Chapter 22

22

MERRITT

I didn’t expect him to react so strongly. I took a step back.

“I’m sorry,” I found myself mumbling, my voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

His jaw tightened. He looked away, avoiding my gaze. It was clear that I had touched on a sensitive subject. I should have known as much. If he wanted me to know about his marriage, he would have told me. I just wanted to clear the air.

Kannon always had a temper, but it had never been directed at me before. Not like this. The anger rolling off him now was like a storm crashing down on me. I was caught right in the middle of it.

He glared at me. I immediately regretted prying into his life. It was stupid. And none of my business. Cooking him dinner in an attempt to butter him up was a mistake. He was not going to soften up and tell me his story. It made me rethink last night. I shouldn’t have let myself get caught up in the moment.

I was afraid we had irrevocably damaged our friendship. “Kannon?—”

“Explain.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”

“What the hell were you and Riggs doing, talking about my personal life?” His voice was low and tight, the kind of tone that usually sent people running for cover. If I was smart, I would be running instead of standing here in front of the man that was clearly very pissed at me.

“I—” I didn’t know what to say and shut my mouth.

“Where do you get off thinking that’s any of your business? If you wanted to know something, you should’ve come to me. Not gone behind my back like a coward.”

I opened my mouth, then shut it once again. I felt like a fish out of water. I hadn’t expected this, not from him. I really thought he would be fine with it. We were friends. And last night, we were lovers. “It wasn’t like that?—”

“Then what was it like?” he snapped, cutting me off. “You think you can just waltz back into town, dig up whatever you want about me, and I’m supposed to be okay with it?”

My own temper started to flare. I stepped toward him, facing him head on. “It wasn’t some premeditated thing, Kannon. I wasn’t scheming or plotting, alright? I was spiraling after last night and trying to figure out what the hell my next move was. I needed some context, and Riggs happened to be there.”

His mouth twisted into something that was almost a sneer. “Context, huh? And you couldn’t just ask me ?”

“And what was I supposed to say to you?” I shot back, glaring up at him. “Hey, you fuck like a god, but I need to know what made you all twisty inside before I decide whether I want to keep going with you or just call it quits and be friends?”

His laugh was harsh and sharp, cutting through the air like a knife. “We haven’t been friends in a long time, Merritt.”

“That’s not fair?—”

“No, what’s not fair is you conveniently deciding you need my friendship now that you’re back in town and in need of fixing again.” His jaw was tight, his teeth gritted. “You use me, Merritt. Always have, always will.”

That stung. My throat tightened. “That’s not true.”

“No?” He stepped closer, his voice dropping to a dangerous level. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself last night. So did I. I’ve been dreaming about it for fucking years. But let’s be honest here. If the car accident hadn’t killed my wife, the memory of you would’ve destroyed us anyway.”

The words hit me like a punch to the chest, stealing my breath. “Kannon! You can’t say that!”

His eyes hardened, his anger never more palpable. “Can’t I?” he asked with a bitter smile. “Because it’s the truth.”

“No,” I whispered, but I was struggling for breath. His words were bouncing around my head. They hurt more than any physical blow could have.

Kannon’s shoulders shook slightly as he laughed without joy. “You’ve always had the luxury of running away, Merritt,” he said with a sneer. “The rest of us don’t get to do that. I was here. Right where you left me.”

I could feel the tears burning the backs of my eyes. “I went to school,” I said.

“Yeah, I know. Everyone knows. Your father was proud of his daughter. He talked about you all the time.”

“He told me about you,” I said, as if that made it better.

“I don’t care,” he hissed. “That doesn’t change anything. You have no business prying into my life. You’ve been gone a long time, Merritt. You lost the right to know anything about me. Or my marriage.”

The words felt like a slap. I blinked, forcing back the tears. “You’re wrong,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper. “I never stopped caring about you.”

“And what use is that?” Kannon shot back. “Where was your caring when I needed it most?”

“I wanted to reach out,” I admitted, taken aback by the raw pain in his words. “But I was scared. Scared you’d push me away. Every year I was away from here made it that much harder to reach out. I assumed you moved on. I didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Seems like your fear hasn’t stopped you from pushing into places you’re not wanted now.” His voice was cold.

I flinched back, as if physically struck. I wanted to argue but he was right. “My dad never told me,” I said, as if that was any kind of defense.

“Because it was none of your business and it still isn’t.”

He didn’t wait for me to respond, didn’t give me a chance to defend myself or fight back. He just turned on his heel and snatched his jacket. I watched him walk out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

The silence he left behind was deafening. His anger still vibrated in the walls, in the floor, in my very bones. I realized I’d been holding my breath. I forced myself to exhale, shaky and uneven.

I heard the sound of his bike starting up. I thought about going out and trying to stop him, but I had a feeling that would be futile.

A second later, the sound of tires squealing on the pavement echoed through the house. Kannon was gone. I hoped he was smart enough not to do something stupid and get himself hurt. Or killed. I didn’t think I would ever be able to live with myself.

I wandered over to the window and peered out. He was long gone.

Tears blurred my vision. I let them fall, staining my cheeks like rain on a windowpane. They streaked down my face without permission, each one tearing at my heart. I let them come, mourning the loss of a friendship I had foolishly thought could be healed.

When my phone started ringing, the sound startled me. For some stupid reason I thought it might be Kannon. I didn’t know why he would be calling me unless he decided he wanted to talk. I rushed back to the kitchen and grabbed it.

The name on the screen was a lifeline. Lucia. I was a little disappointed it wasn’t Kannon, but I couldn’t say that it was a surprise.

“Hello?” My voice cracked as I answered.

“Merritt?” Her tone was concerned immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Girl, I can hear the tears in your voice,” she said. “Is this grief? Are you upset about your father?”

“No. Him.”

“Him, who?”

“Kannon,” I said.

“Kannon made you cry?” she asked. “Where is he? I’ll run his bike over with a dump truck.”

“He was so mean,” I choked out, my voice wobbling as the tears spilled over. “So angry . I don’t—I don’t know what I did wrong. I mean I do, but still. It wasn’t that bad.”

“What happened?” Lucia’s voice was calm but firm, the way she always got when she was in fix-it mode. She wanted the facts. If she decided Kannon was in the wrong, I had no doubt in my mind she would show up with that dump truck.

I sniffed, wiping at my face even though the tears kept coming. “God, it’s so stupid. I went to see Kannon’s friend this morning. I asked him about Kannon. I could tell something had changed about him. I was curious about what that was.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Okay, start from the beginning. Why did you go to this other person? Why not ask Kannon directly? I’m just going to be blunt, that feels a little middle-school like.”

I hesitated. “Because after last night, I didn’t know what to do.”

“What happened last night?”

“Kannon and I… we slept together.”

There was a beat of silence. “ What? Merritt, you’ve been back in town for, like, five minutes!”

“I know,” I groaned, covering my face with my hand.

“I’m impressed,” she said.

“I didn’t plan for it to happen. It just did .”

“And now you’re freaking out?”

“Of course, I’m freaking out! Do you know how much history we have? And how complicated it is? We’ve never crossed the line before. I was always afraid to act on my feelings for him because I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. I didn’t even know he’d been married until this morning!”

“Wait, what? Married?” Lucia sounded shocked. “He’s married?! That snake.”

“No. I mean, not anymore.”

“Divorced.”

I took a deep breath. “He was married years ago,” I said, my voice trembling again. “His wife died in a car accident. And apparently, the memory of me would’ve ruined their marriage anyway, according to him.”

“Oh, Merritt,” Lucia said softly. “That’s a lot to process. You can’t let him put that on you. If he had feelings for you, that’s on him—not you.”

“Easy for you to say,” I replied bitterly, choking back sobs as the harsh truth sank in. “He seemed so hurt. It was like I dug up a past that had been dead to him. Like I went and woke up some ghosts.”

“That doesn’t mean you can take the blame, Merritt. No matter how much it hurts right now, it’s crucial to remember that it takes two people to make a relationship work. If there were unresolved feelings between you two during his marriage, that was on him.”

“He hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” she said firmly. “He’s hurt. That’s different. Maybe embarrassed. Guilty. Ashamed.”

I wasn’t so sure. The way he had looked at me, the way he’d spoken to me—it felt like hate. Or at least something dangerously close to it.

“What do I do, Lucia?” I asked, my voice small. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“You start by giving him some space,” she said. “Let him cool off. He’s not in a place to have a rational conversation right now, and trying to force one will only make it worse.”

“But what if?—”

“No buts,” she interrupted. “Trust me on this, Merritt. Space is your best option right now.”

I didn’t like it but I trusted she was right. Kannon was like a wildfire right then, and if I kept reaching out to him, I was only going to get burned.

“Okay,” I said reluctantly. “I’ll give him space.”

“Good.” Her voice softened. “And in the meantime, take care of yourself, okay? You’ve been through a lot the last couple of weeks. You’re an emotional wreck. Self-care is important.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “Thanks, Lucia. I just feel like I can’t make a right step.”

“You and Kannon have history. He won’t throw it all away over a little curiosity.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said.

“Call me if you need me.”

“I will, thank you.”

We hung up. I put my phone down on the counter, staring at it, and debated calling Kannon. But I was supposed to give him space.

The dinner was left uncooked. I put what I could in the fridge to keep it from going to waste.

I didn’t know how to fix things with Kannon. I didn’t even know if they could be fixed. But one thing was certain.

I wasn’t ready to give up on him. Not yet.