Chapter 24

The oceannever fails to calm me, even when I’m in the throws of rage. Throughout my life, the ocean has always been a constant. Never angry at me, never disappointed, always waiting with open arms to accept me into its cold embrace.

It’s late afternoon now, hours past the ideal time to surf. The waves are choppy and shallow, and the weather is slightly overcast, but I need to feel the water on my skin.

With nothing but my swim trunks on, I secure my surfboard to my ankle, then wade in. The water is frigid, but it invigorates me. I paddle a few hundred feet out, then straddle my board and wait for a decent wave to appear on the horizon.

The tranquility of the open ocean surrounds me, and my thoughts begin to wander to my brother, to what just happened between Lux and me in the ceremony room…

…this shit with Lux has gotten out of hand.

Lucas’ harsh words whirl inside my head, and beneath the anger and feelings of betrayal, I know he’s right. What I feel for Lux goes far deeper than anything I’ve ever felt before, and if I’m being honest with myself, that’s a terrifying realization.

What’s more terrifying is the knowledge that I’m going to have to give her up. Once she finds out who I am, she’ll run. No question. There’s absolutely no scenario where our story ends in a happily ever after. The odds were stacked against us before we even set eyes on each other.

I’m staring out at the ocean, contemplating just how royally I’ve fucked everything up, when I see a flash of movement in my periphery. I turn my head to see Ash paddling up.

I scowl at him as he approaches. “When you see a guy alone on the ocean, in the middle of the fucking day, Ash, then it’s a sure sign he wants to stay alone.”

This is the second time he’s disrupted my peace, and it’s already getting old.

He’s sitting on his board, not looking at me. His gaze is fixed on the blue-green water that’s stretched out in front of us. “You weren’t waiting for a swell?”

Fuck this dude. He knows I’m not sitting out here waiting for a fucking swell. He has the surf forecast, like everyone else. Today is shit for surfing. “Does it look like there’s a swell building?”

With his palms pressed flat on his board, he leans forward. “Why else would you be out here?”

“Do you just sit on the shoreline all day and wait for people to harass?”

Ash shrugs. “I was told you took off, and I figured this is where you’d be.”

Gooddamn. One of the guys, which means either Jackson, Christian, or Lucas. My money is on Lucas. He’s a sneaky fuck like that, and the only one brave to call the guy I hate most and ask him to check up on me.

And of course, Ash would know exactly where to find me. We practically grew up together, and whenever shit went sideways at home, I’d always head straight to the water. The ocean always seemed to soothe the anger inside me, because, out here, there’s no judgment. No betrayal. Out here, I can leave the rest of the world behind. It’s just me and the water.

Until some asshole shows up.

“Well, you found me, you can tell them I’m alive,” I say dismissively.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I flash him a grimace. “What, we’re friends now?”

And, honestly, even if I did want to tell him, I couldn’t. He’s not a society member, and everything that’s fucked up about my life is official society business. Including Lux.

“I thought you could use someone to talk to,” he says. “And yes, we used to be friends.”

“Used to being the operative phrase there.”

“I also care about Lux,” he’s brave enough to say.

Christ.

Does this guy have a death wish?

Somehow, I manage to keep my tone calm, but on the inside, I’m envisioning all the different ways I can choke him with his own board leash.

“This has nothing to do with Lux,” I lie. “It’s about my boys betraying my trust. You being here just proves they know how badly they’ve fucked up.”

Lucas hates Ash as much as I do, and there’s no way he’d call Ash unless he knew how badly he’d messed this whole thing up.

“The guys didn’t call me,” he says. “Lux did.”

My jaw works as I struggle to keep my shit together. “And why would she do that?”

“I don’t know, I guess she thinks I can talk some sense into you.”

I laugh at that. “Just goes to show how little she knows about our history.”

“I told her. She knows everything.”

My head jerks up, and I pin him with a hard stare. “You mean she knows your side of things.”

Ash, my brother, and I all grew up together. We were tight, until a couple of years ago, when my brother needed Ash the most. James had gotten into a fight at a party and put the guy in the hospital. But when we needed a witness to tell the cops the other guy had started it, Ash refused. Other people came forward to vouch for James, so he didn’t end up going to jail. But that day, Ash showed me his true colors.

He won’t join the Burning Crown.

He won’t protect his friends.

He won’t stay away from my chick.

This dude is a fucking coward.

“My side of things is all I have, Roman. You want her to know your side, then talk to her about it.”

He makes it sound so simple. Just talk to her, and she’ll get it. He doesn’t know the impossibility of making her see things the way I do. Too much has happened, too much damage has been done, and Ash doesn’t know about any of it. He only knows James from two years ago. Everything that’s happened since has been kept quiet. My dad is shit at everything, except keeping the dark things in our family buried. It’s no surprise that he excels at that.

I blow out a breath. “Why are you here, Ash? Just say your peace, then leave me the fuck alone.”

“I told Lux to stay away from you, and God only knows why, but she won’t. So all I can do is try and make you see the truth.”

“Oh, yeah? And what truth is that?”

“You’re more like your brother than you realize,” he says. “He’s a lost-fucking-cause, but there’s still hope for you. Don’t follow him off the bridge, Roman. Don’t throw everything away for some misplaced notion of loyalty.”

I shake my head and look away. He’s not the first person to say that. The guys said the same thing to me earlier, that they were worried I was falling into the same trap my brother had fallen into.

I look over at Ash. I miss him as a friend, and I wish things were different. But how could I possibly turn my back on my own brother? The only two people James has are me and our mother. Friends, family, and acquaintances have all abandoned him…

“Is that what you came to say?” I ask.

“I also came to ask you to stay away from Lux.” He must see the look on my face because he lifts his hands in surrender. “Not because I’m after her, but because it’s the right thing to do. Stringing her along is selfish. You know that, Roman. She’s not the kind of girl who can survive being used and discarded.”

“Who said anything about discarding her?”

He laughs like he knows I can’t be serious. “Sooner or later, you know that’s what’s going to happen. She doesn’t belong in this fucked-up town. And she doesn’t belong with a guy who has more secrets than the mafia.”

“That’s overshooting it a little,” I say in a brief moment of brevity.

I have secrets, sure. Doesn’t everyone?

He paddles around, so the nose of his shortboard is facing the shore. “Not by much.”

When Ash leaves, I’m left alone again with my thoughts, but they’ve taken on an even darker tinge than before. The guys have already said they’re afraid that I’m turning into my brother, and now Ash has voiced the same concern.

Coincidence? Maybe. Or maybe they all just know it’s a hot button for me. But if I’m being honest with myself, I know I’m losing control of this thing with Lux. I’ve been losing control for a while now. And maybe Ash is right. Maybe I should cut Lux free. It would be the kind thing to do…

Too bad I’m not kind. Not even a little.