11. Scared To Close My Eyes, Scared To Open Them

ELEVEN

SCARED TO CLOSE MY EYES, SCARED TO OPEN THEM

JASON

The wall light above the mirror in our bathroom highlighted Nicholas' abs. I watched his reflection as he dried himself off, his dick still half-hard. He turned around and rubbed the towel over his ass as if he wanted to show me what I would have to deal with in a few minutes. I could've stared at his butt cheeks for hours. Every time I saw them, I wanted to spread them apart and give Nicholas the good time he deserved.

Over the past year, we'd done so many things with each other, but showering together hadn't been one of them. While he always went in the evening, I'd gotten used to going in the morning. It was convenient because we didn't have to compete for bathroom time—not that it would have been a problem since ours had three showers next to each other. But somehow, that time had become the few minutes a day when it was okay for us to take a break from each other.

That was why I completely forgot what I wanted to do when I saw him rubbing the towel over his body. It was an unusual sight that was just too exciting.

I turned to face myself in the mirror. This was the one time of the year when I looked like everyone else. Two eyes stared back at me, though one of them couldn't actually see that.

It may sound strange, but this view of myself that no one else would even notice if I just went along with it every day seemed unnatural to me. It wasn't who I was.

I pulled apart my right eyelids and took out the prosthesis. I had left it in until now because I couldn't shower with the patch on, and I didn't want to irritate Nicholas with the hollow look of my socket.

With the prosthesis out, the uncomfortable pressure I was feeling was finally gone.

Looking at my reflection now, I couldn't help but smile. This was me. This was how I truly looked—not the guy who tried to hide it for the sake of others, so that no one would be bothered by the reminder in my face that we're not indestructible, that this could happen to any of us. People don't like to think about that, and they don't like to be around others who constantly remind them of it.

Fortunately, this was also never a problem with the patch. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Once it was covered, people found it interesting and couldn't stop asking questions. But going out with nothing to hide the empty socket? No chance.

I rinsed the eye with some of the unscented hand soap I had bought for this purpose.

A glance in the mirror revealed that Nicholas either didn't notice or didn't care. He squeezed some body lotion into his palms and rubbed it over his chest.

I put the prosthetic on a paper towel to air dry overnight and reached for the eye patch. Since he moved in, I had been wearing it all the time, except when I slept, even though I hadn't done that before. I usually only wore it when I left the house. I wanted to spare people the sight, but now all of this made me think.

If I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, he would have to get used to seeing me without it.

"Nicholas?"

His gaze met mine through the mirror.

I kept my right eye closed for the moment. I wanted to talk to him about it, but… "Never mind."

"What is it?"

"No, it's stupid."

"I highly doubt it, but okay." He rubbed more lotion on his legs.

He was always like that. Without questioning, he accepted what I said. He didn't force me to tell him things I didn't want to. He never even asked me why I wore the eye patch in the first place. We only got talking about it a year ago because I assumed he would ask about it, like everyone else, while he just accepted it as a part of me, not trying to make it my whole personality, like so many others seem to.

I took a deep breath. "Would you be comfortable if I wouldn't wear my eye patch?"

His head rose as his palms brushed over his knees, rubbing in the last white streak of body lotion. "I'm comfortable with whatever you're comfortable with."

"So, you wouldn't mind if I just walked around like this?" I opened my right eye, revealing the empty socket.

"Why would I?"

The corners of my mouth curled into a smile. "I was just wondering."

Nicholas walked behind me, putting his hands on my bare shoulders. They slid down my abs, pulling my back against his chest.

"I probably don't tell you often enough, Jason, but you're such a beautiful man. With what you're wearing and without."

Our eyes met. My heart fluttered a little because even though I felt safe with him, I'd never shown him my face so openly.

He kissed the back of my head. "And believe me, if there was ever a part of your body I would want you to hide, it would be your fat cock, because I can't think of anything else when I see it." His teeth flashed at me as he laughed at his joke.

I turned around so he could see me without a mirror in between. This was the first time I had been completely naked in front of him. My chest heaved.

How on earth did we end up here? How could everything be so slow and fast at the same time? And how could he take me and find beautiful what, for so long, I had considered my greatest flaw?

"Nicholas, why did you never ask me about my eye?"

"Are you angry that I didn't?"

"No," I shook my head. "God, no. On the contrary. For so long, it seemed like that stupid eye was the only thing people noticed when it wasn't even there. But somehow, you saw all the other things that made me, me ."

"When we first met, you told me all those gory lies. I loved them, don't get me wrong. I still do. But it felt like you were so tired of talking about it I figured if you ever wanted to tell me, you just would. That's why I never asked. I hope that was okay."

I offered him a smile and nodded, to which he responded with a smile as well.

"I'm always here to listen," he said. "Be it for more entertaining versions or the truth."

We held each other for another second before I let go of him.

I turned back to the sink, my gaze falling on the prosthesis again. "It's not even a long story. Or an interesting one." I said with no hesitation. "When I was eleven, my mom noticed I had a dark spot in my eye. She didn't think much of it at first, but after watching it for a few weeks, she got the impression that it was growing. We went to the doctor, and after some tests and some back and forth, they said it was cancer." I looked in the mirror and found Nicholas just standing there next to me, listening closely. "I only figured out that ‘cancer' must be bad because she was crying like no one I had ever seen cry before."

Nicholas looked at the sink and then back up at me. "It was harder for her than for you."

"To me, cancer was just a word. I had never heard it before and didn't know what it meant. The doctor gave us two options: chemotherapy, where I could have kept my eye, but there was a chance that the cancer would spread, or remove the eyeball and all the shit with it. Well," I shrugged. "You know how it turned out. The eye is gone, but so is the cancer. I'm healthy as an ox now, and for a long time, I thought the eye patch was cool. In college, it made it so easy to get guys to talk to me that it almost seemed like there was no downside. Depth perception was a little weird at first, going from seeing everything in three dimensions to a two-dimensional image took some getting used to, but, well, that doesn't bother me anymore. It was only when I got older that the constant questions got annoying, so…" I waved it off. "You know the rest."

Nicholas stared at me for a moment before his lips parted, and a single tear rolled down his chin. "That must have been very scary."

He brought his palm to the side of my right arm, running it up and down. He inhaled sharply twice as if to calm himself . Another tear rolled down his cheek. I pulled him in closer and ran my thumb over his face, wiping it away. "Are you seriously crying because of that story? You know, I'm fine. I'm not missing anything in my life—especially not now."

A laugh that almost turned into a cry escaped his mouth. "You're right." He shook his head, closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around my back to pull my chest into his.

My chin rested on his collarbone, and I pushed myself as far into him as I could.

"I love you," he said, his voice trembling. "And even with all those scares, I want nothing bad to happen to you for real. I promise I'll protect the hell out of you, whether it's against killers, monsters, the darkness—name it, and I'll protect you from it."

"My mom, when she finds out I'm getting married to a guy she never even met."

Nicholas' body shook as he laughed. "I'll throw myself between the two of you and absorb any questions or whatever she throws at you."

"My love, you don't get it. You will be the one who needs protection. Unless we pull something like today at our wedding and give them all heart attacks."

"We don't want that."

"No, we don't."

We stood still for a moment, just listening to each other's breaths.

"Let's simply not tell them," Nicholas said. He kept his stomach pressed against mine as he released my upper body to look at me. "We'll invite our families over, and after they've settled in for a day or two, we shove them all into my minivan, drive to City Hall, and— boom —avoid any weird situations because who freaks out at someone on their wedding day."

"Again, if you want to give your parents a heart attack, we can do that."

"They'll probably be glad I'm done living in my car." He faced the mirror again, and so did I. We looked at our naked reflections staring back at us. "Well, let's not worry about that tonight. I know we will find a solution that does not involve several people dying of heart attacks." His eyes wandered to the lower right corner of the mirror. He arched his back so that his butt stood out more. "There is also another urgent matter that you promised earlier to take care of tonight."

He took my arm, pulled it around his back, and laid it on his ass.

"Very urgent matter," I replied, giving him a peck on the neck. My gaze wandered down his arched back to his butt cheeks. Not only did they look soft, they were invitingly squeezable. "We don't want you to get sick because you didn't get that vital dose of Jason."

"No, we don't," he whispered back.

With a gentle stroke, I traced my fingertips up his back and grabbed his hands. I turned off the bathroom light so only the nightlights marked our path. I led Nicholas through our walk-in closet into our improvised studio apartment.

The room wasn't cold, but it was cool compared to the steamy bathroom we had just come from. We went straight to the bed. The feeling of the blanket covering us, his skin already searching for mine again, made me so excited that even a sprint through the woods from another fake killer wouldn't be enough to get rid of all the energy.

I pulled the comforter over our heads and snuggled up next to him. He rolled over on his side and pushed the blanket up a little so it wasn't right in his face. His smile was contagious. He brushed his nose against mine and kissed me.

"How do you want it?" I asked. "Quick and dirty? Or slow and sensual, not knowing when or if it will ever end?"

"It's like choosing between Halloween and... Halloween." He turned around, presenting me with his back. He moved his hips, grinding them against my crotch, and it worked as he intended. My dick grew, eager for round two. "If you want, you can also push it in, and we can sleep like this." He tugged at my arm, throwing it around his shoulder and holding it close to his heart. "As long as I can feel you."

I buried my mouth in his neck, licking all the way up to his ear. As my dick grew, it slid right between his ass cheeks, already poking at his entrance.

Nicholas lifted the blanket an inch, creating a small hole that allowed some of the warm air trapped underneath to escape. He reached for the floor and brought back the half-empty bottle of lube. He tucked my arm under his chest so I couldn't escape while he poured some of the lube into his right hand. Careful not to spill any, he reached down, rubbed it on my dick and the rest on his hole before guiding my cock inside him.

"No foreplay?" I asked.

"We had seven hours of foreplay. I can take it."

I pushed against him, and as my glans made its way inside, he exhaled slowly. I wanted to stop after the tip to give him some time to adjust, but he pressed his ass against me, making me go all the way in.

"Woah," he panted. "Maybe I should have stretched at least a little."

"You want me to pull out?"

"Hell, no."

I held him close and enjoyed just being inside him. I kissed his neck again, using it as a distraction to free my arm and reach for his cock.

He was rock hard, but just as I touched it and pulled his foreskin back, he sighed. "No."

"It's okay." Without thinking about it, I rocked back and pulled my dick out.

"Oh," he chuckled. "That's not what I meant. But I'll take advantage of this opportunity." He sat up and threw the blanket off of us.

He pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me. "Tonight is my night." He grabbed my dick and held it up, aiming it at his hole as he lowered himself down to welcome me back inside of him. "I'm on top in every way."

His warmth wrapped around me. My hands rushed to his hips to stabilize him as he sat on my dick, preparing to ride me. His head tilted back, and his mouth opened wide, sucking in more and more air until all of me was inside of him. We paused for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of being connected.

Nicholas brought his head back up, his eyes glued to mine. He leaned forward and put his hands on my chest, his head now towering over me.

I pushed my hips up and him with them, bringing his head closer to mine. Our mouths met for a kiss. I slowly moved my hips to see if he was ready for more and was greeted with a moan that ended up right in my mouth. He leaned back, squeezing his eyes shut to focus solely on my dick. His hips moved in unison with mine.

His hard cock bounced up and down in front of me. I reached for it, but just as I touched it, he grabbed my wrist and stopped me from jerking him off.

He shook his head and leaned down, his face right in front of mine. "I don't care if it takes all night, but I want you to make me cum with just your dick."

I got harder than before—if that was even possible. This was a challenge that I was more than willing to take on. "You'll come faster than ever. I promise."

With my fingers pressed into his hips, I quickened the pace, thrusting my dick in and out of him. He straightened up and arched his back, tipping his head like he was a wolf howling at the moon—except he was moaning instead, conjuring my dick to bring him to climax.

After a minute, I slowed down. My hands searched for his chest. Remaining inside of him, I sat up. I pulled him close, and as he wrapped his arms around me, I pushed us both up so that he fell onto his back, with me on top. "Time to show you who's in charge."

"I'm all yours."

I slid my tongue into his mouth as I continued to move my hips. He slung his legs around me as if to make sure I stayed in there until the end.

I pounded him like that for God knows how long. It was like we were in a trance. Just fucking, not even to finish, but to be together for as long as possible.

He wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me in even closer as I thrust in and out of him. His dick got caught between our stomachs, which were now rubbing against each other.

"Don't stop," he whispered.

"Wasn't going to."

His mouth gaped wide open, his tongue clinging to mine just like the rest of him clung to me. Silent moans flooded into my mouth.

His cock throbbed between us.

I kept moving, knowing it would get him where he wanted to be. No making him wait tonight. He deserved to feel this pleasure.

Another moan landed right in my ear, accompanied by the twitch of his dick.

He shot his load.

I pressed my stomach against him, trapping his dick to make this feeling even more intense for him.

"Sorry," he panted. "I couldn't hold back any longer."

"Don't apologize. It's fucking hot." I buried my tongue in him and kept moving. His hands on my back pulled me into him with all the strength he had left, his moans still filling my ear, bringing me over the edge.

I shot my load into him.

Slowing down a bit, my hips continued to thrust, shooting more and more of my cum.

His hands ran up and down my back.

As my orgasm faded, I stopped moving but stayed inside of him.

"Now, you're my blanket, and you have to stay like that for the night," he said, pressing against my back.

"Don't say things you don't want to come true."

"But I do."

We kissed once more before I pulled out and dropped onto the bed next to him.

"What a mess," he laughed. "I guess it's time for another shower."

"And in the shower, you fuck me again, and then we come back here, and I fuck you again."

"Like we're stuck in a loop and have to repeat the same thing over and over again."

"But if it's just about fucking you, it's not a horror movie."

"Not everything has to be scary."

"With you, nothing is scary anyway."