Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

Adar hadn’t slept well. His brain had been too busy processing everything that had happened. He’d spent more time thinking than he had in a long while, maybe ever.

He wasn’t a thinker by nature. Academics had always been a struggle for him, but then again, he’d never wanted a career that required a sharp brain. He was perfectly happy the way he was, and he honestly didn’t feel less than anyone else. Society needed men like him too, didn’t it? Guys who preferred to work with their hands, who had more practical intelligence. Well, that was him.

But he sure as hell would’ve loved to have more brainpower now as he tried to work his way through everything and look at it from every side. The irony was that the one person most qualified to help him make sense of it couldn’t because he was involved. God, he would’ve appreciated Delton’s insights now, but how could he approach him when the man was so clearly hurting?

Seeing him break down in the woods had broken Adar’s heart. He’d wanted nothing more than to comfort him, hug him, tell him everything would be okay, but how could he when he was partially responsible for his pain? Well, maybe he wasn’t responsible because he hadn’t done anything to Delton. But he could still slap himself for not seeing what had been right in front of him the whole time. If he had, they wouldn’t be in this predicament.

When he got up that morning after clocking maybe three hours of sleep—and that was generous—he’d forced himself to eat breakfast. Where he normally wolfed down a massive portion, he now struggled to finish some scrambled eggs. His mind had been circling around one question. Should he spend the day with Oliver, like he would on any other day?

Oliver was still his mate. Adar wasn’t questioning that. He couldn’t, not when he knew deep down they were meant to be together. But that didn’t mean he should overlook what Oliver had done to him and Delton. Adar was convinced Oliver felt horrible about it, and his intention wasn’t to rub it in, but he had to figure out a way to get past it. Around it. Through it?

See, that was the kind of stuff Delton was so good at. He would’ve known what words to use and would’ve been able to give Adar advice on how to deal with this. Fuck, Adar hated that he couldn’t ask him for help.

He leaned back in his chair at the breakfast table, sipping his coffee as he debated his next move. Oliver would be fine without him for a day, but what message would staying away send? His traumatic background didn’t excuse his behavior, but it was a factor, both in what had caused it and in how Adar should treat him. He was fragile, especially mentally, and Adar had to take that into account when dealing with this.

He sighed. Truth be told, he didn’t want to stay away from Oliver. It would be the easy way out, pure conflict avoidance, but it would only make the problem bigger to deal with tomorrow or the day after. If they were to have a future together, they also had to learn how to handle setbacks like this, so communicating was key.

Funny, but in that sense, they did need Delton. He balanced out the built-in inequality between Adar and Oliver and provided a bridge between them as a mediator. He excelled in communicating and could teach them how to talk to each other better. Not an easy feat, considering they were all introverts.

So yeah, on the surface, Delton made sense as the third leg to their triad. But that was purely rational reasoning, which excluded any feelings. It would be a relationship of convenience, not love, and as Delton had pointed out, he deserved more.

If only Adar felt the same way about Delton and vice versa. He’d never wanted to fall for someone more, because it would solve all their problems. But he couldn’t force himself, or could he?

No, but he could try. He had rejected Oliver’s suggestion out of hand, based on the fact that he’d never looked at Delton that way, that he didn’t have that same obvious sense of kinship he did with Oliver. But if he allowed himself to take a step back and look at it from a more rational and maybe practical point of view, that didn’t mean it couldn’t be true, did it?

Maybe that sense of being true mates wasn’t the same for everyone. Maybe for some, it was obvious, whereas for others, it grew over time. Hadn’t Sivney needed time to get used to the idea that he belonged with Naran and Lev? The inconsiderate way Oliver had handled it all shouldn’t determine how Adar responded to the concept.

He finished his coffee, rinsed his cup, and put it in the dishwasher. His mind made up, he put his boots on and headed out, straight for Oliver’s cabin. He’d only been sitting on the bench in front for a few minutes when the door opened, and Oliver stepped out, his head bowed, his shoulders low. He peaked at Adar from between his lashes.

“Good morning,” Adar said, offering him an olive branch.

Oliver shuffled closer until he stood before Adar, who stayed seated. “You’re not angry with me? I wasn’t sure you’d come today.”

Adar’s first reaction was to brush that off and assure Oliver everything was fine, but he held his tongue. If they wanted this to work, the truth was needed. “I wasn’t sure either, but I wanted to talk to you.”

Oliver jammed his hands into the pockets of his tight jeans. “Okay.”

Adar patted the empty spot next to him. “Come sit with me for a spell, angel.”

Oliver’s eyes grew misty. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear you call me angel again.”

That statement only proved how necessary open communication between them was. “You’re still my mate, angel. Nothing can change that.”

Oliver carefully sat next to him. “You don’t hate me?”

Adar took Oliver’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I could never hate you. I’m upset with you, and we have a lot to talk about, but I don’t hate you.”

“I’m so sorry for what I did. I never meant to hurt either of you.”

“I know that. But can you tell me why it was wrong? Not to rub it in, but I want to make sure you understand why I’m so upset.”

Oliver bit his lip. “Because I tried to manipulate you into falling for Delton. I should’ve been honest with you.”

“No, angel. You should’ve kept it to yourself. This wasn’t your truth to tell. If Delton had wanted me to know, he would’ve talked to me. Yes, I do feel like you tried to manipulate me, but more than anything, it bothers me you went against his wishes. He specifically asked you not to tell me, and while you didn’t do it outright, you did orchestrate things in such an obvious manner I found out. I feel awful for him that his request for privacy wasn’t honored, especially because he keeps everyone’s secrets. Since we all dump our trauma on him, that man knows shit about everyone, and the one time he asked us to honor his wishes, we ignored them.”

Wow. His voice had broken near the end, and the whirlwind of emotions inside him took him by surprise. He hadn’t even known he’d felt this strongly about the whole situation until he’d put it into words. “I’m sorry. That came out a bit more passionate than I intended. I had strong opinions about it I wasn’t aware of.”

Oliver wiped away some tears. “Maybe, but you’re not wrong. I did him wrong, and it kept me up most of the night as I was trying to figure out how I had fucked up so badly. But I hadn’t looked at it that way, and you’re right. I didn’t have his consent.”

He hung his head low, and Adar had no trouble following where his mind had gone. He squeezed Oliver’s hand. “That doesn’t make you as bad as the Murphys.”

“Doesn’t it come down to the same thing, though? Consent is consent, no matter for what.”

“No, it’s not. The principle might be the same, but the weight attached to it is very different depending on what we’re talking about. Telling something about someone without their consent is not the same as rape, to put it bluntly. Don’t you dare think it is. You messed up, angel, but this is fixable. This is not an unforgivable sin.”

“You think you can forgive me?”

All Adar had to do was look at him, and he already had. “If you acknowledge you were wrong, you’ll never find me holding a grudge.”

“Thank you.” He wiped away more tears. “I wasn’t sure if you’d ever wanted to talk to me again.”

Adar raised their joined hands and pressed a kiss on Oliver’s. “We’re mates. You’re not gonna get rid of me that easily.”

Oliver slid a little closer and sagged sideways, putting his head on Adar’s shoulder. They sat like that for a long time, and the turmoil inside Adar quieted.

“What about Delton?” Oliver asked. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

“I can’t speak for him, but knowing him, absolutely. But you owe him one hell of an apology, angel.”

Oliver nodded. “I know I do.”

Adar was silent for a beat, then asked the question that had been on his mind the whole time. “Can you tell me why you feel Delton is our third? Because it feels like it’s more of a convenience thing, like he could be useful to us, but I hate thinking like that, and I doubt that’s what you want either.”

“That’s not why.” Oliver bit his lip, and Adar waited patiently. “I don’t see how he could be wrong about you and him,” Oliver said, his voice soft. “He has the same level of certainty about you that you and I have about each other. Considering his job, he’s so skilled in labeling emotions and interpreting things and putting it all together. I can’t imagine him fooling himself like that.”

Oliver made a good point. “So you figured that if he wasn’t wrong, there had to be another explanation?”

“A triad would be the explanation for why he thinks you’re his mate and we know we’re meant for each other.”

“But if that is the case, why don’t I feel that connection with him? And why don’t you? Because the way you explain it, it’s more of a logical conclusion than a strong feeling you have.”

“That’s the part I don’t have an answer for. Then again, I have no experience with this whole fated-mates thing. Maybe this isn’t all that uncommon? I have no clue.”

Someone cleared their throat, and when Adar looked up, Delton was standing in front of them. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation.”

“You’re not interrupting,” Adar said quickly, glad to see the beta. He’d feared Delton would avoid them. “Please join us.”

Delton quirked an eyebrow. “You sure? I only came to talk to Oliver.”

“You still want to talk to me?” Oliver asked, his voice small.

“You messed up, Oliver, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Funny how Delton’s statement so closely echoed Adar’s. “Does that mean you’ve decided to stay?” Adar asked.

“I don’t know yet.”

“You’re leaving?” Oliver sounded panicked. “Because of me?”

“Not so much because of you, but now everyone knows about me, and I don’t think I can deal with everyone’s pity.”

“I’m sorry.” Oliver was crying again. “I fucked it all up, and now you’re leaving.”

Adar didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want Delton to go, but what could he say to keep him in the pack? His earlier thoughts popped back into his head. “What if we did a trial period?” he said. “For the three of us.”

“A trial period?” Delton looked confused. “About what?”

“About us as a triad. I dismissed it out of hand, but I shouldn’t have, not without giving it some real thought. Maybe Oliver is right, and we do belong together.”

Delton was shaking his head before Adar was finished. “No. No way. That’s only gonna set me up for more heartbreak, sorry. I won’t be part of that.”

Adar could hardly blame him after what had happened, so how could he convince him? He refused to bring up the impact play and say he needed Delton. That was manipulating him by using Delton’s sense of duty against him. Adar wanted no part of that. But neither did he want to give up so easily.

“I understand. I really do. But I was thinking that maybe I’ve focused too much on how immediately right it felt with Oliver and expected it to be the same with you. Not every triad experienced being mates that instant and easy, you know?”

Delton scratched his beard. “I know it was much more of a struggle for some, yes.”

“Maybe Oliver and I need more time to realize you do belong with us. You felt it, at least for me, but we didn’t, but that doesn’t mean it can’t come later.”

Delton’s eyes softened. “That’s an awfully big maybe, Adar. You’re asking for a lot.”

He was, and on some level, he felt awful about it, but he couldn’t let go now. Something forced him to keep at it. “How convinced were you that we were mates?” he asked him. “Like on a scale of one to ten?”

“A ten.” Delton’s answer came after a long pause. “Maybe a nine.”

“Don’t you owe it to that feeling to at least try?”

“Easy for you to say. If it doesn’t work out, I’m the one who ends up empty-handed while you two walk off into the sunset.”

“True, but if you leave now, you’ll never know for sure. It’s the worst sales pitch in the world, but you’re already hurting. Is one more month gonna make a difference if it fails? At least you’ll know and will be able to move on.”

He held his breath as he watched Delton, emotions playing over the beta’s face in rapid succession.

Finally, Delton sighed. “Okay. I hate this because I know I’m gonna end up hurt all over again, but you’re right. If I don’t try it, I’ll never have the certainty I need to move on.”

Pure joy filled Adar. “Oliver? You okay with this?”

“More than okay.”

Adar still had Oliver’s hand in his left and now took Delton’s hand with his right. “All right, then. Let’s give this a go.”