and pushing away the rubble. The smoke engulfed her, blackening out her vision. She heard a cough. Coming from somewhere nearby.

“Ember!” the radio on her shoulder crackled. “That’s enough! Get out of there!”

“No!” Ember moved through the wrecked building, dodging low-hanging concrete from what was left of the floor above. “I heard someone!”

“Everybody’s already out,” came Jenna’s voice over the radio. “There’s nobody left in there! Get out!”

She was certain she heard someone cough. Somebody was still alive. She couldn’t leave without them. Ember couldn’t fail, not again. She’d failed too many times already. She’d failed Josephine, Joan had gotten wrecked, she and her mother were not talking. This was all she had left. She would not fail.

Ember continued to push the rubble around. She took a step forward, a little too far to the edge of what was left of the collapsed floor. It gave underneath her weight. There was an initial jolt of terror as the floor crumbled underneath her feet and gravity took hold of her. As she fell, her fear gave way to peace. At least she’d done all she could. It wouldn’t count as failure if she died trying, would it? Nobody would judge her then, would they? Would it matter? She would be gone by then. It wouldn’t. Perhaps now the eyes would stop glaring at her accusingly. No judgement in death after all.

“Ember!” Someone wrenched the mask off her face.

She was staring up at the open skies. She was outside the building, no recollection of how she got there. Jenna appeared above her, her dark hair framing her worried face underneath her helmet. The captain was covered in dirt and part of her gear was still smoking.

“Are you okay?”

Ember moved her lips. They were working. She felt fine.

“Yes?” But she didn’t understand how, or why. The building had gone down, hadn’t it? She tried to get up, feeling strength return to her body as she moved. Jenna helped her up. She glanced around, noting other firefighters arounds. The fire had been put out, only a few areas was still smoking so everyone was a bit more relaxed, though Kiera and Zara gave her worried looks.

“What about the person trapped inside?” Ember enquired.

Jenna frowned. “We’ve gone through most of the rubble. We haven’t found anybody so far.”

“That’s…,” Ember didn’t know what to say to that. She’d heard someone cry out, hadn’t she? She definitely heard someone stuck up there when she was in the building. She heard them cough.

“I don’t think there was ever anyone trapped up there, Ember,” Jenna told her.

The ride back to the fire station at the early hours of the morning was eerily quiet. Even Kiera, who was normally boisterous, was somewhat subdued. Jenna drove the fire truck while Ember was made to sit in the back. She didn’t know if that was meant as punishment or for her to recover. The medic had performed a check-up and confirmed that she was fine.

Apparently, only a small portion of the floor had collapsed, likely due to Ember’s weight. Any more than that it would likely have killed her. They’d used the firetruck’s ladder to lift Jenna up. She found Ember buried under mostly dust, her helmet and protective gear had prevented any serious injuries. They brought her down without any incident.

Nobody mentioned the fact that she had risked her life for nothing. They searched the whole rubble. Nothing was found. There was nobody trapped inside the building.

Ember knew she was going to get an earful for her mother when she came in to work. This time, she actually deserved it. Another failure .