Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Archer

W e only stand there for about five minutes, my fingers stuffed in East’s ass, before the dogs decide it’s time to climb back onto the porch.

“I should get something to clean up this mess,” East says, both of us likely wanting to stay right here.

“I’ll get it.” I press another kiss to his lips, then step away, wishing I could still be inside him. I get a glass of water from the kitchen, then come back and wash away the cum from the porch.

From the moment East called until now, it had been one of the most intense afternoons of my life.

“Are you hungry?” he asks, picking up his clothes. “I can make dinner.”

“Can I help?”

His forehead wrinkles, but he nods.

We head inside, clean up in the bathroom, and he pulls on shorts. I have a bag I’ve kept in my car since staying here, so I put on my underwear, then tell him, “I need to get something from my car.”

I step into a pair of slides he keeps by the door, then head out. As I walk by his truck, I happen to glance to the side and see that the passenger seat is full of folded butterflies. Seeing them wraps around my heart, the way everything about East seems to do. I can’t help wondering if he’s ever seen a doctor or a therapist about everything he’s gone through. I’m certain he didn’t, not as a child, nor as an adult. It’s something he should do, but how do I suggest that without him thinking that I believe something is wrong with him?

I grab my bag from my car, along with the new 3D puzzle that had come in the mail. East is already in the kitchen when I go back inside.

“Alfredo okay with you?” he asks.

“I fucking love it. Sounds great.” I put on sleep shorts and leave the bag by the stairs, but bring the puzzle with me. “Look at this. If you’re interested, I thought we could do it together. I got a car since you work on them.”

He studies it. “You don’t have to share this with me. It’s your thing. You can do it alone if you want.”

This man breaks my heart. “I want to share it with you. You gave me a butterfly, and now I want to build a wooden car with you.” I don’t want to scare him, but the truth is, I want to do everything with East. Want to share everything with him.

“Okay.” He points to the sink. “Now wash your hands.”

I chuckle. “Yes, sir.” I go to the sink and do as he said. “How do we make dinner?”

“I hope you know you’re about to learn my secret recipe. You should feel lucky.”

“I do,” I reply, meaning that in more ways than one. East’s gaze snaps to mine, watching, studying, before he nods.

He walks me through every step, the two of us making chicken, fettuccini Alfredo, and a salad for dinner.

When it’s done, I feed the dogs for him, and then we sit at the table to eat together.

“I went and saw Rhett,” he says about halfway through the meal. Weeks ago, he never would have told me that, and I can’t help but swell with pride for him. “Shit. You know that. I said that’s where I was earlier.”

“I still want to hear about it if you’d like to share.”

He goes quiet for a moment, one of those where he’s lost in his head, and I wonder what’s going on there, before he replies, “It wasn’t anything special. I told him about Gracie’s…and said he should give Morgan a chance.”

“That was nice of you, supporting your brothers that way.” How did I live my whole life in this town and never saw how estranged the Swift brothers were?

“Like I said…it was nothing.” He takes another bite, chews, and swallows. “Invited him over here…when Morgan and Dusty come to see the dogs. Don’t know when yet, but he said he would come. Think I gotta work up to it.” Another bite, and he doesn’t make eye contact, but he’s letting me in. Easton is talking to me, and I want to jump for joy but also hate that it’s so hard for him. I also notice he still says they’re coming to see the dogs and not him.

“That’ll be nice. It’ll be good for you guys to spend some time together. I can tell how much Morgan and Dusty care about you. Rhett too, that night at the jail.” But I just don’t know Rhett as well as the others.

He shrugs, then twists some noodles around his fork. “I know you’re busy and stuff. You have work, and your family, and…hell, I don’t even know when, but…” Easton sighs, then looks up at me. “Will you be here too?”

“Yes. Fuck yes. I’d be honored to be here.” He rolls his eyes and tries to look away, but I reach out, take hold of his chin, and he lets me. “I’d be honored to be here, sweetheart. When I said always, I meant it.”

He offers another sigh. “I don’t know that anyone deserves you.”

My heart softens, that feeling inside me for East growing by the second. “I’m nothing special.”

“Yeah, you are.” Then he clears his throat and points to my plate. “Eat. You like it?”

“It’s fucking delicious.” We finish our meal without talking about anything serious, then take the dogs out, before East pulls a small card table from the garage and we set it up for the puzzle.

I open the box, and we pull out all the pieces and directions.

“Damn. This is hardcore.”

I snicker. “It is, but they’re fun. At least I think so. I feel rewarded when I finish, and once you get the hang of it, they’re pretty easy.”

And then…we sit side by side for hours, working on the puzzle. We talk about movies we like and cars he’s worked on, and I talk to him about my friendship with Cass and Meadow. It’s the easiest conversation we’ve had, one where nothing heavy comes up, and I feel a lightness in East that’s rare. These moments mean so much to me, I want to soak them in. The more I’m around East, the more I realize he’s what I want.

“I’m glad he’s good…about Meadow. Not everyone would be,” he says.

“No, they wouldn’t be. This world is fucked up that way. Just don’t get why we can’t hope everyone finds their happiness no matter what it looks like.”

“She’s a great kid.”

“Yeah, she is. There’s not a thing in the world Cass wouldn’t do for that girl. She’s his whole damn world—especially after April left. He stepped up to the plate in a way not many people would, and he does it easily.” I worry the conversation will take a more emotional turn, but I also don’t want to shut down anything East wants to talk about.

“Makes sense the two of you are so close. You’re both good men.”

It’s so damn hard to stop touching him sometimes, and part of me thinks East needs it, craves it, so I brush the back of my hand against his cheek. “So are you.”

He snaps his head toward my hand, and for a moment I think he’s mad, but he playfully bites my finger. A laugh tumbles out of my mouth, and then he lets my finger go and does the same. Easton laughing is a beautiful thing, throaty and sexy and filled with a kind of joy he deserves more of. And though I know he did it to change the subject about him being a good man, I still count it as a win. He heard me, and that matters, and he’s being playful with me, which matters too.

“We’re having a get-together at my parents’ house next weekend. Cora and her wife will be there. Simone’s pregnant—not sure if you know that. It’ll be fun. I’d like you there with me.”

He doesn’t say no, just leans back in the chair. “Won’t they wonder why I’m there?”

“I don’t care if they do. I’ll tell them you’re mine if you let me.” Because he is mine. There’s no denying that for me. I probably knew it that first night I found him in the woods. I can’t say if there will be any consequences, but I don’t care if there are. Cora’s right. That’s not how I work. “But if you want them to think we’re just friends, we can play it that way too. It’s always up to you, East.”

“Arch…they won’t think I’m good enough for you.” I hear his unspoken words, that he doesn’t think so either.

“They won’t think that. They’ll love you.”

“How can that be true? They know all the shit I’ve done. It’s not a secret in Birchbark that I’m a fuckup.”

“You’re not.” I turn my chair, then pull his closer so he’s between my spread legs. “You’re not,” I reiterate. “And I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I know you might not be ready, but I want to be with you, East. For real and officially. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” I want East. I care about him.

He closes his eyes, takes a moment to himself.

“Let me in. Let me know what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“Would you still want to be with me if you knew I talk to my dead sister? That I hear her voice in my head? That most of the good shit I do is because she tells me to?”

My heart drops. This…could be big. I have no idea what it means, but the thought of hallucinations scares me. So many things make sense now—how he was talking to himself in the woods, the way he gets lost in his head. Is he having full-on conversations with her? “Do you see her?”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m not hallucinating, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know she’s dead. I know she’s not really there. I just…need her. And I know that’s fucked up, but I can’t figure out how to be without her. She’s all I have.”

This time, my heart breaks, just shatters into a million damn pieces, East’s name on every shard. “I can’t take her place, East, but you have me.” Who knows if that’s the right thing to say. What are you supposed to do when you find out a person talks to someone who isn’t there? I worry I’m in over my head, afraid that I’m going to do something wrong and East will suffer. But I can’t walk away either, and I don’t want to. “You have me, and I’m not going anywhere. Come to my parents’ house with me. I want you there.” I emphasize the last part so he knows that what he said doesn’t change anything for me. “They’ll want you there too.”

He sighs but nods in agreement. “Tell them we’re friends.”

I try not to let my disappointment show. “Okay. We can do that. Now come on. We can finish this later. I want to take you to bed.”

We let the dogs out again before heading upstairs. I fuck East, then push my fingers inside him, loving the feel of his cummy hole.

For the first time, he falls asleep before I do. I ease my fingers out of him, sneak into the bathroom, and wash my hands.

I don’t get any sleep, just lie in bed and watch him, knowing I’m in love with him. I was fooling myself to think this wouldn’t happen, never would have gone to talk to Cora about him if I wasn’t already falling. And my sister’s right: if work has an issue with it, would I really let that hold me back from someone I love? A job can’t hold me at night.

Still, I can’t help wondering if I’m enough for him, or if somehow, I’m going to hurt him even more than he already is.