Chapter 18

Ari

I managed to complete Mother’s speech just in time. She delivered it to the crowd of thousands on the main plaza of Egami City. Speaking in her calm, warm voice, she accomplished exactly what she had set out to do. She comforted her people, reassured them, and gave them hope, alleviating their fear.

Standing next to her on the raised platform draped in crimson, I listened to her with admiration. It was hard not to admire this woman, and not just as my mother or my savior.

The queen’s tall formal crown sat high on her black-with-silver hair. A long, dark-red mantle draped over her shoulders and descended in rich folds to the platform. She gazed warmly at the crowd, promising them what they wanted to hear—that they would be safe, and the crown would protect them by taking care of the danger.

On our way back to the palace afterwards, Mother stopped our carriage on the outskirts of the city. Leaving her long mantle in the carriage, she asked me to follow her out. She took me to a low set building in a narrow street off the main road.

An older woman in a long rubber apron opened the door when we knocked.

“Your Majesty,” she gasped at the sight of the queen, sinking into a deep curtsy. “Your Highness.” She bowed, holding the door open for us. “Madam Trela is not here. She went to the plaza...”

“I know,” the queen assured her with an elegant wave of her hand. “We’re not here to see Madam Trela. Can you take us to your work room please?”

The woman’s eyes darted between me and Mother. She seemed uncertain about the request but didn’t dare question the queen. Bowing her head, she led us down a narrow corridor and into a wide room with a low ceiling and metal grating on the floor.

The windows on both ends of the room were wide open, sending a breeze through. Yet the outside air could not completely banish the stench of rotten flesh as Mother led me to a covered narrow table in the middle.

I yanked a handkerchief from my pocket and pressed it to my mouth and nose, breathing through the fabric.

“Forgive me for what I’m about to show you, Ari. But I want you to know what a man is capable of doing to a woman.” Mother lifted a corner of the gray soiled sheet that covered the table, moving the fabric aside.

I held my breath, forcing my eyes not to stray from the body of the dead woman on the table. Blood had been washed off her skin. Her flaxen blonde hair had been brushed and braided. But there was nothing anyone could do about the dark bruises covering her skin or the gruesome wounds torn in her flesh.

“Look at her, Ari, and remember what you see. There have been a number of murders in Egami over the years of my reign, but none quite as brutal as this one. Look at her wounds and note their location.” Mother pointed at the ragged tears that looked like they had been left by teeth and claws of a wild animal. “These weren’t made by a rabid beast but by a man driven mad by lust.”

The bites, scratches, and bruises covered the woman’s breasts and upper thighs more thickly than the rest of her body.

“She was killed violently,” Mother said. “The reason for her murder was to satisfy the man’s unquenchable thirst for sex and blood.”

“He must’ve gone mad.” My voice came out strained from the horror gripping my throat. “But not all men are like that, Mother. You know it.”

She shook her head somberly. “Some may control it better than others. But all have the thirst for violence and dominance by nature. It’s up to us, Ari, to control it when they fail to do so themselves.”

ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT .

I’d had quite a few of those lately.

The preparations for the arrival of the princes had been on the way for weeks. By now, almost everything was ready. The increased activity in the palace had the air buzzing with anticipation, which didn’t help with settling my nerves down enough to fall and stay asleep.

It took me just a few minutes of tossing and turning in bed to know I wouldn’t fall asleep tonight either.

With my nose pressed into the pillow, I realized I was breathing deeply, hunting for the traces of the familiar male scent that had long gone. I tossed the pillow aside and sat up.

Everything in here still reminded me of him. Subconsciously, I kept to one side of the bed, as if leaving space for him on the other. When having tea, I thought about his long, strong fingers crumbling the tea leaves to press them into the infuser. When getting into the bath, I thought about the creamy pink water sluicing around his hips, the tip of his hard cock bobbing over the surface, his body turning momentarily transparent with reflection as I’d made him go undone.

On the sleepless nights like tonight, I also remembered how comforting the warmth of his body felt and how easy it’d been for me to fall asleep with him by my side, as if my soul had sensed the safety in his closeness and trusted him to keep nightmares at bay.

I climbed out of bed and threw on my cherry blossom robe over my nightgown. The patio doors were open, but the mid-summer night was too warm to cool off the room after the heat of the day. I caught myself sifting through the sounds from the garden, subconsciously waiting for the noise of a man climbing up the palace wall.

That sound could never come again. The lattice was no longer there, and the man might not even be in Egami anymore. The slaves had finished their work and left almost two weeks ago. Their barracks had regained their purpose as horse stables to accommodate the mounts of all the people arriving with the foreign princes’ extensive escorts.

I didn’t know if Salas had departed with the slaves or if he had accepted my offer and was now in the gladiators’ quarters. Gem had been sulking ever since I twisted her arm and forced my plan on her. She wouldn’t talk to me. But that was only a part of the reason why I hadn’t asked her about her conversation with the games master or how Salas took our proposition.

Either way, I had no control over his decision. I had to trust he would do what was right for him. Meanwhile, I had to do what was best for the queendom.

Drawing the ends of my robe together over my chest, I opened the door to my bedroom, crossed the sitting room, then slipped out into the hallway.

The guards by the door stood to attention, briefly bowing their heads in greeting. I walked past them toward the grand marble staircase with gold railings that led down to the main floor.

There was always someone awake in the palace. Someone rushed up or down the stairs somewhere. Servants were bringing late night snacks for courtiers suffering from insomnia like me or just staying awake on purpose. Wives might be visiting their husbands’ bedrooms. Courtiers would be sneaking in with their lovers. Or just a lonely princess wandering the halls aimlessly, with the sole purpose of killing night hours while running away from her worries and thoughts.

The night guards opened the doors to the throne room as I approached, and I walked in. This enormous room was the epitome of governance for me. The royal throne stood on the platform with three wide steps leading up to it. The three steps represented the foundation of support for the monarch of Rorrim Queendom—the people, the Temple of the Great Goddess, and the Royal Council.

A wide, floor-to-ceiling banner stretched on the wall behind the throne. The crest of Rorrim Queendom on it had been embroidered by the ladies of the council, the queen, and me. It had been divided into twenty-six parts. Each of us embroidered one. Then, the parts were assembled together as a symbol of unity in our government.

I found the section I’d worked on for several months while trying to lay every stitch perfectly straight. It depicted a ray of the golden crown in the middle and a white rose of peace over it.

Peace was treasured above all in Rorrim. But now, I wondered what peace really meant for my people. The mere absence of war clearly did not guarantee a peaceful life for everyone. Some waged inner battles more brutal than any war.

The mood in Egami City remained turbulent. The killer was still on the loose. Also, with so many foreign dignitaries arriving soon, peace would be hard to find anywhere in the capital.

The ancient mirror hung to the left of the queen’s throne. Since the night I’d fallen through it and into my mother’s arms, it had been covered by a long sheet of black velvet.

For the first time since that night, I approached it and splayed my hand on the soft material. My palm pressed against the hard mirror surface underneath. I hadn’t looked into this mirror since the day I arrived at Rorrim Queendom. I had no need to do so, no desire to come anywhere close to the world I’d left behind and feared to remember.

The fear had eased now. Looking back still felt unpleasant. I believed it always would be. But it no longer terrorized me with paralyzing horror. I have looked back, remembered, and I survived. The more I thought about the past, the less power it held over me. Little by little, I chipped away at the chains that bound my mind.

I was not afraid.

Taking the edge of the velvet shroud, I pulled it aside. The hard, glossy surface offered me nothing but the reflection of the throne room behind me and the face of the princess staring back at me.

She was older and far more confident than when I had stared into this mirror from the opposite side ten years ago. There was no fear in her eyes behind her glasses that looked like a piece of fine jewelry compared to the cheap, outdated plastic frame of the girl from the orphanage.

But there was no peace in the eyes of the princess, just as there hadn’t been in the eyes of the orphan girl. The sleepless nights had left shadows under my eyes. I looked tired and worn out by worry. I’d found safety and family in Rorrim, but happiness remained forever elusive.

“Ari!” The soft gasp came as a crack of a whip in the stillness of the night because Mother’s voice was powered by a sharp note of concern.

I turned around, letting the velvet shroud fall back in place.

Holding a candle lantern in one hand and the hem of her long robe in the other, Mother rushed to me from the doors left open by the guards.

“What are you doing up so late?” She smoothed the velvet over the mirror, making sure there were no gaps left between the fabric and the frame.

“Just couldn’t sleep.” I shrugged. “You?”

“I was on my way to the king’s wing and saw you in here.” She gently stroked my unbound hair. “Something is bothering you, my child.”

Without her crown, in the soft light from her candle, she looked more like just a woman and a mother and less like a mighty queen.

“What is it, dearest?”

I sighed, disarmed by the warmth in her eyes.

Mother had not supported my last initiative in the council. The queen believed the current laws on slavery worked as intended, with no reform needed. But she didn’t impede my efforts either, allowing me to do what I felt was right.

“Will I make a good queen, Mother?”

She smiled, cupping the side of my face. “Why would you ever doubt that?”

“You know I question things. Sometimes, I still feel like an outsider. I wonder if that makes me see things differently than you. What if I can’t follow in your footsteps the way I should?”

“As proud as we all are of Rorrim, no establishment is perfect. A part of the queen’s duties is finding and fixing its flaws. There is no harm in questioning and improving, my dear.” She hugged my shoulders, leading me away from the mirror. “I’m proud of the woman you have become, Ari. I can’t wait to see the queen you will be one day. You have been handling every task I’ve passed on to you well. I have no doubt you will handle the crown with dignity and skill whenever I decide to pass it on to you.”

“Thank you, Mother.” As always, her words alleviated my worries, making it easier to breathe.

“It’s the anticipation of all the upcoming nuptials that must be rattling your nerves lately. A marriage is a big event in everyone’s life, but the wedding of the future queen has a state-level importance. It carries a lot of weight, and you’re undoubtedly feeling the pressure. The unknown is always rife with anxiety, but it will pass soon.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said, wishing for some of her optimism.

“Trust me on this, darling. The moment you choose your future husband, the anxiety will settle. A man’s attention is always sweet, and a woman’s desire often grows with age. A marriage is to be enjoyed. There is no need to worry.”

I longed to believe her with all my heart, pushing away the doubt. I wished to be the queen now more than ever. I believed I could make Rorrim a better place for everyone, but I needed more to succeed. More knowledge, more experience, and more power to stand up to the council. Getting married, giving birth to an heiress, and eventually acquiring the queen’s crown would make my position that much stronger.

And for that, choosing my husband should be my next step.