24. Jace Holloway

Chapter 24

Jace Holloway

The feather in between my fingers felt like a dagger.

Sharp.

Shiny.

Lethal.

My chest tightened. Blood froze. I turned to Theo, trying to keep my voice from shaking. It couldn’t be what I thought it was. Surely not. Couldn’t be a raven feather. Because why would Theo have that in his apartment? With no birds in sight?

“Why do you have this?” The words were like glass cutting up the inside of my mouth. I didn’t want to ask. Didn’t want to know.

“That?” Theo looked equally as puzzled as I felt. He glanced over his shoulder to the balcony. The one that had a breathtaking view of Central Park. “It was from one of Luke’s catches. He likes to sit on the balcony sometimes. A bird got too close. He had brought it in as a gift, that sicko. ”

His cat responded to hearing his name. He looked up from his perch on the cat tree and gave a long yawn, hopping off and sauntering over to the couch. I swallowed. That had to be it. Of course it was because of the cat. It made sense. I’d never owned one, but I knew they had a habit of killing things and bringing them back to their owners. A sign of love.

But… “This feather’s so clean. What kind of bird was it?”

Theo gave a shrug. He looked down at Luke, who had hopped onto his lap. “I think maybe a crow. Or a pigeon. I didn’t find it. The cleaners did. They told me about it.”

“Ah, gotcha.”

Alarm bells rang in the distance of my psyche. It was a crazy thought—of course Theo wasn’t involved in the killings. But, well, what if he was? What if this feather wasn’t either a crow’s or a pigeon’s but a raven’s?

“Mind if I hold on to it?”

“You collecting random feathers now?”

“No, it’s just…” What could I say? That I wanted to take it and get a DNA test ran because I suspected that the man I was falling hard for was actually a serial killer?

It sounded insane. I couldn’t even bring myself to say it.

“You’re right. You should toss it.”

Theo cocked his head, his eyebrows inching together. He rubbed the back of his head, the curling snake tattooed on his forearm appearing to slither with the movement. “You don’t think—is this because of Nevermore? Jesus, Jace. I’m not?—”

“No, I know. I was just thrown off. That’s all.”

Theo stood up and walked over. He wore a pair of loose gray pants, his bare feet padding across the shining hardwood floor. He put a hand on my elbow, his intense hazel gaze pinning me in place. “I get it. You have a job to do. You’re a detective; you question everything. But please, don’t question me. Don’t ever question what we have.”

“What is it that we have?”

“Isn’t that a question?”

“I guess it is.”

Theo’s slanted smile started disarming my guard. “I think we have the beginnings of a really solid relationship. I’m not the kind of guy who gets tamed, Jace. But you’ve broken me in. You saddled me. Made me yours. I don’t see myself ever feeling like this again.” His hand dropped into mine. I looked down at the feather, still in my free hand. The truth was that I felt the same, even though there were a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t. My trust in men had been shattered by my previous relationship. The man I loved with all my being had left me for someone else in a moment when I needed him the most. I never saw that coming. It hit me like a derailed train flying off a midnight track, crushing me instantly.

But Theo had fixed the damage from that crash. His good morning texts, his sweet kisses, his smile and his jokes and his cool, effortless being and his ass and his dick and his lips and his heart. All of him. He created an antidote to the poison that my ex had forced down my throat. He’d given me back my confidence; he’d given me a reason to trust again.

The feather poked at my palm. Theo pushed in for a kiss. The feather fell from my hand.

“I’ve never felt like this before, either,” I admitted. Theo had me pinned against the wall. His body was a perfect fit against mine. He could have me locked in a cell with him, and I wouldn’t feel constrained. “It’s almost a little scary.”

“Nothing about this scares me. Everything about it cures me.”

“What if things are moving too fast?”

“By what standard? Who’s to say how fast any relationship should move? People have gotten married after days of knowing each other. People have broken off after hours of being together. There isn’t a rule book. There isn’t a guide to this.”

“I want this to work, Theo. So fucking bad. You make me feel like a god.”

“And all I want to do is worship at your altar.”

Theo’s eyes glittered. He was hard, and he wasn’t shy about it. Neither was I. I pressed against him.

“I was a complete mess before you got here, Jace. I couldn’t think straight. Could hardly catch my breath. My heart felt like it was ten beats away from exploding. But the second you got here, from the moment I got to hold you, that all stopped.” He leaned in and kissed my neck. I tilted my head back. Sighed. This was everything I needed. He was everything I needed. Everything I thought I had lost.

And it made me feel good to know I was helping him. I wanted to stop Theo from ever feeling any pain, any worries, any stress. Wasn’t that what being in a relationship was all about? Making your other half’s life easier, and they’d do the same in return?

A moan escaped my lips as he sucked on my neck, his body beginning to grind against mine. The warning bells were nonexistent. Once again, Theo managed to pull my mind away from any caution or worries or suspicions. And he did it effortlessly, too. I hardly realized it. Could only focus on how good being with him felt.

“What if you’re lying to me?” I said, eyes shut as his tongue licked against my tender skin.

“About what?”

“About everything. I’ve been fooled before. My ex made me believe he loved me. But he didn’t. He made me think he was my biggest supporter, but he wasn’t.”

“I’m not lying to you. Not when I say that I want you with every fiber of my being. I’m not lying when I say I need you by my side. I’m not lying when I tell you that I’m falling in love with you, Jace.”

That made me pause. That caused my heart to leap up to my throat. Love.

Love.

Love?

Was that what I was feeling?

Love.

“I’m sorry,” he said, eyes turned down to the floor. “I just had to say it. It’s too powerful of an emotion for me to hold back.”

I wasn’t sure if I could say it back. I definitely liked Theo. I liked him a lot . But love took me longer to develop.

And yet, what else could explain why Theo was the first person I thought of when I woke and the last person I thought of as I drifted to sleep? He had consumed my thoughts. Day through night. He’d become my obsession.

“Don’t apologize. I’ve just been hurt before.”

“And that kills me. I don’t want you to hurt again. And if anyone does inflict any kind of pain on you, they’ll have to answer to me.” A possessive kind of anger flared in Theo’s eyes. My cock throbbed against his. My shirt, my pants, my underwear, it all felt too tight. Like I had to shed it all. I wanted to be naked with him, to feel my skin against his.

But that feather.

The thought hit me like a lightning bolt. He had already explained how it ended up in his apartment. It made sense. And yet…

Theo kissed me again. My hands landed on his hips. I could push him away. I could end this here and now. It would be giving in to the doubts I tried so hard to silence. Doubts about myself, my life, my judgment. I could make a choice to cut things off and go back to my sad, boring, pathetic life. Empty. No thrills, no passion. Just the same old boring routine, with no end in sight. The thought alone was already pulling in the curtains of depression, making me imagine a life spent lying in bed, full of what-ifs and whys and should-I’s. I could choose that life, or I could go in the other direction.

There was a clear crossroad set in front of me, and I had no map to guide me.

Theo’s hand threaded through mine. “This is wild. What’s happening between us. There’s no denying it. So let’s just ride the ride.”

“I want to let it all go. I do,” I said.

“Then do.”

“What if that’s a mistake?”

“How? How can anything that feels this good be a mistake?” His hand reached down, rubbed my stiff cock. I pulsed against his grip. He had a point. Maybe I was overthinking all of this? It wouldn’t have been the first time that my mind had been my own worst enemy.

“Tell me you want to leave,” Theo said, his breath hot against my neck. “Tell me, or I’ll never stop.”

I didn’t answer him. I kissed him instead, my tongue finding his, my body caught in the flickering flames of our passion. I’d be left a pile of ash on the floor after tonight. I didn’t care. If this was a mistake, then so fucking be it. If this was wrong, then I’d accept the prospect of never being right again.

I was obsessed. I’d become consumed by Theo Glass, and I didn’t want to entertain any thoughts that countered that. All I wanted was him.

Fuck.

I think I am in love. I’m obsessed, and I’m in love, and I’m in so much fucking trouble.

Because one thing was certain: obsession could ruin a man—or drive him to the truth.