Chapter 21

This is my worst nightmare.Tied up, unable to defend myself, even if I wanted to. But there’s something in me that won’t give Roman the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten to me.

“Ready to stop?” he asks, his tone ice-cold.

I just look into his eyes, unflinching. The pain is nearly unbearable—my arms awkwardly restrained behind me, the sting of the paddle, the way he pulls my head up to look at him—but I’m determined to see this through. If only for fucking spite.

His lips curl into a sneer. “Okay, then. Shall we continue?” Releasing my hair, he addresses the circle. “What is it, three strikes? Aren’t those the rules?”

Another violent thwak on my ass—and it’s so hard this time, that tears immediately erupt from my eyes. I can’t help it. It’s like a visceral reaction to the pain, but I work hard not to sob openly, biting the inside of my mouth to distract from the deep throb in my backside.

I hear him toss the paddle onto the ground, and in the silence of the room, I also hear him unzip his pants. His hand smooths over the spot he just hit, and I wince. Fucking-A. That still hurts, the bruise-like pain lingering, especially when touched.

Then I feel his finger slip between my thighs to touch my core. “You’re wet,” he says in surprise. “Do you like being paddled, Little Rabbit? And here I hoped it would be a punishment.”

I squeeze my eyes shut out of pure embarrassment. The entire room doesn’t need to know how wet I am, or what my kinks are. But that’s the point of all this, right? To humiliate me. To lay me bare and show everyone whose boss.

He drags that wetness up the length of my slit to my back entrance, using his finger spread it around the rim. Then I feel it, the tip of his cock, pressed against my ass. I don’t even have time to prepare before he shoves his cock into me. I gasp, my back arching.

Holy shit.

He pauses for a second, allowing my body to adjust to the sheer size of him. It shouldn’t be done this way. Ass play is a process. I’ve only done it once, but even I know that. The last time he fucked me like that, he applied lubrication and prepared me a little. But I have a feeling this raw animalistic coupling is all a part of my punishment.

He shifts his hips. “This act,” he says, thrusting slowly–pulling himself out, before pushing back in. The sharp pain begins to subside and I relax a little. “consummates your forever bond to the society–” He leans forward and speaks directly in my ear, “–and to me.”

I ball my hands into fists and squeeze my eyes shut, my body rocking to the rhythm of his thrusts. The discomfort melts into an odd sort of pleasure, and I give myself to it. I don’t have any other choice. I’m completely at Roman’s mercy.

He grips my hips as he continues to thrust, filling me to absolute capacity. I shouldn’t like this. I should feel used and humiliated, but there’s something about everyone watching us that sets my blood on fire.

My cheek is pressed against the leather cushion as Roman’s strokes lengthen, and his blunt fingernails dig into my hips. As he continues to thrust, his mouth is still pressed against my ear, so I’m the only one who can hear him. “Let anyone touch you again, and I’ll slit their fucking throat. Do you hear me?”

I nod, swallowing past the whimper that’s caught in my throat.

His warm breath brushes across my cheek. “Say it, Lux. I want to hear you say you understand.”

“Yes,” I choke out, my voice emerging faint and breathy. “I understand.”

“Good girl.” His hips jerk against me, and he drives in deep. So impossibly deep that I’m afraid he’s going to split me in two.

And despite myself, something inside me begins stirring to life. Excitement. I’ve always tried to keep to the shadows, but Roman fucking me in front of everyone, claiming me in front of everyone, sends a jolt of electricity straight through me. I feel like I’m just starting to wake up from a deep sleep.

My clit is throbbing, and I have to stop myself from reaching between my own thighs to relieve the tension. If I weren’t in a room full of people, then I might do it.

His hips piston against my ass, and I can tell he’s close because his strokes are shorter, harder, and more focused. Then he grips my hips tightly and tugs me against him in one, final, violent thrust. He holds me like that for several seconds, groaning loudly as he pours himself into me.

Then abruptly, he pulls out of me, tugging my robe down over my ass as he takes a step back. I just lay there, struggling to catch my breath, listening to him zip his jeans back up. The room is stone silent, and I wonder for a second if everyone has left. But I turn my head, and see the circle is still intact, everyone standing there, stunned by what just happened.

“There,” Roman says, addressing the room. Rage drips from his tone. “She’s fucking initiated. Happy now?” I half-turn on the table and watch as Roman stalks to the hidden door. Just before he leaves, he turns and looks directly at me, hatred flickering in his eyes. “Welcome to the Burning-fucking-Crown. Now you’re just as fucked as the rest of us.”

The second he leaves, the room comes back to life, and my attendant rushes over to me.

“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice filled with concern.

I straighten. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Lucas calls everyone to attention to finish the ceremony. He recites something in Latin, and they bring a crown into the center of the room to set it on fire, then the circle shifts, making space, accepting me into their fold. But as I stand among them, the embarrassment starts to set in. I was just humiliated in front of all these people. And the fact that I enjoyed it is even more embarrassing.

Compartmentalize,I tell myself. Disconnect from the embarrassment. You did what you had to do.

Lifting my chin, I try to focus on Lucas’ closing words, but it’s all in Latin, so I have no idea what he’s saying anyway. Once it’s all over, the circle closes in on me, embracing me, welcoming me, murmuring words of congratulations.

Before everyone can disperse, my attendant gathers me up, guiding me out of the room, and back to the changing room. As soon as the door is closed, she takes off her mask.

It’s one of the girls I’ve seen around before, but I don’t know her name. She must guess at my thoughts, because she smiles, and says, “I’m Ashley. I don’t think we’ve ever formally met.”

I nod and flash her a tight smile. “Thank you for your help in there. Now I see why both Roman and Wyn advised against going through with initiation.”

My entire body is bruised and battered, but I survived it, right?

She peels my robe off me, and I resist the urge to cover my naked body. She just saw all of me, anyway. Everyone did.

“It’s not meant to be easy. You have to prove your loyalty to the society, and that requires sacrifice,” she says, grabbing my clothes and bringing them over to me. I pull my underwear on first, wincing at the pain. I skip my bra because my back still stings.

“Is that what happens every time?” I ask, pulling my t-shirt over my head, wincing when the fabric makes contact with the skin on my back. “One of the Sons fucks the initiate? That’s the sacrifice?”

She shrugs, holding out my jeans. “It’s a little different for everyone. But the general ritual is the same.” Her brown eyes flick up to meet mine. “Are you okay, though? I mean really?”

“Um, yeah. I mean, I knew Roman didn’t want me to do it, and I knew he’d be pissed when he found out. But he was supposed to be gone for several hours, and all of this was supposed to be said and done by the time he returned.”

The guys thought he’d gone up north for the day, but that obviously didn’t happen. He was much closer to home than they realized.

Someone knocks on the door.

“We’re not done in here,” Ashley calls out, then looks at me with a shrug. “They need to put their robes away, but it won’t kill them to wait.”

I smile. “Thanks.” I take my jeans from her hand and pull them on. “And just so you know…I’m not pregnant.” I don’t know why I feel compelled to say that. I’m just bothered that Roman blurted it out in front of everyone. It’s just one more of the many violations that took place in that room. “I mean…I don’t really know yet, but I’m pretty sure…”

Ashley just nods silently, like she’s uncomfortable with my frankness.

There’s another knock on the door, this one more persistent. “Is Lux dressed?” It’s Lucas. “I need to talk to her. Now.”

Ashley glances at the door, then at me, as if asking me what I want her to say. And much as I’d like to send Lucas away, I’m going to have to face people eventually, so I give Ashley a nod.

“Fine, just a second,” she calls out with a sigh. Then she squeezes my arm. “I’ll hang around in the study if you need me.”

“Thanks,” I say with a faint smile.

She walks over to the door and yanks it open. “She’s all yours,” she says. “But be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Lucas says, skirting past her.

Once Ashley is gone, he shuts the door behind him.

“I need to make this quick. If Roman finds out I’m in here alone with you, I might as well kiss my nuts goodbye.”

I push out a breath and lift my hands. “Then you’d better spit it out.”

“I was talking to the guys, and it might be a good idea if you crashed somewhere else for a few nights. Just until Roman calms down.”

I freeze for a minute, not sure what to say. Roman’s best friend is telling me it might not be safe for me here tonight. I know how brutal Roman can be. Images of a bloody Tyler immediately flood my mind. “Are you saying you think Roman might hurt me?”

I never even considered that possibility. Roman is obviously pissed, and I’m not looking forward to the argument we’re bound to have when I see him next but hurt me? No. I won’t believe he’s capable of that.

Lucas shrugs. “We’ve never seen him this angry, and…” He shakes his head. “There are things in his family’s past—” He cuts himself off, like going there isn’t a good idea. “It’s just a precaution. In a couple of days, all of this will blow over.”

I can tell he wants to be as vague as possible, but my focus snags on something he said. “What about his family? What do they have to do with any of this?”

Lucas glances down and shakes his head, like he’s sifting through the facts, and trying to decide what to tell me. “Roman would never hurt you intentionally, Lux. I know that.”

“Intentially?” I blink, my heart crawling up into my throat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Is he implying some kind of undiagnosed mental health issue? I really haven’t seen any evidence of that. I mean, aside from Roman’s need to control everything and everyone on the planet. And his abrupt mood swings. And his tendency toward violence…

Wait. Shit.

Lucas sighs, and there’s a finality to it like he’s done answering questions. “Give us some time to talk to him. In a couple of days, everything will be fine, and we can carry on as one big happy fucking family.”

His phone pings, and he glances down at it. “Oh, good. Wyn said you can stay with her.”

They contacted Wyn? Oh, fuck. She’s going to be pissed at me, too. She told me not to go through with initiation, and I blatantly ignored her. Now I get to hear “I told you so” for three days straight. Perfect.

I blow out a breath. “Okay, if you guys think it’s best. I don’t know what I’m going to tell Roman, though. He’s going to want to know why I’m not here.”

“The guys and I will handle him…”

And I don’t know why, but the way he says that sounds so damn ominous…