Chapter 5

Regardless of how I couldn"t make any sense of my emotions, I trailed behind Lake into Snatched. He had so much confidence hanging from his shoulders like a long-ass cloak, I almost tripped on it.

Kim was next to me and each time he snuck a glance my way, my heart felt like it was trying to escape through my throat. He was silent, but he"d opened his mouth half a dozen times, then ended up shutting it.

Whatever he was feeling, he couldn"t figure out how to express it.

Well, pot and kettle, because I had so many thoughts, and so much anger, bubbling just under the surface. Every time I tried to think of how to tell them exactly what I thought, it was like too many words were rushing to my mouth at the same time, and I just...couldn"t.

Joaquin and Atlas followed behind us. They were several steps back, but their presence was so suffocating, I was choking from their gazes drilling into the back of my head.

The taste in my mouth was worse than ass.

Catcalls and whistles were thrown our way from the people standing in the queue. The guys ignored it.

I"d tried to search the news to see if anything about their arrest had gotten out, but nothing. It was like it never happened. They didn"t act as if this was anything other than an inconvenience they"d already forgotten.

The bouncer nodded, and an attendant opened the door for us all to glide through. People treated them, and me by extension, like royalty and it was another needle on the stack of things that seemed surreal about being here.

I leaned toward Kim. "I"m heading to the bathroom," I shouted over the thumping music in the main club room.

He nodded, his lids down over his worried eyes as he met my stare. After a glance at Joaquin and Atlas, he followed me.

"I can go to the bathroom by my damn self," I snapped.

Kim flinched.

Shit, I rubbed my forehead as I stepped into the hallway. There were less people here. The music was muted and outside of the creepy ass attendants lining the wall, it was like we had the space to ourselves.

Not waiting for him to say anything, and not giving myself an opportunity to apologize, I sped to the restroom and hit the door with enough force that it slammed against the wall before banging shut.

Checking the stalls, I let out a breath when I confirmed they were all empty.

"What are you doing, Beasty?" I said to myself as I braced my hands on the counter.

The lighting was low to set some kind of seductive mood. The air fresheners were just strong enough not to be overwhelming. Then there was me. Dressed up in another outfit from the closet.

Wide-legged, black slacks and a silky, white blouse I"d never wear. But I couldn"t wear my ratty jeans and tees here.

Circles were almost noticeable under my eyes, but I"d applied a tiny bit of concealer.

Who was I?

Was I the woman who stood firm on what I didn"t want my life to be? Who I didn"t want in my life?

Well, that was fucking rich considering I"d let Stevo slide right in on a boogie board. He was the biggest mistake I"d ever made. To add insult to injury, I hadn't cared about him and he"d fucked my life up.

I swallowed hard.

Only for Lake to kill him. There wasn"t even a bit of remorse there.

Not able to stand the sight of myself anymore, I left the bathroom. I hadn"t needed to go, I just wanted a second to myself.

I"d always been alone. Always. And now with the boys trying to constantly force their way into my space, I couldn"t breathe.

It wasn't that I wanted to be alone. I didn't. But how do you change everything you've ever been taught by life?

Kim pushed away from the wall and stepped closer to me. Locks of jet black hair fell into his face, giving him a boyish look. That and the large, puppy eyes he sported.

"Everyone is in the Gold Room." His voice was soft and angelic as he looked down, his dark lashes fanned out to hide his eyes.

I nodded, but he didn"t see the movement.

The other night, I"d told them I wanted to know the real them. All of them.

The Gold Room, the gambling, that was part of it. I just didn"t know if I wanted to keep going on this path.

"Let"s go."

He glanced up, seemingly surprised that I"d agreed to go so easily.

Me too.

Hesitantly, he raised his arm, and I slid my hand into the crook of his elbow.

"I"m glad you"re still here," he said so quietly, I almost couldn"t hear him.

Releasing a long sigh, I kept my gaze trained straight ahead. What did I even say to that?

"Just talk to me, Beasty. Please?" he begged, tugging me to a stop just outside the Gold Room.

"About what? Whenever I do try to speak to you or them, no one listens."

Kim sucked in a deep breath. "We do listen."

"I can"t." I shook my head and closed the distance to the door. I couldn"t do this with him at the club. I wasn"t even sure why I was here. "Look, I'm grateful for what you all are trying to do for me but… No, you know what? Let"s talk about this later. Okay?" I added softly, looking over my shoulder to check on him as the attendant opened the door.

"Okay." He twisted his lips to the side and nodded for me to enter the Gold Room.

The noise coming out of the room was different from the others. Already this had a different vibe than the rooms with performances or dancing.

It was classy. And boujee.

Men laughed and women giggled. There was a tinkling of glasses sounding around the room that made this place feel...vibrant. Old school.

Even though the boys and I were dressed how we normally would for Snatched. Yeah, okay, they were dressed how they normally would, most of the other people–patrons?–were dressed like they were stepping out of the twenties.

Kim slid his fingers through mine when he stopped next to me. He froze, glancing down at our entwined hands.

My heart hurt for him. For me too, really.

Why couldn"t we just live a quiet life meant for just us? Me and them.

No fame, no riches, for damn sure no murder charges. But they wanted something completely different than me and we were left standing on opposite sides of a chasm.

Giving Kim"s hand a squeeze, I waited for him to look up. It took effort. He acted as if it was almost physically impossible to pull his gaze away from our hands.

When his eyes met mine, the world stopped. Only colors existed around us and the sounds died down to a muted buzz.

Kim"s beautiful tilted eyes were so sharp in their sadness. I hated the way he tucked his chin like he expected me to pull away. To push him away.

God, why was this so hard?

I wanted them, didn"t I?

I told them I wanted the real them. Right?

Something sharp, like an elbow, knocked into my back and I stumbled forward. Gasping, I tried to hold myself steady by using Kim"s hold as leverage, but I tripped over my own damned feet.

"Watch yourself," Kim barked.

I would have been shocked if it wasn"t for Joaquin pulling me into his chest and glaring over my shoulder. "He absolutely needs to watch himself or he"s going to find himself on the banned list." Joaquin"s voice was low, yet full of so much irritation and anger I almost flinched.

"Hey, now. That"s uncalled for. I assure you, I lost my footing."

Twisting my head, I just caught which man was speaking. There were three of them. All tall, fashion-forward, and gorgeous. Exactly the kind of men I"d imagined the boys to be running with.

The man who had been speaking stood in the center of the trio, a little slimmer, his expression a bit more pinched. His gaze swept from Joaquin, then behind us, before landing on me.

"Funny, I thought Kim would be the one." His nose scrunched like he smelled shit.

Kim straightened up while staring at the man dead-on. But it was Joaquin who made the next sound.

He chuckled. It wasn"t the funny ha ha kind of sound. More like, you"ve got to be out of your goddamned mind noise.

"Alfie, this is all beneath you. We left the fashion business. You can thank Lake for even allowing you on the property. What"s your game by shoving Beasty?" he asked as if he really cared. But when I glanced up, a dangerous glint in his eyes said that maybe he didn"t.

That this was about to be a whole different game to him.

Chills raced down my spine and arms as prickly tingles rolled up the sides of my face.

Alfie curled his top lip as he glanced at his friends on either side of him. Actually, they didn"t look like friends so much as stone-faced bodyguards. I narrowed my eyes on him, as I twisted in Joaquin"s arms.

Alfie did look familiar. I couldn"t place him though.

"It was an accident. Don"t worry, it won"t happen again." He didn"t spare me a glance, although he let his gaze trail over both Joaquin and who I assumed to be Atlas.

I snuck a glance over my shoulder. Yup, Atlas was standing so close to Joaquin, Atlas" chest touched his shoulder.

Joaquin"s fingers twitched on my sides. "Now wait. You wanted our attention, right? I"m sure if I replayed the footage, your misstep wouldn"t be a mistake at all." Alfie stiffened and his guards remained impassive. "You have it now. How about a wager?"

"I don"t bet." Alfie frowned.

"Anymore," Kim supplied.

There was so much history and undertones, it was driving me insane. Like an itch inside my brain I couldn"t reach. If they just said the right phrase, or gave the right look, I could figure out why this was such a scene.

The man had elbowed me, and I was pissed, but I wouldn"t fight over it. Not without more provocation. There was no point. It was a waste of energy.

But for whatever reason, Joaquin was goading Alfie when he was trying to back down.

"Joaquin, it"s not a big deal," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that?" he asked by my ear, rubbing his cheek along my hair. What the hell was he doing? I glanced around the room, my gaze darting from one person to the next.

Joaquin was drawing a crowd and with all three of them clustered around me, facing off with this guy Alfie, people were literally pulling from their games to walk over.

I turned so he could hear me better. "It"s not a big deal."

"That"s where you"re wrong, Beasty. It"s a very big deal. And Alfie here has a gambling problem. Don"t you, Alfie?" He stepped back and glanced at the tables.

"I beg your biggest fucking pardon," Alfie spat, his shoulders bunching up.

"Come on, Alfie. It"s not like we don"t know you." Atlas stepped up beside me, pocketing his hands.

They knew him?That comment...hurt.

Why did that one comment hurt? It didn"t make sense.

Except they had some kind of history and I didn"t have any of it. Wasn"t part of any of it.

"And you"re forgetting, I know you. If anyone has a problem, it"s Joaquin." Alfie waved a hand toward Joaquin. "He–"

"We"re not talking about Joaquin." Lake circled around behind him. The crowd pushed back, giving him a wide berth.

A woman off to the side reached into her clutch. The flash of her phone was just visible when Lake snapped and pointed at her. "Don"t even think about it. You know what?" He put two fingers in his mouth and gave a sharp whistle. "Henry! Get this bitch out of here." Then to the crowd he said, "You"re privileged enough to be in one of the exclusive private rooms of Snatched. These rooms are by invitation only. If I even get a whiff that you might be trying to record footage or any other items on the NDA you signed, we"ll boot you out and place you on the banned list."

"What? I wasn"t going to do that!" The woman spun away from the security guard, but he caught her and started carting her out.

"Now," Joaquin called as he strolled over to a table with different colored circles and a spinning wheel on the end. "How about Roulette?" He tapped two fingers on the wooden edge and raised one brow in a dare.

Alfie yanked at the bottom of his jacket and rolled his neck, seeming to pull confidence from the movements. Then he stomped over. "Fine, you want me to do this. Fuck it. I"ll play, then I"m out of here."

One of the guards at his back pulled a tray of chips out of who the fuck knew where, and handed it to him. It wasn"t the largest tray I"d ever seen, but it was decently full.

But shit, what did I know? Atlas placed a hand on the small of my back, shuffling me closer. Somehow, I"d gotten left behind as everyone else circled the table.

I"d been so caught up in watching Alfie, I"d spaced out for a minute. Stupid of me. I knew what could happen when you got lost in your head.

Atlas kept pushing me forward until I was next to Joaquin, and the table pressed into my stomach. He settled his hands on my hips and his chin on top of my head.

The dull roar of conversation was gone now as the attendant prepped the table.

The noise disappeared so completely, it made it impossible to ignore the rising beat of my heart.

Atlas" touch, the tension Joaquin was purposefully building, the way the boys arranged themselves around me…After the arrests, it was too much.

They acted as if there was nothing wrong. They were criminals and they embraced it.

These boys, the ones I"d idolized as a kid, were bad men, and they were going to pull me down, just like Books warned.

Breathing came harder and the edges of my vision started to waver, but I discreetly sucked in air. Then again, and again, until I wasn"t going to make myself pass out.

"How"s your career going?" Joaquin asked idly as he made his bet, sliding his chips onto a number on the board. At least, I thought that was what he was doing.

"Fine," Alfie bit out as he picked a different number. His gaze landed on me for two seconds. His top lip pulled back again, then he locked his gaze on the attendant.

This man was hurt. He was a grade-A asshole, but he was hurt too. Knocking me over? That was probably because he believed he'd been wronged by Atlas and Joaquin somehow.

"This wasn"t in my plans for tonight, but I can"t say turning you into my bitch is a bad ending." Joaquin shrugged as something mean glinted in his dark eyes.

Alfie pulled a disgusted face and reared his head back before collecting himself.

I started to twist around to check Atlas" expression, but his hold on my hips tightened and his head didn"t move. In fact, he put more pressure on my head to dissuade me from moving, and one hand slid around to my lower stomach possessively.

My heart skipped a beat, but I didn"t do a damned thing about it.

Causing a public scene in their club wouldn"t do me any favors. I"d save that for later.

Instead, I focused on the scene in front of me. It was like a train crash I couldn"t turn away from.

Joaquin and Alfie traded barbs as the attendant spun the wheel with the little ball bouncing around, searching for the place it would land.

Alfie grew more and more uncomfortable as Joaquin seemed to grow bigger with each snide remark and cutting glance.

When the ball landed, cheers exploded and I winced.

Joaquin smirked at Alfie, the devil in his eyes.

All the blood drained from Alfie"s face as the attendant used a squiggee like stick to pull all the chips away. He"d bet his entire tray like a dumbass.

"No, no! I hadn"t meant to put all my money on that. You distracted me on purpose, you fucking motherfucker." Alfie took a swing at Joaquin, but his guard caught him around the middle and pulled him back. Joaquin leaned away and avoided Aflie"s fist by a good two inches.

"What do you think Dan is going to ask for when you crawl to him, needing money?" Joaquin asked quietly as he stepped toward Alfie.

The guard still had Aflie in a vice grip, grunting as Alfie struggled to get out of his hold.

"You think this is funny! Is the idea of my cold dead body in the back of an alley exciting to you?" Alfie yelled, his eyes bugging out. "You toyed with me! Both of you fuckers did! You"re evil! Exactly what everyone in the industry says you are!"

Atlas chuckled low and dark, the vibrations tickling my back. "We didn"t toy with you. We fucked you. It wasn"t special. Definitely nothing for us to consider a second round. If you expected more, that"s your own issue."

He pulled me deeper into his body, unaware of the fury building inside me.

They slept with Alfie and from the sounds of it, together. That hurt as much as it burned the back of my mouth.

Fucking ridiculous emotions that were good for nothing. The guys weren"t mine. What they did before didn"t have anything to do with us now.

But more than any impossible infidelity, was the cruelty.

They were being cruel. Needlessly cruel. And for what? Because he shoved me?

"If you ever want to step foot back in this establishment, get him out of here." Joaquin nodded at the bodyguards with Alfie.

One nodded his head and the man still holding Alfie just grunted as he started to turn.

"You"re sick, Joaquin! You"re the one with the gambling addiction! You"re the one who"s going to run your friends into the ground!" Alfie was trying so hard to get the last word in.

Joaquin smiled at the guards' backs as they headed toward the exit. "It"s only a sickness if you lose. Remember that, Alfie."

When he was gone, people lingered for a few minutes. Men straightened their shoulders, affecting smarmy expressions, as if they were waiting for one of the boys" attention so they could be part of the club.

Women squeezed their arms together to push their boobs up and sucked in their stomachs as they sauntered by.

Activity resumed as people moved back to their tables, yet I was frozen. Atlas didn"t even seem to notice as he maneuvered us so his ass was to the table and we faced the room.

Joaquin slowly approached us, but his gaze was on Lake.

"You know you took his life savings, right?" Lake asked with an air of indifference. "He was here to get enough money to save his house from foreclosure."

Joaquin shrugged and Kim stepped up next to him, completing their circle with me in the middle.

"If he has to go to Dan..." Kim shot a glance at the door, then looked back at Joaquin.

"Dan isn"t Gates," Joaquin growled as he bared his teeth in a nasty snarl. "Don"t act like I did that to him. He made the decision to come here. There are three other casinos he could go to, or he could have gone to Vegas. He was the one who decided to be petty and knock over Beasty."

Each of them exchanged glances with various expressions ranging from anger, indifference, and uncertainty. The uncertainty was only on Kim, but I had a feeling that was just because of his comment about the man who held them.

The boys were cruel, maybe a little too cunning, and unremorseful.

I didn"t know these men at all. Who I thought they were? Those boys didn"t exist.

And they sure as hell didn"t know me. We didn"t have the same beliefs, and we didn"t fit into each others" lives. Tonight just made me feel even further on the outside.

Which begged the question, what were we doing?