Chapter 4

4

The oppressive silence of my home pressed in on me while I paced the cold, dimly lit halls of our home. The cruelty inflicted upon Wada had left a deep scar on my soul. My husband's satisfaction in her suffering was a deliberate attempt to break me—body, mind, and spirit. He forced me to watch someone innocent endure the consequences of my actions, and it was more than I could bear.

The walls seemed to close in on me, every sound amplified by the gnawing guilt in my chest. I had been once again shown the harsh truth of my existence, and the weight of my husband's cruelty felt unbearable. His actions were a calculated method to erode my willpower, to make me a mere shadow of my former self. His intent was clear: to see me crumble into nothingness because of his growing disdain for me and my inability to bear him sons.

I could no longer endure this life of torment and guilt. I needed another opportunity to find a way to end this needless torture. The suffering inflicted on Wada, my own helplessness, and the relentless cruelty of my husband had driven me to the edge. I had resolved to call upon the bird deity one last time somehow, to plead for a swift and noble end. I needed to escape this cycle of pain that had escalated to casualties within my home.

With a patience that seemed to stretch beyond mortal limits, I endured. I went through the motions, offering a smile when required, and allowing his rough touches with the resigned acceptance that it was expected of me. The servants became increasingly scarce as my husband's temper showed no sign of diminishing. I deliberately drew his attention, a form of self-punishment for my own guilt and transgressions.

As night fell, I retreated to the garden once more, seeking solace in the solitude of the creeping darkness. The cool breeze, though gentle, did nothing to soothe the tempest raging within me. I sank to my knees on the cold earth, feeling the chill penetrate my garments and seep into my bones. The icy ground felt like an extension of the emptiness inside me, amplifying my sense of being emotionally numb.

With a heavy heart and a soul that felt increasingly hollow, I called out into the darkness, my voice barely more than a whisper lost to the night. The silence that followed seemed to mock me, a reminder of the void I carried within. The garden, usually a refuge, now felt like an endless expanse of cold and desolation, reflecting the growing sense of deadness I felt inside.

In the quiet of the night with only the sound of crickets as company, silent sobs suddenly overwhelmed me, shaking my body with a fierce, uncontrollable intensity.

I gritted my teeth, determined to keep my anguish silent, resolute in my effort to maintain the composure expected of me as the wife of the Kenzan household. Yet, despite my best efforts, I failed even in that, finding myself quietly crying for the deity who should never have brought me hope. The tears fell unbidden, mingling with my disappointment in my own weakness, as I wept silently.

"Noboru" I cried, my voice trembling with a mix of desperation and resignation. "Please, hear my plea. I am beyond saving myself. I cannot endure any more. I beg you, end this suffering. Release me from this life of torment. Noboru…"

The silence that followed was heavy, filled only with the distant sounds of the night. My heart pounded painfully in my chest reminding me I was still very much alive—forced to live another day in this waking hell.

Suddenly, a cloak of darkness wrapped around me, and I felt the soft, feathered embrace of blood-red wings enveloping me. Noboru emerged from the shadows, his presence radiating a soothing calm as he placed a warm hand on my shoulder. His eyes, deep and enigmatic, held an emotion that seemed both familiar and alien, leaving me disoriented while I struggled to make sense of it in my half-conscious state.

My mind was beginning to dissociate the way it always did when I needed to forget—removing itself when I needed to survive. Was this reality or a dream? Was Noboru truly here?

In a fluid, almost dreamlike motion, he lifted me from the cold earth, the boundaries of reality blurring as his strong arms cocooned me. The garden around us dissolved into a shimmering haze, and I found myself adrift in a shifting, mystical realm. The familiar world faded, replaced by thick moonlit forestry where we had first encountered each other. He knelt down with me still in his arms. The trees seemed to whisper secrets in a language I could barely comprehend, their silvered branches casting an ethereal glow that wove together reality and illusion.

I felt suspended between worlds, my sense of time and place disintegrating the longer I was in his arms. What was real and what was illusion became indistinguishable, leaving me adrift in a space where our connection could be explored beyond the constraints of my everyday life. If this is death, I should have done it sooner. It was much more peaceful than I imagined.

"Your pain is palpable," Noboru whispered, his voice filled with compassion. "I now understand your plea, and I hear the depth of your suffering. But I selfishly cannot grant the end you seek."

His words shattered the delicate illusion, crashing me back into the starkness of reality. I couldn't help but wonder if this was how he felt when I rejected him—caught between hope and despair, the weight of unspoken emotions pressing down on both of us.

"Please, Noboru, I beg of you!" I cried, clinging onto his chest armor, the world blurring in my vision, clouded by my burning tears.

Noboru's gaze softened, and I shook him with all the strength I had left, anger pouring out of me as my fists landed against his armor until I fell against him, pressing my wet cheeks against his chest in defeat.

"I cannot offer you a final end. Do not ask it of me. But I can show you something different. Let me take your pain, let me carry it for you. Let me offer you another reason to live, Matsui."

I was taken aback by his words, my mind struggling to grasp their meaning. "What can you possibly offer me that would make me choose this life, Noboru?"

He cradled my face gently, and before I could fully grasp what was happening, he pressed his beak to my lips intimately. Startled and trying to pull away, I found myself powerless against his strength, which far surpassed my own. "What are you?—"

"Since our fates became intertwined, I've been tormented by the absence of your presence," he admitted as his thumb caressed my wet cheeks. "You've taken away my very breath, Matsui. Do you not see how deeply I long for you? These unfamiliar emotions have driven me to the edge of madness. And yet, you persist in demanding that I end your life. By doing so, you force me to confront the reality that in yearning for you, I am also threatening my own existence."

His words reverberated through me, a mix of anguish and desire that was both overwhelming and disorienting. I could see the raw torment in his eyes, a reflection of the turmoil that had been building between us despite our brief encounter. My heart pounded while I struggled to process the depth of his confession.

This was wrong. Duty and obligation bore on my soul like an anchor in the sea. It was unfair like everything else was. Everything in my life thus far has pushed me to feel worthless despite the constant sacrifices. How can I long for an immortal being when I have nothing to offer but a shell of myself? How could he possibly express his yearning for a woman who was left less than half of herself, devoid of hunger for life? Have I done something wrong in a previous life to be bound to such an existence?

"But why?" I whispered, my voice barely more than a tremor. "Why must it be like this? Why must our fates be so entangled in suffering?"

He sighed, the weight of his own despair evident in his every breath. "Because," he said, his voice trembling slightly, "the bond we share has become a torment as much as it is a blessing. You are the light that pierces my darkness, yet the very source of my… affliction. I am caught between the desire to protect you and the agony of my own longing. As a guardian of the Eight Legions, these emotions should not exist, and yet…"

My heart skipped a beat as his hand slid from my face to the crook of my neck gently, feeling the rapid beat of my pulse. I shouldn't want this. If anyone found out, my entire family's name as well as my husband's would be tarnished.

But the warmth Noboru offers is a temptation I can barely resist, especially in this state of vulnerability. Was that an excuse for the decision I was about to make? The physical ache in my chest stabbed me once more as a reminder of my life. No matter what I chose, the blame would always fall on me—my husband made sure of that.

If I was destined to perish by my husband's hands, let me selfishly claim something of my own in this life. Surely, I could allow myself this one thing.

He pressed his beak to my lips once more, and I closed my eyes, releasing a sigh that whispered through the night, surrendering to the tender moment. The intimacy was both a comfort and a torment—to want what you are not supposed to have, the sensation was at once maddening and exhilarating.

Matsui, turn back now while you still can.

Why? So that he may tear away at my soul again?

This was so wrong... but when has anything ever been right in my life? The thought of stepping away felt almost impossible, like turning my back on the only spark of warmth I had felt in ages. Yet, I couldn't shake the sense of taboo hanging over this moment, like a heavy fog. It gnawed at my conscience, reminding me of the lines I was crossing, the rules I was breaking.

I know I should feel guilt—should recoil from this connection. But the very things that should repel me pull me in deeper. I'm trapped between desire and duty, and every heartbeat pulls me closer to a choice I never intended to make. How can something so forbidden feel so alive?

He pressed his forehead to mine with a startlingly human tenderness, and I shivered with anticipation.

How can a being of such formidable power exhibit such tenderness, when the mortal man to whom I am bound struggles to show even the slightest hint of it?

"Mortals press their mouths together to convey their affection, do they not? Though I am not fashioned from their flesh and blood, I will use all that is within my power to express the tempest you have stirred within me."

Words vanished into the darkness as Noboru swiftly shed his armor, and then turned to remove mine. Any embarrassment I felt about the bruises marking my skin faded beneath the gentle hum of nocturnal insects. With a tender touch, Noboru lowered me to the forest floor, and the moonlight bathed us in its serene glow.

I reached up, placing my trembling hands over his bare chest, needing him to anchor me to this new reality. He whispered my name in worship as he positioned himself between the apex of my legs, the heat of his body bringing me back from the dead.

"Will you guide me, Matsui? My instincts have led me this far, but I do not wish to hurt you," he said, his voice cracking with the strain of his restraint.

His words struck me deeply, a tenderness so foreign to me that it pierced my heart. In the midst of our vulnerability, his consideration and care were overwhelming, unlike anything I had ever known. The contrast between his gentle touch and the harshness of my past felt like a bittersweet revelation.

The sincerity in his plea wrapped around me like a fragile promise, and I found myself aching to trust in this unexpected tenderness, despite the shadows of doubt that lingered.

I slid my hands to the back of his neck, pulling his body against mine. "Take me, Noboru. Claim me under the moonlight the way you want to because, even though I shouldn't, I want it desperately too."

His groan vibrated through me as his cock extruded against my inner thigh. The ridges I felt against my skin made the hairs on my arm stand on end but I wasn't going to question it, keeping my eyes on his shoulder, letting out an anticipated breath.

"Do you fear me, Matsui?"

My eyes shot to his. "Why would you ask that?" I said breathlessly as he rubbed his cock against my arousal, lubricating himself.

"Because I do not know if I can control myself once we become one," he gritted out, rubbing himself against my entrance.

I widened my legs in response to accommodate his size and he grabbed one of my thighs wrapping it around his hips as if afraid I would change my mind.

"We've both acknowledged that everything is beyond our control, Noboru. After all, how many times have I demanded you to give me what I want and you continue to deny me?"

It was said partly in jest, and partly as a challenge. His eyes flickered like flames right before he purred and pressed the head of his cock between my legs, stretching my tender flesh.

Biting my lower lip, I blinked several times, questioning my own sanity for daring to push a deity to this point. But I also reminded myself that it was he who confessed his desire for me —an emotion both he and I didn't think possible.

Sliding my hands down his shoulders, I reveled in the way his muscles bunched up beneath me. Most of his torso, up to his thighs resembled a human enough for me to blindly take what he gave me, while another part of my mind feared whatever divine cock he had wouldn't fit in my mortal body.

"Open your legs for me, Matsui. I want to feel all of you when I claim you," he groaned as he thrust himself further inside of me, stretching me beyond anything I had ever experienced.

It was deliciously painful, but nothing I couldn't take. For once, I had a partner who took his torturous sweet time, allowing me to feel our connection more than just being forced to tolerate an act of duty. Was this what I had been missing? Was this what other women experienced through a loving relationship?

Tears slid down my cheeks at the revelation. I wrapped my arms around Noboru's shoulders, pulling his face toward the crook of my neck, not wanting him to see how much he was affecting me. With another hard thrust, he sighed in contentment as he buried himself to the hilt, purring against my sharp inhale.

"It's alright," he gritted out against my neck. "Look how well you're taking me, Matsui."

Despite the discomfort of our union, I secretly preened at his praise. He explored my body with his large hands, caressing my every curve as our bodies began a natural rhythm that increased my arousal, sliding his ridged cock against the walls of my womb.

"You feel so good around me," he groaned, the deep rumble of his voice sending a delectable shiver through me before my body relaxed further under his ministrations. "That's it, Matsui. Let yourself go. Let me take care of you and make you feel good."

My breaths grew short as his pace increased, the friction we created threatening to burst into flames, here on this forest floor.

"Noboru, I…" My words lodged in my throat. I was uncertain of what I wanted, what I needed to say to make this climb toward paradise take me higher. I didn't understand I could feel this way—I didn't understand how it could become so addicting, so quickly.

"Tell me what you need, Matsui. Tell me how you liked to be worshipped," his breath labored against me.

At a twist of his hip, I moaned and his tongue trailed along my shoulder in encouragement.

"The way your body squeezes me is driving me to madness."

Tentatively grabbing one of his hands, I led him to my breast, wanting him to massage the ache away. He naturally followed my cue, his beak trailing along my soft skin while his hands and hips worked in unison.

The walls of my womb grew increasingly sensitive with each passing moment, making me claw desperately at the ground, apprehensive about what the ascent might lead to. What if I tumbled over the metaphorical cliff of pleasure and found myself unable to return? Surely, he wouldn't push me to the brink of ecstasy only to finally give in to my demands. What a cruel twist of fate it would be to reach the peak of pleasure only to meet my end.

Yet, what an end that would be , I whispered to myself.

He gripped my hips tightly as his pace began to pick up at inhuman speeds. His wings shot out in all its glory, cocooning us against the rest of the world. I wantonly opened my legs for him to go in deeper and he growled in response, pounding my tender flesh and back against the earth.

When I covered my face, he purred and grabbed my hands, locking them beside my head as he continued to thrust his cock in and out of me. From this position, my eyes widened when I finally got a glimpse of what he had been burying between my legs. The ridges of his cock twirled around his shaft like a screw, leading to a bulbous crown that was as rigid as stone.

Never once in my life did I ever imagine having a deity between my legs, one with the eyes of flames and wings as red as blood. When his pupils dilated, my womb spasmed with an intensity that made me want to double over. The fine line between pain and pleasure was more than I could bear. The whimpers that escaped me were reminiscent of felled prey as Noboru's rhythm broke for a second right before he buried himself deep inside of me in exquisite release, filling me with his essence.

My body shuddered with aftershocks as he covered me from the cold of the night, his massive wings enveloping us both.

My heart pounded fiercely as his scent filled my senses, imprinting itself on my very soul.

"Noboru, I…"

"Shh. Let me love you, Matsui. Allow me to remind you of the possibilities and the beauty of life. There is no need for more words. Let me show you that there is still a reason to hold on."

His words wrapped around me like his tender embrace. I felt his presence so deeply, it was as if he had become a part of me, grounding me in the here and now.

Gently, he traced a finger along my jawline, his touch both soothing and electrifying. His gaze held mine with a reverence that made the world outside fade into nothingness.

"Let this moment be ours alone," he whispered, his breath warm against my skin. "In this space, let us find solace in each other, free from the weight of our burdens."

With a delicate yet unwavering touch, he guided me closer, his beak brushing mine in a kiss that was both tender and consuming. It was an otherworldly kiss that spoke of longing, of promises whispered in the quiet of the night. Every caress, every touch, seemed to bridge the gap between our souls, merging desire with an unspoken understanding.

In the soft glow of moonlight, I felt a profound connection blossoming between us, a sanctuary where time seemed to stand still and the outside world no longer existed. With each shared breath, we wove our hearts together, finding a fleeting, perfect harmony amidst the chaos of our lives.

I looked into his eyes, feeling a flicker of hope through the overwhelming sadness. It was not the end I had sought, but it was a new possibility—a chance to find a different kind of peace and strength. I had been given a glimpse of something that might just help me find my way through the darkness.