Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

“ H ow dare you accuse me of such a thing?” Emily clutched a hand to her chest, trying to sound offended rather than terrified.

The world seemed to be spinning wildly around her, and she could scarcely hear over the blood roaring in her ears. How had he known?

“If it is not true, then prove it.” Luke held the book out to her.

“I do not need to prove myself to you.” Emily made to stand up but Luke shook his head.

His eyes were hard as he said, “If you wish to marry my brother, prove to me that you can read.”

Emily swallowed and looked at the book. She took it with shaking hands. Luke watched her. She opened the book and turned to one of the pages.

Letters swam before her, as they always did. They seemed to dance around the page, jumping from one spot to another.

“And of this,” Emily squinted at the page as she tried to make sense of the jumble of letters. “There were. Man-Man. Many per-per-peramboo–”

Tears filled her eyes and she flung the book away. “Fine. I cannot read. Or at least, I can barely read. I suppose you will leave now, end this whole thing and tell your brother you were right and I am not good enough for him.”

“We are not going to do that.” Luke’s voice was soft and gentle.

“Oh of course, that would hardly be proper.” Emily shook her head. “You would not leave, but you will not allow us to marry. If you are quite finished embarrassing me, I will take my leave.”

She made to exit, but felt Luke’s fingers brush against her wrist. She turned to him and saw that he was offering her a handkerchief and gesturing back to the sofa.

“Please, I was not trying to embarrass you. I simply wanted to know the truth.” His voice was gentle. “I will tell no one your secret.”

“Why?” Emily asked, dabbing at her face with his handkerchief.

“Because that would be cruel.” He replied simply. “I take it that you cannot write very much either?”

Emily shook her head. “No.”

“That is why you will not prove those letters false. Because you cannot without sharing your secret.” He shook his head. “I do not understand though, both of your sisters can read and write. How is it that you cannot?”

“I can do a little of both.” Emily said, wrapping her arms around herself. “But… Well… As I am the last to be married, and you already know my great shame, I suppose there is little sense in hiding any more from you.”

She took a steadying breath. “We had some money troubles when I was younger. I did not know it at the time, but I have learned the truth of things from Rose.

“All I knew was that I had a governess, and then suddenly my mother was the one who was managing my education.” Emily shook her head. “And she barely had time for that. Her focus was on Rose, after all she was our only hope of salvation. It is not that she neglected me, but she assumed I could do things.”

“She taught me what she thought most important. The social graces, how to read people. How to cultivate appearances.” Emily thought of her mother telling her what different smiles meant to different people.

Never give too much away dear girl, less is always more.

There was an irony to her words that was not lost on Emily in that moment.

Luke frowned. “But not how to read or to write?”

“She thought I already knew how to do both.” Emily explained, her cheeks flushing deeply.

“And you did not think to tell her the truth?” Luke canted his head towards her.

“How could I? I felt as though I were already some inept burden. So, I thought I might teach myself, but the words and letters. It is like they simply will not sit still.” Emily clenched her fist, refusing to allow more tears to fall. “Over time, I learned the shape of things. I listened to people read and memorised what they said. Then I would repeat it.”

“And you never thought to tell your sisters?” Luke asked.

“I did not want them to think less of me.” Emily shook her head. “I am their baby sister. They love me, but when they are each so accomplished how could they not judge me? Not when I cannot do something so simple.”

“Yet you wrote to them.” Luke was frowning. “Duchess Emberly spoke of receiving letters from you.”

“I dictate my letters. Lucy writes them for me.” Emily gestured to Lucy who was standing a respectful distance from them. “And reads bits and pieces for me.”

“How have you kept this hidden for so long?” The Duke murmured, and Emily could have sworn he sounded impressed and a little sad.

“I have a good memory. If I have heard someone read a book, I try and look at where they are reading from and match it.” Emily shook her head. “It is not always perfect, but it is why I will only offer to read if we are well into the evening.”

“When people have had many drinks?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Exactly. People notice less when they are drunk. It is easy to convince them of things.” Emily sighed. “More often, I would simply offer to play music. But once rumours began circulating about how arrogant I was about my skills…”

“You felt you could not play. You knew you could not clear your name, and without that, if you played it would only add fuel to the fire.” Luke nodded in understanding.

“Exactly.” Emily thought of the many months that had passed since she last played the pianoforte, and felt as though her heart were breaking. “It has been hard.”

“I can imagine. I have known you only a short time, but I have seen how music seems to light you up.” Luke was stroking his chin as though he were thinking.

“I know it is not proper, but I would ask you a favour. If you would allow me to tell the others, or at least my sisters, I would owe you a great debt.” Emily looked at him imploringly. “Well, another debt I suppose.”

“What do you mean?” Luke frowned at her.

“There is no way you will allow me to marry your brother now. And you will not be able to leave without good explanation, and you seem disinclined to lie. Which means you shall have to tell everyone the truth about me.” Emily felt a lump in her throat, and her voice broke. “But I would rather it come from me. If it has to come out, I would like to be the one to do it.”

Luke said nothing for a moment, and when he did eventually speak, his words took her by surprise. “Do you still wish to marry my brother?”

She shook her head, confused. “What?”

“Do you wish to pursue this match?” Luke asked again.

Is this some kind of trick? This feels cruel. Emily narrowed her eyes at him. “The point feels moot. I doubt you would allow him to marry a woman who is barely literate.”

“I would not, you are correct. If I died, she would become Duchess. And one must be able to read and write if they are to manage an estate like mine.” Luke turned from her, and moved to the window. “With that said, I do not think I can grant your request.”

“What do you mean?” Emily’s heart sank.

“You asked for me to allow you to tell everyone your secret. I cannot allow you to do that.” Luke gave her a look.

“You cannot be serious.” Anger coursed through her, mingling with despair.

“Do I look like I am joking?”

Emily wanted to smack the smile off his face.

“I did not think you were cruel. You would rob me of my chance at happiness and refuse to allow me to reveal my shame in my own way.” Emily gritted her teeth, worried that if she moved she would lose control and strike the heartless man before her.

He canted his head. “What if you did not have to tell anyone the truth?”

“How can I not tell them? They will wonder why the match has not gone ahead. Unless you are saying you would lie for me.” Emily frowned.

“I would not lie.” The Duke said.

Emily wanted to scream with frustration. What is happening?

“Then what are you saying? You have already made it clear you would not allow someone like me to marry your brother. Even before you knew the truth, you have made it abundantly clear that you do not approve of the match” She scowled at him and began to walk towards the door. “I will not stay here and play these games.”

Before she could reach the door, she felt a hand clasp her wrist, firmly but gently. She whirled around, and found Luke staring at her. The warmth of his grip coursed through her.

“What do you think you are doing?” Emily breathed.

“I need you to listen to me, really listen to me and the words that I am saying. Not whatever hidden barbs you are determined to see.” Luke was panting slightly, his eyes steely and determined. “Once you have done that, you may leave if you wish.”

“If I had something to throw at you, I would.” Emily managed to squeeze the words past the lump in her throat, her scowl somewhat undermined by how difficult she was finding it to breathe.

“Then I shall be thankful you do not have any scones to hand.” The Duke replied, inclining his head towards her and letting her slip from his grasp. “Do you enjoy being illiterate?”, “Would you prefer never to learn to read?”

“What? Of course not! I hate it, and if I could change it I would. But I cannot.” Emily hugged her arms around her self-consciously. Why would I choose not to be able to read and write? How could I like this shame? Is he trying to belittle me?

“Good.” The Duke nodded.

“Good?” Emily repeated, utterly dumbfounded.

“The best student is one who wishes to learn.”

She scoffed. “Yes, but it does not matter if the student wishes to learn if there is no one to teach her. It is not exactly like I can just hire someone to tutor me, not without risk of exposure. And you are the only other person who knows my secret, and I very much doubt you are offering to teach me.”

“That is exactly what I am offering.” The Duke said simply.

“You… You want to teach me how to read?” Emily frowned, sure she must have misheard him. “Are you… Are you serious?”

“Yes. I am.” He nodded.

Emily shook her head, the room spinning around her as she tried to understand what was happening. “But why? You do not even like me.”

He frowned at her. “Do I need to like you to be your teacher?”

“No but… this makes no sense. Why would you help me?” Emily regarded him, unable to keep the suspicion from her voice.

“Because it is one thing to oppose the match for reasons you can help—such as your behaviour. But this is not something that is your fault.” He shrugged. “A lack of education is fixable. And you clearly have a sharp mind, I doubt it would be difficult to teach you.”

“You are serious?” Emily’s heart sped up, and she clenched her fist, trying to contain the feeling building within her.

“Of course, I am. I would rather you fail on your own merit than fail because others have failed you.” The Duke said simply.

Emily decided to ignore the fact that he clearly still thought she would not be able to marry his brother, and focus on the fact that he did think she could learn to read. “You will teach me how to read?”

“And write. If you wish it. I can at least provide you a foundation, the time we have left is not enough to teach you everything. But you will at least be competent and with practice no doubt you will be reading just as well as anyone else.” The Duke said, but before he could utter another word, Emily had thrown her arms around him.

“Thank you!” she exclaimed, relief and excitement coursing through her. “Thank you! Thank you!”

“I take it that you are accepting my offer?” The Duke’s voice tickled her hair.

“Of course, I am.” She moved out of the embrace.

“I will not go easy on you. This will require a lot of work.” He gave her a serious look.

“I am ready. I am not afraid of hard work.” Emily grinned at him. “And I promise not to bring any scones.”

For a moment, Emily was sure she saw the Duke’s lips quirk upwards in a smile, but the expression vanished before she could be certain.

“Good. Then I will see you this evening.” He nodded and swept from the room.

As he left, Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She felt as though she would sing. The smell of amber seemed to follow her. It was then that she realised the Duke had hugged her back.

“Perhaps this will be good for us both.” Emily muttered. I will repay you for this kindness.

And she thought she knew just how.