Capitulum XVIII

A fter confirming Rigel was in the Iudex dorm via the creaking from my ceiling, I walked briskly across campus to the Ultor dorm. Shockingly, both doors opened to me.

His room was still a mess, so I wasn't worried about shifting things around. After patting piles of clothing for hard lumps, I found nothing suspicious. I then moved on to under the bed.

When my fingers brushed something hard, it excited me. Pulling it out, I realized it was an old shoe box, far too light to hold my foot.

I opened it anyway, just to be sure, and discovered a thick stack of drawings. Lindy's face was the one that greeted me on the top of the pile.

Curious, I realized all the images of Lindy had been removed from the walls, probably too painful to look at.

I picked up the stack, feeling nosy, and flipped through it, not looking too hard at each because I was sure there would be a nude somewhere. But then something else caught my eye, and I dropped the stack, causing it to break away in every direction.

Surrounding me, mixed in with the pictures of Lindy, were more than a dozen pictures of myself.

Carefully, I pulled one free from the pile. It was my profile, which looked like it was from the Transparency room.

I picked up another. It was of me from Christmas Day the year before, after I'd realized I hadn't gotten my glossary, hair wild, and dress rumpled. In another, I was in the bathhouse, bare shoulders peeking out of the water, hair clinging to my neck, my foot on the floor next to my irritated face.

Most were from the year before but not all. One was of me sitting on the hill outside of Last Hope. Another I didn't recognize at first. The angle was from below, my hair falling forward. It was from Halloween night, how I must have looked on top of him.

Flustered, I shuffled it to the bottom of the stack, hoping he hadn't paid much mind to how they were organized.

Even after I got them all back into the box, I stayed frozen, forgetting why I was there in the first place. Then I snapped out of it, pushing myself to my feet and realizing I was shaking.

I wandered around his room, trying to remember what I was looking for. I ran my hands over things, feeling for anything out of place.

Then I opened his wardrobe and froze.

Mice were suspended by their tails from a metal coat hanger. Some had rotted away, their bones falling into a plastic takeout container below.

Why the hell was he collecting mouse bones?

Suddenly, the door creaked, and I scrambled to turn invisible.

"I saw you," he said as the door clicked closed behind him.

I cringed but allowed myself to be visible again as I closed the wardrobe.

Despite his frown, a twinkle glinted in his eye.

"Snooping is a new low, even for you."

I met his eyes, my mind going to the pictures under the bed, and a chill went down my spine. To cover it, I straightened, crossing my arms.

"Where did you hide it?"

One of his eyebrows cocked up. "Elaborate."

"My foot. I know you have it."

To my disappointment, his brows creased as he said, "You don't?" He glanced at my foot, and I tapped it against his wardrobe. It made a hard, hollow noise.

"You're barking up the wrong tree."

"Bullshit."

Rolling his eyes, he shrugged off his blazer and tossed it on the ground. "Have a look, then, if you haven't already. It's not here."

I scanned his room halfheartedly, afraid to so much as look under the bed for fear of opening a very specific can of worms.

Noticing my hesitation, he asked, "Is that really why you're here?"

"Why else?"

"I was hoping you'd have your tail tucked by now."

"Why would I do that?"

"I saw what went down with you and Arlie. Clearly, you're not as easily redeemed as you assumed."

My eyebrows shot up.

"Oh, really?"

"Unless, of course, getting dragged away from a fight is a fun game you all like to play." He smirked and leaned back against the wall, hands in his pockets. "Personally, I've had no trouble."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why have you been collecting mouse bones, Rigel?"

"None of your business."

"Do you need them?"

"Is that why you're here? You're concerned about my well-being? Touching." He stood to his full height and halved the distance between us with one step.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

I tried to pass him, but he stepped in front of me. "What? That's it?"

"Yep."

"You're really so stubborn that you won't admit I'm right?"

"Believe it or not, Rigel, desperately banging another one of my neighbors doesn't prove anything. It was the only reason Lindy could even tolerate you, and she was happy to let you rot in the archive."

His face fell, and he leaned away from me, the temperature in the room plummeting. He stepped back and yanked his door open. "Get the fuck out."

"Gladly."

~

Stacy gave me hell for losing my foot, which I deserved.

"Have we not been clear about how dangerous it is to lose track of a limb?" she asked, lumbering next to me as we crossed the dark campus.

"I'm sorry. There's no way it could have gone far."

"A blessed pterodactyl could have had off with it."

"I think I would have felt if something like that happened." I shot her a grin, trying my hand at sly charm. "They just don't strike me as particularly gentle creatures."

"You're lucky I like you, girl. That's all I'll say."

"Can I utilize this blatant favoritism to ask a bit of an odd question?"

Something flashed in her eyes, and it occurred to me what she was bracing herself for.

"If I agree, will you make me regret it?"

"When do we need to start with the mouse bones?"

She visibly relaxed and sighed. "I wouldn't worry about it now, dear. You've got a while yet. Why?"

"I just want to know." I looked down at the walking path, admiring how the cobblestones glowed in the orange lamplight. "What does it feel like?"

"Well, it starts pretty mild, insomnia, moodiness, poor emotional control." She chuckled. "It feels like being on the rag."

I laughed. "You remember that?"

She cringed. "Christ, if only I could forget."

"What about when it gets worse?"

"We usually catch it by then. We start paying attention in your third year."

"Has anyone ever gotten worse before that?"

"Do you have something you want to tell me, girl?"

"Just being nosy. It sounds like a bitch is all."

We were coming up on the storage building, and I kept my eyes ahead, hoping to appear casual.

"Yeah, well, I suppose it's not impossible. Sometimes, moments of acute distress can jump-start it."

My stomach dropped. What could be more acutely distressful than your cherished girlfriend getting violently stolen away?

"As for how bad it can get, you've seen the extent of it." She nodded toward the spot in the fence where I'd had my foot pulled off. "Utter madness. You lose your sense of empathy and your grip on reason. Every good part of you who you are leeches away until you're only you're most basic urges. You'll do anything to anyone to get what you want."

"Sounds horrible."

She grinned humorlessly but didn't look at me as she wrapped her talons around the storage room knob and twisted.

I had to make a point of marveling at the landscape of junk, since I wasn't supposed to have been in there before.

She pointed a claw to a spot nearby. "All right, the lost stuff is usually over here somewhere."

We wove through stacks of dummies and spare furniture. My face heated as we circled the table where Professor Faun had fucked me. I reached out, brushing the glossy wood with my fingertips, letting myself remember for just a second.

"All right, be quick about it," Stacy said, pointing to a line of bins filled to the brim with odds and ends.

I pawed through everything as she grumbled about my poor choices.

Then, from somewhere deep in the piles of stuff, a scuffling made our heads shoot up.

"What the hell was that?"

She put a hand up to silence me, taking a lantern and following the sound. Before disappearing, she turned back to me. "Go on, keep looking."

I turned back to the bins, pushing stuff around until I suddenly felt an odd tingle in my missing foot. I sighed with relief, digging deeper and pulling it out. It looked untouched, besides tooth gouges on the edges of the rubber soles.

I stood to tell Stacy the good news when something caught my eye. A pile of stuff was strewn between stacked desks. On top of the pile were Rigel's drawings, mostly of him and Lindy together.

It didn't surprise me this is where Lindy's stuff ended up.

I listened for Stacy, hearing her still rustling around somewhere deep in the building. After tiptoeing toward the pile, I crouched and sorted through it, wondering if there was anything telling left behind. Among random items, hidden in the bottom of a box full of garbage, was a small white box with Rigel written on top.