Chapter 15

15

Percy

I t's the not knowing but already feeling that he's guilty that's tearing me apart. Tammy Sue, thank God, has run the front of the house all day, so I didn't have to do anything but what I have always considered therapy. Baking has always been my happy place, and now, not even it has made me feel better today.

Ben… What the fuck? Did you really have to fuck me and make me feel so… Why? Are you still a wolf in sheep's clothing? I didn't need an answer to that. I think I already had it. Whether he meant to or not, he had destroyed me once again.

But the way he touched me. The things he said that sounded so real… It couldn't have been a lie. I wasn't a fucking fool! I may have fallen into his bed easily because we have a past that neither one of us seemed to be able to forget, but… Last night had to be real. If not, he was even worse than he used to be. That meant he wasn't just ruthless. He was heartless.

I believed him. That part, anyway. But what, if anything, does that really mean?

Nothing.

It meant nothing if he was really here to destroy my livelihood. It couldn't. Could it?

God, I was a fucking hot mess. Flour was strewn everywhere because I had been like this all day. I had burned things and almost put salt in when I meant to put in sugar. A rookie mistake that someone like me should not have…

I had to know what the truth was, no matter how much it might hurt. But I didn't want to. I wanted to revel in what I thought we had.

Could I? Could I let it go if Evelyn was right, and that was why he was here? Not once did he ever mention anything about it to me. Not once. I was driving myself crazy back here. I made the same batch of cookies twice, and…

Baking and thinking about Ben and the shit show that had become my life in less than twenty-four hours was not a healthy way to live. I believed him, and that had to mean something. But if it were true… Why did he really come back here after all this time?

If it were me, I would be happy about that; even if it were a little stalky, I could deal with it. But it hadn't been me. The way he looked at me as if he were as surprised as I was… How did he know that I was a Michelin-star chef? Someone had told him. Nancy, his mother? Maybe. I had seen her here, and that would make sense. But…

It wasn't Nancy.

I knew in my heart how he heard that I was here. Someone, one of the other owners, had told him. But why did he never mention it to me? I mean, I hated it. But it was his job, right? We all do what we have to do for our jobs. His was just gross right now. But…

Why didn't he tell me?

Why would he lie?

"That's almost it. Another ten minutes and I am sending you home, and I don't want to hear any lip about it." Tammy Sue barged in and laid down her demands. I was in no shape to argue with her.

"I… uh… have a cake in the oven." My feet felt so fucking heavy.

"I'll put it in the cooler and clean up. You need to not be here right now." She walked over and slid her arm around my waist.

"Agreed. I…"

"I know, Perce."

"Thank you." I kissed her cheek.

"You are the great and mighty Perseus Armstrong. Don't forget that and lose yourself in this. You are strong and powerful and do not need anybody else, except for your trusty sidekick, to get through anything. Besides, we don't really know the truth."

"I think we do, babe."

"I'm sorry." She kissed the top of my head.

"I don't know what's worse. If I'm mad at him for not telling me or grateful for the moment."

"You deserve more than just a moment."

"Maybe that's all it was ever supposed to be. Maybe that's why I didn't know the truth until now. The universe had a plan to shit all over me."

"Tell me the truth, did you even think for a moment that it might be the reason he was here?"

"I…"

The door opened, and Tammy Sue groaned. "I'm glad you baked extra cookies. We're almost sold out. I'll see what they want." She spun around and walked out.

I already knew who it was. It was all in the timing of us, wasn't it? Maybe it was a little too late.

"Perseus!" Tammy called. "Uh… Ben is here."

I froze, which had become my go-to whenever he was around. "Have him come back here." I paced quickly back and forth as I tried to organize my thoughts. They were all jumbled because of last night. The smell and taste of him still lingered.

He walked through the door with a wide grin on his face and approached me, taking me in his strong arms and kissing me. I gave myself over to it one last time. All good things had to come to an end. It was the way life was.

"How was work? I hated waking up and finding you gone. Sneaky." His breath smelled like vanilla, and it made me dizzy.

"It's always an early morning at a bakery."

"You feel ok? Did I tire you out last night?" He squeezed me tighter. What was this? Was it a game or something more? It felt like more, and that made it worse.

"I'm tired," I muttered, unable to pull myself away from his embrace.

"Is everything ok?"

"No… not really. Not if I'm being honest, and I want us to be honest with each other, Ben."

"Me too." He kissed my forehead, and his lips burned into my skin, forming a lasting impression that I would never forget.

"I had an email in my inbox this morning from that company who is trying to get us all to sell our businesses to them so they can build a resort. I'm sure you've heard of it. Everyone seems to be talking about it."

He stiffened against me. "It was another offer? How much?"

"Exorbitant. I'm sure that it's enough for a few of the businesses to reconsider not selling. I could really use that money, but this place is more than that to me. It's where my family worked hard to start this place, you know. I grew up here."

"I know," he answered sadly.

I looked up at him, and his mouth tightened. "Then why didn't you tell me?"

"You know?" He sighed. "I… I didn't want to… I should have."

"Yes." I nuzzled into his shoulder one more time.

"If it makes you feel any better, I stopped even trying the moment that I saw you. You were all I could think about."

"But you didn't tell me." I pushed back from him and could feel my anger rising. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I tried to stop my voice from shaking and epically failed.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't… I was afraid of losing you again."

"You didn't even have me, Ben."

"I know." His shoulders slumped. "Mom told me that I needed to tell you, but then Lover's Butte happened and… I'm sorry."

"You've had to apologize a lot on this trip, haven't you?" I stood my ground and felt my anger rising along with something else – something unknown.

"Perce, I 'm…"

"No, Ben. Don't you understand how hard we have all had to work to keep our places open and still vibrant in a town like Foggy Basin? We bleed for our stores. We go without to make sure our businesses are healthy. Hell, I've barely slept for months."

"You slept last night. I watched you until the wee hours of…"

"Yes, but it wasn't real, was it?" I spat. "Because it wasn't the truth."

"No, everything I said to you was the truth."

"And how can I… How can I believe it, Ben, when you withheld the rest from me?" Sadness, that's what it was, and it washed over me like a tidal wave.

"Aren't you being a little dramatic about this? This has nothing to do with what's between us."

I bristled. "My business has everything to do with me. It's my entire history, Ben. This is your hometown, too. How could you come here and do this? How could you try to take our lives away with a check?"

He held out his hands as if he didn't know what to do, and it broke a part of me. He looked so sad and confused. "Like I said, Percy, I stopped trying to do anything after I met you."

"Isn't that just as complicit?"

"Why are growth and tourism bad for the Basin? They would help out the entire town, wouldn't they?"

"But at a cost to eight businesses who have been a part of this town for decades. Growth shouldn't have to kill, Ben."

"Tell that to the gardeners who weed, but I see your point."

"Do you think that makes it any better? I could sell to them and take their money, but then why would I stay here, Ben? There would be nothing left for me."

"You could come with me." He said hoarsely.

"I… really? That's your response. People would be losing everything. What about the jobs that we all provide? What are those people going to do?"

"I… I don't know." He ran his fingers through his dark hair, and I stood there with my arms crossed – unmoving – like a statue. "The resort would provide a bunch of jobs."

"What kind?"

"I…"

"What kind, Ben, answer the question?" I raised my voice. "Management?"

He stared at me and slowly shook his head. "Probably not. Cleaning staff mostly."

"So minimum wage? The lowest levels of employment would come from the town, and the resort would bring in everyone else?"

"Not everyone. Look, Perce…"

"E. Perc-E."

"Alright… I'm…"

"I swear to God, do not tell me that you're sorry again!" I shouted, my anger finally getting the best of me. I had tried to keep it civil because what was the point of exploding? But this was my town – our town – and he should care much more than he seemed to.

"I'm a fuck up, is that what you want to hear?" he begged and looked like he was on the verge of crying. I hated to see it, but he had made his own bed. "I didn't know about any of this happening here until they sent me the day I met you again. I didn't want to be a part of this. I didn't want to even come back."

"And that makes you someone who should have any say about what happens in this town?" I stepped towards him. "Will you fight for us, Ben? Will you tell your bosses that if they are going to build a resort here, they should offer the high-paying jobs that they will outsource from somewhere else to the people of this town?"

He walked up to me and took my arms in his hands. "I don't have that kind of power, but you are something special, Percy. You've worked for Michelin-starred restaurants. BHB would totally offer you a prime spot at the resort so you can make all of the fancy desserts that you desire. You could even keep the bakery name. I know I could make that happen."

"What about everyone else?"

"You're special . A pastry chef of your caliber is not an easy find."

"A town like Foggy Basin isn't either." I pushed down the tears that I knew would come.

"I'm…"

"You tell me you're sorry again, and I swear, Ben, I will throw this pan at you. It's not just about me. Small towns like ours stick together. You used me, and you don't even understand why." I shrugged, and his arms fell to his side.

"I never used you. It was real. Ask me. I never used you." He pleaded.

"When you didn't tell me the truth – yes, you did. That's how it feels anyway." I reached up and placed my palm against his face.

"What can I do to make this right?"

"Stop this from happening." I pleaded.

"And then?"

"I really don't know."

"Percy, please?" I stroked his face and turned away. I could hear him start to cry.

Without another glance back, I walked out of the kitchen and passed Tammy Sue, who said nothing. She would lock up, but I needed to leave Ben the same way he left me all those years ago—without another word. I had to put myself first, and I didn't want to hear any more lies. I may have even loved him, but what did that matter? At this point, what did matter?