Chapter 1

Kennedy – Age Twenty

"I"ll get the drinks,"Tom states, and I give him a smile as I remove my coat, ignoring the way his gray eyes go to my breasts, making me wish I wore a turtleneck instead of my dipped V t-shirt.

We"re in the same classes, and he asked me out for a drink, so I thought I"d give it a go. But now, I"m regretting it despite the two of us having things in common. He wants his MD, while I"m going for my nursing degree. I"m two years in on my four-year plan to complete my Bachelor of Science degree and my licensed nurse program, while he's at the start of his journey after taking a year off.

I"m doing what my mother never could, and watching her face go red when I told her that I got a full scholarship was the icing on the cake. It was even better after she realized I planned on staying in a dorm.

Thank you, Uncle Chris….

She did demand that I still help pay the bills, and I really don"t want her showing up here, so I"m still working as a waitress, and I"m still without a car, but I"m a college student so there"s that. I"m going somewhere and doing something she never could because she was weak, and her ego was so big she thought she was invincible.

I sigh as I take a seat, looking at Tom. He"s cute in a boy-next-door way. He has black hair, gray eyes, and is medium build, but he has no tattoos. I mean, he doesn"t need to have tattoos, and he"s sweet, I guess. His eyes wonder a little, but most men's gazes do. I sigh, trying to think of something to help create any kind of attraction to him, but I can"t. He just, he"s….

Damn…he"s not Lucas. He's not Doc.

I blink, tears starting to form, and look at the table, hoping none of the brothers are here tonight but knowing a certain one is. Tom decided to bring me to Devil"s Rose, a bar that the club owns, because it"s half price on drinks.

I know he is here. I don"t even need to look; I can feel him…. Lucas. Doc.

He"s my best friend Lola"s brother, the man who has owned my heart since I was twelve, when he caught me before I fell off the jungle gym.

My phone pings, and I look down, smiling when I see it"s from my bestie.

Lola Lo: Drinks tomorrow night, bitch. No excuses. I need friend time!

I chuckle and send her a thumbs up, when I feel eyes on me. I look toward the bar and notice Tom ordering the drinks. His eyes are not on me, but the feeling intensifies, and I suddenly know who it is. My entire body lights up with his attention. My head has a mind of its own as I look to my left, and there he is. His green eyes hold my dark ones, and my heart flips…then shatters, noticing the blond-haired woman hanging off his arm.

I send him a smile, trying to hide my hurt, which he doesn"t return, and I look away.

How can you fall in love with someone without the feelings being reciprocated?

But more importantly, how in the hell can you get over them?

In his eyes, I"m just his little sister"s annoying best friend, while in mine, he"s my everything. I know him inside and out. I know his good bits, the bad, and the worst, but nothing he can do can squash the feelings that have consumed me. He already proved that I would do anything for him, including risking my freedom.

I blink as the front door slams shut, my heart flips, and my tears fall.

I let him go after that guy…. Oh God, why didn"t I stop him?

My breathing grows harsher as I fear for his safety and his freedom. I quickly jump out of his bed and rush after him, just remembering to grab my shoes near the door, but by the time I get to the ground floor of his apartment building, he"s gone.

"No, no, no…." I panic and look around. I'm wondering how I can stop him when I see a bicycle leaning against a wall.

I bite my lip. I"ve never stolen anything in my life, but this is an emergency, this is Lucas…my Lucas….

"Screw it," I mutter and run to the bike and take it, promising to bring it back.

Tom places my drink on the table in front of me, bringing me back. I clear my throat, smiling in thanks, before my eyes meet Doc"s again.

God, I hate calling him his road name. To me, he"s my Lucas, my protector.

I breathe hard as I peddle up to my parents" house, stopping near the oak tree that I used to climb to get away from the shouting, the parties, and the abuse. My chest heaves as I look around. I don"t see Lucas"s truck anywhere, and my heart stutters.

"Oh God, am I too late?" I whisper to myself, trying to catch my breath, my trauma truly in the back of my mind despite the pain in my breast from where the man bit it. The worry I feel for a man I have secretly loved for years pushing through.

Please, please, please….

I push my left hand through my hair in frustration, ready to scream as my heart pounds, before I see something out of the corner of my eye. I suck in a breath at the sight of someone being dragged, and I don"t know why, but my instincts are telling me to follow.

With my heart in my throat, I sprint toward them, my feet slapping on the wet concrete, puddles splashing around me.

When I get closer, that voice, the one I know will haunt my dreams, pleads, "Don"t, please don"t. I promise I didn"t do it. She ran, please, please, she ran…."

I run faster, hoping to stop Lucas from doing something that could ruin his life, but I come to a halt instead. I slap both my hands over my mouth to stop my scream as I watch the man I love ignore the pleas and lift an axe. He swings it, hitting the man who assaulted me right on his neck.

Bile rushes up my throat as I watch blood squirt from the man"s neck as Lucas stands there, his eyes staying on the man who is choking on his own blood.

No, no, no….

Lucas throws the axe on the ground, and I quickly move behind a tree, tears building in my eyes. A sob wants to come out, but I swallow it down, trying to think of what to do.

He just killed someone…for me….

I feel like I should be screaming, running, anything, but I just feel numb, so very numb.

I hear rustling and quickly poke my head around the tree, only to see Lucas"s large form walking away from the dead man, leaving him in the woods for anyone to see.

Oh God!

My tears fall as I watch his figure disappear, then look at the dead body, blood everywhere.

Dead body….

Dead….

I blink, my eyes still connected with his. From here, they look green, but up close, they are a jade green with a hint of brown flecks, and they pull you in.

Absolute perfection, but not mine to admire.

He tilts his head at me as the girl near him runs her long fingernails through his dark blonde hair, which is long on top. This makes my nerves stretch, even though he"s ignoring her. His sole attention is on me. I give him a smile and am about to look away when I notice his eyes narrow. I try to ignore it and look at Tom, giving him a smile.

"I"m glad you finally agreed to this date," he says, and I nod with a small smile. I try not to think about that memory…and the blood—so much blood—that haunts me.

And what I did….

Something that will forever haunt me.

I give him another smile and joke, "Well, I could only say no so many times." Which is true. The man"s been relentless.

He grins, his dimples showing, and I chuckle a little. I pick up my drink and am about to take a sip when a strong tattooed hand stops me, making me jump.

"Yo, uh, dude," Tom stutters as I make eye contact with Lu—crap, Doc, and uh oh, he looks angry, really angry.

"Doc…" I say, the name still feeling wrong on my lips.

His jaw ticks.

"Get your coat on, Pixie, I"m taking you home," he growls lowly, and I furrow my brows as the girl he was with whines, "Why does she get to go on your bike and not me?"

I ignore her, even though I want to scream that I"m the only one who has gone on the back of his bike. Instead, I keep my eyes connected with his, knowing there"s a reason why he interrupted my date. The anger he"s showing right now—I"ve seen that once before.

When he killed someone for me.

I loosen my grip on the drink, placing it back on the table. It is only then that he removes his hand, and I know—my drinks have been spiked.

Of course.

This is why I don"t date. I only want one man, but I can"t have him. So, stupidly, I thought, screw it, I'd give this a go.

God, if Lola finds out about my feelings for her brother, she"ll probably never speak to me again, while Sniper and Alex would encourage me to open up to Doc.

Not happening, I'm not his type, clearly, by the wannabe Barbie standing next to him.

I nod and stand as he grabs my coat and helps me put it on. Tom starts to protest when he suddenly becomes quiet, and I look to see Alex, my blood cousin, gripping his shoulders.

Welp, it looks like there will be one seat free in classes, and I can"t even feel sorry for him.

How many other girls has he done this to?

How many has he raped and played it off as something else?

I give Alex a smile, but he doesn"t smile back, anger shining through his green eyes that are so much like mine. He soon grins, though, and takes a step back, when I pick up the spiked drink and throw it over Tom"s head, making him gasp.

I lean down and growl, "That"s for spiking my drink." Then I throw the glass at his head, landing with a thump, making him groan.

Alex chuckles. "There's my feisty girl."

I grin at him.

With one last glare at the idiot, I allow Doc to guide me to the exit, his hand on the small of my back as he ignores the whining woman.

When we get to his bike, he asks, "Am I taking you to your dorm?"

I swallow hard and say, "I, uh, promised Momma I"d stop by." Unfortunately, I add in my mind. She wants some money. Apparently, my father used what I"d given them last week for the rent on beer, which means my meagre savings will be gone.

I really need to find another job with higher pay.

Doc nods before lifting his seat and grabbing my helmet, making my stomach flutter.

I"m the only girl who wears it. No one else goes on the back of his bike, not even his sister. I still can't figure out why he lets me ride; he hasn"t explained, and I haven"t asked, I"m too scared of the answer.

He helps me put on my helmet, before he climbs on his Harley, the red tank sparkling as the machine moves under his weight. He holds his hand out for me, and I don"t hesitate to grab hold of it, and climb on behind him, feeling at home like always.

When I"m sitting behind him, everything fades, and it"s just him and me, and that"s when I loosen up. I never think, I just wrap my arms around his waist, pressing myself to his back, ensuring there is no space between us. I splay my right hand on his t-shirt-covered abs while my left grips his cut. As usual, he gently rubs his hand over mine where it sits against his stomach. The rumble of his bike vibrates through me as he pulls away from the curb. I lay my head on his back, fantasizing that this is us, that this man is mine.

A girl can dream.

Ten minutes later, he"s pulling in front of Momma's, and I hold in my sigh as I reluctantly push off him and climb off the bike. I take the helmet off and pass it to him, and he gets off, putting it under his seat before looking at me. He crosses his arms over his big chest and raises a brow at me, making me wince.

I hold my hands up. "In my defense, the guy is in four of my classes. I didn"t know he was going to do that. People only had nice things to say about him. Plus, Lola was encouraging me to date, so if you want to blame anyone, blame her."

He tilts his head, not happy one bit, and I hate that he hasn"t taken his sunglasses off, because I can"t read him right now.

I give an "I"m sorry" smile, making him shake his head. With a sigh, he leans forward and kisses my forehead, lingering as he whispers, "If anything happened to you, Pixie, I"d die. Remember that, yeah?"

I nod and grip his cut to keep him close to me for just a moment, before he pulls back and climbs on the bike, starting it back up. He gives me a half smile and says, "I"ll see you Saturday for the club BBQ. Don"t be late; I want my rematch."

I smile. "I"ll still kick your butt."

He grins, which lights up his whole face, making him breathtaking.

He states, "Not this time. I will be winning my money back."

I laugh, knowing he"s full of crap; he always lets me win at poker. With one last look at me, he revs his bike, and then pulls away from the curb. I watch as he speeds away, and loneliness hits, and my heart breaks like half of me is gone. I wish he"d see me, like really see me. I wish he"d understand exactly what I would do for him and what I have done for him.

I wish he loved me back.

Shaking my head, I turn and head inside. When I make it into the living area, I hoped my parents were out so I could leave the money on the side table, but my hopes are dashed when Momma shoves me hard against the wall as soon as the door shuts, making me gasp.

She slaps me across the face then sneers, "What have I told you about those MC men, huh? Huh!" I flinch at her shout as her hand grips my hair tightly, making me gasp in pain as she drags me down the hallway, all while my father glares at the TV.

She shoves me hard into the closet near my room, and my breathing picks up as I try to push past her, but she shoves me harder, causing me to bang my head against the cinderblock wall as she slams the door, locking me into the small space. Panic hits me, my childhood flashing before my eyes, just like every time I asked about the MC.

"You can stay in there for the night, but don"t worry, I"ll allow you out for your precious college tomorrow. Use this time to think about your actions, you selfish bitch!"

Her footsteps disappear as my tears fall. I try to regulate my breathing as I slide down against the wall, wishing I"d stayed on Doc"s bike, wishing he would hold me, wishing I could be his like he"s always been mine.

Sobs wrack my body as the urge to run and keep running hits me again. I want to run far away and never come back, but Alex needs me; a clubwhore trapped him, by getting pregnant, and now he has Noah, his son. They need me and I, well, I need Doc.

I squeeze my eyes tight as an image of Doc"s eyes hits me, and then an image of the woman hanging off him.

How much more heartbreak can someone take before they shatter completely?