Chapter 25

"So…Black."

I glanced up from the report Kira had printed out on Patricia Sawiris. It was cursory; most of what she'd found I already knew, but there were a few tidbits in there I hadn't uncovered, which made me wonder why I'd never asked Dutch to get someone to dig deeper.

"What about it?" I asked.

"What's it like?"

This felt strange. First, being able to talk about my team, and second, sitting in Kira's office with her like we were old pals. And that was exactly how she'd made me feel. Without hesitation she'd invited me back to her office instead of working in the conference room—a place she never would've allowed me to enter a week ago. Unlike Easton's office, hers was decorated—her life in the form of pictures all over the walls. Her and her parents. Her and her brother Finn. All of them together. Her and Cooper. Snapshots of the guys goofing off, playing with Nerf guns in the middle of the office. Cooper and his brother. Tons and tons of pictures. Personal photos she wouldn't share with me unless she was trying to make me feel comfortable.

"The team's much different than what you have here."

She closed the lid to her laptop to give me her full attention before she asked, "How so?"

I followed her lead and put the stack of papers I had in my hands on her desk.

"We're more like Patheon than Silver Team. We work mostly alone or at least I do. I go in first, try to negotiate a deal. Most of the time that works and from there the situation's monitored. If I can't swing a deal, then I sit down with Dutch, give him the details. From there, he and Badger work out the rest. My part's over and the team moves out."

"The team of assassins." There was no judgment or disgust in her tone.

It was a statement. A factual statement but still I gave my two-cents.

"More like peacekeepers. If a deal can't be made, one side has to be taken out to stop a war from breaking out and more innocent people dying. But we don't step in until it becomes obvious the conflict has become uncontrollable by local law enforcement, that's when we contain the situation."

"Zane said there's another mediator," she pried.

"There is. Two more actually. There are certain cultures that wouldn't appreciate a woman calling men to the table." Kira's nose scrunched in clear distaste. It was cute and made her look younger than her years. "There are also jobs I won't do."

"Like what?"

Hostage negotiations.

I glanced at the picture of her brother proudly displayed next to her wedding picture. Her brother who had been beheaded live on the internet. Her brother who'd still be alive if it wasn't for greed and treason.

Did it always come down to money and power?

I didn't have to think too hard about the answer—yes, it always came down to money. And money bought you power.

What a sick and twisted world we live in.

"I'm sorry if I'm being nosy. I'm just still in shock Zane has the whole other team no one knew about."

Why I felt the need to defend the sarcastic asshole I didn't know. It might've had something to do with seeing a different side of him. I knew of Viper, everyone did. But I didn't know Zane, the man. His loyalty was legendary, his years in service were still talked about and passed down like fables. If you were smart you knew to keep your distance and never tangle with one of his teams. But I had no idea under all of that was a man who loved deeply. His wife, his children, his brother, and his teams. Loved them in a way I didn't know was possible. He wouldn't die for one of them. He'd burn cities, he'd kill, he'd harm, he'd mark his soul straight to hell if it meant protecting them.

It dawned on me that was why his loyalty was returned tenfold. That was why I'd defend him, not only to Kira but to anyone who posed a threat to Z Corps.

"He was protecting everyone. Nothing about Black Team is legal. There are no government contracts. There's bad and really bad. Evil and vile. If we go down, he didn't want that to touch any of you."

"I get it. I'm just shocked. Nothing's kept a secret around here for long. These boys gossip like old biddies and nothing is sacred. They flap their lips and you never know what they're going to say. Zane keeping this a secret for so long is…impressive. But he's Zane so I guess not."

That said it all.

Zane was Zane and I was fairly convinced he could do anything.

"Dutch reminds me of Zane. Quieter, not as dickish, but they're a lot alike."

"Does he pass out condoms to his men, too?"

Her question was so crazy, so off the wall, I reared back in my chair in surprise.

"Condoms?"

"Yeah, that's what that was about when you came in. Zane's always up in everyone's business giving wisdom."

"And this wisdom's about birth control?"

"Mostly." She smiled. "I was told when I started working here his love language was asshole. But it's not. His love language is handing his people shit so they understand they're family. I still think he should just try saying I love you, but apparently he's stingy with those words and the only people who hear them are Ivy, Rose, and Eric."

I kind of loved that. I bet Ivy did, too, knowing she and her kids were the only ones who got that. It made it special. Zane didn't toss out sentiments willy-nilly.

I still didn't understand why Kira had brought up sperm in our meeting though, and since I was new at this girl-talk thing I wasn't about to ask.

Instead I answered, "No, Dutch doesn't pass out condoms. Or if he does, not in front of me and I'm happy to report he's never offered me spermicide or a cervical cap."

There was a beat of silence before Kira busted out laughing. More weirdness happened when I smiled, liking that I could make her laugh.

Stella was my only girlfriend and our relationship was complicated. Sure, we'd laughed together but never in a room full of personal effects. I knew what I knew about the woman because I'd investigated her. She knew what she knew about me because she'd done the same. We ran in the same circles, we had work in common. But never would she open up to me and be herself.

Two real people having a real conversation.

I was Dove. She was Lore.

Always.

"That would be awkward." Kira said, still laughing. "Though truth be told, if I would've thought of it before you came in I might've tossed one on the table. Next time."

Um.

I didn't want a contraceptive device thrown at me in the conference room. Not even if that was Kira's way of making friends.

"That's a hard no for me."

"Not you." She laughed. "I mean the next chick that gets dragged in here by one of the boys. Oh, and I'm gonna need your help. Zane's always got these quips, you know, like ‘wrap it before you tap it.' ‘Cover your stump before you hump.' All I came up with was, don't take his sperm if you don't want to do the term and I used that with you. There are three more men. I need to come up with more."

So, Zane had a sense of humor. It would seem Kira did as well. Me, not so much.

"I'm not funny, KK. I don't…shit, I'm sorry, that was rude. I mean, Kira, I'm not funny so I don't think I'll be any help."

Kira's brows pulled together and her chin tipped the side.

"What was rude?"

"Me calling you KK."

She added a deep frown to her already pinched brows and said, "Rude?"

Shit, now I was making a bigger mess of this.

What was it about these people that threw me off my game?

I was a goddamn mediator. My job was to talk and persuade. I was damn good at it but as soon as I got around Easton I lost my temper. My very first team meeting I had a breakdown. I couldn't speak to anyone in this office without sounding like an idiot.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"You look like you're taking a bad trip down to Shitsville," she pointed out.

Great.

Now I couldn't even mask my feelings.

It was a good thing I'd quit-fired because I'd officially lost my edge.

"I don't know how to do this," I blurted out. "It's like all you people have voodoo. You know, three months ago I sat at a table with a mob boss who's missing three fingers and some wannabe twit who's encroaching on territory that's not his. But he's so gung-ho and stupid ambitious he doesn't heed warnings. Big Boss decides to teach him a lesson and there's a drive-by shooting in a neighborhood. The house Baby Boss lives in with his family is hit but so are four other houses and there were kids playing basketball in the driveway of the house across the street. Those kids saw that shit. Those other houses were occupied and someone could've died. I had zero hesitation calling a meeting. Not a single moment of dithering during negotiations. Two mob bosses, no problem. But sitting in a nice, cozy office, safe and sound, I can't think straight. I'm screwing this up because I don't know how to do it. No one trained me how to be a friend. No one taught me how to be normal."

Since I was on a roll, spilling my guts, I continued.

"And Easton. What's up with that? I barely know him and I'm falling in love. Am I delusional? I must be. I've gone totally insane. I found out my whole life was a lie and what do I do? Fall in like with some guy. That's the first step, right? You fall in like?"

"Yeah, that's the first step," she confirmed.

"Right, okay. But before that, like the day before that, he's annoying as shit and I'm calling him a dick. A lot. I told him he was a dick repeatedly and I was liberal with my assholes, too."

Kira smirked and suppressed a chuckle.

"Gross, not like that. I mean, not gross if you like butt stuff, but I wasn't liberal with my asshole. I was calling him an asshole left and right."

Kira's hand came up, palm facing me, and she was shaking her head.

"Please…please…stop." A laugh burst from her with such force she bucked. "Oh. My. God. Dead. I'm dying," she hooted. "Liberal with your asshole. I'm stealing that. Not your asshole—Easton can keep that—but I'm telling this story."

My back shot straight.

What had I done?

Who was she going to tell?

"Okay, Nebraska, here it is for you," she said when her laughing stopped. "First, badass you worked that deal with those bosses. Next is, we don't have voodoo. You can't be badass Dove around us because you're not Dove to us. You're Nebraska."

She stopped and made a show of waving. "Hi, I'm Kira or KK or Kid Genius, or as Zane calls me, Mini Me. Feel free to call me any or all of my nicknames or make up one of your own. That's what friends do. It's not rude to call a friend a nickname. It's what friends do. Next, you calling Easton a dick, I've called him a douche nozzle dozens of times when he's annoyed me. I call Smith Smithsonian a bunch because he hates it and he can be annoying, too. Jonas is mostly cool and chill so I've only called him a fuckwit a few times. And Cash, I've given up. You can call him anything and he'll embrace it and turn it and that's more annoying than the original thing he did. And don't let the Dimple King fool you; he's still a demon and I call him that to his face. Right or wrong it's just what we do around here. It's a way to blow off steam, it's the way we joke, it's family."

"The last time I called Easton a dick he spanked me." As soon as I blurted that out I covered my mouth so my order was muffled. "Forget I said that."

"Sure. I'll forget if you promise to call me KK."

"I'll call you the Queen of the Universe if you never tell that to a soul."

She sobered immediately.

"Here's a lesson for you. There is a difference between a good story that's embarrassing but hilarious and a secret between sisters. I'll share the asshole story because it's funny. What you confide in me, whether it's a slip or intentional, never, and I mean never, leaves my lips."

I was back to screwing this up.

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't, honey, but that part's important. So please tell me you get me."

I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans and ignored the detail that they were sweating at all. The last time that had happened was the first time Charlie had taken me with him on a job. He'd reamed my behind for giving away I was nervous. After that I never did it again. That wasn't to say I hadn't felt the nerves. I just did better at hiding it.

"I get you."

"Okay. So, next. Love's crazy, Nebraska. It sneaks up on you and slaps you in the face."

"That sounds painful."

"Says the girl who likes to get her bum spanked. You liked it, right? I didn't see Easton with a busted face so…"

I felt the side of my mouth curl up before I giggled.

Me.

I giggled. Not a laugh. Not a chuckle. A girly giggle that even shocked Kira.

"Um, yeah."

"Right on."

Was this really happening? Was I seriously talking about Easton spanking me and liking it with a stranger?

Twilight Zone!

"People say that love comes from the heart. It doesn't; you feel it in your soul. That's when you know it's real. A day, five, a month, six years, it doesn't matter. When it hits, it hits. You don't control it, it controls you. When your soul knows, it knows. It's that simple and that hard. You want to fight it and that's the painful part. You don't want to believe in it, and that's the annoying part. You don't want to trust it, and that's frustrating. You want to pump the breaks and hit the accelerator at the same time, and that's the confusing part. Bottom line is, you can't control when love hits or how or with who. Your soul knows and bam, suddenly you love a man who you've been calling a dick and have only known for a few days."

Maybe I wasn't so crazy—love was.

But still I said, "You're smart."

She shrugged and smiled.

"They don't call me Kid Genius for nothing, girl. Stick with me and you'll have this friendship thing down, too."

Friendship.

She was offering to be my friend and teach me how to be one.

She also thought I'd be around for her to teach me.

Lying in bed with Easton, Greece had lost its appeal.

But right then in Kira's office after Easton once again proved he was the man I needed him to be, and Kira offering to be my friend, Greece was officially scratched off the list of places I wanted to live and Annapolis was moved to the top.

"You're on," I accepted.

And saying that, I didn't think I was crazy or insane.

I was finally getting smart.

"Patricia Sawiris," she announced, switching back to work. "Stick with me on this. I need to talk it out."

Her wanting to talk something out with me felt crazy good.

I grabbed the stack of papers, nabbed a pen, and sat back in the chair, noting Zane sported for comfy office furniture.

"Hit me."

"Warning, this might be convoluted and I haven't had time to cross reference."

"Okay."

I flipped the papers over so I had a blank sheet ready to take notes. Kira opened her laptop and she was back to all business. One minute joking and teasing and handing out wisdom, the next total focus on work. Joking, teasing, ribbing each other at the start of a meeting then business. I didn't joke when I sat in a meeting. I didn't tease the criminals who sat across from me and I certainly didn't share how much I liked to be spanked. Though that was a new revelation, but still, I'd never tell Big Boss Mobster I was falling in love, and part of why I talked about it now was because with Easton, I knew I was safe to be me. I didn't have to keep my composure and pretend I didn't have emotions. I could be me, any way I wanted to be. Say, do, behave, react how I wanted.

Kira was right.

My soul knew what it needed.

And it found it.

Found Easton.