Chapter 15

This was downright pitiful.

I glanced at the few outfits I had brought in my duffel bag that were hung up in the closet. A couple pairs of old jeans, ripped from wear and not from fashion like the guys' pants. A few plain T-shirts and one that said Moe"s Minions from the shelter I used to work at.

The sundress.

A couple big T-shirts for sleeping. They should have gone in the drawer but the closet was so sad with only a handful of items hanging up. This way, they wouldn"t get that drawer smell on them anyway.

Sighing, I grabbed the pair of jeans I"d worn almost daily since I got here and the Moe"s Minions T-shirt. The boys hadn"t said anything about my clothes, but they noticed. Each time their eyes would linger on my butt where the pockets were starting to get holes, or on my side where the seams were starting to loosen on my shirt, I"d heat up and turn away.

They"d been gentlemen and hadn"t said anything. Maybe that was worse?

After getting dressed and running a brush through my hair, I left my bedroom and headed to the kitchen. There were enough noises coming from that direction that they all had to be there. They weren"t that quiet, but Atlas and Kim kept different schedules.

Rounding the corner, I gave Joaquin a little smile. "Morning."

"Morning." He nodded, his gaze dropping to my T-shirt and jeans. Immediately, my face started to flush just like I knew it would.

Lake turned around from the stove where he was making a massive amount of scrambled eggs. Atlas was sticking bread in the toaster on the other side of the kitchen, yet he glanced over his shoulder too.

I shifted my weight on my feet as I suddenly had all their attention. This was one of the first times I"d been in the same room with all of them outside of joining them for their jobs, and the weight of their attention was a little terrifying.

"Good morning," Kim said softly, grinning as he set his tea on the counter. I"d learned that about Kim. He liked tea. All kinds, but a spicy chai was his favorite.

"We"re all off today, and I thought we"d go out and do something," Lake said as he turned to the pan. He rolled the spatula back and forth in his hand.

"To do what?" I"d been here over a month and I still didn"t have a purpose. I was just kind of floating through.

I could ask, but what if that got on their nerves? Or reminded them I was here?

That was stupid. They knew I was here, but when I was coasting along with them, I didn"t cause any trouble, and I wasn"t extra work.

If I started asking for things, I"d start creating more headaches. That was Foster Care 101. To stay in a house you liked, you made yourself as small and invisible as possible while balancing it out with being useful.

"We"re going shopping." Kim grinned wider, like he was proud of the announcement.

"What for?" I asked in a measured tone. I had a sinking suspicion, but what else was I supposed to say?

"Clothes," Kim answered, the one word a happy chirp.

"Clothes?" I swallowed.

"You need some new things. We're going to get them for you." Lake still spoke to the skillet as he picked it up and divvied the eggs between five plates.

Not four. Five.

They"d planned this.

Anxiety ridden butterflies took flight in my stomach at the same time it decided to growl. Loudly.

Atlas glanced over and raised a brow.

How damned embarrassing. And what did I do? I laughed like Steve Urkel. Clamping my lips shut, I walked to the counter and picked up the plate with the least amount of eggs.

But Kim took it out of my hands and scooted another plate toward me. One that had at least four eggs worth of scramble on it.

"I have to keep my figure for the shoot next week." He lowered his voice like he was sharing a secret with me. "I make just as much money off of my body type as I do my face."

Kim backed away and went to the table as I snuck a quick glance at his body. He was tall, taller than most Asians, and I think he"d even grown a little since I'd been here. When did guys stop growing?

Joaquin choked, and when I turned to him, he rushed to set his mug down and grabbed a paper towel to clean up the coffee on the counter.

Picking up my plate, I carried it to the table and then went to get a cup of orange juice. For a bunch of guys, they had so many groceries. The good kind. Not tons of off-brand cereals or boxes of Mac-N-Cheese. It was kind of weird, but I was happy they got to eat so well.

A memory of Aunt Erin flashed through my head.

"Food is food, Beasty. We have to be thankful for what we get. Don"t bite no hands that feed."

Weird that that popped up in my head. It didn"t matter here at all, but the short fragment tightened my chest. I couldn"t even remember Aunt Erin"s face clearly anymore. It was all fuzzy pictures with a dark blurry hole in the middle.

Of my favorite memories, I remembered her hands, the concrete, or her tent, but not her face. I must not have looked at her face much.

"Are you okay?" Kim tapped the table next to my plate.

"Hm?" I jerked my head up. I"d taken a seat and hadn"t even noticed. "Yeah, just wool gathering."

He shook his head and gave me a wistful smile before he started in on his breakfast. It was good. But they didn"t taste like the eggs Megan made. She smothered hers in butter, but these were...savory. Salty and tasted like they had garlic in them.

Conversation was quiet while we ate. Atlas and Joaquin talked about an upcoming job. Joaquin ran through some quick numbers with Lake and Lake talked about a new idea for security.

But, overall, it was sparse.

The lack of noise only made my own chewing that much louder in my head.

I pushed my plate back when I finished it, my stomach protruding from eating every bite.

"Ready?" Lake asked Kim. Kim in turn raised his brows at me.

"Yeah." I shrugged. I"d already brushed my teeth and if they wanted to go now, I was ready.

They weren't ready. I waited in the living room for fifteen minutes as they went to their rooms to get dressed. When they came out, they looked as haughty and well-dressed as I expected of any models.

In the SUV, I took a window seat in the back, with Kim in the middle and Atlas on the other side.

Lake had at least turned the music on to cover the sound of our silence. Before long, we were pulling into an upscale mall that made me more uncomfortable than their quick looks at my clothing choices.

"Who are we shopping for?" I asked, tugging on the hem of my shirt as I stood next to the car.

"You, crazy." Kim laughed.

Dread weighed down each step as we walked to the entrance, even with Kim next to me the entire time. The other three fanned out behind us. It was early, barely a few minutes after ten and we passed two people.

Okay, this might not be bad if the place was empty.

It might even be kind of nice.

The smell of the mall always fascinated me. I hadn"t gone that much as a kid, but I"d been. And it always smelled the same, like there was some secret air freshener all malls kept on hand all the time. Like they used the same cleaning supplies, which was ridiculous.

"Let"s start at Macy"s." Kim pointed to the end. "It"s not the boutiques I like, but they have some decent brands." His steps picked up with his excitement.

It was cute. He seemed really excited to be around so many clothes.

But he didn"t head to the men"s section. He zeroed in straight on the women"s. A part of me had hoped he'd get distracted.

"Kim, what are you doing?" I slowed my steps like that would force him to go at my speed. It didn"t. He made it there, then doubled back only to zing away again.

My steps lightened and I bounced as I walked, mirroring Kim. His excitement was contagious, even as my anxiety started to soar through the roof.

Some of the attendants at the perfume counter turned our way, their gazes pausing on the boys, before coming to me.

One woman"s nose wrinkled when I turned to look at her.

I knew why.

I was an ugly duck. It didn"t matter that Kim said he thought I was pretty. The rest of the world didn"t think we matched. We weren"t compliments of each other like most couples were.

While it didn"t bother me for the typical reasons, the attention was still uncomfortable.

Glancing away, I focused on Kim"s back as he stepped on the escalator. If I couldn"t see their judgment, it didn"t affect me.

Except whispers started at the bottom floor by the jewelry counter.

I glanced down at a group of employees huddled where they could see us. One young girl, maybe around my age, pointed at Kim, then pointed across the floor.

Without thinking too much about what she could be pointing out, I glanced over.

My heart skipped a beat.

In the men"s section, was a giant advertisement of Kim. Did he know that was here?

He had to, right? Yet, he was so focused on getting up the stairs, he either didn"t know, or pretended not to.

"We"ll start over here. You have a great body type, Beasty. You"re well-proportioned. Have a nice shape. Best of all, you have long legs. You would hardly need anything hemmed if we get lucky." He dropped my hand to start rifling through some clothes on an interior rack.

Jeans. He was moving through jeans.

Atlas leaned against a wall nearby, expressionless as he watched us. Or me, really.

But when I made eye contact with him, he shifted his gaze to Kim.

Where did Joaquin and Lake go? They were literally just here.

I glanced around. This early, the store was empty except for some employees. And somehow, we"d lost two of us. They were on the escalator behind me. I was sure of it.

Leaning to the side, I glanced around the middle display. There they were. But they weren"t alone.

Another man stood with them. A shady looking man. If I"d seen him on the street in our old town, I"d walk on the other side.

He was too thin, gaunt cheeks, and when he glanced at me, there was a glint in his eyes. One that I"d made sure to avoid when I was on the street with Aunt Erin.

I sucked in a breath, and Atlas stepped in front of me to block my view.

But he wasn"t quick enough to hide the fact that Lake handed that guy a wad of cash.

"Beasty," Kim said, a note of exasperation in his voice. "Are you listening?"

I jumped and turned. "Yeah, sorry. I wondered where the guys went."

Kim glanced around, like he hadn"t realized we were two short. Then he shrugged. "They know how to take care of themselves. We don"t have to worry about them. Not since the time that little old lady tried to get Lake"s number."

Atlas snorted.

"What?"

"It was nothing. You know how horny some ladies can be when they see big muscles." Kim held up three pairs of jeans. "Let"s go try on these styles. I have an idea of what would look good on you, but I want to confirm it."

I nodded slowly, fighting the urge to glance back at Lake and Joaquin. "Yeah, sure."

Kim was a great distraction, but it wasn"t enough to get the picture out of my mind. Lake couldn't be a drug dealer. They had too much to lose. And that would be stupid.

None of the boys seemed like they did drugs anyway. I"d seen addicts before, on the street when I was young, or even on the street when I"d walk through town. They had none of the signs. That didn"t mean that they didn"t take steroids. Or that Atlas and Kim didn"t need help to keep their model bodies.

That wasn"t fair of me. I was judging based off of a two-second view of something that could be completely innocent.

But that niggling in the back of my mind said that wasn"t the case.

I made it all the way inside the dressing room with Kim before I came to my senses.

"Here, try these first." Kim handed over a faded pair of wide-legged jeans.

I took them, staring at him. He was inside the room with me. And the curtain was closed. Did he want me to change with him right here?

Swallowing, I glanced at the jeans, then at the curtain.

"Oh. Oh!" A rosy pink tint suffused his face. "I"ll wait out there with Atlas. Open the curtain when you"re done. I want to check their fit." He ducked out of the room, and he started whispering with Atlas. Their voices echoed, but not loud enough for me to make out the words.

The entire time I stripped my pants and put on the pair he"d handed me, I couldn"t get Lake and Joaquin out of my head.

What other reason could they have for meeting a guy like that, here of all places. If it was something illegal, they wouldn"t meet in a store where there were cameras. Right?

My brain started to spin looking for scenarios but I couldn"t come up with one good reason why they would meet with a man like that.

Books words floated through my head.

"Your life started out as shit, and if you get sucked into the wrong crowd, you"ll continue to live in shit."

These boys, they were the only people I ever wanted to truly be friends with. They ran from me so much that when they finally came back for me, it seemed like a dream come true.

Yet there was a voice in the back of my head that said maybe this wasn"t what I wanted it to be.

Books wasn"t part of my life. He didn"t know me. And he certainly didn"t know them. But bad people were bad people. That was who he was talking about.

And if I didn"t distance myself from that behavior, I would never break the cycle.

I needed to. For myself, I needed to prove that I wasn"t my childhood. I could choose to be whoever I wanted to be.

If the boys were doing drugs or selling them...

"Beasty, are you done yet?" Kim asked as he tapped his fingers on the wall next to the curtain. His voice didn"t sound right.

I pushed the curtain open and cleared my throat. "I"m done."

My arms hung awkwardly at my side. The jeans felt like heaven. Thick, soft material that stretched perfectly across my hips. I"d never worn anything like this. I wasn"t sure I liked it.

Kim fidgeted as he bent to the side and checked out the back of the jeans. I tried not to flinch. He was right there next to my ass.

Then I saw them. Hovering at the entrance to the changing rooms were a group of women, young and old. All smiling, with their phones out. Every single one of them eyed up Kim and Atlas like they were pieces of juicy steak.

Atlas didn"t seem to care. He ignored them and kept his attention on us.

Kim twirled a finger for me to turn.

I did, but I glanced over my shoulder. "Are you okay?" I whispered. His finger was shaking.

He nodded, then shuffled closer. "People in crowds like this are unpredictable. Sometimes they try to touch us, and when I"m not prepared for it..." He winced.

"Then let"s get out of here." I stepped back to change. I didn"t want these clothes anyway. They were nice. The gesture that they wanted to buy things for me was sweet, if uncomfortable, but this wasn"t me.

"Can I..." He motioned to the room.

I gulped. I"d never changed in front of anyone like this before. Except that would be easier than letting him stay in view of the women watching him. They were by the door now, but what if they got bold? "Yeah."

He grinned. "Don"t worry. I"ll turn my back. And I still want to see you in the other pairs. I"ll just order what I want once I have a better idea of your size."

I didn"t tell him that I knew my size, and that I had my own money from Books. Instead, I changed, and he took a few minutes to check each style.

The longer we were in here, the more at ease he became. And then we were done. All in all, we might have spent five minutes trying on the two other pairs of jeans.

When we walked out, Lake stood at the entrance to the changing rooms speaking to a security guard. They"d gotten the workers to head back to their stations, but now there was a small crowd of female shoppers.

As soon as he glanced back and saw us coming, he said a few words to the security guard and the man started guiding the women away.

Joaquin took the lead and walked at a clipped pace as Kim, Atlas, and I followed. Lake took up the rear. I guess to keep people away. They acted like this was normal and I couldn"t quite wrap my head around that.

But the bigger thing bothering me was the question Kim asked Lake as we passed.

"Did you get what you needed?"

Lake nodded and then they moved like nothing had happened at all.

I hated that I was cynical. But how could I not be?

It was only the desperate hope that I was wrong that allowed me to pretend I hadn"t heard it.

But desperation breeds idiocy.