Chapter 7

Fuuuck.

What the hell is wrong with me? In that moment with Lux in the bathroom, my cock buried deep inside her….I lost it for a second. The tidal wave of emotion that came over me was something I’d never felt before. Like, I’d give anything to be with her every second of the fucking day. Like, I could crawl inside her, just to feel her warmth, and hear the steady rhythm of her heartbeat surrounding me.

God damn. What is it about her that makes me feel so fucking happy?

I’m contemplating that question as I flee my bedroom, and head downstairs. Lucas is lounging on the sofa in the living room when I walk in. His consort, Ava, is lounging next to him with her hand down his pants.

“Get a fucking room, dude,” I groan. “The last thing I need is to walk into my own damn living room to you getting jacked off.”

Ava freezes, then slowly starts removing her hand. Lucas slaps his own down hand onto hers through the fabric of his jeans, holding her hand in place. “Don’t listen to him,” he says, tilting his head back leisurely. “He’s in love, so now, all of a sudden, getting jacked off in the living room is crass,” he laughs.

“It is,” I supply.

Lucas lifts his head then and throws me an indignant look. “Dude, you’re the last person to talk about crass. The entire house can hear you and Lux going at it.”

Christian comes sauntering into the room, holding a half-eaten sandwich. His hair is wet, so he must have been out surfing. “What are we talking about?”

Lucas flicks his chin in my direction. “Roman being all high and mighty all of a sudden.”

“All of a sudden?” Christian laughs. “Dude came out of the womb on a high horse.”

“Funny,” I say flatly, and then I flick my chin at Ava. She’s been a Deb for a while, and she’s pretty chill. She puts up with Lucas, which is no easy feat. “Leave,” I snap at her, and she doesn’t waste a second. She rips her hand out of Lucas’ jeans and scurries off.

“Dude!” Lucas groans. “The next time you’re fucking, I’m going to knock on the door, just to fuck with you.”

“Fine, I don’t give a fuck,” I say quickly. What he doesn’t know is that a bomb could go off in the house, but if I were with Lux, I wouldn’t even know. Nothing else exists when we’re together. But I don’t dare say any of that. He already thinks I’m in love with her—yeah, I didn’t miss that offhand comment he made a few minutes ago, I just chose not to acknowledge it.

I glance between Christian and Lucas. “I need you guys to do me a favor.”

Christian takes a bite of his sandwich and leans against the doorframe. “What is it?” he asks between bites.

I lay down what I need them to do, and to their credit, they seem to take it all in. It’s a lot, but I have my own piece to execute, so I need this to be a team effort.

Then, finally, I ask, “Can one of you get a spot at the faculty club?”

The faculty club is a members-only hotel and restaurant on campus, where staff and faculty dine and fraternize. The restaurant looks out over a rose garden that’s absolutely bursting in the spring. It’s a popular spot for weddings and other events. And as alumni, all of our parents are members, but there’s no fucking way I’m approaching my dad for anything, let alone a favor.

“Yeah, probably,” Lucas says. “I’ll stop by the house and ask Mom if she can arrange it.”

“Great, thanks. Just have them put it on my dad’s tab.”

“Why not just ask your dad to arrange it for you?” Christian asks.

Lucas shoots his twin brother a glare. “You’re such an idiot. Sometimes I wonder if mom dropped you off a cliff when we were babies,” he scoffs. “Roman’s dad is a cunt, that’s why.”

Christian glances down. “Oh, right. Yeah. Fair point.”

“There’s always a price with my dad,” I say. “If he does me a favor, then he expects it to be repaid tenfold. The fact that I’m his flesh and blood is irrelevant.”

Thankfully, my grandfather knew that about his son, and when he died, he’d left Rush House to me. He knew my dad would just turn around and sell it to the university. One thing about my dad, he doesn’t give a fuck about legacy, or tradition. Money is his God, and it’s the only thing he loves.

“Yeah, sorry, dude,” Christian says. “Our mom will arrange it, no problem. What day?”

“Tomorrow,” I say. “I’ll get the word out.”

“Sounds good,” Christian and Lucas say in unison.

When I’m done with the guys, I head to the beach. My wetsuit is outside drying, so I grab it and my surfboard and head down to the dirt path that leads around my property, to the front of the house, and down to the beach.

It’s far too late in the day to surf, but I need the ocean right now. There’s just something about the water that calms me and provides clarity, and I need that right now. I have a lot of shit to work through in my head.

First, and foremost, what’s happening to me?

I can’t stop thinking about Lux. She’s my every fucking thought. And I can’t help but crave her: her scent, the feel of her skin against mine, the laughter that bubbles up from her throat when she’s amused by something I’ve said.

The water is cold when I wade in, even with my wetsuit on, but it feels invigorating. Shoving my surfboard in front of me, I paddle out a few yards, then sit on the board, and just…wait.

Am I turning into my brother?

That’s the terrifying thought that’s been circling in my mind for quite some time now. Every time that question has popped up, I’ve pushed it away and denied it. I’ve always felt like I’m too self-aware to lose myself to obsession the way my brother has.

But after what happened in the bathroom just now, I’m not so sure, and that realization fills me with a fear I’ve never known before, the fear of losing complete control.

“Yo,” a voice intones from behind me.

I glance over my shoulder and see Ash paddling up. Fuuuck. “Aren’t you a bit far from home? You have your own damn beach.”

He paddles up next to me and then sits on his board. “It’s choppy as shit down there. The waves looked better here.”

“This spot is private.”

Surfers are some of the most territorial fuckers around, and the fact that he’s paddled up on my stretch of ocean is a capital-fucking-offense. Then add his obvious interest in Lux, and this guy is practically asking to be beaten senseless.

“No one owns the ocean, Roman. Not even your family.”

I glance at him lazily. A month ago, I would have tackled him right here and held his head under the water until he was one breath away from death. Now, the only thing stopping me is that Lux likes Ash. God knows why, but she does. And if I fuck him up, she might see me as even more of a monster than she already does.

Maybe that’s what he’s banking on.

“There are rules,” I answer, glancing back out at the ocean. “An unspoken agreement we all have to follow. You have your territory, and I have mine. Cross that line…” I turn to glare at him, my jaw tight. “...and I won’t be held responsible for what happens next.”

Ash laughs, tilting his head back a little. “Are we still talking about the water?”

I stiffen. “What else would we be talking about?”

“Oh, come on,” he laughs again. “We both know this is about Lux.”

I’m not talking about Lux with this prick. He may think he knows her, and he may even think they share something special, but I can guarantee he doesn’t feel as deeply as I do for her. Bet on that.

“You and I had our issues before she came along,” I point out.

Ash’s betrayal still stings. I trusted him, but in the end, like so many other people, he turned against my family.

Ash shakes his head, his surfboard bobbing as small waves pass under us. “Your brother is bad news, Roman. I wish you could see that.”

Goddamn, this guy is either brave or he has a fucking death wish.

Clenching my jaw, I bite out the words, “You don’t know my brother.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Ash replies. “We grew up together. I know him better than most.”

I glance at Ash again, my hands balling into fists. He’s only about two feet away from me in the water, and I could probably get a few good punches in before a wave pulled us apart. It’s difficult to fight in the ocean. But I’ve done it more than a few times. It’s difficult, but it can be done.

I release a sigh. “I came out here for some damn peace, Ash. Why don’t you just tell me what you want, so you can fucking leave?”

“You need to let Lux go,” he says.

My head snaps in his direction, and I glare at him. “What?”

“You heard me.”

I glare at him. “You should know better than to tell me what to do, Ash.”

He tilts his head, like, yeah, he should. “I don’t want Lux to get hurt, and I think we both know, you share too many of your brother’s tendencies.”

Holy shit, this guy. Wow.

But the fact that he’s echoing my own thoughts is more than a little disturbing.

“Lux isn’t your concern,” I say, gripping my fiberglass board so hard, I worry I might pull off a chunk of it.

He shrugs one shoulder. “Shouldn’t she be the judge of that?”

I turn on my board to face him more fully. “Ash, do you have a fucking death wish or what?”

He points at me. “See, that. That right there is why you need to let her go. That darkness in you is going to destroy her. You and I both know it.”

I want to deny it. I want to tell him to fuck off, but he’s right. If I’m not careful, the darkness inside me will swallow her whole….