3. Sek’su

3

SEK'SU

B urshtin's massive fist strikes under my jaw, lifting me off my feet. I flap my wings to no avail as I try to regain my balance. I go up, over, and slam down onto my back, knocking my wind out. Burshtin looms overhead, large in my blurry vision, and growls shaking his head.

"Try ducking," he says.

A loud, harsh, barking laugh fills the arena. I recognize that laugh and it fills me with rage. The bijass surges. I pull my legs up and kick, leaping to my feet while balling my hands into tight fists, ready to stop that laughter. I take a step but Burshtin steps into my path and grabs my shoulders .

"No," he says with a shake of his head. "He is not worth it."

I growl, not wanting him to be right, yet knowing he is. I narrow my eyes and glare at the green-skinned monster who stands outside the arena with his arms crossed over his chest. He has a long black beard, thick eyebrows, and ivory-colored tusks. He barks something in the Urr'ki guttural, animal-like language. I'm sure it's a threat, which only makes my rage burn hotter.

Threaten me, will you? I will teach you and all your monstrous kind.

Burshtin shakes his head again, tightening his grip. He leans in close enough to whisper in my ear.

"Not here, not like this," he says.

I growl in response, but he's right so I turn away from the Urr'ki who dares to taunt me. I roll my shoulders and shake my head to clear it. My tail twitches involuntarily on the floor, riled up with my anger. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and will calm and stillness through my thoughts.

"Focus," Burshtin says, taking up his stance again.

I nod in agreement and drop into a ready stance. Around us, others train as well. I should never have let him land that blow. Any other time it wouldn't have happened, but he's right, I was distracted.

I cannot quit thinking about her. I wonder if she received my gift. Did she like it? Why has she not said anything? Does she not know it was from me? A million questions swirl in my head, making it all but impossible for me to keep my focus on the here and now.

Burshtin closes again, but this time I am ready. I step to the side of his swing, coming up under the extended arm and striking the bundle of nerves under his shoulder with two fast strikes. His arm drops uselessly, and he grunts in pain.

I step to the left, ducking under his other arm as he tries to block me. Extending my arm, I swing it in. If I didn't stop short it would crush his throat closed. We stand frozen, both of us knowing that this round goes to me. He is breathing heavily and so am I.

"Good," he grunts, and only then do I step back and nod.

A slow, mocking clap. The Urr'ki is still there at the edge of the arena, watching with a wide smile on his face. Burshtin looks over and grunts.

"Is he challenging me?" I ask.

"Forget it," Burshtin growls. "Let the Al'fa figure them out. It is his idea, not ours."

I growl, not wanting to let it go. I very much do not want to. What I want is to smash that mountain-cursed grin off his smug face. I take a step towards him and his smile widens. He holds his arms wide as if inviting me to come forward.

"I will teach him a lesson," I growl.

"No," Burshtin says, grabbing my shoulder again. "You know what Za'tan has ordered."

I do and I am not sure I care. Za'tan lost his position to the newcomer, but he still acts like he's the Second even though he's not. And even so, all of us obey.

"Fine," I say and spit in the Urr'ki's direction before turning my back on him.

Burshtin closes ranks as he puts one arm over my shoulders.

"You are distracted and it is not the green skin that does it," he says softly.

He leads us off the arena floor towards one of the side rooms. He lets me enter first and I go to the shelf in the wall to get a drink. It buys me time as I try to come up with an answer that I am willing to share. Burshtin watches closely, judging. He is smart and perceptive. Lying to him is never easy.

"I am," I agree, sipping my drink.

"And? By what?"

I frown, shaking my head. I do not want to say it. She is a human. I know some of us have fallen for them, but it feels wrong somehow. A betrayal of my people? Something. I do not know why but it feels like she is too good for me.

Stupid. She is a human. How can any human be too good for me?

Burshtin continues to wait, quiet and patient while his stare becomes increasingly uncomfortable. I resist the urge to shift my weight or otherwise show my unrest. I meet his steady gaze with one of my own, attempting to match him stare for stare. It does not work. Visions of her dance in my head. Curiosity as to whether she liked my gift. Doubts of what I am doing all form an assault on any ability to remain silent and calm.

"Gah," I growl, putting the glass down if only to break free of his eyes for a moment.

"Yes?"

I growl and shake my head, but the thumping of my tail is a betrayal.

"Fine," I grouse. "A female. It is a female."

"I see," Burshtin says, no change to his voice. I turn around, meeting his eyes. His narrow, then a frown forms on his face. "Human."

It is a statement, not a question. He knows. A growl rumbles in my throat, but I have nothing to say. I cannot deny the truth once it has been spoken. That is not our way. Burshtin grumbles softly then turns and walks to the door. He stops just inside of it, staring out at the arena where the others are sparring in preparation for a war that we know is coming sooner than later.

"Good," he says, speaking at last.

I almost stumble forward. I do not think I was even aware of how I was waiting for his response. Needing to know his thoughts. Realizing it makes me angry. Angry at myself for needing anyone's approval. Why do I need him to say I am okay?

"Good?" I question.

He grunts, not turning around. I walk up behind him, balling my hands into fists. I do not know what I am going to do, but the anger is thrumming in my head like a bowstring pulled taught and, ready to release.

"What else should I say?" he asks, slowly turning. He takes in my tense posture, sees my balled fists, and shakes his head. "You want me to say you are doing wrong? What do I know of it? Do you feel the pull? Is she your one?"

His attitude and words are so disarming, that I rock back on my heels, unclenching my fists as my tail drops, slapping the floor.

"I…" I trail off unsure how to answer. He arches an eyebrow, waiting. "I do not know."

"In my experience," he says, speaking softly, "you know. Or you do not know. If you know, you know. Then it is real. If you do not know, then do not waste your time. It is not real. It is not as Tajss and the Mountain intended."

I blink rapidly as I process his words.

I either know or do not know. Simple, on the surface, but there is depth to those words. Like a chasm that goes deeper than any rock will reach. A depth that might as well be an eternity, for falling into it will be the same as death.

"Huh," I grunt, still turning his words over.

"Come, we waste time. War is coming."

And without a further word or thought he heads back to the arena. In this, I know he is right, so I shove my questions and doubts aside, following him into the dirt.