Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX

JUNE 2010

By the time Donna graduated from college the next summer, she had won starring roles in two university productions. She perfected her British accent to portray the shallow society lady Gwendolen Fairfax in The Importance of Being Ernest. She played opposite Ansel Fishbein, who played dashing Jack Worthing and had the perfect head of hair for it. But her attempt to turn her on-stage love interest into an off-stage love interest sputtered out without incident after a few short weeks. Donna at least counted herself lucky to have had him around when she rang in her 22 nd birthday in February.

Then she exercised her comedic skills playing murderous aunt Abby Brewster in Arsenic and Old Lace. Her post-production fling with her character's nephew lasted for a month and a half—a new personal record. Long enough, at least, for Tony (aka Mortimer Brewster) to accompany her to Lavinia's elaborate June wedding in Boston.

Donna had never been to a wedding where it was more obvious who came from the bride's side and who came from the groom's. Both eyed the other half with barely disguised suspicion. The one exception was the Gable family, who eyed no one with suspicion. They were technically there to support the bride but fit in better with the middle-class Woods clan. Brian and Mason in particular had hit it off when he'd visited California with Lavinia. So Brian happily accepted Ty's offer to fly them all to Boston on his private jet for his sister's big day.

For 16 long months, Donna had a front-row seat to Lavinia's painstaking wedding planning, which was covered wall-to-wall on the blog: "10 Top Trends for Bridesmaid Dresses," "Seating Chart Dos and Don'ts," "What to do When Your Groom Just Doesn't Care About Table Settings," and her personal favorite, "Clash of the Families: Bridging the Gap Between His Side and Her Side."

Despite the vast cultural gulf between the Westerbrooks and the Woodses, the ceremony went off without a hitch. Mason's parents couldn't have been warmer or more welcoming, and Lavinia's dad crossed the aisle with enthusiasm. It didn't take him long to join Team Mason, even if Lavinia's mom retained her reservations. She largely kept her disapproval to herself at least, which was a victory of its own.

Baby Hudson very nearly upstaged the bride, however, as both the Gables and the Westerbrooks competed for time with the 11-month-old, which amused Ty and exasperated Audrey.

The one exception was Paris Frownfelter-Frost Westerbrook, Bradford's wife, who couldn't hide her displeasure when Hudson sneezed some applesauce on the Dior gown she had worn to the rehearsal dinner. She wondered aloud where the nanny was, although she knew perfectly well that there wasn't one.

From then on, anytime Hudson had a full diaper, Ty would seek out Paris, say "Here, hold this for a second," hand over the baby, and dart away. At first, Paris would smile slightly at her bewildered nephew. But once the smell reached her nose, she'd glare murderously at Ty. This only worked a couple of times before Paris started refusing delivery, and Audrey intervened with an elbow to Ty's ribs.

Donna's favorite part of all was seeing Mason's little brother, Dale, who had Downs Syndrome, proudly act the part as the best man. He took his responsibilities incredibly seriously, frequently patting the breast pocket of his suit jacket to be sure Lavinia's ring was still there. He looked dashing in his fitted tux, standing proudly next to Lavinia's much taller brothers, Ty and Bradford, plus a couple of Mason's friends.

During the ceremony, Dale winked prodigiously at his girlfriend, Sabrina, who beamed next to her fellow bridesmaids: Lavinia's sisters-in-law Audrey and Paris, her co-workers Andie and Donna, a cousin, and a couple of college friends.

If Donna were to write a memoir of this time in her life, she could call it "Always a Bridesmaid," or maybe "Four Weddings and a Funeral"—the four weddings being Audrey's, Betty's, Cat's, and Lavinia's, and the funeral being poor old Frank Sinatra's.

Back at home, Donna felt disoriented, like she'd just stepped off a rapidly spinning carnival ride. With her part-time boss off on a 2-week honeymoon and her college days now behind her, the endless succession of events she'd been anticipating for months had ground to a sudden halt. Donna found herself staring into the void of her future life.

She had yet to decide exactly what she wanted to do with her degree, and she was acutely aware that having a free place to live and the continued use of her parents' car gave her the luxury of taking time to decide. She wasn't aiming for a career in the cutthroat world of television or movies. She didn't care about seeing her face on the front of the TV Guide , as Trynn Gentry's was this past week. She wasn't sure she wanted to teach high school theater, and she'd have to complete a teaching certificate if she did. Would she just continue to work as a waitress and audition for roles in community theater? Did she want to try out for a traveling production or a regional theater? Get a full-time job in some other aspect of theater production?

Donna had now been waitressing on and off at her grandparents' cafe for more than 6 years. And Grace had started too, now that she was 16. Donna was charmed by Grace's enthusiasm to finally be donning the uniform worn by all of her sisters, and her mother before her. But it also highlighted the fact that the job had completely lost its luster for Donna. (Ginger, meanwhile, wouldn't be caught dead in a poodle skirt, so she was working as a kids' soccer referee for the county parks and rec department.)

Her personal life was limping along, just as it always had. She loved dating, flirting, kissing, whether it was Nick, Danno, Mychal, Ansel, or Tony. She'd liked a lot of guys. A lot of guys had liked her. But no one yet had swept her off her feet—and piggy back rides from married doctors did not count.

She still lived alone above Abuela's garage, but at least Elizabeth had moved back in for the summer, home from her first year at Pomona, which she was absolutely loving. They stayed up late watching Law & Order reruns together after their shifts at Burgerito's, chowing down on microwave popcorn and cinnamon bears.

One night, during a particularly grisly episode, Donna sat up and gasped. She recognized one of the murder victims! It was Moira, who had played Sarah Brown in Guys & Dolls . The girl clearly had range—from an uptight and idealistic saver of souls dancing across the stage to a drug-addicted prostitute, dead in a dumpster. Donna found herself wishing she was the one lying on a gurney in a morgue, covered in latex wounds.

That's how she knew she was itching for a change.

So it was that the text from Nick, aka Nathan Detroit, came at the perfect moment. He'd gotten a job managing a new themed cafe and he was looking for talent.

The aptly named In Character Cafe was an extension of the In Character Costume Co., which Donna had frequented for years. It was the best rental company in the area, servicing high school, college, and community theaters. Donna and her high school friends found their Halloween costumes there every year. They'd dressed up as the cast of Clue one year and as zombie brides another. But her favorite was when they all dressed up as different Julia Roberts characters. Donna was the buxom Erin Brockovich, while her friends were Vivian from Pretty Woman , a runaway bride in a wedding dress and tennis shoes, Shelby from Steel Magnolias , and the redheaded Tinkerbell from Hook . They won the group costume award at their senior year Halloween dance.

When the coffee shop next door closed, the costume shop owners bought it and turned it into a cafe that leaned hard into the actor/waiter trope. The waitstaff was limited to experienced actors only, who had to audition as well as interview. They would wait on patrons while dressed as the character of their choice from stage or screen—a new character each week, with custom name tags.

The staff could select from almost anything in the warehouse, dropping the costumes off at the end of each shift to the adjacent dry-cleaning business, which was also under the same management.

Nick said tips had been fantastic for the staff thus far. And they only served breakfast and lunch, so Donna would always have her evenings free.

Donna figured this sounded like a fun way to pass the time while she decided what to do next. So she auditioned, and she got the role. She decided she could even parlay some of her costumes into content for her column on Lavinia's blog, at the very least putting together a round-up of costume ideas every Halloween. She made sure to have a co-worker photograph her at the beginning of every shift, before the inevitable tomato-soup splatters or soda spills.

Her first week, Donna waited tables as Elle Woods from Legally Blonde . She spent the week acting wide-eyed and sweet, using her best Valley Girl accent. She alternated her costume each day between sorority-sister Elle, with a pink party dress and heels, and nerdy lawyer Elle, with a green cardigan over a white button-up shirt and tie, with fake glasses perched on her head.

It turned out Nick wasn't exaggerating about the tips. Her first week, she easily earned double what she'd ever made at Burgerito's. This could be in part because she had a steady parade of family members come in and request a table in her section. Her mom and the twins were, in fact, her very first customers of her very first shift. Betty and Gavin stopped by that same afternoon for coffee and scones. Audrey and Ty brought Hudson in for breakfast the next day, and Brian popped in just as they were leaving. While Donna kissed Hudson all over his chubby little face to say goodbye, Ty slipped an embarrassingly large tip into Donna's apron that she didn't discover until the end of her shift.

By her second week, when Donna was waiting on tables as Mary Poppins, Abba and Papa Walt came in for breakfast twice, and Grandma Caro dragged in Grandpa Shane for lunch as well. Donna was proud of herself for working the phrase "a spoonful of sugar" into twelve different conversations that day, but she still lost a bet with a co-worker dressed as the Terminator, who managed to say "I'll be back" in 18 different customer interactions. Elizabeth, who came in every day she wasn't working to sit in her favorite booth and read, acted as the scorekeeper. When she failed to cheat in Donna's favor, Donna considered cutting off her endless beverage refills.

During her third week at In Character Cafe, Donna approached the corner table carrying menus under her arm and two glasses of ice water. She wore a black button-up blouse with the collar turned up and a tight black pencil skirt, with a wide elastic belt that emphasized her curves. A pink jacket with the sleeves pushed up and a slim red neckerchief completed the look. Her nametag said "Rizzo." She'd even added a hickey to her neck with makeup, which was easily visible thanks to the short brown wig. Donna was no stranger to wigs, but this one was itchier than most.

Donna set the glasses down in front of two men. The one facing her wore blue scrubs and had buzzed hair to hide his baldness. The other, who sat in profile, was looking down at his phone in a baseball cap and t-shirt. She dropped the menus on the table and cocked one hip.

"You boys want something' to drink while you look over the menu?" she asked while chomping her gum, blowing a giant bubble for effect. Chewing gum at her grandparents' cafe had always been off-limits, so this felt oddly rebellious.

The man in the scrubs scanned Donna from head to toe before his eyes traveled back to her face.

"Lookin' good, Rizz," he said, delivering a line from Grease.

"Eat your heart out," she said automatically with a characteristic smirk.

"I'll have a double espresso," he said. "And the good doctor here will have a…"

"Water's fine for me, thanks," said the man in the baseball cap, glancing up at Donna with a polite smile in his clear blue eyes.

Donna's eyes widened in recognition for a second, but she quickly masked her surprise. Jack Gentry. Here in her cafe. And why not? There was a hospital just a couple of blocks away—the same hospital where she'd stood in line behind him while he was buying an egg-salad sandwich the day Hudson was born.

"So you're both doctors, huh?" Donna said, in the unimpressed tone that Rizzo would use.

"I'm a surgeon," said the bald doctor with a broad smile, clearly expecting Donna to care about the distinction. He was acting awfully flirtatious for a man wearing a wedding ring.

"That must impress the ladies," Donna said, cracking her gum.

"Depends on the lady," the bald doctor said. "Are you impressed?"

"Oh, very," Donna said, with a bored Rizzo smile. She mentally assigned him a nickname: Dr. Balding.

"She has dimples," Dr. Balding observed. "Dr. Gentry here is really into dimples."

"Oh, is he?" Donna didn't break character, keeping her eyes half closed to signal her disinterest in the whole conversation.

Jack glanced up and took in her face with a quizzical expression. Did he not recognize her again? If all it took was a wig to throw him off, he couldn't be that smart. She'd been in his presence a half-dozen times. She'd danced with the man at his sister's wedding!

She scratched her scalp with the end of her pen.

"I don't remember telling you that," Jack said to his friend.

"When you treated that one actress. The Hollywood blonde with the dimples?"

"HIPAA," Jack coughed from behind his hand, signaling to Dr. Balding to be quiet.

"Do you mean Kirsten Dunst? Cameron Diaz?" Donna asked a little too eagerly, then reminded herself that Rizzo would be cool and unimpressed.

"I'm sorry about my colleague, he really shouldn't have said anything," Jack said, casting a sideways glance at Dr. Balding. "Patient privacy."

Donna pantomimed locking her lips and tossing away the key, pleased that she'd probably guessed right. She turned to grab the espresso and heard Dr. Balding still talking behind her.

"Oh, I forgot. You don't do actresses," he was saying, possibly unaware of how well his voice carried. "But she's probably not a real actress, if she works here."

Donna was thoroughly grossed out. Jack doesn't "do" actresses? What would his wife say if heard that kind of talk? She was half tempted to spill the espresso in Dr. Balding's lap. Or Jack's lap. Possibly both. And what gave him the expertise to decide who was a "real" actress and who wasn't?

At least as Rizzo, she didn't have to pretend to be pleasant.

She set the cup and saucer in front of Dr. Balding, then pulled her notepad from her jacket pocket and held her pen suspended above it.

"You ready?" she asked, popping her gum.

"Nice mechanical purpura you got there," Dr. Balding said.

"Say what?" Donna asked.

Dr. Balding just smiled mysteriously.

"That's the medical term for a hickey," Jack said, with a head nod toward her neck.

"Or an ecchymosis, erythema, or hematoma, if you like," Dr. Balding said.

"I do like," Donna said, tilting her head suggestively. "But this one is courtesy of Graftobian."

Dr. Balding looked confused.

"Look it up, genius," Donna said, going full Rizzo. "I'll give you boys another minute."

Donna spun sassily away to check on her other tables, almost colliding with Lady Macbeth, who was carrying a BLT and a French dip to table seven, looking tormented and tragic. Donna had talked her out of staining her hands crimson, as it had the potential to gross out the customers, so she settled for painting her fingernails a vicious blood red instead.

When Donna returned, Dr. Balding held up his phone, search results visible on the screen.

"Graftobian," he announced proudly. "A brand of stage makeup. So you did that yourself?"

"Who else?" Donna asked. "I find The Severe Trauma Makeup Wheel works much better than the Zombie Flesh palette, which I tried first."

"I like her attitude," Dr. Balding said to Jack, standing up.

"I like your attitude," he repeated to Donna. "Mind if I get a closer look?"

Donna shrugged.

Dr. Balding leaned in and gently tilted Donna's chin. Why do doctors always have cold hands?

"Well done," he said, stepping aside. "Would have convinced me. Even this close up. You should see this, Doc."

Trying to be helpful, Donna bent toward Jack and turned her neck to the side, belatedly remembering how tight and low-cut her blouse was, an effect that would be greatly emphasized from this angle.

She quickly lifted a hand to her chest, presumably to pull her scarf out of the way, so Jack could see the fake hickey better. But really she was trying to block his view of her substantial cleavage—a move that would be completely out of character for Rizzo. But Donna wasn't that committed to the part.

She saw some color creep into Jack's cheeks. Weren't doctors supposed to be unaffected by the human body? Hadn't they seen absolutely everything?

Jack cleared his throat.

"Yes, very convincing," he said.

"If I didn't know you were acting a part," Dr. Balding said, sliding back into the booth. "I'd tell you to get rid of that boyfriend."

"All because of a little old hickey?" Donna scoffed.

"The bruise on your wrist would be the bigger concern," Jack said.

"Also thanks to our old friend Graftobian," Donna said, holding it out for inspection. She'd practiced her technique on her wrist first and had forgotten to wash it off.

"So, do you have a boyfriend then?" asked Dr. Balding.

"What's it to ya?" Donna asked, channeling Rizzo.

"Oh, nothing," he said, glancing at Jack meaningfully before looking down at the menu.

Ugh. What was with these two? Weren't they both clearly married? She knew Jack never wore his wedding ring on shift. But Dr. Balding wasn't even trying to hide his.

"So are you fellas gonna order or what?" Donna/Rizzo asked. "I don't got all day, you know."

After Donna dropped the men's order off to the kitchen, Elizabeth flagged her down and started quietly interrogating her about the scene she'd just witnessed. Nothing escaped that girl's attention.

"I'll tell you later," Donna said through an overly bright smile, almost without moving her lips. "Ugh, this wig is driving me nuts."

"Why didn't you just dress up as Sandy, dummy?" Elizabeth asked.

"The costume department was fresh out of black sharkskin hot pants," Donna joked. "By the way, did you know Olivia Newton-John had to be sewn into those each morning of filming?"

"Why do you know these things?"

"For the same reason you know the name of every obscure Jane Austen character."

"Oh, because we're both insane?"

"Exactly. Hey, why don't you make yourself useful while you're just sitting there and make me a list of all the blonde characters you can think of, so I can wear my real hair to work sometimes."

"You got it," Elizabeth said, starting a list on a spare napkin. "Starting with Marilyn Monroe."

"That's not a character."

"Pick a character played by Marilyn Monroe then. You could also be Galinda from Wicked. "

"The dress might be too big. Add Alice in Wonderland. In fact, add all of the WonderLand princesses."

"Oh! Cindy Lou Who. "

"That would be a fun one. Galadriel from Lord of the Rings ?"

"Too unbelievable," Elizabeth shook her head. "Are there any lady dwarves?"

"You suck," Donna laughed.

"Or, you could be Samwise Gamgee's girlfriend!"

"Guess I'd rather be a hobbit than a dwarf. Her name is Rosie Cotton, by the way."

"I know that, but I didn't think you did."

"I've seen all the movies," Donna said, mock defensively.

"They're not as good as the books."

"So you always say."

The next time Donna stopped by Elizabeth's table, she was gone, but she'd left her list behind. To Donna's amusement, she'd written a few more names on the napkin in her surprisingly perky handwriting:

Regina George

Sarah Sanderson

Rainbow Brite

Galadriel (I was kidding! You'd be a beautiful elf queen)

Dolly Parton (any role)

She pocketed the note with a smile, glancing up to see Jack's eyes on her again before he quickly looked away.