Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Everyone in the pack was worried. It had been forty-eight hours since Erwan and his brothers had felt the connection with Rhene disappear, and by now, they were beside themselves. They all were, including Oliver, who did the same thing everyone else did: sought the others’ company. He had this deep need to be together with the others, so they once again hung out in the meeting barn, though without the Hayes pack this time.

He wasn’t surprised to find Adar by his side, but Delton had also chosen to sit at their table. Had he done it because of Adar? Probably, but Oliver didn’t mind at all. Delton belonged with Adar and him, so all he had to do was help things along a little, and everything would work out.

“Did you hear at least eight new omegas will be joining us?” Delton asked Oliver.

“I did. I’m so excited for them. They get to experience freedom too. I expect you’ll be busy.”

Delton nodded slowly. “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Though not all of them will take me up on my offer.”

Oliver winced. Was that a dig at him? Adar’s relaxed posture had changed into something far more alert. “I know I never⁠—”

Delton held up a hand. “I’m sorry, Oliver. You owe me no explanation, let alone an apology. That was uncalled for.”

Oliver relaxed again. “Thank you.”

“I mean it. I’ll admit it’s hard not to take it personally, especially because I want to help you so badly, but the choice is and should be yours. It’s unfair and unethical to put pressure on you.”

“Would it help if I explained why?”

“Most likely it would, yes, but don’t feel like you owe me anything.”

See? That was why he liked Delton so much. He was gentle and respectful and owned up to his mistakes. Oliver took a deep breath. “In the beginning, it was the prospect of talking. Using my voice terrified me.”

“I can only imagine.”

“Plus, I didn’t know you. Everyone said you were kind, including the other omegas, but I wasn’t sure if I should believe them.”

“Delton would never hurt you, angel,” Adar said, and the simplicity of that statement brought warmth to Oliver’s heart.

“I know that now, but I didn’t before.”

Delton leaned forward. “Forgive me for saying so, but something tells me we haven’t hit the main reason yet.”

Oliver swallowed. “No.” How could he put into words what he felt inside, this fear that was so overwhelming that if he thought about it for too long, he couldn’t breathe?

Delton put his hand on top of Oliver’s. “It’s okay.”

Oliver’s throat tightened and pure panic filled him. No-no-no-no, was his voice gone again? Would his mouth refuse to work again and betray him like it had before?

“Oliver.” Delton’s voice was firm. “I need you to look at me, Oliver.”

Oliver’s ears buzzed and everything closed in on him. His lungs seized as he gasped for breath. He wanted to listen, but his body wasn’t cooperating. He wanted to focus on Delton’s voice and obey him, but he couldn’t move. Every muscle in his body tensed, and his hands turned into fists as if he didn’t have any control over them.

Delton said something, but Oliver couldn’t interpret the words. He saw the beta’s lips moving, but nothing got through to him.

He grabbed his throat, wheezing. Air. He needed air. He couldn’t breathe.

Two strong arms picked him up and cradled him against a broad chest. He fought him at first, but when his smell registered, his dragon surrendered. Adar. He was safe.

“Sshh, angel, I’ve got you,” the big alpha whispered, his voice reverberating in his chest. “You’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt you, not ever again. I won’t let them, you hear me? I’ve got you.”

He focused on Adar’s deep baritone, his musky scent, his strong arms holding him. He was okay. He was safe.

By the time he could breathe normally again, he had no idea how long had passed. All he knew was that he was exhausted. He blinked heavily.

“You had a panic attack,” Delton said softly. “And I’m so sorry for triggering it.”

Tired as he was, Oliver did know the truth. “Not your fault.”

Oh, thank the gods. His voice was still working.

“I shouldn’t have brought this up here. That’s on me.”

Oliver shook his head. “No. You couldn’t have known. I’ve never had something like this.”

Delton frowned. “That was your first panic attack?”

“Yeah. It’s because…” He swallowed. “It’s because I feel again. Before, I was numb.”

Delton’s eyes lit up in understanding. “That makes sense. When you close yourself off from everything, nothing can get through to you enough to trigger a reaction like this. But when you open yourself, you have to deal with strong, maybe even overwhelming emotions.”

“That’s why I’m afraid to talk.”

“Self-preservation. It’s a valid strategy of your brain to protect yourself.”

Oliver blew out another long breath. “But it won’t help in the long term, will it?”

“I’m afraid not. If you don’t learn to handle these big emotions, you’ll end up with many episodes like this…and that’s not what I want for you, Oliver. You deserve more. Better.”

Oliver bit his lip. “But won’t talking about it make it worse? Just thinking about the Murphys…”

His throat tightened again. Adar held him a little closer, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. Maybe he’d sensed Oliver tensing? The man was so attentive. Then again, so was Delton.

Delton took his hands in a gentle, almost loving way. “I promise you won’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Our focus would be on showing you coping techniques that will help you process and heal. I don’t need to know details to teach you those. In fact, most of the time, stirring up the trauma itself is counterproductive.”

Oh. Hadn’t Delton mentioned that before? Oliver remembered something about that, but apparently, it hadn’t truly sunk in. “You really think you can help me?”

“I do. Please, Oliver, give it a shot. Let me help you heal.”

If he worded it like that, how could Oliver refuse? “Okay.”

An idea popped into his head. If he was doing this and signing up for some lemons, he might as well add some sugar to it and make lemonade, no? “Would it be okay if Adar comes with me for those sessions?”

Delton widened his eyes, but then he caught himself. “Of course. If Adar wants to.”

Adar immediately agreed. “I’ll do whatever I can to help you, angel.”

Oliver felt better already. “Thank you. I think your presence would help me.”

He wasn’t lying. Even in the midst of his panic attack, he had somehow registered Adar as safe, and the alpha holding him had been what had helped Oliver calm down. Having him sit in would give him peace of mind. He slid off Adar’s lap, and the alpha let him go. Not that he hadn’t wanted to stay longer, but it must hurt Delton to witness it.

In fact, he had to get the focus off him. They’d spent enough time with his issues already. He cleared his throat. “When’s your next session with Delton?” he asked Adar.

The alpha frowned. “What session?”

“I think Oliver is talking about the impact play,” Delton said.

“Sorry, I thought you meant therapy sessions with Delton.” Adar laughed sheepishly.

“In a way, they are like therapy for you, no?” Oliver asked.

“I guess they are. Hadn’t looked at it like that. Anyway, we haven’t set anything up yet. The other session was only a few days ago, so I have four weeks before I need another one.”

Oh right. Oliver had forgotten about that. Hmm, that didn’t work. Adar would only see Delton one-on-one once a month, and that wouldn’t be enough for them to bond. “Maybe you don’t need it more often, but wouldn’t it be a good thing to do it, like, weekly? You said that if you waited too long, it made you stressed out, so why not stay on top of it?”

Adar’s forehead creased with a deep frown. “I guess? I’ve never done it that often, though.”

“But you like it. The impact play. It’s not something you do because you need it. You want it too.”

Adar looked away, but then he sought Delton’s eyes. What was going on? Oliver was missing something, but what? Adar’s cheeks had reddened. Was he embarrassed about something? But what?

“Would you like me to tell him?” Delton asked softly, and Adar nodded.

“Did I say something wrong?” Oliver asked.

“No, angel. Not at all. It’s just that… I’ll let Delton explain it. He’s much better with words than I am.”

Delton leaned forward, his voice so low no one else in the barn would be able to overhear him. “The sessions Adar did with his friend encompassed more than impact play. They had a sexual component as well.”

A sexual component. What did that mean? As much as Oliver loved how smart Delton was and how good he was with words, sometimes he wished Delton was a little more straightforward.

“He and his friend also had sex during those encounters,” Delton said, perhaps seeing Oliver’s confusion.

Sex. Okay, but what was so embarrassing about that?

Oh. Wait.

“You bottomed for him?” Oliver asked.

“Yes.” Adar’s reply was barely audible.

“And your friend is an alpha too?”

“Yes.”

That explained Adar’s embarrassment. Two alphas having sex was not uncommon in this pack or the Hayes pack, but it sure as hell was considered an anomaly among most others, including dragons. “Were you worried I would judge you?”

“You’re not?”

“For most of my life, I lived in a place where consensual sex didn’t exist. I couldn’t care less about alphas having sex with each other, as long as they’re adults and they both want it.”

“Thank you.”

Pure relief flooded Adar’s expression, but Delton didn’t look quite as relaxed. Was there something Oliver wasn’t seeing? The pieces clicked. “Is sex an essential part of that experience?” Oliver asked.

“No.” Adar’s answer had come immediately, but Oliver wasn’t convinced, maybe because Delton wasn’t impressed either.

“Adar,” he said, his voice soft but with a definite warning edge.

“It doesn’t,” Adar insisted. “I won’t deny I liked it, but it’s not crucially important to me.”

Maybe not crucially, but it mattered, and Oliver got it now. “Do you prefer topping or bottoming?” he asked Delton.

“What? That’s… What does that have to do with anything?”

Adar was frowning again as well. “Yeah, why are you asking?”

“Because if you like topping, the solution is easy. When you two are doing the impact play, add sex.”

Delton’s mouth dropped open.

“Wait, angel, do you mean Delton fucking me?” Adar scratched his beard.

“Yeah. It would be the perfect solution, right?”

“B-but it would be cheating,” Adar said. “I’d be cheating on you.”

Oliver waved his words away. “Of course not. Not when he’s…”

Oh fuck.

In his eagerness to solve this problem and give Adar and Delton another opportunity to bond, he’d forgotten one tiny little detail.

“Oliver,” Delton grunted, looking aghast.

“You’ve lost me. How is this not cheating?” Adar asked. “I don’t want to have sex with anyone else but you. You’re my mate.”

Was there a way to walk this back? He had to at least try. “Forget I said anything. I wasn’t thinking.”

Adar leaned back, crossing his arms. He’d never looked so perturbed with Oliver. “I’m sorry, but it’s kinda hard to forget when my mate suggests I cheat on him. Why on earth would you say that?”

Oliver glanced at Delton, who seemed to be trying to disappear, his posture slumped. He’d hurt him. By not thinking about what this implied, Oliver had set Delton up for heartbreak, and the thought brought tears to his eyes. He’d never meant for that to happen. In his mind, it had been the perfect solution and a great way for Adar and Delton to bond, but he’d never considered Adar would perceive it as cheating. He wasn’t wrong, though. If Oliver hadn’t become convinced Delton was their third, it would have been a betrayal of the connection between Adar and him.

“I didn’t mean to do this,” Oliver whispered to Delton. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I really wish you had respected my wishes when I said I didn’t want you to tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Adar looked from Oliver to Delton and back. “Can one of you please explain? Because I’m missing something and…”

He narrowed his eyes, and Oliver could all but see him adding two and two and figuring it out. He’d better tell him instead of letting Adar interpret all this as Oliver keeping a secret from him. Which he had, come to think of it. Crap. “I think Delton is our third mate,” he said. “I’m convinced you and I are mates, but I feel like he’s our third, that we’re a triad and not a couple.”