Chapter 23

TWENTY-THREE

November 13th was a cloudy, windy fall day.

We'd spent the last week tweaking our program and not talking about what happened.

I was a fucking idiot and should have reassured her, but I was honestly so shocked I'd messed up so bad, I didn't know what to do.

So, I'd fucking done nothing.

I wasn't even sure which way I hoped it went. The idea of a little Rita or little me was so alien, I wasn't sure where to put it. We just needed to get through this, and then I could focus on the future.

A future I wanted to include Rita, no matter what.

Rita came downstairs in a navy dress that reminded me of the one from the signing. It was soft and hugged her hips then flowed around her knees. She wore her favorite brown boots and had pinned her hair up in some twist thing that made me itch to pull it down.

I was at the kitchen island, making up our travel mugs with coffee. "I've got Betty all loaded up with the handouts." Betty being Rita's pet name for her SUV.

She laughed. "Thanks. I appreciate it. I never want to see a stapler again."

I flexed my hand and the faint bruise on my palm. "Same, Duchess. Same." Then I handed her the screaming neon pink one with the grinning flamingo on the side that I'd found for her while in Syracuse.

If someone had told me I'd be hunting down parts for an ancient printing press in my spare time this fall, I'd have laughed right in their face.

And yet, here I was.

The trip had been worth it on several levels. I'd discovered Rita loved random little presents, and I was more than happy to oblige. I had a backup gift in my trunk for the next time she needed a pick-me-up.

"Colette told us to park in the delivery bay at the back of the library." She blew out a slow breath. "The parking lot is full."

"According to my brother, quite a few came in last night to make sure they could get there early."

"Thanks, I needed just a few more nerves to add to the pile."

I laughed. "More like we boosted the local economy. The Haunt, The Spinning Wheel, and The Mason Jar all did a very brisk business last night. I bet Brewed Awakening is packed." I picked up my mug. "Which is why you are getting my coffee instead."

"Since it's still Macy's coffee, I'll make do." Suddenly, she put her mug down and shot across the room to the small bathroom and slammed the door.

"Duchess?" I followed her and flinched at the obvious sound of her throwing up.

"Sorry," she said through the door. "I do this when I get really nervous."

The memory of her telling me the story of her doing the same at the conference eased my sudden anxiety. "You sure you're okay?"

She flushed and I heard the sound of the sink before she opened the door. "I'm just going to go upstairs and brush my teeth."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, just give me a minute." Then she disappeared up the stairs.

Was she really that upset? I didn't want to make her sick all day.

She returned a few minutes later with a little case. "Just in case." She skimmed by me before I could say anything.

I grabbed our mugs and caught up with her at the door, and then I followed her out.

She didn't even bother making noises to drive. She simply got in the passenger side.

I got in on the driver's side. "Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine. I get like this. Remember the conference?"

"Yeah, I do. I just want to make sure."

"Luckily, I didn't eat anything so I should be good now." She took a tentative sip of her coffee and gave me a bright smile. "I'm good. I promise."

I nodded, then I put the car in reverse and backed out of the drive.

She was quiet on the way to the library, her fingers flying over her phone.

I didn't want to add to her nerves, so I kept my stupid mouth shut. When I parked, she slipped out the door before I could check on her again.

Colette was waiting at the loading dock. "I'm pretty sure everyone showed up." She did a little shimmy and rushed down to help us. She'd opted for a sweater and jeans since she'd probably been running around the whole morning.

"We're not supposed to start for another hour," Rita said quietly.

"They're all excited. It's a good thing!" She squeezed Rita's hands. "God, you're ice cold. Come on in. I'm sure Penn can handle the boxes." She wrapped her arm around Rita, then she glanced back at me. "I'll send out one of the guys who volunteered to help today."

"Thanks."

Rita didn't even look back at me, just let Colette usher her off.

I blew out a breath and headed to the back of the SUV. As I opened the hatch, Jensen Turner hopped off the dock.

"Hey, Penn."

"What are you doing here?" I frowned. "Since when did you work at the library?"

"I don't, but Darby sent out a SOS for volunteers. I figured it was a free way for me to see how you work."

I remembered a couple summers ago when Jensen had hit me up to sign his copy of Knights of Chaos . He'd been working at The Mason Jar at the time. "How many jobs do you have, kid?"

"Too many. I'm just glad Trick or Treat's back open so I can stop bouncing around at five freaking jobs." He lifted out one of the white banker's boxes full of our packets out of the back.

I took the other one and hit the button for the latch to close on its own, then I followed him back up the stairs. "Are you looking to do comics or something?"

"Not really. I like mural paintings, and I do some commission work here and there. I did a few paintings for Nolan this year." He held the door open. "But what I really care about is training to be a firefighter."

"No shit."

Jensen's eyes were surprisingly serious. "Definitely. Watching Lyric get trapped in the basement…" His jaw tightened. "I'll never be that fucking helpless." He rushed ahead, his shoulders stiff with anger.

I blew out a breath. The fire at Trick or Treat last year had been a bad one. Nolan had to practically build the thing from the ground up again. I couldn't imagine how something like that would change me.

"Penn! Hurry up." Colette waved me in.

I didn't have time to think about the fire or to worry about Rita for the next forty minutes, since all of us were running around getting the last of the workshop set up.

I glanced at my watch, then scanned the room.

"Where's Rita?"

Colette turned to me with her arms full of carafes of coffee. "I think she went to the bathroom. They're letting us use the employee one today."

I followed the signs for employees only and heard muffled sounds.

Were those tears?

I rushed forward and through the door to find Rita at the sink pressing a paper towel to her face.

"Duchess?"

She blew out a breath. "I'm okay."

I moved to her. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this. I'll send them all away."

She buried her face in her hands. "God. I can't believe this."

"It's okay." I rubbed her back.

She pulled her hands away. "I don't think this is nerves." Her green eyes were huge and red-rimmed.

"You think you have food poisoning?"

She tipped her head back. "When I threw up earlier, I thought it was just nerves, but I've been in here three times." She swallowed hard. "I'm late," she whispered.

"Oh." I frowned. "We didn't slip until last week."

"Yeah, I don't know for sure, of course." She turned to me. "I know this wasn't in the plans, and I don't expect— oof ."

I hauled her into me. "You don't expect what? Me not to be here for you?" I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight for her as much as me.

What the hell was I going to do with a baby?

I barely remembered to do my own laundry. Half the time I just bought more clothes.

I wasn't even sure she wanted it, but there was no way I was letting her do this alone.

I held her so tight that I could feel her heart racing.

"Penn, I don't know what to do." She trembled in my arms.

I shored up all the fear I had and slammed it into a box. It wasn't about me right now.

I eased her back. "Let's blow this off. We'll go take fourteen pregnancy tests and sit and stare at the water until we figure this out."

She gave a pathetic little laugh against my shoulder. "We can't do that."

"I don't want you to do this today if you're not feeling up to it."

"Plenty of women handle things just fine being pregnant." She eased back and blotted her face.

I moved to the towel dispenser and pulled the lever until I had a big wad and went to the sink to wet half of it for her.

"Thanks."

She leaned over the sink to look in the mirror and wipe away the mascara. "Can you go get my purse?"

I nodded. "Yeah, of course." I stopped at the door. "We're in this together, Duchess. I promise you that."

She stared at me through the mirror for a long moment, then she gave me a half smile. "Sure."

I escaped to the tiny break room where we'd stashed our stuff and before I could get back to her Colette snagged me.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Just stall for a few. Rita wants to freshen up her face."

Colette frowned. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, just nerves."

Before she could ask me any other questions I didn't know the answers to, I headed back down to the bathroom. Rita was still at the sink, holding her wrists under the stream as she blew out slow breaths.

"Still feel like you're going to be sick?"

"I think the worst of its passed." She turned off the stream and dried her hands before taking her bag from me.

I caught her hand and brought it to my chest. "It's going to be okay."

She nodded. "I know."

"I don't really think you do, but I'm not going anywhere." That was the one truth that I was unwavering in. "We'll figure it out together."

She nodded. "Okay."

In my gut, I wasn't sure she believed me.

Colette knocked on the door, then she peeked her head in. "You guys okay?"

"Yup." Rita pushed me toward the door. "I'll be right out. Just let me put a little warpaint on."

Colette frowned at her, but someone called her name from down the hall. She pointed at me. "You come out here and start entertaining then."

"Yes, ma'am." I glanced back at Rita one more time, but she was busy with her pots of potions, and I had no choice but to follow Colette.

I got out to the main part of the library and did a double take at all the people.

Shit.

"Wow, hello guys. I can't believe all of you wanted to come listen to me." I grinned and walked toward Darby, who was manning a projector. "Well, most of you are probably here for Rita, am I right?"

There was a smattering of laughs.

"Yeah, I get it. But until she comes up here, I thought I'd tell you what you're in for today. Oh, and first of all, I really wanted to thank you for giving up a Saturday to do this. We hope you'll get something out of this presentation. And if you hate it, at least your money went to a good cause."

I did a slow turn. "This is my library. Darby is way prettier than Mrs. Humphries, who was my librarian, by the way." A few more laughs bolstered me. "So, while we originally didn't want to charge for this workshop, we hope you don't mind supporting Saving Hearts and this library."

Everyone clapped, and I spotted Rita coming my way. She was still pale, but she only faltered a little at the crowd of people.

"Here's the one you're really here for."

A bunch of people sat up straighter as she gave everyone a tentative smile.

"Thanks for your patience. Some nerves struck me. I'm used to being behind my keyboard, not out in front of people." She shook her hair back. "You guys ready to learn how we do things? Now remember, this is just how we do it. Whatever way you're comfortable writing is exactly right for you."

She came up next to me and brushed her pinky with mine.

"We'll try not to make this feel like school," I said brightly. "Because I really was not the best student."

"I'm shocked," she said with a smirk. "We do have packets and worksheets for you, so I guess it will be a little like school, but there's no Scarlet Letter going on in this workshop."

A few laughed.

"Not that I haven't enjoyed a few taboo books about priests in my time."

I laughed. "The things I'm going to learn today."

Rita was engaging and a natural teacher no matter what she'd said during our prep work.

I stepped back and let her do her thing, interjecting the comedic relief when it was warranted.

The first half of the morning went by in a blink. By the time we took our first break, you wouldn't have known Rita had dropped a huge bomb on us a few hours prior.

Once we made it through our combined section on storyboards, she was lagging a bit.

I convinced her to get something to eat as I answered some questions.

Colette seemed to notice she was getting a little shaky and took over in her efficient way.

Darby helped me field questions as I pulled out all the comedic stops I had.

I was surprised at how many people were fully engaged and present. A lot of aspiring writers were looking for honest tips. As I'd predicted, there were a lot of fan-fiction writers, but they were just as entertaining and full of spirit as any of the other authors.

We broke for lunch and before I could check on Rita, I noted that she was mobbed with people asking her questions and looking for her to sign their workshop packets, and a few books they'd brought with them.

Even once lunch was over, I still hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her.

But now it was my portion of the workshop. We needed to rearrange the desks so people could see the screen Darby had provided for my half of the day.

I'd have to wait until after we were done.

Rita waved at me with a sweet smile and a thumbs up.

I just hoped she was really okay. And that she understood we would be okay, no matter what.