Chapter 4

4

Ben

W hat did I expect?

I had run away from this place as soon as I graduated and never looked back. In the last ten years, I've come home twice for Christmas and made my family come to San Fransisco the rest of the time. I hated it here. It reminded me of that twisted-up feeling in the pit of my gut while I lived in Foggy Basin. I had ulcers and an unhealthy addiction to smoking pot all alone behind the bleachers when I could get away from myself. I hid behind my popularity and my ability to throw a fucking pigskin. All of the girls wanted to date me, and all of the guys wanted to be me.

What did I want?

I wanted to leave and finally feel free to be myself. Whoever that was. I was so confused and scared back then that I… I treated people fucking horribly. Not to mention, I hated playing football. But it was my ticket to the fa?ade I had created, and every fucking person bought into it. Even I did – for a while. But I never forgot the truth that I tried to bury.

Maybe that's why I never wanted to come home. I didn't want to be faced with the ghosts of my past – the ghost of the person I had pretended to be. I pretended until I no longer had to. So, I stayed away from this place as I became someone else – someone I was actually proud of, for the most part. I worked hard and earned absolutely everything that I had, unlike that boy who paraded through high school with a smile and a pumped-up chest.

Well…

I still had a very pumped-up chest. My seventeen-year-old football body had become the body of a man who went to the gym very often and worked hard to keep himself fit. I went to the gym a lot—maybe more than a person should who was watching life pass them by as they worked way too hard. The gym kept me sane.

Work – gym – sleep. It was my routine most of the time. Therapy helped me grow and admit to myself who I really was and why I was so angry. The gym kept the anger from coming back.

A date? Rarely did I actually have a date. I would have to stop and put down roots of some kind instead of galivanting all over the country, helping another person stay filthy rich to ever have more than a one-night stand. It hadn't hurt my own bank account either, so I had nothing to complain about. Even without being a partner, I got paid an obscene amount of money to oversee the building of luxurious resorts for other people to use.

I wasn't always happy with the things I did, though. Yes, we made these small towns grow. Sometimes, we even saved them from slowly dying. But sometimes, we changed the landscape, and that was not always a good thing. Now, I was back home in my own small town, about to throw myself on the sword of Damocles. Was I here to help or to change the town for the worse? Time would tell, and I would have to live with whatever it was I did here.

If people would even listen to me.

I checked into a room above the Pints' n Pool. A hot lumberjack named Nate checked me in and I will admit to a few fantasies as he took me upstairs to the small room I would call home for the next few weeks. I may have been a total top, but Nate could have gotten it.

Things I hid while I was here – my attraction to boys was one of those things. Hell, it was the main thing. What would have happened if I had just been myself back then? I was too scared of not being normal myself. Being the G in LGBT wasn't quite as popular here in the basin back then. Now, Pride flags flew from businesses, and that meant a lot. Things had changed. I had changed.

Maybe it was time I told my family the truth about me so they would quit bothering me about meeting the right girl or boy and giving them grandchildren. I had softened the blow of my being gay by telling them I was bi when I first came out. It was stupid. Another lie for the great Ben Fitzgerald's books.

Maybe it was time to forgive myself and put the past behind me. Maybe that's what this was? Maybe it was retribution? It didn't matter. The person I wanted to see wouldn't be here. There's no way he would ever come back to the Basin. He had hated it more than me, and part of that was my own fault.

Whatever it was – Hello, Foggy Basin. I was back in you.

I went to the Polar Candy Shop, which I had stopped at way too many times after school. It had been a hangout for everyone as they made their way back into town. Foggy Basin didn't have its own school system, which had always been weird. We were small, but not that small. However, we shared a school district with a couple of other small towns in the area. But after school, we all made our way back here by the bus to be dropped off at the one-stop for our town – right by the candy shop.

"Ben fucking Fitzgerald?" I stopped dead in my tracks as the glass doors hit behind me with a whomp. "Ben, bro! How the fuck have you been?"

"Denny?" My mind twisted as I came to terms with the round-bellied man who stood in front of me in a red Santa Clause apron and a wide grin on his face. "Dude! What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You know… I flunked out of Chico my sophomore year and started working here. I'm now the manager."

"Good old, Denny. You never really were one for hitting the books harder than you hit the keg. Looking good, bro." I slapped his belly.

"I gained a small child in my belly after the first year working here, but who the hell could stop themselves? So, I've gained weight, but I'm actually happy – and sober, believe it or not. But the fucking candy…"

"Good for you. I think happiness is about all we can ask for." I shifted, already feeling weird about running into someone I knew so quickly.

"How about you? You happy?"

"I… Yeah, man, I guess I am. I have a great job that I like most of the time, and… Yeah, for the most part, I guess I am."

"You know our ten-year reunion is about to happen. If that's why you came back, you're a little early."

"I probably won't…" I shrugged. "Well, maybe. But I'll probably be too busy to make another trip back anytime soon."

"It's like in two weeks. You should totally stay. What brings you back now? I saw your ma out to eat the other day, and she told me you were designing hotels."

"I…. that's not quite-"

"She also said you almost never come back home because you're too busy. They always go to the city to see you," he admonished like he was fucking better than me. My hackles raised, and I knew I was reading into this much more than I was there. Denny wasn't smart enough for it.

"I'm… I don't design hotels. I mean, that's what I had been hoping to do, but I kind of fell onto a different track, I guess. I manage building projects – hotels, well, resorts, actually."

"Well, isn't that curious? There is a resort trying to buy up this end of town so they have enough space to build some uppity high-end resort." He crossed his arms and stared at me. "That wouldn't be you, would it?" Well, maybe he was smarter than I thought. That year at Chico must have shaken something free in that football addled brain of his. Denny had more concussions in high school than anyone.

"I… I didn't know that they were… We have a lot of building projects, and I wasn't aware that they had chosen Foggy Basin until a couple of days ago."

"Do your parents know?" God, he was judgy.

"They've never said anything about it, but… I mean, they know where I work."

"Maybe they haven't seen it. It's been a pretty damn quiet takeover. Some slick fella came in and offered us a crap ton of money for the building, but old man Brown didn't bite at his offer. It was pretty damn high, though. If they had offered me that, I think I would have signed quickly. But I'm glad he didn't. What would all of these businesses do? They weren't very upfront about any of that. There was some mention of our businesses being a part of the resort's property, but it seemed kind of shady." I was being grilled by Denny, and he wasn't the person I needed to have this conversation with.

"It's not something that happens very often, I will be honest. However, with the amount of cash that the company is willing to spend, all of the businesses could find—even build—a new location somewhere else in town. There's tons of space on the other side that's not being used."

"But this is where it's always been, bro. It's history, man. You can't just uproot history and think it'll stick somewhere else. This candy shop has been here for almost fifty years; did you know that? The bakery has, too. Not to mention, the twenty or thirty years, a few of the others have been a part of this community. Wouldn't it be sad to come to Polar and have to tell your kids that you used to come here as a kid too – but not really here, a different here that is now a resort we probably can't even afford to go to." He waited, and I took a deep breath.

"It's progress, Denny. Things have to change for things to grow and evolve. This place is… charming, and it will always have a soft space in my heart, but it's not very different from when we graduated, is it? The same businesses and restaurants serve the same food that they did when our parents were kids. A little progress might do this place good. Tourists come with money, and they spend it in town. It could really change this place for the better, and the shop owners in town would prosper in ways they haven't in years."

"Change isn't always for the better either, bro."

"No, it's not. I won't lie and say that things have always worked out for the better, but they have most of the time." Why was I staying here and having this conversation with him? It wouldn't get me anywhere.

"Let's just agree to disagree since I wouldn't be the one actually cashing the check, anyway. Is that why you're here, though?"

I nodded and felt the lump form in my throat as I tried to swallow it down.

"Send in the hometown boy to try to get it done, huh? I think you may be in for a surprise, my friend."

"Yeah, I don't think that they actually understood my… Well, you know. I may have once been popular, but now I'm sure everyone thinks I've become a dick."

"You can't have become a bigger dick than you already were, dude," he chuckled. "I would have never said that to you in high school."

"I know, man, I… I was a nightmare, I know. I'm not the same… asshole that I was."

"Then you are doomed for failure, my old friend. Because only that asshole could ever get this done. I hope you fail. I really do. And I'm not gonna lie. I'll enjoy seeing it."

"I'm sure everyone will say the same thing."

"Oh, no, old pal – there are a couple who will probably throw you out of their store. Good luck and I hope you do stay in town for the reunion. That could be a lot of fun."

I was concerned enough that I didn't even ask for a bag of snow-covered peanut butter bites, which had been my favorite, but Denny had spoken the truth. One business after another told me that they were reconsidering the offer if they had agreed to sign or that they would never sell out to a greedy corporate monster who would wind up destroying the heart of the town. They all thought their shops were the heart, of course. It was grueling and depressing, but I admired how they wanted to fight for what they believed in – what they owned and took pride in.

But I always felt like there could still be a chance if I played the company cards right. The first offer was just the beginning of better and better offers until the company found the project completely unviable. With the wide swath of land they currently had on reserve from the city, all they needed was to purchase the remaining land on the edge of town that would be necessary to design one of our spaces and still have enough space for the golf courses and the canal they would create to ferry people to the nearby lake, it would take every square inch of this part of town. The eight businesses on the edge would all have to agree for this to work.

The town was willing for the project to happen, but it would not get involved with the purchase of the businesses. BHB always refused to change a square foot of their design plans, and every one of our resorts was the exact same size and design. The design meant something to Mister Boyd, and he would never deviate from it. To create this magnificent space, every one of these businesses would have to agree to sell.

Promises would be made if they wanted them. By the time the last offer would be made, it would be ridiculous for any of these businesses to refuse. BHB had that kind of money, and money usually got the job finished, even if it did break a few hearts. Besides, those hearts would have enough money to live incredibly comfortably for quite some time if they chose, especially in a small town like this. They could even afford to rebuild the business somewhere else in town and still have enough for a small nest egg. When BHB really wanted something, or when Richard Boyd wanted something, the money seemed to be never-ending.

Why here, though? Foggy Basin was in an area that didn't have many resorts or even that much tourism, unlike the rest of the state. What other plans had BHB already agreed to for this to be a viable purchase? What were they hiding? The last time the company got their panties in a wad was on a project that fell apart before it ever began in Arizona. The whole project died because BHB tried to hide the burial grounds on the plans that the state had approved. The tribe had put a quick stop to that, and BHB sold the land back to the city for a pittance. Mister Boyd fired everyone on the project. It had been nasty.

The real question I needed to ask was if I even cared. This place held nothing but pain and bad memories for me, didn't it? My parents still lived here, but they were retired, and Dad loved a good golf course, and our golf courses were absolute perfection. I had a job to do and, by the end of this distasteful week, a promotion that would allow my dreams to come true. I would stop being responsible for the on-the-ground operations and would be able to start dreaming and creating just as the other partners did. BHB may have been owned by three powerful and confusing men, but the rest of the partners were a lot like me. I would make my share mean something.

The one business that I was told we had wrapped up was Susie's Dress Emporium. It was one of the newer businesses on the strip, even if it had been here before I started high school. My prom date got her dress here just as every other girl in town probably did. Susie had become a staple, and she had no children to leave anything to. According to BHB, she wanted to retire and start to live her life for herself, and the money that we were willing to pay would help that to happen. If she had played hardball like the others, there would probably be another zero at the end of that number later on.

There was always one that was willing to sell early. She could at least give me the lay of the land so I could figure out who I had to win over first. There was always the ringleader that the others followed. I just needed to know who it was, and everyone I spoke to had been very tight-lipped as soon as they knew I was working for BHB. What depressed me the most was that most of the people I spoke to had no idea who I even was. Time had moved on, and my face rang very few bells.

The door to Susie's chimed as I opened it. She popped her head out from a curtain in the back and waved.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here with BHB, and…"

"They sent you ? You work for them?"

"I'm sorry, I… Do you remember me?" I asked, completely thrown off guard. "I wasn't sure that we had ever really met."

She laughed, and it sounded like the ring of a bell. She was so tiny and dainty. "Your mother and I have known each other for… Of course, I recognize you. You're Nancy's son, Ben, who played football. I used to go with your mom to the games every now and then when your father was out of town. We were really close in high school and drifted apart after she became a mom. She got married, and I stayed single, but eventually, we found each other again and joined the same book club and quilting group."

"Have we ever met?" I walked over to the counter and leaned against it.

"When you were younger. But it's been a very long time since we actually talked. I imagine you were in elementary school the last time I saw you. But Florence and I saw each other. She had told me about your fantastic job building resorts and… I had never thought about you being the reason we…"

I held up my hands in surrender. "I just found out about this resort a couple of days ago. It's a fairly large company, and I've been focusing on a job in Colorado. I would have never wanted this, but this town growing a little shouldn't be a bad thing."

"It's not." She nodded.

"The other businesses are acting like it is."

"Well, they would not have a business any longer. Change is scary."

"At least you know what you want."

She sighed and patted my hand gently. "I may have changed my… I've owned this place for twenty-eight years. I bought it with the money my grandmother left me when she passed away. I had graduated college and was just trying to find my way when I came home for a visit and never left. This place means something – do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am, I do. So, you are changing your mind?"

"I may have. I'm still deciding. One of our younger owners has been talking to all of us, and he's made some great points. There's still a lot that we don't know about any of this."

I shrugged, unsure of what to say. "It's a check. The rest is up to you."

"Yes, but others have been told that they could have their business inside the resort. Some others haven't been told that at all. What's the truth, Ben?"

"We will be leasing space. It's a process, but-"

"Percy says that it might be an offer, but unless there's a signed contract, the offer means crap."

I shuddered at the mention of his name. A cold chill crept up my spine. "Well, he's… Percy? Uh… Percy Armstrong? Is that who you are…" She nodded happily, and I felt my stomach instantly tie itself up into a knot. "He's back." I sounded terrified, and I was – not because I was scared of him, but I was scared of ever having to face him again. I hadn't been very nice to him ever since we… I got really freaked out, and I took out my fears on him. Even after all these years just the mere thought of him had a power over me.

"It sure is. And he now owns one of the businesses that you are trying to buy. He moved all the way back here to keep his family's bakery open from Paris, where he was a… Well, he worked in one of those restaurants with stars, if you know what I mean."

"Michelin?" Well, that was impressive.

"I don't think it has anything to do with the tires."

"Percy owns the bakery?" I was still in shock, and now he was someone that I would have to… There was no way this would work. I was destined to fail, especially if Percy had anything to say about it.

"He sure does, and he is smart as shit. Like I said, I am reconsidering the offer."

I nodded and turned around. I walked outside, and the door shut behind me. I stood in the street and looked across the road at the bakery from which all of my birthday cakes had come. I still remember going in there and helping the nice lady design it with a huge Superman symbol on top. I had been obsessed. She had been kind, and her son and I became fast friends. He even came to my birthday party. All of the time we spent together – the conversations that grew as we grew. The electricity of touching him.

We were friends. Then, I became obsessed over something else but could never show it. Percy and I had… What we did had changed something deep within or broken the seal of knowledge that I had never known existed inside me. I lived in fear of someone discovering what we had done – what I was – and that fear had turned me into a very different person than I had been. I had come a long way, and Percy had haunted my dreams ever since.

How was I supposed to walk in there and face him?

I was going to fail, and that was something I had never done before. But to succeed – what would the cost of that be?

"Shit."