23. Theo Glass

Chapter 23

Theo Glass

There was still blood on my hands. I washed them in my bathroom sink. The water turned red. I ran to the toilet and heaved, chunks of my dinner splashing into the water.

I fucked up. Big-time.

I needed help.

Tequila wasn’t enough. Xanax wasn’t enough. Luke wasn’t enough.

I grabbed my phone, my hands still shaking. I missed Jace’s name twice, tapping it the third time. It rang twice before he answered.

“Hello?”

“Jace, I need you. Please. Come over. I’m—bad panic attack.”

This would likely be my second major mistake of the night. But I didn’t care.

I needed Jace.

I needed to get out of here. Halden’s roommate coming home early wasn’t part of the plan. He was still on the bed, ass up, wearing the pink thong I’d asked him to put on. My book bag was on the floor. I’d silently pulled out the knife. I was close to slicing his throat.

All I had to do was lean over, apply pressure, and be done with it. Then, I’d go through my ritual.

Delete the memory of the camera I knew was hidden in the closet.

Take a photo of the next line in the poem I’d written.

Clean up my hands before I inserted the wires into his shoulders.

Attach the raven feathers to the wires, one by one, knowing that I was doing the right thing.

Then, I’d search through his belongings, through his phone, his computer, all trying to find some kind of pathway to the finish line. The last three victims had a clean trail behind them, but I could sense that I was close. So close to cutting off the head of this snake. The last text message told me that they were onto me. But I bought a new phone, adopted a new persona, scheduled another night with one of their escorts. Someone who deserved this treatment.

Halden was a bad guy. He’d raped his best friend. I found this out through an article written about it in the small town where he was from. His daddy had money, connections, and the case was dropped. But the best friend insisted it happened. Even to me, when I reached out to ask him. He said Halden drugged and raped him.

And he worked for Pressure Point. He was part of the reason why my sister wasn’t around. Why people like me suffered.

So I had to make him suffer.

But I couldn’t do that. Not with the roommate in the apartment.

He wiggled his ass. “Hello?” he asked, voice muffled by his face in the pillow.

“Theo, Jesus, you look—not great.”

I let Jace into my apartment. It was the first time he’d come inside. The first time anyone had come inside.

He wasn’t wrong. I knew I looked like shit. He still wrapped me in a hug. I realized my breath still likely smelled like vomit. I avoided kissing him. I paced back to my bathroom and rinsed my mouth with mouthwash. Jace followed me, leaning on the doorframe.

Luke had decided to introduce himself. He rubbed against Jace’s leg.

“Hey, buddy. This the famous Luke I’ve been hearing all about?” Jace crouched down and gave Luke the head scratches he’d been looking for. He was rewarded with purrs that practically shook the floor. Or maybe that was just the panic that still threatened to turn me inside out. I felt like I was being flayed alive.

“It is,” I managed to get out through my tightening throat. Having Jace in my space helped ease some of the anxiety, but not enough. I walked past him into my living room. I put my hands behind my head and sucked in a few breaths .

Jace appeared behind me. He placed a gentle hand on the small of my back. I looked out my window at the darkening sky.

“Want to talk about it?”

I put the knife back in the bag.

But I’d been too slow. Halden had caught sight of it from the corner of his eye. He quickly rolled onto his back and shot off the bed. “What the fuck was that? Was that a knife?”

I swallowed. Should have been prepared. Everyone was more on edge after the news of Nevermore became public. But this was sloppy. It was a mess. And now, I was going to have to pay for it.

Possibly. There was still a chance I could talk myself out of this.

“It was nothing,” I said. He lunged for my backpack, but I snatched him, hitting him hard with my shoulder. He gasped and fell back against the bed. I was shirtless. I pulled my shorts back up before I tripped over them.

“What the fuck’s in your bag?” Halden’s coke-blown eyes were focused on my bulging backpack. “Kyler! Kyler, get in here!”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Halden’s roommate opened the door. He was a big guy, two-hundred-something pounds of all muscle. He looked at me, then at Halden, then at the bag. “What the fuck is going on?”

“He tried to kill me! ”

I put my hands up, showing I was harmless. “That’s a lie. Your roommate tried to rob me.”

Kyler looked between me and his roommate, confused as fuck.

“Make him open his bag,” Halden said, pointing at the bag holding my knife, my wires, my feathers. “Do it.”

“Let’s see what’s in there,” Kyler said. He crossed his arms, blocked the doorway.

This was bad. Really, really fucking bad.

“I don’t think I can talk about it right now,” I said. “I just needed you here.”

I went to the couch. Jace followed me. He sat down next to me. I realized he constantly had a hand on me, some kind of anchor holding me down, keeping me from spiraling further into the abyss.

It was nice. It was what I needed.

The tightness in my chest eased. It didn’t feel like the crust of the Earth was slowly cracking in half underneath me. Like this entire apartment building was seconds away from being swallowed up and dropped into the pits of hell.

“I’m sorry,” I said to no one and to everyone.

“It’s okay. Whatever happened, you can work through it.”

“I’m sorry for dragging you here.”

“You didn’t drag me anywhere. Besides, I always secretly wanted to see where you lived. And I’m not disappointed at all. You’ve got a beautiful place.”

“Thank you,” I said, dropping my head back to look at the plain white ceiling .

“I know how it feels. When your brain betrays you like this. I get it. But know that it’s just a moment in time. It’ll pass. It always does. Just let the wave wash over you, but don’t let it drag you out, either.”

“I’m trying, Jace. But fuck, I fucked up. I feel fucked-up.”

“You aren’t. Nothing about you is fucked-up. You’re human, just like all of us. Sometimes—most times—it all boils down to chemistry. Your body is reacting to stimuli in a way that heightens everything around you, even the worry and the panic. It’s okay, though. They’re just emotions. Nothing that can hurt you.”

I rubbed my face. I wanted to come clean. To tell him everything. What would he do? Would he immediately turn me in? Would he wrestle me to the ground and call the cops on me? I couldn’t imagine any other outcome.

The panic began to grip my throat again, sinking lethal claws into my skin.

It couldn’t hurt me, sure, but I could hurt myself.

I could hurt them. Kill them both. But it was risky. And I didn’t know anything about Kyler. If I killed him, someone completely innocent, then what would that make me? It would break my code. Ruin the well-laid groundwork I’d been placing since this entire journey began.

I acted as if I was going to open my bag. I leaned over. Kyler was a few feet in front of me, Halden a couple more feet to my left. His bugged-out eyes were locked on me. I unzipped my bag. “Fine, fine. I’ll show you what I’ve got.” I reached into it.

I yanked out the mace I kept in there. A backup form of self-defense. I shot a spray of it in Kyler’s direction. He was shocked, bending over in pain, rubbing at his face. Halden yelled. I ran forward and grabbed the lamp on his nightstand. I lifted it and brought it down on Kyler’s head with all my strength.

It cracked apart, porcelain flying everywhere. Kyler stumbled forward, fell onto his hands and knees.

Shit. He was still conscious. Halden cowered back into the corner. He was going for his phone.

I drove a knee directly into the side of Kyler’s head. The guy crumpled forward. I spun on my feet, picking up the backpack and smacking it across Halden’s face. His phone went flying out of his hand. He spat out blood. I opened my bag and pulled out my knife.

“You got lucky. Now, tell me who’s in charge of this. Who’s your boss. Tell me and I won’t kill you.”

“I… I can’t… Jesus fucking Christ. Just put the knife down.” Halden had his hands up high. He looked like a cornered rabbit, staring down the jaws of a salivating wolf.

“Give me a name. Who do you report to? Is it Gio? Who cuts your checks?”

“It isn’t Gio. It’s not. I know him, I do, but it’s not him. It’s someone named Valdoni, I think.”

“Full name. Now.” I moved forward, crossing the distance that separated us, pushing the knife’s edge against Halden’s chest.

“Leo Valdoni. Leo. That’s his first name.”

“Leo.” That name struck a nerve. And Valdoni… that was… Leo Valdoni. That was—fuck. No. Impossible.

“How do you contact him?” I pushed the knife harder, cutting skin. Blood trickled down his bare chest.

“I get emails from him. And I’ve met with him once. He has a club. In Brooklyn. It’s called Marielle’s.”

My world rocked. He may as well have shot me point-blank in the face.

No. No, that was impossible.

It couldn’t be.

But… holy fuck. No, no, no, no, no.

Leo Valdoni.

Marielle.

My father.

My sister.

It was as if an invisible net yanked around my body. I felt it slice into me.

This was too much to process. Couldn’t cope. Couldn’t think. I balled my hand in a tight fist and smashed it into Halden’s face. He fell backward, nose broken, bleeding like a broken faucet. He folded to the floor. Unconscious, just like his roommate. Except Kyler was already beginning to stir.

I had to get out of there. I grabbed my bag, yanked on my shirt, and hurried out of there.

It was in the elevator that I realized three things all at once:

One: blood covered my fist. I stuffed my hand in my pocket.

Two: my father was somehow involved in my sister’s death. I bit my cheek until I could taste blood .

Three: I had left without grabbing the camera that recorded everything inside that room. My father would know it was me behind Nevermore.

The game was over. Everything shattered around me.

Ding. The elevator door opened. An older woman walked in with her yapping Pomeranian on a bright pink leash. “Can you hit four for me, please?”

I was about to take out my bloody hand. About to just give myself up.

I hit four with my elbow. Smiled at her.

Inside, I was dead. Ruined.

My father.

I had to find him before he found me.

I had to kill him.

“I need a shot,” I said. I stood up and went to the kitchen. Jace, once again, followed close behind me. He had a concerned look in his eye as I poured the tequila. “Want one?”

“I’m good.”

“I’ll have yours, then.” I downed the drink, then took the second shot.

How? How could my father be involved in this? And what would he do when he found out that I was onto him? Did he have something to do with my sister’s death? And would Kyler or Halden bring that footage to the police or to their boss? Both? They didn’t have my real name or my address, but still, I could be tracked.

I began to pour another shot. Jace placed a gentle hand on my wrist. “Maybe we should go for a walk. Get some fresh air.”

Sure. Why not? That wasn’t going to fix anything, but it would at least get me out of these four walls.

I still poured myself the shot. Drank it without wincing.

Jace put a hand behind my neck and another on my cheek. There was a tenderness in his touch. I swallowed, stared into his soft brown eyes. I’d saved him once before; was he doing the same for me now? This felt right. More right than anything else in the world. My entire universe had been flipped on its head, but Jace was somehow putting everything back into its proper place.

He leaned in and kissed me gently, as if he were close to scaring me away.

I pushed back into him. He could never scare me away. Never.

“Everything’s going to be alright. Nothing can’t be handled. And when you’re ready to tell me what happened today, I’ll be here to listen. No judgments. No nothing.” Jace’s forehead rested against mine. His eyes were closed. “Theo. I don’t know what’s going on between us, but I’ve never felt anything like this before. This connection between us, it’s something so strong it scares me. It makes me want to do things I’ve never done before. Makes me want to protect you from anything and everything. Makes me want you, day in and day out.”

I kissed him, again and again. “I feel the same. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you. You’re in my dreams when I sleep, in my daydreams at work. You’re in my fantasies. You’re everywhere.”

“And I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” I said, his breath soft against my mouth. “I don’t think I can handle it if you left.” It was raw, it was real. I couldn’t hold it back.

“I won’t.”

He kissed me, and I didn’t want to separate. I wanted us to fuse together. Wanted us to be one forever. That would surely solve all my problems. How wouldn’t it?

“Come, let’s go for that walk,” Jace said. His smile unlocked a soft, cozy corner of comfort in my chest. A very stark contrast to the panic that made me feel like banging my head against the wall.

I led him to the living room, where I grabbed my sneakers from the shoe rack by the door. Jace walked over to my bookshelf. Luke watched him from his cat perch next to the balcony. Maybe we didn’t have to go anywhere. Maybe we could stay inside, stay here for the rest of time.

Jace made an odd “hmm” sound. He bent down to the ground. Rose back up. He was looking at something in his hand, but his back was turned to me. I couldn’t see it.

“Hey, Theo?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you have this?”

He turned around. In his hand was a single, sleek, midnight-black feather.