Chapter 24

TWENTY-FOUR

Watching Penn in his element was an eye-opening experience.

Enough that it distracted me from my current mind-bending predicament. I had no proof of this life-changing…thing.

I just didn't know what to call it.

Baby.

Your baby .

Our baby .

I shut the even tinier voice down.

Instead, I let myself fall under Penn's spell like the rest of the room.

I'd always been intrigued by his artwork, and I'd definitely been taken in by his charm, but this was a whole new side of him. At the signing, we'd been at such odds that I didn't really get to enjoy the fact that he loved his work so thoroughly.

That we truly had so much in common, just on a different wavelength.

His fans—well, students—were watching him with bated breath.

There were a lot of questions about how he built his main character and quite a few who knew all the side characters he'd had throughout the life of his series. Not that many of them lasted long. Penn killed his side characters off more often than not.

Moksha, the soul-eating knight, led a very lonely existence.

So much, I wondered if there was more of Penn in that character than I originally believed.

A woman at the back of the room raised her hand.

Penn pointed at her. "Yeah, you at the back."

"Hi." She cleared her throat and stood. "I was wondering if you thought about giving your character a love interest?"

Penn rocked back on his heels.

I braced, ready for him to shoot her down.

His ideas on romance had been very clear when we'd first met.

He folded his arms and paced the length of the room. "Interesting question. You know, I'm loathe to admit it, but I've been having a hell of a time with my latest story."

A murmur went through the room.

"Once upon a time, I would have immediately discounted that idea. When I created Moksha all those years ago, I believed his mission would be enough for a lifetime of stories. Now I've got a bit of a different world view, thanks to a certain someone." He winked at me. "Maybe Moksha needs a Duchess of his own."

There was a fair bit of aww s from the crowd of people.

Penn held a hand up. "All right. Enough of that. Don't want to embarrass my girl."

Quite a few heads swiveled my way.

I wanted to melt into the floor, but there was a part of me that also wanted to purr.

We'd been careful not to talk about exactly what we were with people.

We didn't hide that we were together, but we certainly didn't shout it from the rooftops. We both had been more than happy to stay in our little cottage bubble. There was no doubt that cottage had become ours on a certain level.

Now things were definitely going to change.

Thankfully, I was pretty sure most of the people who had been part of the workshop were as tired as we were. A few people looked disappointed when Penn started wrapping up, but most seemed ready to end the day.

There were a fair number of writers surrounding him with last-minute questions, but he sent most of them off with happy smiles within a few minutes.

I helped Colette with the discarded packets from people who left things behind. Most took their papers home, and I hoped even more would think about giving writing a real go of it.

I know it had changed my life.

"So, are you going to tell me what was going on in the bathroom?"

I sighed. I knew I couldn't get away with that whole fiasco from earlier for long. "Let's just wait until the room's emptied out," I murmured.

Her eyebrows skyrocketed. "Oh, boy."

The more I cleaned, and the more people who left, the more my nerves jittered to the surface again. I wrote about happily ever afters because I'd never had one iota of one.

And now I might ruin it all by rushing things with Penn.

I glanced up at him. He smiled at me and gave me a helpless shrug before he tuned back into one of his fans in front of him.

What I really needed to know was if I was pregnant first. Before I careened into the tempestuous waters of what ifs, I needed the proof.

"Col?"

"Yeah?" She snapped out a bag for the garbage can in front of her.

"Can you possibly bring Penn home?"

She frowned. "Why? Are you feeling sick again?"

"A little. It doesn't look like he's going to get away anytime soon. I want to get some…Pepto."

She gave me a narrow-eyed glare. "Hmm."

Damn her for being way too intuitive. "Look. I'll explain everything, I promise."

Or I'd just run for the hills—or rather the streets.

Penn couldn't leave me if I left him first.

Even at the thought, my whole system locked up.

I didn't want to do that.

But I had to know—that was the first step in all of this mess. The only step I could concentrate on right now.

"Rita, I can go with you."

I shook my head. "I'll make it up to you for cleaning up."

"Rita," she whispered furiously.

I spared a look at Penn, then I took off while his attention was still on the same guy. I snagged my purse and headed down the hallway that led to the receiving bay. I rushed down the stairs to my car, hopped in, and took off.

When I checked the rearview mirror, Penn was standing on the loading dock, exasperation lining his face as he put his hands on his hips.

I kept driving. This was what was best right now.

I had to believe that.

My next problem was the fact that so many people in Crescent Cove were actually starting to recognize me. Buying a pregnancy test was as good as skywriting that I was having a baby with Penn.

One good thing about New York City was the anonymity.

Right about now, I'd love some of that.

My phone buzzed from beside me in my purse. I ignored it, knowing it had to be Penn. I forced myself to go the speed limit. All I needed was his brother to pull me over right now.

I wouldn't put it past Penn to sic Christian on me.

An excruciating ten minutes later I was on the other end of Main Street heading toward the lake. There was a small general store near the liquor store. In a town like Crescent Cove, I had to believe they'd stock pregnancy tests by the dozen.

I parked and felt like I was going to buzz right out of my skin.

How the hell had this happened?

Six dozen orgasms that's how, Rita.

I rested my head on the steering wheel. We'd been careful every time except the last one, and I sure as hell wouldn't be pregnant in a week.

Though the Masterson DNA seemed to be of the potent variety based on the sheer number of kids between the four siblings.

But still—hello, science.

"You can do this."

I hoped.

My phone buzzed again, and I pulled it out with a sigh.

Penn:

where the hell did you go?

you aren't getting those tests without me, are you?

you know that's not fair, right?

I closed my eyes.

Of course it wasn't fair.

But was it fair for him to have upend his life if I was just late? It's not like I hadn't been stressed and happy at the same time. Did my body even know the difference?

I could totally be late.

Then again, foisting a baby on him might give him a reason to sprint far and fast away from this unbalanced author who was just starting to get her shit together.

Here, Penn! Here's a baby to ruin it all with reality.

Even thinking it had me cupping my non-existent belly.

If there was a baby in there, I'd never look at it like a mistake. I didn't remember my mother. I looked down at my onyx ring and tried to picture my dad. There was just a vague memory of a handlebar mustache and eyes similar to mine.

I wasn't sure if it was a real memory, or just a child's hope.

But that wouldn't be my kid's future.

Even if I had to do it all myself.

I got out of the car and rushed into the store, coming to a screeching halt when I found a familiar face in the women's health aisle.

Bridget turned to me, her eyes wide. "Are you kidding me?"

I blew out a breath. "So, which one do you recommend?"

"Oh, Rita." She rushed forward and reached for my hand. "Are you okay? Your eyes look a little…off." She squeezed my hand. "And your hand is like ice."

She was trying to be nice, but I was pretty sure I looked like a crazy person at this point. I laughed, and I hoped it didn't sound as manic as I feared. "I threw up like six times, I think." I tried to rein in the the nerves, but they felt like they were going to geyser out of me. "And I'm so afraid I'm going to ruin everything."

At her shocked face, I brushed by her to the shelves.

"Okay. So, which one? I should probably just take all of them, right? The early ones? Not the ovulation one, I'm probably good there."

"Rita."

I rushed on. "This one looks good. Big plus sign right there to tell you the big old yes, huh? Or this one that actually has the word pregnant . No missing there." I turned to her. "Crazy, right?"

"Rita, it's going to be okay."

"Oh, I don't know about that one." I looked around the store, my heart beating out of my chest. Or was it my head? It felt like it was definitely both. Wait, was that one of the baristas from Brewed Awakening?

"Maybe I should just go back to the city." My laughter echoed in my ears. "The bodega around the corner from my apartment only knows I like to pet the dogs that come in. He doesn't care if I have a kid. Or if I'm not really pregnant."

She came up beside me and gripped my shoulder. "Breathe, honey."

"I'm breathing." The store had little spots all of a sudden. Was there a disco ball in here? "Okay, maybe I'm not." I bent forward and blew out a slow breath. "Crap."

Bridget rubbed my back. "You're fine. We're fine." She lowered to the floor and sat cross legged in front of me. "Maybe you want to sit?"

I laughed and fell to my knees in front of her. "I'm actually losing it."

"Nah, just a little panic attack. I've never seen you chatter like this."

"Oh, that's the running monologue in my head. I usually keep it under wraps."

She laughed and covered my hands on the tops of my thighs. "You feeling better?"

"I'm trying not to think what's on this floor, but yeah…a bit."

Bridget snickered. "You're probably right about that." She pushed herself up and we both used each other for leverage to get off the floor. She dusted off the seat of her jeans. "Okay, this is what we're going to do." She reached for two of each test.

One with the plus sign the size of a baby fist. Dear, God, I had to use the word baby. One with the words spelled out, and the last one with the traditional pink lines.

"We're going to buy these and go take them at my house. Travis is having a father/daughter dinner date so we should have a few hours to get ourselves together."

I nodded. "Okay. That sounds good. I kinda need to hide out from Penn for a little bit to get myself together."

"But you're not going to run, right?"

I looked at the floor. "Right. Sure."

"Rita." Her voice was a warning.

"Maybe it's better I just go."

"You'll regret it. Ask me how I know?"

I shut my eyes. I was such an insensitive idiot. "Bridget, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to?—"

"This isn't about me, but I know what you're feeling. Well, some of it. You want to run before he does, right? If you leave first, then you don't have to be left again?"

My stomach bottomed out, and I couldn't get out the words.

"Yeah. I understand." She sighed and took my hand. "And I also understand that you don't want to do anything without talking to Penn. He deserves that, at least." She squeezed my hand. "But let's get the tests taken first."

"Right. You're right."

"Of course I am," she said with a smile.

We checked out and I followed her back to Travis's house. Well, I supposed it was becoming her house now too. When I passed the cottage, I couldn't tell if Penn was back or not since hopefully, he had been dropped off by Colette.

I gripped my bag tightly as I met Bridget by the steps of the lake house.

She rushed up the stairs and opened the door. "It's gonna be okay."

I blew out a slow breath. "That's what Penn said."

"He's smart, most of the time."

"Yeah, most of the time is definitely the caveat." I climbed the steps behind her then followed her inside and up to the second floor.

"You can go in there. I'll go in the primary bathroom, and we'll meet back to wait out the results together, okay?"

I nodded, nerves twisting in my stomach. Was I going to puke again? Ugh . "Okay," I whispered to myself as I opened the door.

Peeing on a stick should have been easy, but I was pretty sure I'd activated my nerves to the point I wasn't even able to go to the bathroom when I was usually the exact opposite.

Finally finished, I met Bridget in the hallway with all my tests wrapped up separately. I wasn't sure if cross-contamination was a thing when it came to pregnancy tests, but I wasn't looking to find out today.

She looked down at my handful of tests with a laugh and waved me back to her bedroom and into the joining bath.

I set my pile on the other end of the counter in her massively gorgeous bathroom, then sat beside her on the edge of the tub. "Longest five minutes ever."

"Depends on if you want it to be positive or not."

"I really don't know."

"Your whole world will change if it is. But it can be a good change if you want it to be. I love Carrington with every breath in my body. From the minute I saw her, the love was so freaking big, I couldn't even breathe around it."

I nodded. "That's what I'm afraid of. I'm no role model. Both my parents were gone before I could remember them clearly."

"I get that. My mother was a mess, dealing with mental health stuff I was terrified I'd inherit. But I wanted Care Bear. I just didn't know how much until I made decisions that caused me to lose her and Travis."

"You didn't lose them, though. Just took a little while to find your way back."

She teared up. "Yeah, it did. And I'm not leaving again." She sniffed and gave me a brave smile. "Learn from me, Rita. The Mastersons are all pretty amazing. And they love so hard."

"It's so fast, though. I don't want to ruin things between us because this happened before we're ready."

"Kinda sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of being ready." Bridget stood up. "But it's now or never." She went over to her tests lined up in a neat row.

She gripped the edge of the counter and bowed her head. "Dammit."

I went to her, hovering just behind her. "Positive?"

"Negative," she said with a sad whisper. "I really hoped it was positive."

"Ah, Brig…"

She turned to the voice. Travis filled the doorframe of the bathroom. He opened his arms, and she ran to him. He caught her so closely that my throat closed.

That was what loved looked like.

Unconditional and without a moment's hesitation.

Then I saw Penn behind him.

Travis drew Bridget out the door. "We'll let you guys talk." He stroked a gentle hand down her hair. "Are you okay?"

She dabbed at her eyes. "I am. We'll just have to try again."

He lowered to kiss her softly. "Every damn day."

Bridget laughed and gave me a teary smile. "It's going to be okay, whichever way it turns out."

Penn stepped into the doorframe. "Hey, Duchess. You didn't think you were going to do this alone, did you?"