Chapter 21

21

“Lucien, what in heaven’s name was that display?” demanded Dorian.

A tight knot formed in Lucien’s throat, his fingers scraping white paint off the pane of the window he had been staring through.

He’d come to Pryde’s gallery to take a bit of a breath after the intensity of the rehearsal. Dozens of Greek statues and busts lined the long, vast room. There must be dozens of paintings, small and large, hanging on the wall opposite the line of tall, French windows letting in plenty of light to admire them by. In between the paintings, shelves held more Pryde heirlooms: precious medieval swords and shields dating back to the Hundred Years’ War, ornate suits of armor, jewel-encrusted daggers, ancient Roman coins, illuminated manuscripts, fossils, naval telescopes from the Tudor era, and more.

The performance had concluded, and the outcome was…unexpected. To Lucien’s great amusement—and, he suspected, Lord Wardbury’s chagrin—Mr. Audley had declared Lucien a far superior Romeo. One had to admit, Lord Wardbury’s portrayal had been rather wooden, to put it charitably.

However much Lucien had enjoyed reading Shakespeare with Chastity, he couldn’t, for the life of him, imagine actually performing in the play. And yet, he had agreed to do so.

“What display?” asked Lucien innocently as he turned to face Dorian, and a cold shiver ran through him.

He’d seen Dorian’s wrath directed at other people countless times over the years, but it was another thing altogether to feel it burn into his skin. Dorian’s tall, broad-shouldered frame seemed to loom larger than usual, his chiseled features set in hard lines of barely contained fury. His sky-blue eyes, fixed on Lucien with an intensity that made him want to take a step back. His friend’s jaw was clenched tight, the muscle ticking visibly, and his hands were curled into fists at his sides.

“I never knew you to be a great theater actor,” Dorian hissed.

“I suppose you don’t know everything about me,” Lucien said.Lucien’s jaw muscles worked. This looked as if it might turn into his worst nightmare: his best friend finding out exactly what he’d done.

Dorian scowled, not looking away. “Lucien, I do know you like to seduce women, but I must insist that my sister remains entirely beyond the scope of your attentions.”

Lucifer!

Lucien was a dead man, but that didn’t matter. He’d take every beating and wouldn’t even raise a finger. He deserved it.Besides hurting Dorian and destroying their friendship, he might hurt Chastity if he wasn’t careful.That was the most important thing.

“I am aware,” Lucien said.

Damnation, he couldn’t even look into his friend’s eyes and say he’d never seduce Chastity. He already had!

He hadn’t just broken the trust of their friendship, he’d actually broken one of the seven credos of the Seven Dukes of Sin.

Family.

“I would never want to hurt her,” he said.

That was true. But what if he hurt her anyway, even without wanting to? Even while trying not to?

Dorian stared into his eyes, then gave a curt nod. “All right. Just…do not play games with her. I know you were trying to help with her outfits and teaching her how to be more sociable. That is admirable. Thank you. But do not confuse her. If she wants to marry Lord Wardbury, she’d have my blessing. Do not destroy that for her.”

Even though it killed him, Lucien nodded. “Of course.”

Dorian frowned as he looked him over. “What’s going on with you? I haven’t seen you with any woman at all. Even Lady Osborn seems to have left you alone. Are you feeling well?”

“Yes. Yes. I’m perfectly fine.”

“If you’re lonely, just go and sleep with someone. Isn’t that what has always helped you?”

Lucien hunched his shoulders. “I haven’t visited anyonesince we arrived here.”

Dorian’s eyebrows rose. “Anyone?”

“Er…” Technically, he had visited Chastity, but… “I have not had sexual pleasure, no.”

Dorian’s face slackened in understanding. “No wonder you’re acting out even with Chastity. Don’t you think you should? Someone as potent as you? I haven’t known you to spend even a few days without pleasure.”

Lucien smiled sadly. “That’s the thing, old friend. I’m trying to change.”

Dorian grinned. “Well done, Lucien. You know we accept each other’s sins and desires, but I do commend you for making a positive change.”

He wondered if that would mean one day he could get Dorian’s approval, that he could eventually become a man who was good enough for his sister.

Would it be enough to simply stop fucking anything that moved? Or would he need to do more? Chastity had told him he needed to let himself feel things and connect in other ways than the physical. He recognized the truth of that. But was that even possible for him? Could he imagine having sex with only one woman? Would that be enough for the rest of his life?

He nodded. “Thank you, Dorian.”

Dorian bowed his head slightly and retreated, and Lucien kept walking down the gallery, hoping any of the marble faces might inspire some wisdom in him. The hard knot had moved from his throat to his stomach, and it felt like his guts were being squeezed in a fist.

He walked through the French doors into the gloomy gray and windy day. It was still cool; thankfully the pre-storm heat had subsided. He looked out onto the hedge maze, the garden, the flowers, the rolling hills behind them, and wondered if he could really do what he’d told Dorian he wanted to…

Change.

If he could truly abandon his old ways and do terrifying things every day: Open his heart. Talk to Chastity. Show her how worthless he was.

“Duke, may I have a word?” said a wooden voice behind him, and he turned around.

Of course. Lord Wardrobe himself, standing tall and proud.

“Of course,” said Lucien, nodding.

“Er…may I be frank?”

Lucien’s jaw tightened. “By all means.”

He knew this was going to be about Chastity. Any man with a brain saw how remarkable Chastity was, what a treasure she was.

“It’s about your performance earlier with Lady Chastity.”

“Yes?”

“You must cease your attentions, Duke,” said Lord Wardbury.

Lucien didn’t want to give him any satisfaction. “Must I?”

“You must. Everyone knows of your reputation. If you want to seduce widows, even married women as long as they know what you’re doing, it’s your business. You know how society works. When these things are done in private, no one cares. But you just publicly put Lady Chastity’s reputation in danger.”

Lucien inhaled slowly.

“Surely you must see that you cannot repeat this. I know you are a long-time family friend, so if you care for her at all, you will stop your pursuit. It is better for her to find a good husband who hasn’t seduced all of England and would never dishonor her by doing so.”

Every word was like a blow. Though he was a terrible play actor, Lord Wardrobe certainly had an effective delivery when it came to personal matters.

“Lord Wardbury, your eloquence does you justice.”

“I am serious, Luhst. If you have any love for Lady Chastity, you will step aside and let her go. She deserves someone better. She deserves to be treated better. And—I give you my word as a gentleman—that is exactly what I will do.”

She deserved someone better. Of course she did. Good Lord, but Wardrobe was right. How did he see straight through Lucien’s defenses and right into the very worthless core of him?

Lucien nodded. “You’re a gentleman, Wardbury. And you’re right. I will give up my role as Romeo. I should have never accepted it in the first place.”