Chapter Forty-Seven

My bungalow was a little heaven when we got back. I dove into the pool and floated at the edge. I needed some time to myself after hours on that bus.

There were five missed calls on my phone when it finally found a signal—texts from Arthur, an angry tirade from Miranda. When I tried calling him, the call went unanswered.

The next day we'd have a work day, going back to the meeting room in the coworking office. The day after would be the last of our trip, free time.

I let go of the pool edge and sank to the bottom, the light playing tricks under my closed lids. When I emerged I knew what I had to do. I pulled my wet hair into the bun, draped a tunic over my shoulders, and marched outside, to the bigger bungalow on the other end of the hotel grounds.

I knocked lightly and when the door opened, I saw surprise in Benjamin's eyes.

"Is Alice here?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's in the shower. Come in," he said, gesturing inside.

The faint smell of vanilla was inside the room, and when I sat on the leather settee Benjamin sat across from me. He tilted his head to the bathroom, and when he heard the water he turned to me.

"She's fragile, Emily," he said quietly. "It's like she's made from the thinnest porcelain, so thin it's almost impossible to touch it without breaking it. And I know that you have a past together. I don't know the details, and I don't want to know, but I know it involved her brother."

Suddenly my throat felt dry, and I rubbed the skin under my chin.

"Do you know how it all began? When I saw her using that reading app for weeks I asked her about it. She said that her old friend had created it and that she was proud. I asked her to send me the link, and when I downloaded it and used it myself I saw the potential. But one simple question made the decision for me. I asked Alice what she thought of me acquiring it, and not only marketing it, but adding it to the pack of apps that goes into the default set of apps on the majority of new phones. She shone, Emily, for the first time since I had met her, she smiled so brightly—it took my breath away. I loved her from the first second I laid eyes on her, and it took time for her to trust me. But when I saw that I could make her so happy, just by buying the app of her old friend, of course I did it. I knew a woman was this old friend, and it made the perfect sense. Until I saw how she looked at you. You were much more than a friend," he said and sighed, clasping his hands in front of him, leaning closer.

"That was my mistake, and I see it now. But then, she lit from the inside when I told her about the process, she was alive again. Did you know that she screamed at night before?"

I shook my head, remembering Miranda's words.

"She stopped screaming after I suggested buying the app. She was so gentle with me, so pure, pulling me like a magnet. Alice stayed close, and I was elated. But she never looked at me like she looks at you," he said and stood.

"So, whatever you came to tell her, please be gentle. If you came to take her, so be it. As long as she's happy. But please care for her, she won't survive alone. She's just too delicate for this world. It hurt her, and she didn't heal." His voice was shaking, and he looked up at me. "Promise me. Promise me, Emily. Because she won't get through another hit."

I felt my tears burning my skin. The love of that man was so strong, so protective, so powerful, that it took up all the space in the room, the island, the world.

"I came to say goodbye," I whispered the same moment the water stopped running in the bathroom.

I saw a relief on his face, how his shoulders relaxed, following the guilt. He loved her, and the conflict between her being happy with me and the chance to be with him, tore at his heart.

He stood up and walked to the bathroom door. He took a deep breath and knocked.

"Emily came to see you," Benjamin said.

There was a pause in the movement, and in a few moments, the door opened. But what gave me hope was where Alice looked first, she looked at Benjamin. He smiled and scooped her in his arms, water still dripping from her hair and onto his T-shirt.

He kissed her cheek and let go, only after that did she look at me.

"Can we talk outside?" I asked, standing up.

"Sure," Alice replied.

"We'll be on the beach," I said to Benjamin and he nodded.

We walked quietly through the gently lit path of the hotel, the sound of crashing waves getting closer and closer. Tonight, the ocean wasn't calm, the waves bigger, the worry of a mass of water palpable just a few feet away.

Alice didn't ask me anything all the way. She was waiting.

"Whatever it is between us on this trip, it has to end. There is no us anymore, and there hasn"t been since that moment at your parents' house. I know you explained, and now I understand. But I can't forgive, okay?"

I was standing close to her so she could hear, but my every word was met with a wind that carried it away. Alice was looking at me with her huge eyes, left hand squeezed into a fist and pressing it to her chest.

"You keep pulling me back. You taunt me, and I don't trust myself with you. I just can't stay at a distance when you are so close. I don't want anything to happen, but even though I didn't forgive, my body seems to be attuned to yours, as though it forgot about the pain it was in," I said, my voice straining.

Still, she said nothing.

"Benjamin loves you so much, and my stay here just hurts him. I don't want to see you again," I said.

"You're lying," she said quietly.

"No, I'm not. Because the longer I stay the stronger the pull. And I can't resist it. I can't resist you."

It was fast. Alice closed the distance between us and pressed her lips to mine. But before my fury set in, there was a moment when it all rushed back. It was such a familiar feeling, her lips on mine, fervent. I sighed as she pulled me closer, her hand getting lost in my hair like it had a million times before. Her lips were gentle, and I welcomed her. I kissed her back. And then my anger kicked in.

"No," I said, stepping back.

My lips still buzzed from her touch, my stomach still roiled, my heart thumped louder than the ocean.

"No, Alice. I'm sorry, but I told the truth. There is no us anymore," I said.

She pressed her hand to her heart as if she could stop it from breaking with her fingers. I brushed something wet from my cheek and turned to go.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

I left her out there. I left her alone on the beach.

* * *

I curled into a fetal position on my bed and cried, my heart swelling as my body shook. How much did I lie? How much did I want to go back to her, to repeat that kiss? She kissed me like before, with all her love, but I was a new person.

My phone buzzed with calls from Arthur and Miranda, but I could not bring myself to answer. I cried for the love that died for me, but that lived for her. I cried for what would have been a perfect love story, and, because it all started with Jake, it all ended when he was gone.

I cried until my tears dried out, until my sobs went quiet, then I shifted to another pillow, and fell into the abyss.