Chapter Nineteen

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Easton

I t’s been a few days since I agreed to go to Archer’s parents’ house with him. He’s been coming to my place every day after work and sleeping over. He fucks me and fingers me and…talks to me. Makes me laugh. Plays with my dogs. Does puzzles with me. I keep watching him, looking at him for signs that he wishes he were somewhere else or that he’s getting tired of me, that he thinks something is wrong with me because of what I told him about El. Signs that he wishes he hadn’t asked me to hang out with his family. But no matter how hard I watch him, I don’t see any.

I can’t figure out why. And Ella’s been quiet lately—and yes, I’m aware that her voice is my voice, but it’s troubling me nonetheless. She’s been my conscience for so long, and this time, she didn’t have to talk me into agreeing to go with Archer. I’m not sure how to feel about that because I need to need her.

“You’ve been quiet lately,” Dusty says, echoing my thoughts about Ella, as we work on a smashed-up Explorer.

“Why are you acting like that’s something new?”

He snickers, and I think again about how lucky us Swift brothers are to have him. He’s so easygoing, and really, has been the only positive constant in our lives, despite the few hiccups.

“Good point. I guess what I mean is, something is different. It seems like your mind is heavy, and I just want to emphasize that I’m here if you need to talk. I’m pretty good at that.”

Reflexively, I want to shut him down, to just talk to El instead or to keep it in, but sometimes holding it in is so fucking exhausting. I don’t talk to anyone, not really. I don’t even talk to Archer the way I should. Telling him about Ella is one of the only things I’ve admitted.

I don’t look at Dusty, finding the SUV very interesting as I speak. “I’m going to Archer’s parents’ house with him this weekend.”

“That’s a good thing, East. You’ll have fun. They’re great people.”

I nod. That’s not what has me all worked up, though. I don’t doubt them. I doubt me. “What if they think I’m not good enough to be Archer’s…friend.” Jesus. I can’t believe I said that. I sound like a damn kid. But at twenty-seven, this is something I’ve never done.

“They won’t think that. I know it.”

“That’s what Archer said.” I sigh, wring my hands. My insides are jittery and have been for days. But that’s how I know this moment is big too, me talking to Dusty this way. “This stuff is so fucking hard. Why am I trying to do it all of a sudden?”

He comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder. “I think that’s happening for a lot of reasons. You like Archer, and he likes you. This is a good step. You deserve a whole lot more happiness than you’ve ever allowed yourself to have. Maybe you’re starting to see that.”

For the first time, I think I want to see that. The truth is, I do like Archer. As frightened as I am, I want to be with him, and that does make me want to be better.

“I’m proud of you, East. That you’re letting Archer in. Did you know that Rhett stopped by Gracie’s to see Morgan yesterday?”

My gaze snaps up at the news. “He did?”

“Yeah, it was only for a few minutes, but it’s a start. I called Rhett afterward, and he said you’d been to see him, that you told him to talk to Morgan. That one move had so much power. I think it helped open Rhett’s eyes. You don’t see it, East, but you have so many people around you that love you.”

He’s right. And I do see it, or I’ve started to lately, at least when it comes to my brothers, Dusty, and Archer. I don’t think he’s in love with me, but he cares about me. It’s just… “Don’t know how to accept it. I’m trying, though.”

“I know you are.”

He wraps his arms around me in a hug, and I let him, hug him back even, but then start to feel awkward and unsure, so I say, “So…I heard not too long ago that you fucked my…” Shit. My what? Archer isn’t my anything. We haven’t put a name on it. Would I want to call him my boyfriend? I would. “Archer. I think it’s his magic dick.”

Dusty pulls away, laughing. “Christ, East. Only you. And give yourself some credit. It’s not his dick that’s magic, but the way he makes you feel in here.” He pats over my heart. “You know that was nothing, though, right? With me and him. Whatever you two have going, it doesn’t take a genius to see it’s more.”

It is. I can’t deny that. “I can’t get upset about things that happened in his past. How is that fair?” And then, because my chest is lighter than it typically is, I find myself saying, “Just don’t think you can do it again.” Archer is mine. I don’t want to share him.

He holds up his hands in surrender and smiles. “I have my man. There’s no one for me but Morgan.”

Which I don’t doubt. They’ve always been meant to be, and damned if I don’t wonder if there’s some way Archer and I can be too. “Thank you,” I say softly. “For…being my brother.” Because really, that’s what Dusty has been to me. He was right there with Morgan and Rhett when they were taking care of me and El, and then just taking care of me. And even when things were rocky between Dusty and Morgan, or me and Morgan and Rhett, Dusty was always there for me too. He gave me a job and dealt with all my shit. As good a man as Archer is, Morgan found one who’s just as incredible.

“You’re welcome, East.” His voice cracks with emotion. “Thank you for being my brother too.”

I turn away, trying to hide all this damn emotion I’ve been feeling lately. “That’s enough mushy stuff.”

Dusty laughs, and I can’t help but join him.